Well, it’s only eight minutes. I should be able to do this. I’ve never seen Die Hard so I won’t get any references.
I’m 30 seconds in. That anti-abortion nut was in here for a second. Now it’s Tony as some Christmas Carol character. He’s wearing a top hat. And Frank Sinatra is also in this thing, as an elf. I don’t know any of these people’s real names so I apologise if you don’t know the GamerGrrls lore.
0:45 – Oh god. Now it’s Horseface. She’s…I don’t know. She’s wearing a red sweater and she’s in a barn or something.
Oh. Her character name is Holly. If that’s helpful to anyone. I don’t know any of the characters.
1:00 – Now Johanna is here as the Grinch. And one of those faggots from Reddit who banned me is also here. The annoying guy from that Youtube show…something about movies. I refuse to look any of this up.
Oh. It’s in the description. His name is Sean and the channel is Movie Dumpster. He’s playing…Marv. There’s also Harry played by his partner from that show. It’s a Home Alone reference…I guess.
Also, that anti-abortion nut is playing Cindy Lou Who. So I guess that this is a mash up of different Christmas movies. I’m not following any of it so far but maybe it will all come together.
And Tony is Scrooge.
1:45 – There’s a Gremlin puppet.
2:15 – Now there’s fucking…god, what is anyone’s name? Oh, Jessica. She’s playing…let me check the description…the kid from Home Alone. And she’s in a car with Carl Winslow. The actor who played Carl Winslow in Family Matters was also in Die Hard. I know that much.
2:30 – Something falls on the car. I don’t even know what it is. I re-watched this three times trying to figure it out. A skeleton? I don’t know. Then Jessica yells like that Home Alone kid. She’s really annoying, but I suppose so was the character.
4:00 – I have no idea what any of this is.
5:00 – Now there’s a bunch of shooting and punching and whatnot.
5:30 – Ummm…now Tony comes in and says some stuff breaking the third wall about how they couldn’t film somebody jumping from a building. So he does his own intentionally bad special effects version.
This just detracts. It detracts from…whatever the fuck I was watching. I had no idea what was going on, I wasn’t enjoying it, but this part with Tony is so bad that I wish I could get back to that confusing experience.
Then…uhhh…we’re back to the movie, some stuff happens, I don’t know what, and it’s all over.
7:00 – Now Tony is in his video store set and doing the closing…speech or…something.
Tony says that this was a hard video to make. You know what might have helped? Spending a little time on the script. I know that I never watched Die Hard but I’ve seen parts of it. I know the gist of it. I know enough of it to be able to follow what’s being referenced in this video. But none of this made fucking sense. It was stupid. It certainly wasn’t funny.
Then he shills for his Patreon and says “Happy Holidays.” Which holiday? This video should have been entitled “Die Hard but it’s a Holiday Movie.” Be consistent. There are a lot of Jews out there who are going to be offended by the mere mention of Christmas.
Everybody in the comments seems to love it. Either Tony is scrubbing these comments hard or…I don’t know. Could my opinions really be this wildly different? This was fucking awful. Maybe my standards are too high. It’s just a Youtube video. But is it asking too much for the video to MAKE SENSE? I don’t think so.