https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5E0dYS75gQ
Tony is hacking some movies again. You know what I’ve noticed? There’s been a real dearth of horror films of late. Is it possible that he’s taken my advice? Because I make this complaint in almost every review.
Well, if he’s in the advice-receiving mood, here’s some more free advice: GET RID OF HORSEFACE!
0:00 – Oh, it’s a Crystal AND Frank episode. Frank is that Italian woman’s hot brother who constantly comes on to Horseface. He’s like a sexy version of Newt. He’s an actor, you know. Big time Hollywood actor. You might remember him from such roles as Bar Patron in the Something Borrowed short. Or Security Guard in the High Education tv mini series. But to me, he’ll always be NYPD Officer in his uncredited role on 21 Bridges.
His IMDB profile is helpfully listed in the description.
You know who else is here? Jessica the Intern.
https://twitter.com/jessdaydreaming
Exactly how long is this internship? She’s been there at least a year. Internships are not supposed to be this long. But this is one of many examples of internships being abused by irresponsible, uncaring companies. It’s just a way to get free labour.
Anyway, let’s check out fucking Horseface and Paul Newman pitching woo at each other.
Oh, it’s Superman. Yeah, I saw this. Years ago. As a kid. And I didn’t much care for it. And I don’t remember much about it. I just remember Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor and there was a lot of talking and I kept thinking, “Why is this so boring? These aren’t comic book characters. This is just Gene Hackman. When does the action start?”
Maybe I’d appreciate it now, as an adult, but I don’t want to watch it. When I watch a movie, I pick something that I think is going to be good.
But it’s a superhero movie so…along with horror, these are the two genres that Tony thinks bring in the viewers. And Tony is really, really concerned about viewers.
1:45 – Crystal Quin shows off some of her Superman comics and says, “Surprise! I read comics.”
Oh, sure you do. Horseface is a big comic book nerd. She’s just like you guys. She likes video games and comic books and professional wrestling. All of the nerd interests. Star Trek. Star Wars. Dr Who. She’s into all of that.
By the way, Horseface did NOTHING with this stack of comics that she brought in. She just brought them in to say, “Hey, here are some comics that I have.” What the hell was this?
Wait a minute. There aren’t any hot chicks in this movie, are there? Lois wasn’t hot. So what the fuck is Horseface going to contribute to this episode?
4:15 – Oh, here we go. Peter O’Toole over here starts flirting with Horseface. Right off the bat. This is one smooth operator.
Newt must be watching this and just seething.
5:45 – More creepy flirting. God, I fucking hate this guy. He’s one of these too cool for school “artistic” faggots who thinks everybody wants to have sex with him. It’s not working on me, Clark Gable.
Well, I’m at 23 minutes now. Nothing has been happening. I’m just going to keep this on as background noise while I play a game now.
24:30 – Horseface says, “Wasn’t this, you guys can totally correct me, but wasn’t Superman created by two Jewish guys?”
She’s a big Superman fan, guys.
Fucking unbelievable. How can she not know this? She brought a stack of Superman comics. Just this small stack are more Superman comics than I ever had. And I can give you the NAMES of the guys who made Superman. Not just their religion.
29:00 – Horseface screams about “space dildos” for about two minutes straight. Let’s just move on. She’s annoying and an idiot.
48:00 – Horseface is talking about a hot chick. I don’t know who. I’m barely even listening to this shit now.
52:15 – “I was going to say, what do you guys think of Lois Lane in this?”
That was a Horseface question. My guess…Horseface thinks that she’s hot and she wants to have sex with her.
53:00 –
Cary Grant- Every woman in this film is only there to fuck Superman.
Horseface: I don’t blame them. Hey! Hey! Hey! You would too.
Well, it’s true. Horseface is pointing out this man’s homosexual leanings. But again, it’s just Horseface getting excited over hot people who she wants to have sex with.
56:15 – Horseface gets distracted by a VHS box cover that says, “Seduction, submission, and murder.” Ramon Novarro looks right into the camera and gives a “sexy” look. He’s getting excited over here. Horseface is making him excited. Or maybe it’s from looking at Tony.
57:30 – “Ursula is hot, by the way.”
Horseface.
Alright, I made it to one hour. I’m really struggling to stay awake. So I’ll stop there.
I did better than I’ve usually done of late. I’ve been falling asleep within 15 minutes of these Hack the Movies/Talking About Tapes things lately. But I made it to an hour and I’m still awake. It was ALMOST fine as background noise. But not quite. Keep working on it, Tony. Doing something other than horror was a good first step. Next step: get rid of Horseface and Charles Laughton.
She contributed nothing to this episode in particular and just came off as a sex obsessed poser (like usual). Tony must realize by now how obnoxious and embarrassing to be seen with she is.We get it dude, she brings in horntards. But is it worth losing dignity? Then again you guys both have very fragile egos apparently and don't seem interested in not, so perhaps that is where you choose to prioritize things. Maintaining the facade lol.