Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myQ_6SZ1GGI

Two hours and fifteen minutes of Erin pretending to give a fuck about issue 36 of Nintendo Power.  “I never had one of those but I wanted one.  I never saw that before.  I played this game once, on stream, for money.”

What’s the fucking point?  We all know what this is.  

I don’t know.  Maybe we don’t.  There’s some “Youtuber” Darius Truxton who genuinely seems to enjoy Erin’s videos and genuinely thinks that she’s interested in video games.  Mr Truxton is an odd fellow but he doesn’t seem to be mentally retarded.  So…if somebody like him can’t see through Erin’s obvious fraud, what chance do the horntards have?  The horntards probably think that Erin is genuinely interested in video games.  It’s baffling but…here we are.

0:30 – We get an immediate edit.  Well…I guess I’ll check what she’s hiding.  It’s probably just saying hello to the horntards but maybe it’s something juicy.

Oh am I glad I checked.

“Hi.  I missed you.  So I was sick for all of July, basically.  Then my carpal tunnel got really bad.  I got cortisone shots in each wrist, like, less than a week ago.  So you can be pretty sore for the first few days after that.  That’s currently what I’m dealing with.  So that’s depressing.  But that’s why I’m not streaming Castlevania 64 tonight.  I was like, you know what, we haven’t done a magazine stream in a while so maybe we can do that.”

Erin’s entire life is depressing.  The fake carpal tunnel syndrome is way down on the list of things that she should be depressed about.  She has no job.  She’s in a fake relationship.  Her scheme to use Mike to become a famous Youtuber has failed spectacularly.  She’s getting fucked in the ass every night for $100/month.

I was reading an article recently about a rise in STDs among women owing to the increased popularity of heterosexual buttsex.  There was also an increase in conditions like incontinence.  

So this is all adding to Erin’s woes.  Imagine having to wear an adult diaper at the age of 35 because you got fucked in the ass too much as part of some hairbrained scheme to become a famous Youtuber.  For the rest of your life you have to wear these incontinence pads.  

And for what?  Erin has totally ruined her life.  What an idiotic scheme to begin with.  Who cares about being a famous Youtuber?  Why didn’t she dream about getting a job in a bank or something?  She could have made some fucking money and it would be a plausible dream to attain.   

“So basically what I’m saying is thank you for being here.  I missed you all very much.”

So disingenuous.  These people are genuinely mentally retarded.  She’s catering to this.  She’s fuelling their retarded fantasies of being in a relationship with Erin.  And for what?  

Well, we know exactly what Erin makes from Twitch thanks to that leak from last year.  Let me look this up.  

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/10/breaking-news-twitch-earnings-leaked.html

Erin made $6,900 from Twitch in 2020.  

It’s not worth doing.  Erin could go around town collecting cans from the trash in order to be recycled and make more than $6,900/year.  And that job would be way less demeaning.  

“RetroGamingKnight says, ‘The Dark…Wayne Duck is the first issue I got with my subscription.’   That’s awesome.  I’m probably going to start with that one.”

She doesn’t even know the name of the character.  Even though it’s right there on the fucking cover.  Huge letters.  DARKWING DUCK.  She never heard of the character before.  She struggled with the name.  She called him Dark Wayne Duck.  

And of course, she had nothing to say to this guy.  Just her usual, “That’s cool”.  Although, she switched it up ever so slightly by saying “awesome” instead of “cool”.  

What could she possibly say to that?  She doesn’t know anything about the game.  Or the NES.  Or Nintendo Power.  Or the year 1991 or whenever this issue came out.  Or the Darkwing Duck cartoon.  So…”that’s awesome”.

Then she says that she has two videos coming up, she’s editing them, but it’s hard to edit them due to her carpal tunnel syndrome.  “Trying to stay positive.”  

It’s all a fucking scam.  She doesn’t have carpal tunnel syndrome.  Why continue this fucking lie?  

Somebody asks if she subscribed to Nintendo Power as a kid.  She says, “I did.  I subscribed during the Nintendo 64 era.”

Uh huh.

Then she says that she wasn’t subscribed when these particular issues that she’s looking at came out because she was only one or two years old.

Okay.  Well then why are you looking at them now?  Why don’t you look at some issues from your era?  You know, when you were subscribed and looking forward to each new issue of Nintendo Power?  Why don’t you look at issues from the Nintendo 64 era?  Wouldn’t that make sense? 

She wasn’t subscribed.  She doesn’t know anything about the Nintendo 64.  She never played any of the games.  These are all lies.

By the way, this has all been edited out.  We’re up to like ten minutes.

“Oh, you watched a lot of my Youtube videos?  Thank you so much.  That’s awesome.”

