A Trip Down False-Memory Lane with Erin Plays

Let’s get this casserole in the oven.

She re-tweeted this. Hey guys! Remember the 1970s?

Ummm…no? Do you, Miss Plays aka Cykil1986? You were born in 1987 (or, more likely, 1986). How can you possibly remember the 1970s?

But you remember these Burger King cardboard clubhouses that you could get at JC Penney, right?

No. I’ve never seen this before. It looks like shit. Who would buy this? The thing would be destroyed in two days. You can’t have a cardboard clubhouse.

I remember a few times as a kid, I’d get some big cardboard box. Some large appliance would be purchased. And it was fun hanging out in there. Drawing on the interior walls and whatnot. But then my mother would throw them away after a couple of days.

I’m not saying that I should still have those huge cardboard boxes. There’s obviously a low life-expectancy for cardboard boxes. But two days? Come on. Is it really so tragic to have a large cardboard box in your home for your children to play in for a little while? You can’t stand the mild inconvenience?

“Why don’t you call? I can’t understand it?”

Get me my fucking cardboard box and then maybe I’ll call.

World’s worst fucking parent. You want to know how much parental advice I got? None. Zero. Not a single word of advice. Ever. Just a lot of, “Well, I wouldn’t have done that” after the fact. Then what the fuck would you have done? And couldn’t you have imparted this knowledge to me beforehand?

Her idea of parenting was watching trash talk shows for ten hours a day. She was more interested in those faggot Club Kids on Geraldo than her own kids. Are those Club Kids calling her? No. They’re all long dead from AIDS-related illnesses.

She re-tweeted this shit from Mr Retail Archaelogy.

Hey guys! Remember Montgomery Ward? Some people used to call it “Monkey Wards”. Hehe. Monkeys.

Who gives a shit? This is the best that you’ve got? A 40 minute video of a grown man flipping through a 1982 Montgomery Ward catalogue?

Remember 1982? No. I don’t. And I’m ten years older than Erin. But somehow, Erin remembers 1982. She remembers going to Monkey Wards in 1982 in spite of the obvious disadvantage of not having been born yet.

This is the most 1999 thing ever! OMG! SPICE GIRLS!

Who was everyone’s favourite Spice Girl? For me, it was Scary Spice. She seemed to have the biggest tits. And she’d get them out. I think that they all got them out but I only remember Scary Spice’s tits.

I don’t know. The other Spice Girls just didn’t toss my salad. Baby Spice: boring. Sporty Spice: lesbian. Posh Spice: bitch. Ginger Spice: up her own ass.

But I’d give Scary Spice some loving. Is she single?

No. In October 2022, she announced her engagement to 34 year old, totally heterosexual hairdresser Rory McPhee. Oh well. Best of luck to the happy couple.

Hey guys! Remember Wawa?

No, Erin. I don’t fucking remember it. I never saw one in my life. It’s a small, regional chain. Why are you always talking about it?

What about Piggly Wiggly? You guys remember Piggly Wiggly?

No. It was a fucking chain of grocery stores in the South.

But I remember in the 8th grade, some girl in my class ran away with her 25 year old boyfriend. And when she came back, she had stories to tell about Piggly Wiggly. It’s a grocery store in the South? Wow. Tell us more about exotic grocery stores.

Hey guys! Remember Scooby Doo?

Yeah, I remember but the show was from the 1970s. Or was it 1960s?

Oh, it started in 1969.

Anyway, were they still showing Scooby Doo when Erin was a child? I don’t think so. And even they were, she wouldn’t have watched it. How could she? She was sat in front of a wall every day.

But yeah, tv shows nowadays. What’s with the poor audio quality?

I don’t know what you’re talking about. Maybe instead of pursuing this carpal tunnel scam, you should be getting your hearing checked instead.

I remember going for a hearing test in the 10th grade. We were released from class early to go to this hearing test. So I’m walking there with a classmate of mine and I can’t believe that we’re just trusted to go to the school nurse for this test. So I say, “Can’t we just leave?” Like leave the school. And he said, “Well, you can but I’m going to the nurse.”

I don’t remember what happened. I don’t remember going to the nurse for any hearing test but I also don’t remember leaving school. Maybe I just walked around the hallways for a while.

I do remember skipping out of a “pep assembly”, though. Remember pep assemblies? I don’t because I think that I only went to one. Fuck that cringe shit. “GO TEAM!” Go fuck yourselves, you giant fucking nerds.

In my school, it was the fucking nerds who played sports. The guys who were concerned about having extra-curricular activities on their “resume” so that they can get into a good college.

It wasn’t like in the fucking movies where the “jocks” were the most popular kids in school. Giving the nerds swirlies and pantsing them and whatnot.

Anyway, these pep assemblies were always during the last class of the day. So I’d just leave school. When my useless mother would ask why I’m home early, I’d just say that we got released early.

So that’s it for Erin Plays and her magical adventures through fabricated nostalgia. What does the future hold for Erin Plays? Maybe she could get a job at a 1970s-themed restaurant.

I was thinking about this whole fake *nostalgia* thing that “Youtubers” enjoy engaging in. Take Mike Matei, for example. When he talks about the 1980s, he’ll say stuff like, “Remember the Smurfs? And Silver Spoons? And Pee Wee’s Big Adventure?”

Yeah. I remember that stuff, Mike. Because I was a kid in the 1980s. Same as you. But this isn’t an accurate representation of the decade. These are the memories that CHILDREN have of the 1980s. You’re talking about CHILDREN’S shit.

Remember Falcon Crest? Remember Duran Duran? Remember fucking some chick with big hair while high on cocaine?

No. I don’t remember any of that. I was alive when this stuff was going on but it wasn’t in my orbit.

So who cares what Mike’s memories of the 1980s are? It’s just going to be children’s shit. He’s not an authority on the 1980s. He wasn’t old enough to have fully experienced the decade. Also, he can only possibly remember the last few years of the decade, in spite of him saying things like “Remember the A-Team cartoon from 1982 when I was two years old?”

Or you look at Bobdunga when she talks about the 1990s. She talks about Beyblades and Sailor Moon and shit. This isn’t what I think about when I think about the 1990s. I didn’t even know what Beyblades were until I saw her video or something on it. But because she was a child in the 1990s, these are her memories. Children’s shit.

Or when Kieran, when writing an AVGN script, said, “Nobody in the 1990s said ‘HoJo’. I can’t imagine any kid running around and saying ‘HoJo'”

Yeah. Of course nobody was doing that. But adults in the 1990s did in fact call the Howard Johnson chain of hotels “HoJo”. But because Kieran was a child in the 1990s, he has a child’s understanding of the decade.

As for Erin being *nostalgic* for the 1970s and 1980s, despite the fact that she can’t possibly have any memories of either decade, we can just chalk this up to her compulsive lying. She’s also trying to attract an older audience because she knows that older men will overlook more when it comes to who they watch on Youtube as well as actual relationships. And she’s preying on these pathetic men. Shaking them down for pennies. Remember the Oil Crisis? Remember Watergate? Remember disco?

No, Erin. I don’t. Nor do you.

4 thoughts on “A Trip Down False-Memory Lane with Erin Plays

  1. You really need to get a life Jeffrey. There’s more to life than hiding inside your house obsessing over other people all day everyday for YEARS

  2. If ur 10 yrs older than Erin how do you NOT REMEMBER 1982??? That would make you like 7 or 8

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