In the sixth grade, there was a “door decorating contest”. We had to decorate our classroom door. Who gives a shit? Well, people gave a shit. It was a contest between the fourth, fifth, and sixth grade. We were all on the same floor.
It was basically a contest between the teachers. Because the teachers clearly planned everything. For example, there was a tasteful, too tasteful fifth grade class whose door was adorned with a lion and a sheep. That’s it. It was a reference to the biblical story of lions chilling with sheep, as opposed to eating them.
But all of the other doors were the usual shit that you would expect from such a children’s contest. Decorate the door with as many green and red streamers as you can fit.
Obviously, this teacher didn’t accept suggestions from the students and just appointed somebody to make a lion and a sheep.
Our door was more ambitious but also lame. It was a cardboard chimney that was affixed to the door with hooks. I don’t know who made this thing. I had absolutely no involvement in this. Like any of these classroom projects, it was probably three or four people who did all of the work.
Then somebody had the bright idea, “Let’s put a tape recorder in the fireplace and have it play Christmas music.” So that was done.
Then there was a big controversy. A door decorating contest doesn’t permit you to hang stuff on the door. No 3-d decorations, effectively.
The teacher got really upset over this because, again, this was just a contest between the teachers. She wanted to see where in the door decorating rulebook it says you can’t have three dimensional decorations. There is no such rule or rulebook so it was just left there.
So then some students, who were appointed as the judges, came around and looked at all of the doors. People liked the door. That fucking chimney. But the controversy around the three dimensional decor was too great. So we got second place and that lion and sheep bullshit got first place. The judges even cited this 3-d controversy for the reason why we didn’t win.
What did the winners get? No idea. But people were pissed off.
Buddy I missed your autobiography last week, those are really fun to read. I’ve always liked reading amateur biographies because they’re usually more real and less fucking gay than “celebrity” ones or people who think they’re worth talking about like James. Real people have more interesting lives because they don’t have Jew handlers in Hollywood who promote them for gay sexual favours.
Yeah, thanks. No gay sexual favours here.