Has she just substituted “that’s cool” with “that’s awesome”.  Because that’s not going to cut it.  She needs to have some kind of organic conversations with these horny losers.  Not just “That’s cool/awesome” every time.

“So let’s do a little introduction in case I decide to upload this.”

After two failed intros, we’re back to the Youtube video.  That entire section was cut out.

1:00 – There’s an ad that says that you get a free player’s guide if you subscribe to Nintendo Power.  Erin says, “Did any of you guys have these?  I never had any of these.”

You don’t say.  We’re off to a good start.

1:30 – Then there’s another fucking edit.  Oh my god.  I have to check…

“Did I watch Darkwing Duck?  I did.”

There’s no fucking way.  She called the character Dark Wayne Duck.  

“I wasn’t a hardcore Darkwing Duck fan but I did like the theme song a lot.”

When was this show even on?  I barely remember it and I’m ten years older than her.  

It was on from 1991 to 1992.  Erin aka Cykill1986 was born in 1987, according to her.  She would have been four or five years old.  

So I probably barely remember it because I was too old to watch it.  But Erin was watching this as a five year old and remembers the theme song.  Uh huh.  Well, sing it for us, Erin.  She never watched a single fucking episode.

So that was all edited out.  Just that section here where she claimed to watch the show.  Why did she edit this out?  Because it’s an obvious lie about her watching the show?  Didn’t she think that I was going to check the original video?  It’s what I usually do.  And who else cares?  

1:30 – She’s reading from the chat.  “This issue is May 1992.  We’d be listening to Kris Kross’ Jump on the Top 40 radio.”

Then Erin just laughs.  She doesn’t know the song.  She doesn’t know the group.  But this is her thing.  Music.  “The 90s”. Why doesn’t she know anything about it?  

She doesn’t know anything about anything.

We’re time traveling back to 1992.  I was in pre-school.”

What the fuck is she going to have to say about 1992 then?  The time that she shit her pants in pre-school?  

I don’t remember ANYTHING about pre-school.  Nothing.  I think that I went but I remember nothing about it.  I don’t remember the school, the class, the teacher, the students, nothing.  Maybe I didn’t go.  I don’t know.  But my earliest memories are from kindergarten.  

Actually, now that I think about it, I do have a hazy memory of the teacher.  And indeed, I pissed my pants.  Yeah, it’s coming back to me.  I asked to go the bathroom, which I never did because I didn’t like to cause any kind of scene.  The teacher said that I could go.  So I was in the hallway looking for the bathroom.  I didn’t know where it was because I hadn’t used it before.  I must have really had to go because why else would I have asked?  It had to be an emergency situation.  

So I’m frantically looking for the bathroom and then I just piss myself.  I go back to the class and nothing happens.  

I get collected at the end of the day and my mother notices that I smell of urine.  So when I got home, I got changed.

Years later, I remember hearing this story.  My mother must have spoken to the teacher and asked why she didn’t do anything.  The teacher claims that she didn’t notice anything was amiss.  

So that’s my pre-school memory.  One memory.  

Why did Erin choose this magazine from when she was in pre-school?  She’s not going to have anything to say about anything in the magazine.  

I think it’s so she has an excuse to not have anything to say.  Because if she chose a Nintendo 64 era issue, for example, it would the same shit.  “I never had this before.  I never saw this before” and so on.  But then people might say, “Hey, wait a minute.  You said that this is your era.  Why don’t you know anything about what’s in here?”

3:00 – She’s at the table of contents.  “Wacky Races.  I’ve been meaning to stream Wacky Races.”

She never played it before.  That’s what she means when she says this.  Who gives a shit?  She never played any of these games unless it was one time, on stream, for money.

4:00 – Then there’s another edit.  I don’t even care.  Let’s move on.

She’s reading from the chat, “Do they still do ads like that now?  Ummm…I don’t know.”

She was talking about this “edgy” Game Boy ad.  She says that it was less edgy than edgy ads that came later.  So now the horntard asks this vague question and Erin just says, “I don’t know.”  What doesn’t she know.  Answer: Everything.

5:00 – “Letters to the editor.  I’m not going to read these because I don’t think my voice will hold up.”

The letters are like two sentences each.  And the video goes on for another two hours and ten minutes.  Not including all of the stuff that she edited out.  Why didn’t she just read them?  

Because it’s always a disaster.  She never has anything interesting to say about any of them.  She never has any idea what’s being referenced.  

6:00 – Another edit.  You know what?  I’m good.

I skipped around, briefly, yesterday and she talks about her carpal tunnel later in the video but…that’s the only remotely noteworthy thing that I found.  And I’ve already covered that.  She talks about her fake carpal tunnel syndrome constantly.  Just stop making the fucking videos, go back to your momma in California, and get a job like a normal person.