Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUoI6L00LT0

Here’s something that I never want to see again.  Horseface McGee, Johanna, and that “Italian” woman from Talking About Tapes aka Hack the Movies are doing a “sexy” ad for a sex toy company.

First of all, let me discuss this “Italian” woman’s heritage.  I’ve done some research, and it seems like she was indeed born in Italy.  Her Instagram or something says “(some Italian town) –> Roma –> Philadelphia.  So I assume that she was born in that Italian town, moved to Rome, and then moved to Philadelphia.  

She also speaks Italian.  

I assume that she’s an Italian citizen.

These are all point in her favour in terms of being actually Italian, as opposed to Tony from Hack the Movies being “Italian.”

But she moved to the US as a young child.  Tony told a story about going to school with her in the sixth grade.  So she was in the US at least from the age of 10 or so.  

And listen to her speak.  Nobody on earth would assume that that woman is Italian.  She doesn’t even say “Italy” like an Italian person does.  She has an American accent and speaks perfect English.  

Nevertheless, on the 10 point “How Italian is this Person” scale, with 1 being Tony from Hack the Movies and 10 being a 90 year old woman, born and raised in Italy, who never left her village, I put this woman at a…5.

The “fun” starts at 0:25.  

Horseface McGee is in some pink nightwear and a black robe.  Do I even need to check?  This isn’t working for me at all.

Then Johanna appears, wearing black nightwear and a red robe.  

This…I mean…I try to be as tactful as possible.  Johanna needs to get some dignity and figure out what she should be doing and what she shouldn’t be doing.  Softcore porn is not something that she should be doing.

I can appreciate larger women.  You can go to that site and see that there’s a “thicc” lingerie model on there.  If you want to look her up, she’s modelling the “Juicy Hot Teddy”, for example, item #750F.  

But compare that woman, with her giant tits and ass, to Johanna.  It is not a favourable comparison.  And these are the comparisons that we have to make because Johanna is putting herself out there as a sex symbol for the mentally retarded viewers of Tony from Summarise the Movies.

If you’re a fat chick, and your weight all goes to your tits and ass, feel free to pursue a career as a lingerie model.  On the other hand, if you’re a fat chick and your weight is distributed anywhere else, do something else with your life.  

Why is this controversial?  Do what’s suited to you.  If you’re tall and athletic you might want to consider trying to be a professional basketball player.  But if you saw somebody who was short and fat who wanted to be a professional basketball player, surely you would tell that person, “This is not for you.”  It’s just being realistic about the whole thing.

If you’re a quiet sort of person who enjoys computers, maybe you want to pursue a career in IT.  If you’re musically gifted, maybe you want to do something in music.  If you write well, maybe you want to do something in writing.  Shit like this.  Find what talents you have and try to make a career out of it.  

Why do so many women seem to want to be porn stars anyway?  You see these fat chicks or just generally unattractive women on OnlyFans or with their “sexy” Instagrams all the time.  Why?  Why do so many women aspire to this?  

Imagine a world where instead of every woman wanting to be a porn star, they wanted to be a blogger.  So you had millions of shitty blogs about gamer grrls or whatever stupid topic people wanted to write about.  Every woman you knew had a blog that they were constantly promoting.  “New blog post!  Check out my blog!”

Yeah, a lot of the blogs would be complete shit but the world would still be a better place.  It’s a lot healthier for people to want to be a blogger than it is to want to be a porn star.  

Plus, these unattractive women are ruining porn.  Things were a lot better back when there were standards.

Let’s look at this particular company who they’re shilling for.  This company used to run commercials like this on the Spice Channel.  In between movies, there would be up to about 25 minutes of ad space.  The Spice Channel used to show weird, non-advertisement stuff like mud wrestling or wet t-shirt contests or casting videos or whatever.   

But then somebody got the bright idea that they could sell advertisements during this time instead to increase revenue.  Who’s going to advertise on a porn channel, though?  Enter, the company in question.  They were responsible for 100% of the ads on this channel.  This was in the mid 1990s.

So they would bring lingerie models in to try to sell whatever product.  It was all done live, I think, like the Home Shopping Network or QVC.  I remember “the tongue” was a popular one.  It was a vibrator that looked like and simulated a tongue.  

Anyway, not one of those women looked like Johanna or Crystal Quin.  Because we’re trying to jerk off here.  You want to see a hot chick.  Not Roseanne Barr and Mr Ed.

