Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5LJLjENel0

Hey guys!  Remember JC Penney?

Ummm…I remember the name, of course.  I remember the commercials.  And I probably went to some of the stores but I don’t remember specifically.  These stores were all the same.  Sears, JC Penney, Kohl’s, whatever.  Department stores.  Why would anybody be *nostalgic* for this?

So let’s watch a 75 minute video of Auntie Erin talking about toys that she didn’t have and video games that she never even heard of.

0:00 – “I know in the tweet I said ‘Sears’ but we’re just going to be doing JC Penney today.”

She’s completely incompetent.  

1:15 – “I remember this.  Holy shit.  First page.  There’s something I remember.  I had this as a baby.”

I’m as shocked as Erin.  She actually owned something as a child?  This is a first.

It’s a pop up Disney thing.  The figures would pop up when you press a button or something.

She told absolutely no story about this.  She didn’t even explain what it is.  I explained more about this toy than Erin did.  She’s completely incapable of being even remotely entertaining.

2:45 – “Oh that little barn.  I didn’t have it but I remember playing with it at school.”

Well, that’s something, I guess.

3:45 – Shout out to the Little People line of toys.  Erin remembers them.  Great.  She wonders if they still make them.  I think that they do, at least by name, but they have arms and possibly legs now.  Let me look this up.

Yeah.  There was some controversy about the arm-less and leg-less Little People somehow stunting children’s development.  Like it gave them a sense of being powerless because they were playing with toys without arms and legs.

I had some old ones that were wooden.  They used to be wooden.  I also had plastic ones, which were made when I was a child.  The wooden ones were from before my time.  They were fine, I guess.  I didn’t have a preference between the two.  Now, I would prefer wooden ones but they don’t make wooden toys any more.  

5:30 – Shout out to Lincoln Logs and Tinker Toys.  Erin says that she had both.  That’s surprising.  

Again, I had wooden ones but they switched to plastic not long after I was playing with this stuff.  That would really suck.  Plastic Lincoln Logs?  Not interested.  

But I saw not long ago that there are wooden Lincoln Logs that you can buy, I don’t know if they’re bootleg or what, but they were crazy expensive and of poor quality.  Why is wood so expensive now?  

5:45 – “Whoa, what the hell’s going on here?  Are those all the same kid or are those, like, quadruplets?”

I don’t think that she’s joking.  It’s a lot of images of the same child, on some kind of horse toy, to illustrate movement.  Erin doesn’t know this.  She legitimately thinks that this is one massive toy.  A six headed horse toy.  She’s a complete moron.

6:45 – She makes a “brown bricks” half-joke in reference to those big cardboard bricks.  Some of that delightful female “comedy” that the world loves.

Erin remembers these at pre-school and at doctors’ offices.  She’s made numerous comments already about playing with toys in doctors’ offices.  How often was she going to the doctor?  

9:00 – She’s reading from the chat.  “Do I ever read these catalogues and seek out something from them?”  Then there’s a long pause.  NO, RETARD.  THIS IS JUST FOR THE FUCKING STREAM.  SHE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT OLD TOYS AND VIDEO GAMES.

“I’m sure I have.  I can’t think right now.”

So no, Erin.  Just fucking saying “no”.  

10:30 – There’s a toy weight lifting set.  That’s really weird.  Erin doesn’t mention it.  

12:00 – Erin literally reads the names of the NES games that are pictured.  She stumbles on a game that doesn’t have the name of the game in clear letters.  She doesn’t know any of this.  She’s just reading the titles.

12:45 – Jaws is one of the games and she advertises her recent video.  She says, “Going into that video, I didn’t know if I would beat it or not.”

It was CLEARLY Mike playing the game.  She’s continuing this charade.  It’s fucking ridiculous.

