Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsZuhOphrZU

Really?  Another zero-effort video where she talks about five random games from some random publisher that she doesn’t know?  And it’s not even her playing the games.  It’s Mike.  That’s how it was in the last video, anyway.  I reviewed that here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/07/five-bad-games-from-ocean-software-erin.html

This is what we waited a month for?  I don’t know what kind of extravaganza I was expecting but this is disappointing even by the rock bottom expectations of Erin.

0:00 – It stars with a new intro using the bizarre Erin Plays logo that’s on her t-shirt at the “merch” store.  She must have got Bitch Duo to animate this intro.  It’s of a Famicom disc that says “Erin Plays” on it.  You know, because Erin is so closely associated with Famicom.  

So Hi-Tech Expressions.  You guys all know Hi-Tech Expressions, right?  No.  But again, Erin thinks that all retro “gamers” know this shit, because she’s completely clueless, and she’s trying to portray herself as an expert.

0:00 – “Chances are you too have memories of turning on your console in the early 90s and seeing this symbol flash before your eyes.”

No.  I don’t.  

And why is she including herself in this?  She was born in 1987 according to her.  Possibly 1986 is the real date.  In either case, she would have been no older than six years old in the early 1990s.  She wasn’t playing video games then.  Even if she did, she wouldn’t have remembered.  And in case it needs to be pointed out, Erin does not play video games.  She never has.  This is all a giant scam to net a hundred bucks a month from horny retards.

Then she starts reading from Wikipedia dot com.

She’s wearing a lavender t-shirt that says “Gadget’s Garage” and there’s a picture of a mouse holding a wrench.  This must be some Disney shit.  Let me look this up.

Hey guys!  Remember Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers? 

You mean the cartoon that ran from 1989 to 1990?  No.  I didn’t watch it.  And Erin certainly didn’t because she would have been two or three years old.  

Why the constant lies?  Why doesn’t she just talk about things that she’s GENUINELY interested in?  If anything.  Is she interested in anything?  I don’t think so.  

But why not pick something that she could plausibly have been interested in?  Just by the fucking dates?  Pick something from your era.  Pick something that you COULD have watched as a child, but didn’t.  Wouldn’t that make a lot more sense?

0:30 – “I’m sure you’re anticipating the Sesame Street games or Mickey Mouse games to make the list.”

No.  I’m not.  I don’t know those games.  I certainly don’t know that they were published by Hi-Tech Expressions.  Stop the fucking bullshit.

1:00 – Beethoven’s Second.  I never played it.  I never saw the movie.  I barely remember it’s existence.  But Erin, who was five or six years old when the game was released and never played it a day in her life, is going to tell us all about it.

Then she reads from Wikipedia.

Then there’s footage of Mike playing the game while Erin pretends that it’s her playing it.

1:15 – “The colours are very vibrant.”

Riveting stuff, Erin.

2:30 – “I always end up getting stuck on the right side.”

She never played before.  It’s not even her playing the game in this video.

God.  I’m already done with this.  Seventeen minutes?  How long was the last one?  

Eleven minutes.  Yeah.  That’s doable.  Not seventeen minutes.  What extra shit does she have to say here?  We’ve already covered her usual topics: colours and cute things.  What more is there to say?  

3:15 – Shout out to Mr Nutz: a game that Erin played once, on stream, for money.

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/08/ive-had-enough-nutz-checking-out-mr.html

The video was so bad that I didn’t even talk about it.  I mostly talked about the weather.

3:45 – Shit tier gameplay.  Maybe it is Erin playing this.  Or maybe Mike is just pretending to be Erin so he’s intentionally playing really poorly.  

4:15 – She’s talking about the Barbie games for the SNES.  There are three of them.  She says, “I’ll admit that as a kid, I enjoyed Barbie Supermodel and as an adult, I tried out the others.”  Then you see footage of her playing these games on stream, for money.

4:45 – Number four on this list of random games is some Barbie game for the Game Boy.  She promises that she has to lot to say about it.  But we don’t want to hear it, Erin.  You’re boring as fuck.  And there aren’t any colours on the Game Boy.  So what are you going to talk about?

5:30 – “Me being a little girl who liked Barbie and video games at the time, enjoyed it.  Obviously, not as much as something like Super Mario World.”

