0:00 – Oh, we’ve got a “sexy” costume. I guess. More so than that fucking skeleton hoodie that she was wearing in a previous video.
She claims that she’s “Lola”. Umm…I’ve heard the name but I’m going to have to look this up.
Oh. A sexualised female rabbit from Space Jam. Remember Space Jam? Yeah, I remember it, Erin. I’ll say that I was 14 when the film was released, to terrible reviews. This would mean that Erin was about four years old. So does she remember? Let’s get the actual dates here.
No, I was more like 19. So whatever. I guess she’d remember. But did she see the film? No. She’s never seen any film.
Oh, and Mike is also here. He’s in his Bugs Bunny costume that he used in that AVGN episode…fucking…12 years ago? Longer than that?
Then Mike starts singing and Erin doesn’t know what to do because she’s awkward as fuck and has zero charisma. No, that’s not right. Negative charisma.
1:00 – “I love Crazy Castle.”
She’s a big Crazy Castle fan, guys. She’s never played this thing for even ONE SECOND in her spare time. But she played it at least once on stream, for money. In Erin’s bizarre misuse of the English language, that means that she “loves” the game.
So then the game starts and Erin says, “I don’t know which way to go first.”
The first level. The first seconds of the first level. She doesn’t know what to do. She’s completely clueless. But she “loves” this game.
She’s completely ignorant about what to do in the game because she only played it once or twice, on stream, for money.
Then she immediately gets lost in this easy as fuck first level. This is like a tutorial level. There are no enemies. And she repeatedly gets lost on this tiny, easy stage. It’s unbelievable.
She loves the game.
2:00 –
Mike: Have more faith in yourself, Lola.
Erin: Okay. That’s something that I need to work on.
Mike said this after Erin pointed out the obvious: that she can’t play these games because she gets lost easily. But no. Erin was right. She’s fucking shit at this. And by “this” I mean “video games.” But she seems to be particularly bad at Crazy Castle, this game that she professes to love.
Why does she continue to make these videos? She’s getting pennies for this shit and she humiliates herself every fucking time. She has negative charisma, never has anything even remotely interesting to say, can’t play the fucking games, and hates this shit. So why do it?
2:15 – Somebody in the chat says, “It’s too early for this.” Erin says, “This is a great way to start your morning, I think.”
They’re doing this in the morning. Dressing up like fucking buffoons and playing video games in the morning. Probably early morning.
Just get a job, Erin. It’s not that bad. And it’s not like you have to work in a record store. There are plenty of office jobs out there. Even in small towns. Insurance places, veterinarian clinics, banks, real estate offices, car dealerships, whatever.
And they live near a number of large cities. So she doesn’t have to be a receptionist at some local insurance place or something. She can get an office job in a medium to large sized company and just be a drone hidden somewhere in the back, doing some low-level administrative work. Wouldn’t that be preferable to what she’s doing now? Way more money, you’re not humiliating yourself, the work is easy, and it’s an honest job.
2:30 – “God, there’s hearts? What do the hearts do?”
Erin “loves” this game. Doesn’t even know what the items are. They’re obviously the same fucking thing as the carrots were in the previous stage. You just have to collect them all to advance to the next stage. Erin doesn’t know this? She doesn’t know that there are hearts in the game?
I know that this is a “hack” but these hearts are in the normal game. Right? I’ve never played it before but I remember this from her previous fucking stream of this game. Let me look this up.
The Roger Rabbit version of this game, which is the original version and released only in Japan, for the Famicom, had hearts that you had to collect instead of carrots.
Erin didn’t know this? She’s talked about this game before. She’s played it before. She talked about this game like she was a fucking expert before. Doesn’t remember the hearts?
Let me check the archives.
1:45 – She’s reading from the chat. “Have I played the Famicom Crazy Castle game with Roger Rabbit? No.”
That was in February 2021. But does she play it later, on stream, for money?