18:30 – She’s looking at board games.  Somebody says that he had the Wheel of Fortune board game.  Erin says, “That’s cool.”  A horntard asks Erin if she had any of these games.  She says, “I had Pretty, Pretty Princess”, which is not a game anywhere in this catalogue.  So the answer was “no”.

20:30 – Erin wanted the Barbie Power Wheels (or whatever) ride on toy.  Good story, Erin.

26:00 – Earlier, Erin said that the only doll she had was the one that ate plastic berries.  Then a horntard asks her if she had the doll that ate hair and was the subject of a lawsuit.  Erin has no idea what this is.

This was a Cabbage Patch Doll from late 1996.  Erin would have been 9 or 10 years old at the time, so within the appropriate age range.  Although, maybe she wasn’t watching the news at that age.

28:00 – Since Erin doesn’t have any stories to tell, I’ll talk about this Pee Wee Herman doll.  She keeps saying “Elf” instead of “Alf”, by the way.

So Pee Wee Herman.  I had the toy from this catalogue.  You’d pull the string and he would say stuff.  

I liked it.  I had it for a couple of years, I guess.  But then the child who my sister babysat for took a liking to it.  

My mother was a very disturbed person.  She was constantly trying to take my toys from me.  When I was at school, she’d throw them away.  When my siblings would want them for some school project or work or something, she would let them have them and I would never get them back.  We had numerous garage sales where I was forced to sell my prized toys for pennies.  There was the Christmas where she literally threw all of the gifts out before I even received them.  

I’ve subsequently looked into this, because this is not normal behaviour, and it seems to be a common thing that narcissist parents will do.  They resent the toys because they think that the child loves the toys more than the parent.  

Anyway, this neighbour boy liked the doll.  So, as my mother was wont to do, she told me that I had to give this boy the doll.  I didn’t want to.  It was mine.  I liked it.  

Didn’t matter.  No amount of crying ever helped.  And to make matters worse, I had to tell this kid’s mother, in person, that I was giving this doll to her son.  So I tearfully told her that I’m giving my doll to her son and she didn’t give a fuck.  She didn’t say “thank you” she didn’t do anything but look at me with contempt.  “Look at this bitch boy crying over his toy.”  Then she happily took a toy from a child who was clearly distressed and was being forced to give his toy away.

Maybe two weeks later, Paul Reubens gets arrested for masturbating in a porn theatre.  I’m at the kid’s house and I ask him where the doll is.  He says, “My mom threw it away.”

Why didn’t they just give it back if they didn’t want it?  That woman knew that I wanted it.  

Today, that boy is in his thirties, 300 pounds, drives a truck, and lives in Texas.  He lives with his mother in a mobile home.  His mother is unemployed and weighs 400 pounds.  These weights are not exaggerated.  If anything, I’m underestimating.

As an adult, my mother would regularly express confusion as to why I don’t call her.  Did she really not know?  Did she genuinely think that she was a good mother?  Or was this all manipulative bullshit?  

Anyway, Erin is just reading the catalogue again.  She knows nothing about any of this.  “GI Joe from Hasbro”.  That’s an actual quote.  She’s just reading what it says.  That was the sum total of her GI Joe contribution.  She does this for every fucking page.

33:45 – “Look at the little greenhouse.  That’s cute.”

She also sometimes points out cute toys.

“I remember just circling everything.  It was so much fun.”

Some horntard said that he used to mark off what he wanted in the catalogues and Erin just repeated his comment, as per usual.  Imagine if she did actually do this, though.  She’s circling all of the toys that she wants and then her parents just throw the catalogue in the trash, never having seen what she wanted.  She clearly got nothing.

34:45 – She’s telling her remote control car story.  She’s told this one before.  The batteries ran out quickly.  That’s going to be the story, right?

Yeah.  That’s the fucking story.  We’ve heard this one, Erin.  Get some new stories.  I know that you can’t go back in time and do stuff as a child, but do stuff NOW so that you have stories to tell.  