Uh huh.  She was a big video game fan as a kid.  Super Mario World.  Barbie Supermodel.  These are the two games she mentions all the time.  And Yoshi’s Island.  These are the three SNES games that she claimed to have had as a child.  Only those three.  

Her only complaint about this game is that it’s slow.  She just keeps repeating this.  We get it.  It’s slow.

5:45 – “I’m trying to think of a slower moving game and I can’t.”

Oh really?  In Erin’s encyclopedic knowledge about video games, she can’t think of a single game that’s slower than this Barbie game.  Okay.  Must be a slow game then.  Great.  TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE NOW!

7:15 – Now she’s talking about cute enemies that she likes.

“I can’t help but laugh every time I look at these things.”

She never played the game.  Not once.  It’s Mike playing this shit.  

8:45 – “When you think about rollerblading games, there’s a few on the SNES that probably come to mind.”

Nope.  I don’t know any.  I’m obviously not the hardcore retro gamer that Erin is.

Then she mentions two obscure games that Mike told her about.  Mike probably wrote this.  Well, the rough outline, anyway.  I doubt that Mike included all of the commentary about colours, for example.

9:00 – Rollerblade Racer.  You guys all know…oh fuck.  Just end this video.

She had absolutely nothing to say about the game.  And it was Mike playing it, of course.

10:15 – Some Tom & Jerry game.  

“I always found it odd how this game had two titles.”

Oh, do tell.  You “always” found it odd.  How far back do these intrusive thoughts go?  Five minutes before recording the video when you first heard of this game?

10:30 – “I completely forgot about Tuffy.”

Erin “always” “forgets” about Tuffy.

Still talking about Tuffy, “He was the grey mouse who appeared in some of the cartoon shorts.  The way his name is in the title, it makes it seem like he is playable.  But no, Jerry has to save him.  Imagine if in the first Super Mario Bros game, instead they called is Super Mario Bros (Luigi and Princess Toadstool) even though you don’t play as her.”

But…you do play as Luigi?  He’s one of the two brothers being referenced in the original title.  So why did she include Luigi…let’s just move on.

11:00 – “I’ve never been able to get super far into this game because I get frustrated way too fast.”

Let’s assume that it’s Erin playing the game for this video.  She played the game once.  For the video.  That’s it.  So why does she say that she’s “never been able to get get into the game”?  She never fucking played it before.  This is not how the English language works.  Just say, “I’ve never played this before and I didn’t do well this one time that I played the game for the purposes of this video.”  What’s so wrong about that?  Why try to con people into thinking that you played the game before?  NOBODY FUCKING CARES!  They’ll still watch the fucking videos.  Just be honest with the audience.

12:30 – Shoutout to the Flintstones game that she “reviewed” in her previous video.

13:00 – “I can’t help but get Battletoads vibes here.  Doesn’t it remind you of the level with the ducks in the water.”

No, Erin.  I only played Battletoads once, briefly, for my own amusement, and then never again.  So I don’t know the level.

But there’s footage of…Erin’s fingers from some stream where she was looking at an ancient copy of Nintendo Power and pointing to some Battletoads map.  Why?  What are we getting out of this?  Show the actual fucking level from the game.

13:30 – Harley’s Humungous Adventure.  Thank fuck that this is the last game.  

“This one was introduced to me about a year ago during one of my Super Nintendo variety streams.”

They all were.  Why not just admit it?  She’s never played any of these fucking games outside of when she’s streaming.  

She likes the colours.  Great.  That’s what we all need to know.

14:45 – Shoutout to Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.  She’s never seen the movie before.

15:15 – She likes the food enemies.  She likes food enemies in games.  Food enemies are cute.  Great.

16:30 – Shoutout to Felix the Cat.  A game that she played once, for a Youtube video, and then never again.

That’s the video.  Absolute trash.  Just stop making videos.  Carpal tunnel.  If this is the best that she can do with her new debilitating condition, just stop.  Go get a fucking job like a normal person.

– “I keep forgetting what a fad the Beethoven movies were. Between 7 and 10 or so I was surrounded by girls in my elementary school obsessed with the Beethoven films. Carrying folders with pictures of St Bernard’s on them, too.”

This guy “always” “forgets” how popular the Beethoven movies were.  How often is this coming up in conversation?

– “everytime i watch an erin video, my jealousy of mike grows”

Pathetic in the extreme.

– “I really like your new glasses! The shimmer effect on them is really cool.”

Get a girlfriend.