Not that I’m seeing. So, okay. Erin fully admits that she never played the Famicom version of this game. Even though she “loves” the game. So she never saw the hearts before. Okay. Maybe Mike will be able to illuminate matters.
2:45 – No, he doesn’t. They just change the subject. But then a horntard says, “I like this Lola better than the one in Space Jam.” Erin says, “Well, I am a Space Jam Lola but I’m like…ummm…(pauses game)…oh no…do I have a weapon?”
Negative charisma and doesn’t know shit about the game. She just picked up a fucking hoxing glove three seconds earlier. She didn’t know what this was. She has no idea what any of this is. She doesn’t remember the game. At all. She only played it once, after all. On stream, for money. So it’s not surprising. By why then present yourself as an expert who “loves” the game?
Back to this awkward shit, “I’m like…not…ummmm…I’m not…practicing right now so.”
What the fuck is she talking about? Her being Lola or the video game? I have no fucking idea. Then Mike immediately changes the subject to try to save this abomination.
Erin. Go get a fucking job. This is not for you.
3:15 – Then the horntards come to the rescue with, “Off-season Lola” and Erin says, “Exactly.”
Yeah. That was right on the tip of your tongue, wasn’t it Erin? She doesn’t even know what “off-season” means. This is fucking horrendous.
Negative charisma. Average, at best, appearance. 35 years old. No interest in video games. No experience with video games. No knowledge about video games.
She thinks that she’s going to be a big Youtube and/or Twitch and/or TikTok superstar. It’s not fucking happening, Erin. There is no conceivable way of this working out. Not even the constant promotion from one of the biggest retro gaming Youtube channel can make this happen. All of that buttsex was for nothing. I’m sorry. But I could have fucking told you all of this even before you moved in with Mike. Anyone with a brain could have told you this. Cut your loses and go get a fucking job. Don’t spend one more second on this bullshit. You’re wasting your fucking life.
Back to the video. Erin dies repeatedly, on level three. Mike has to explain basic enemy AI because Erin has never seen any of this before. She “loves” this game.
4:30 –
Mike: You know what you should have done?
Erin: What?
Mike: Taken a left turn at Albuquerque.
Erin: (fake laugh) You like that, don’t you? That Albuquerque?
Erin doesn’t get the reference. You know how Bugs Bunny REGULARLY makes a “left turn at Albuquerque” joke? Erin never saw any of this. She never saw a Bugs Bunny short before. She doesn’t know who the fuck Bugs Bunny is. She doesn’t know where she is. She doesn’t know what’s going on.
Then she immediately changes the subject, because she knows that has no idea what Mike is talking about and she’s embarrassing herself yet again, but Mike brings it back.
Mike: Well, I don’t like it. I don’t go there. It’s just a good place to turn around.
Erin: (clueless) Oh. Okay. I thought you, like, really liked Albuquerque.
She literally doesn’t get the reference.
In a previous video, she talked about how much she enjoyed some Bugs Bunny short. And she gave the title of the short and everything.
She’s never seen any of this shit. She has never seen even a single Bugs Bunny short. And the character has probably made this stupid joke in every subsequent media that he appeared in. He probably made the joke in fucking Space Jam. Erin is totally unfamiliar with it.
She knows nothing about anything so she just pretends to know things. This is how she goes through life.
Mike: Have you ever been to Tahiti?
Erin: I don’t know. I feel like that would be too hot.
Add Tahiti to the never-ending list of things that Erin knows nothing about. “Too hot” was her response. Negative fucking charisma. Give us some witty trivia about Tahiti, Erin. Do you know anything about Tahiti? No. She has no fucking idea. It’s a cute-sounding word. That’s all that she knows.
5:00 – A horntard says, “Glad the music is the same.” Erin says, “Yeah, that good old Crazy Castle music that just keeps going.”
