Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62xRpCLA5qs

Pardon the clickbait all-caps.  That’s how The Ideas Man did it.  I just copied and pasted it.  I won’t make an obvious joke here.

So Top Gun.  He better talk about how gay that movie was.

0:00 – “Last night, I screened Top Gun: Maverick for a couple of friends.”

I don’t know.  Whatever.  Good for Newt.

I’m five minutes in.  I’m just looking at background shit to try to stay entertained.  He’s in his office at work.  One of the tiles on the ceiling isn’t laying flat.  It’s those cheap kind of thick cardboard type tiles that schools have.  And offices, I guess.  In the US, at least.  

In the sixth grade, there was one day where some kids jumped up and punched a lot of these ceiling panels.  They would just break apart really easily.  They probably broke about ten of them?  Something like this.  Maybe less.

So the next day, some teacher was screaming at us about what miserable shits we are and all of the time and money that was spent to repair the ceiling.

How much do those fucking tiles cost?  A dollar?  And they’re installed in a matter of seconds.  No tools required.  You just twist them in there and set them down.  It works entirely on gravity.  

Fucking asshole. And I didn’t even do anything.  Why am I getting yelled at?  Go fuck yourself, you fat, bald, piece of shit.  

6:15 – “It’s just this guy who’s trapped in his mistakes from the past and I know about that.  I live with that every fucking day.”

Well at least he’s, kind of, accepting some responsibility for the plagiarism here.

8:45 – Newt starts talking about classic Hollywood actresses who make him hard.  Shout out to Ann-Margaret.

Eh.  She’s no Jayne Mansfield.

Wasn’t there a Flintstones episode that referenced Ann-Margaret?  

https://flintstones.fandom.com/wiki/Ann-Margrock

Yeah.  Ann-Margrock.  That’s the problem with The Flintstones.  They referenced all of these actors and actresses from the era and then you watch it today and you think, “What the hell is going on?”  It immediately dates the show.  

It’s like that Bugs Bunny short where Elmer Fudd was going to cook Bugs Bunny for some Hollywood party and there were a bunch of contemporary actors there like Humphrey Bogart.  Most of them were caricatures, which made things even more confusing.  You watch that shit today and you have no idea who any of these people are.  They’ve all been dead for at least 50 years.  

I imagine that it will be the same with The Simpsons and their shitty flavour of the month guest stars who they bring on.  And South Park with their constant references to contemporary minutia.  Those shows will be completely incomprehensible to anyone who wasn’t alive when this shit happened.  

17:00 – “It’s also got the homoerotic football scene in this one, not a volleyball scene.”

Oh here we go.  I was getting worried.  

18:00 – “Go watch my kimono video.  My friend gave me a kimono from the 1970s so I wore it and I flashed the screen.”

Yeah, one homoerotic thing at a time, Newt.  I want to talk about how gay Top Gun is first.

So you always hear about how gay Top Gun is.  There was that scene in whatever it was where Quentin Tarantino talked about it.  This is all well known.  We all know that Top Gun is supposed to have a lot of gay undertones.

But I never watched the movie until maybe ten years ago.  So I thought it was just one of those things that people say.  It’s just people trying to say that everything is gay to fulfil whatever their agenda is.  Maybe they’re some religious nut and talking about how the Jews in Hollywood are corrupting the public by putting gay shit in the movies.  Maybe they’re gay themselves and like the idea that all of these characters in movies are secretly gay.  Maybe they’re just having fun by trying to claim that everything is gay.

Then I watched the movie.  No.  These are not gay undertones.  The whole movie is openly gay.  The volleyball scene, of course.  “I want some butts”.  There’s a whole list of things that people have covered extensively.  It goes on throughout the entire movie.  You can’t miss it.  It’s not subtle.  The whole thing is gay, they’re not being secretive about it, it’s an openly gay movie.

So now let’s look at this bizarre gay video that Newt uploaded.  I’ve already watched it so I won’t be shocked.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjEgvEsmGhg

The video is one minute long.  Newt’s friend purchased a garment for Newt.  Newt describes this garment as a “kimono”.  It’s just a robe.  That’s not what a kimono is.  Is it?  

He holds up the bag that this garment came in and there’s a drawing of a Western man wearing a robe.  This further suggests that this is just a robe.  A kimono is something different.  Am I insane?  Let me look this up.

Yeah, a kimono has oversized sleeves and a wide belt and they’re worn by women.  And I don’t think that they’ve been popular in Japan for at least 100 years.  They’ve been reduced to ceremonial wear only nowadays.    

What Newt is wearing is a robe.  Maybe it was made in Japan but it’s still just a robe.

He calls it a “robe” interchangeably with “kimono” but they’re not the same thing.

0:45 – “This seems like the kind of thing that a scumbag like me would wear.”

Then he says, “Ladies”, of which there are none in the audience, and opens the robe.  His underpants are much lower than they should be.  And…well, I won’t comment on his physique other than to say that this is not something that should be shared on Youtube.

When I first saw this video, I didn’t rush to write about it because I expected him to come to his senses and delete this video.  But no.  To the contrary.  In a separate video, he encourages you to watch the video.

This just seems like a cry for help.  But he’s been doing much better with these videos lately.  There were no Horseface references in the past two videos.  He hasn’t had PVC Bondage Girl or Mel in the videos of late, so he’s not saying any creepy shit to them and they’re not there in their totally inappropriate outfits.  

So I thought that Newt was doing better.  One step forward, two steps back, I guess.  But the road to good mental health is a long one and Newt shouldn’t get discouraged.