35:15 – I had the car at the top of the page.  Winged Outlaw.  Until my mother threw it away while I was at school.

These are my stories.  I mean, at least I had stuff for a short while before some lunatic threw it in the trash.  Erin didn’t have ANYTHING.

35:45 – “My first bike was a Barbie bike.  It was great.”

Great story, Erin.  And it seems that everything she had was either Barbie or Disney.  Her parents really failed her.  This is what created such a boring woman.  

Oh, and I was forced to sell all of my bicycles at garage sales.  For pennies.

I’m not even joking about the pennies.  My first bicycle was sold for 25 cents.  These were the prices on this stuff.  Nothing was over a dollar.

37:45 – Holy shit.  Here’s a revelation.  Some horntard asked if Erin played some game (of course, she has not) but then Erin says that she has a cat.  Why do we never see it?  Why no pictures of Erin’s cat on Twitter?  Why does the cat never enter the streams?  Very confusing stuff.  Is the cat just another lie?

38:30 – There’s a page on bibles and cassettes, it looks interesting, and Erin quickly turns the page.  She must be really opposed to Christianity.  What god would create a world where a woman gets fucked in the ass by a man she doesn’t love in exchange for Youtube promotion?  And all to the tune of $10,000/year.  Not a loving god, that’s for sure.  But perhaps a just god.

When justice is done, it brings joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers. 

– Proverbs 21:15

“Watches.  Remember watches?”

This is a new low.  Yes, Erin.  Watches.  They still exist.  

Here’s another story from my personal archive since Erin is completely devoid of any stories whatsoever.

I asked a guy in college what time it was once.  We were outside.  He looked like a giant stereotypical nerd.  So he got out his CALCULATOR and told me the time.

This was in the late 1990s so before cellular phones and whatnot.  People used watches to tell the time.  But no, this guy used his calculator.  There must have been a time function on there but…really?  Would there be?  It would have to be powered at all time.  You don’t charge a calculator.  They usually run on solar power or a little battery that’s hard to replace.  Well, whatever.

39:00 – Erin claims to have watched old episodes of The Price is Right.  She couldn’t think of the name of the service.  Even I knew what it was and I’ve never used it.  It’s Pluto.  It took her quite a while to remember this.  She’s a big Pluto fan, guys.  And a big Price is Right fan.

So she saw this Pac-Man watch as a prize on the show.  Allegedly.  She says that Pluto shows Price is Right episodes from the 1970s and early 1980s.  This catalogue is from 1988.

40:15 – So those are the toys mercifully over.  Erin says, “So what section do you want to look at next?”

The bra section, Erin.  How many times do I have to suggest this?  It’s a natural.  The people are there jerking off anyway.  Give them something to enjoy other than your hands and your complete shit non-stories about things that you didn’t own.

There’s an interesting car cover for $150 that Erin immediately ignores.

“I can’t talk.  If you haven’t learned by now, I am horrible at speaking.  So it’s a wonder why I stream and make videos.  I don’t know.”

Indeed.

40:30 – Shout out to colours.

41:15 – More hue discussion.

43:12 – Here we go.  I had to give an exact time stamp on this one.  She’s flipping through the catalogue now and landed on a lingerie page.  I’d give that woman in the blue some loving.  I’ll even give it to that big haired blonde woman.  Or dare I imagine…both of them at the same time.  In their JC Penney lingerie.  I have to change my underpants now.

Then she just looks at children’s clothes because…who the fuck knows?  There’s fucking women in lingerie but no.  She wants to look at children’s pyjamas and just say the name of whatever the character is who appears on the garment.  She thinks that this is interesting?  

44:15 – There’s a kid in a Star Trek costume and she doesn’t say anything about it.  I don’t think that she recognised it as a Star Trek costume.

So that’s it for that.  She’s now going to move on to the 1998 JC Penney catalogue.  You can check that out if you’re so inclined but I have no interest in continuing this shit.