She’s totally unfamiliar with the game but, once again, presenting herself as an expert. And the only thing she had to say about the music is that it “just keeps going.” She’s a fucking moron. Doesn’t know anything.
5:15 – “Oh my god. Witch Hazel is here.”
And yet, Erin knows the name of obscure characters like this. She must have done a video featuring this character recently or something.
Oh my god. I was dead on.
5:30 –
Mike: You know the last time I saw that Witch Hazel?
Erin: Hmm?
Mike: She was in a video that I was watching on Youtube by Erin Plays. Have you heard of her?
Erin: Yeah, I’ve heard of her.
Mike: I think she did a whole video that had to do with Halloween and it’s Halloween right now.
That’s where she knew the name from. From her recent Halloween video. Everything has to be a reference to something that she did recently, on stream, for money or for a Youtube video. Because she has absolutely no knowledge of anything because she’s never seen or done anything in her entire miserable life.
Oh, Witch Hazel. You guys all know Witch Hazel, right?
No, Erin. It’s not a popular character. But she doesn’t even know that much. So she brings up this information like we all know it. No. It’s a little-known character.
But what is well known is Bugs Bunny saying “left turn at Albuquerque”. It’s one of his fucking catchphrases. Erin never heard it before.
How am I going to get through this two hour video? I’m already way past the point where I should be stopping the article and I’m only five minutes into the video.
Oh my god. I have to transcribe all of this. This whole fucking video needs to be transcribed.
Mike: It’s Halloween right now, isn’t it?
Erin: Yeah! That’s probably why she put it out. Just now. A few days ago. It’s about Halloween. It’s about spooky levels in video games that aren’t spooky.
Mike: I certainly like to watch Erin Plays.
Erin: Yeah?
Mike: I’m a big fan.
Erin: You would be.
(awkward pause while nobody knows what to say because Erin’s comment made no sense)
Mike: Every day when she goes to sleep, I like to look through the window at her.
Erin: I thought we talked about that. You can’t be spying on people through the window. That’s illegal.
Mike: Watch out. It’s purple Wile E Coyote.
Erin: I like him.
Mike: He’s taking after Batman on the NES.
Erin: He is. I like Batman on the NES. Do you? It’s fun.
Mike: I like Batman:
Erin: Do you like the Joker?
Mike: I like it because it’s DC. I like DC.
Erin: (clueless) Cool.
Erin doesn’t know what DC is. I’m not making any of this shit up. I’m not exaggerating. She clearly doesn’t know what any of this shit is. DC. She doesn’t know what Mike is saying.
And look at these fucking responses. Everything is just generic garbage. “I like it”. That’s her response to everything. No matter what it is. She never expands on anything. WHY do you like any of this stuff, Erin? She can’t answer because she doesn’t know what the fuck it is. She doesn’t know what any of this is. This is how she goes through life. Not knowing anything about anything so she has to pretend. Poorly. REALLY poorly.
6:30 – She’s reading from the chat. “‘Does Bugs know about Vampire Survivor’ asks Shishi”.
This is a game that Erin has been playing recently on stream, for money. And Mike also streamed this a while ago. That’s where Erin got the idea.
But never mind what Mike knows. Does ERIN know about Vampire Survivor. I know that she recently streamed it but she probably already forgot about it. Erin “always” “forgets” about EVERYTHING. Because she never fucking does anything. She sits and stares at a wall all day. This is her entire life.
Then Erin says, “It’s so fun. It’s really fun.”
Tell us more, Erin. Why is it fun? What do you like about it? Compare and contrast it to other games that you may have enjoyed. Can you do any of this?
No. Of course she can’t. Negative charisma and no knowledge or experience with video games.
So I’m at 7:00. At this rate, I’m going to have to break this video down into 16 articles. But I have to continue. There were so many gems just in the first seven minutes of this. This video is probably chock full of this shit. What else doesn’t Erin know about? I need to know.
how long does it take for you to write a blog post?
Half an hour to an hour.