https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ey-eiX6VqY
Another delightful video from Chris BORES. How much homosexual bullshit is he going to pack into this one? There’s only one way to find out.
0:00 – “So here we are on the dawn a new Jurassic Park movie.”
Yeah. That’s why he chose this game. Everything has to be a lame tie-in to a new movie or whatever. Everything has to be an attempted cash grab. How about making a video on a game that you think would make a good subject for a Youtube video? No. That’s ridiculous.
And why is everything so dark. Come on, Chris. You’re not at the gay bar. Turn some lights on.
0:15 – Chris BORES knocks his Jurassic Park display stand a little bit, this surprised him, but he didn’t bother re-shooting this. This is a minor issue, I guess, but why didn’t he just re-shoot this?
Anyway, he said, “Moms were freaking out because they brought their young children to the cinema and didn’t realise that dinosaurs were eating PEOPLE. So they left during the middle of it. Now, this might be an odd thing to hear about today but you have to remember, back then, nothing like this had been done in cinema before.”
Uhhhh…what? Jurassic Park was not the first film that had dinosaurs eating people. Is he out of his mind?
First thing that I think of is Godzilla but I’m not sure if he ever eats anyone. Does that even matter, though? Is it just the eating of people that these theoretical mothers were allegedly objecting to? That would be an oddly specific complaint. They’re okay with all of the violence and mayhem but don’t want to see people getting eaten.
King Kong ate people. That was in 1933. “But King Kong isn’t a dinosaur.” I know but it’s on this list:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_featuring_dinosaurs
And would these phantom mothers be okay with a giant ape eating people but not okay with dinosaurs eating people?
There must be fifty movies that have dinosaurs eating people that all pre-date Jurassic Park. Easily. I don’t want to go through this list looking for scenes of people being eaten though. It’s just common sense. You have all of these B-movies from the 1950s to the 1970s. They must be full of dinosaurs eating people.
0:30 – “Since this movie scared the crap out of so many kids, it’s even more crazy that this title was even made for the NES, especially since director Steven Spielberg was also involved in that whole ET video game debacle eleven years prior.”
What? Obviously, Steven Spielberg had absolutely nothing to do with either the ET video game or any Jurassic Park video game. What the fuck is the relevance then? Why say this? It doesn’t make any sense.
1:00 – Chris BORES is making a stupid face. Who is this for? Who’s laughing at this?
And for some bizarre reason, he had The Sabre Dance playing.
1:30 – Chris BORES complains that the “iconic” music from the movie isn’t in the game. What music? I don’t remember it. I saw the movie when it came out. Couldn’t have been that iconic. Let me look this up.
Oh yeah. This isn’t very iconic and it doesn’t lend itself well to a video game. Especially given the limitations of the NES.
2:00 – A Mr DNA character becomes poorly animated and is Chris BORES’ friend. It’s voiced by Chris BORES, of course. Chris BORES then has a totally pointless and uninteresting conversation with himself.
2:30 – Mr DNA (Chris BORES) can’t pronounce “triceratops” so Chris BORES says, “Are you feeling okay?” to which Mr DNA says, “Oh, yeah. Sorry. I’m just getting over a bad case of blue balls.” And then the DNA helix turns blue. Chris BORES replies, “Oh, damn. I’m sorry to hear that, buddy. That’s rough.”
Here’s the first homosexual reference of the video. Chris BORES has mentioned “blue balls” at lesat once before. Probably multiple times.
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/07/irate-gamer-vs-avgn-epic-crossover-dick.html
It just doesn’t make any sense. Why does he insert this gay shit into the videos? I’ve never heard anybody talk about “blue balls” ever, in my life. Does such a condition even exist? I only know about it from bad 1980s/1990s movies about high school. And even then, I can’t think of any actual examples.
Why is he obsessed with this? It’s not funny. It’s gay.
3:30 – Then, for no reason at all, he shoehorns a Diehard clip into the video. This isn’t in reference to blue balls, it’s just…some other bullshit.
5:00 – He describes a level as “ass wrenching.”
Uh huh. I’m sure that Chris BORES does a lot of ass wrenching.
Then he makes a lot of stupid faces as he pretends to be “irate”. He’s not even playing the game, of course.
5:45 – What is he saying here? “Ox bullet fuck”? Must be some gay code.
7:00 – More stupid faces from Chris BORES. And he says, “T-rex turducken”. Or something. More gay code, I guess.
“Stop eating me, you dick face.”
Probably not the first time Chris BORES has said that. But again, it’s barely comprehensible. What’s wrong with him? Take some elocution lessons.
7:30 – “Game over? Oh, no. It’s more like game raped”.
What? I know that the young people used to say “raped” in video games as in “owned/pwned” but first of all, I don’t know if they say that any more, and secondly, it’s obviously very offensive. Why would he put this in the fucking video? I suspect that it’s another gay reference. He’s into some weird shit. Rape fantasies and whatnot.
Then it ends with terrible animation, writing, and acting as Chris BORES inexplicably kills Mr DNA or whatever his name was.
This was fucking shit. Let’s look at the comments.
– “hey Irate Gamer howdy. can you please do a collab with erinplays? that would be awesome”
That’s an actual comment. What would such a “collab” even be? It would have to be done over Skype, presumably. Nobody is going to travel for this.
It would just be like that awful AVGN/Irate Gamer “collab”, which was the same as these other “collabs” that Chris BORES did. He would pay somebody on Cameo to say some shit and then he would awkwardly splice these clips into the video. Who would want to see this? All of those videos are absolutely horrendous. It was the world’s dumbest idea.
– “Love your reviews and if I’m being honest…..you’re kind of hot”
That was from BeaverBoyKrunk. So yeah, that guy’s gaydar is working. Chris BORES is CLEARLY GAY. I’m not saying this as an insult. It’s factual.
That’s fine. Nobody cares. This isn’t the 1950s.
But why does he have to put all of this weird gay shit in the videos? “Boner biting dogs”? Really? Come on. No judgement but it’s disgusting.
– “Hahaha blue balls, you are the best Chris, keep up the good work.”
There’s another gay man appreciating the gay references.
– “Irate gamer you are the YouTuber id most like to get a beer with.”
Yeah. At the gay bar. Chris BORES “hearted” this comment. He seems receptive.
By the way, Chris BORES only got to level 2 in this video. It’s further than I got when I was a kid but it’s not good for a review. I had the Game Boy version. The game was shit. I barely played it.