Back to the video.  Johanna is telling us to go to this site to buy “erotic toys, lubricants, and lingerie.”  Yeah, no thanks.

Then that Italian woman is in a PVC bondage suit of some description.  This woman clearly has no dignity either.  

Do I want to see this woman doing porn?  No.  At least not from what I’m seeing here.  This is not working for me.  It’s just an average looking woman with an average build.  I mean, come on.  

Did you see the lingerie models on that site?  Not just that thicc woman but the rest of them.  They’re all exceptionally attractive with great bodies.  You’ll never find yourself saying, “Ehh…she’s alright, I guess” when browsing that site.  They’re all 9s and 10s.  These are lingerie models.  These are the job requirements.  Be very attractive, very slim, and big tits a plus.  Or, if you’re a fat chick, you better have giant tits and a giant ass.  

Then Horseface McGee is back and she’s making…eugh…”sexy” faces.  Please end this.

Then we’re back to Johanna.

Then Kieran is there with a comedy pixelated face and he’s talking about his fondness for butt plugs.  

None of these people have any self-respect.  Who the fuck would do any of this?  And it’s for PENNIES.  How much could these people possibly have got paid?  How much is the company possibly paying for this ad?  It can’t be enough to pay four people the proper amount of money to make complete fools of themselves, plus turn a profit for Tony.  

Nobody should be doing any of this for less than $1000.  And even that’s a remarkably low amount to sell your dignity for.  

And look at the way Kieran is dressed compared to the women.  They have a men’s section.  Why isn’t Kieran wearing a g-string?  Or a body harness?  Or a…hose thong?  Don’t look that last one up.  

No, he’s just there in his filthy vest as usual.  

Why the double standard?  Kieran doesn’t have to put lingerie on but the women do.  

I have no doubt that these women think that what they’re doing is “empowering” and they’re making a stand for feminism.  But it’s not.  It’s the complete opposite.  They’re perpetuating inequality and women being second class citizens.

Why is there not a single man in the Youtube retro video game community, to cite one tiny example, with a “sexy” Instagram and videos of him in lingerie and whatnot but virtually all women in this community have such things?  

If you want to make videos about video games but you don’t want to be on OnlyFans and/or have “sexy” Instagrams and the like, you have two options:

1.  Be a man.

2.  Fuck off.

Nobody sees a problem with this?  Where are all the feminist lesbian “gamers” speaking out about this?

Then Tony from Summarise the Movies appears and says that he enjoys sybians.  He couldn’t even be bothered to talk about a male masturbatory device.  He had to talk about a “comedy” device.

Then there’s a Lord of the Rings character who talks about cock rings.  This is a reference to something that they talk about in the video.  They suggest that a character should have put the ring on their penis.

Then that Italian woman is back.

Eugh…then Horseface McGee is back trying to be “sexy”.  It’s PAINFUL.  

Then Johanna, hopefully, is bringing this commercial to a close.

Fuck.  No, that Italian woman is back.  Why do I keep calling her “that Italian woman”?  Because I don’t know her name and I don’t give a fuck.

Oh god.  Oh god no.  This is not happening.  Horseface McGee is squeezing her breasts together and making a “sexy” face.  Come on.  This is horrible.

Okay.  Thank the almighty fuck that that’s over.  

– “I really wish I liked this channel but Tony just isn’t that good of a host and the episodes are way too long, for the most part. I’m sorry”

Indeed.  

– “That Adam & Eve sponsore 🤣👌 lol classic!!!  and ladies y’all lookin good as usual”

There are many similar comments.  I just don’t get it.  Are they trying to have sex with these women or is there a porn filter on their computer or did they just get out of prison or what?  

– “Tony is a fascist? Can’t say I’m surprised…”

I don’t know what this is a reference to but he does make numerous right wing comments.

– “More Johanna in lingerie!”

There’s probably a name for this phenomena but I don’t know what it is.  It reminds me of a woman on the IMDB message boards, back when they existed, who talked about how hot some actor is.  The actor in question was NOT hot.  Not at all.  Indeed, he was known for playing homely characters.  But she said that he was hot.

The reason she did that, I suspect, is because she knew full well that she had no chance with somebody like Brad Pitt.  But if she focuses her attention on the ugly guy from some little known tv show, it’s more plausible.  Maybe he’ll see it and ask her to get a drink with him some day.