https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9io5dyRvmI
Hey, it’s finally here. Episode 200. Sort of. But not really. The whole numbering system is fucked up. Plus, this is in three parts. But Jimmy is calling this episode 200 and that’s a big deal to Jimmy. Jimmy likes his numbers.
I wish I would have bought a cake for this. I’ll make due with a pack of Maoam Bloxx. They’re like Starburst but German.
0:00 – But first a word from our sponsor. Some…podcast…collective? What is this? What a terrible ad this was. I don’t even know what the fuck he’s advertising and I have no interest in finding out.
1:30 – Oh, it starts with a clip show. Remember clip shows? They don’t do them any more. They stopped doing clip shows with the advent of DVDs. Even before that, clip shows were unpopular when shows started to become syndicated while still on the air. Why watch a clip show when there’s fucking reruns being shown on a regular basis and I’ve seen the rerun 10 times already?
But Jimmy wants to do a clip show. Even though we can all watch the episodes with the click of a button.
1:45 – Then the clips end with a bad CGI explosion and the number 200.
Jimmy…the only one who gives a fuck that it’s episode 200 is YOU. Enough with this.
2:00 – Now they’re doing a remix of the theme song. So the clip show wasn’t the intro? There’s an intro after the intro? Fuck off. This is ridiculous.
2:30 – This is CGI, right? Jimmy is standing in front of a greenscreen and he’s projected his video game collection on to the green screen. Is this right? Why didn’t he just film in front of his fucking games?
I don’t know. Maybe it isn’t. But it looks fake to me. Maybe I’m just so used to Jimmy greenscreening everything that I assume that it’s all greenscreen.
Now this is definitely greenscreen. He’s in front of some dungeon wall with NES games stuck into the wall by daggers for some reason. This is…why the constant bad greenscreening?
By the way, that’s some hair on Jimmy. I think that his hair is CGI too. Everything looks so fucking fake.
I mean…at this point, Jimmy’s hairline goes to the middle of the top of his scalp. And that’s WITH the CGI and Ronco’s hair in a can and whatever else he uses. Why not just shave it at this point? It’s gone, Jimmy. Your days of having hair are behind you. It’s traumatising, I get it, but it happens. Get over it. You’ve had years to prepare for it.
3:45 – Jimmy starts a history of LJN according to Wikipedia, presumably. He’s reviewing all of the LJN video games, by the way. The ones that he hasn’t already done, at least.
“We all know their distinct brand of game, the same way you’d recognise the specific smell of your dog’s farts.”
And there’s a royalty-free PG picture of a dog sniffing another dog’s anus.
But no. I don’t smell dog farts. Does Jimmy do this? We all know that he does. Let’s just move on and try not to think about what a sick, poo-obsessed freak this guy is.
4:30 – “Bottom of the turd totem pole.”
I guess that I’ll just be recording all of the scat references. There’s nothing else to talk about. This is boring.
5:00 – “In a sense, they were the colon and the developers were the anus.”
And there’s a diagram of the human digestive system that you just know Jimmy jacks off to.
7:00 – Oh, the lore starts. The company who owns LJN sent “the Nerd” a letter granting him ownership of LJN. Whatever that means. I’m sure that Jimmy will produce an amazing skit full of time-travel and zombies to explain it all.
7:30 – Oh. Jimmy is going to remake the LJN library of games. Because he’s the owner of LJN now. And that’s…what you do when you become the owner of a defunct video game company. I guess.
7:45 – Now we’re introduced to Sam, the game designer. He’s some middle aged guy who we’ve never seen before. He refers to James as “the Nerd”.
Sam is English? Australian? Something. He doesn’t sound American, though.
8:30 – “It’s like cleaning the cat piss stain on the back of the litter box.”
Fortunately, the camera is at chest level and above so we don’t have to look at Jimmy’s giant boner.
Then there’s a picture of a filthy, shit-stained bathroom.
These must be all of the funny “jokes” that Jimmy said he was really proud of.
“With a few lone poop nuggets.”
And then there’s a picture of realistic-looking shit. It might be real excrement from Jimmy’s personal collection.
So yeah, these are the funny “jokes” that Jimmy was talking about.
9:00 – Oh, now there’s a fucking clip show again. Maybe he’ll do a clip show of all of the poop that’s he’s inserted into these videos.
9:45 – “These are just going to be samplings. Every LJN game will be shown.”
So this is just easy bullshit. Play a game for two seconds and then move on. This is the Erin Plays school of “reviewing” video games. He’s actually ripping off Erin Plays. Has it worked for Erin?
10:00 – More clip show bullshit.
16:45 – The cavalcade of clip shows is continuing but I think that he’s inserted some new footage. I haven’t really been paying attention, to be honest but definitely at 16:45, I think that this Beetlejuice Game Boy footage is new. It’s not interesting or funny but it’s new. I think.
18:00 – Yeah, he’s “reviewing” the Bill & Ted Game Boy game and I think that this is new. It’s lazy but it’s new.
18:45 – Alien 3 on Game Boy. Yeah, the only new footage in this shit are 30 second “reviews” of the Game Boy games where he just says, “I don’t have anything to say about this.”
20:00 – True Lies for the SNES or something. He doesn’t say. But this is apparently new footage.
21:00 – A picture of a man’s head in a urinal. This is straight from Jimmy’s spank bank.
21:15 – Now a few seconds for the Game Boy version of True Lies.
By the way, they showed Jimmy being “angry” over this SNES (or whatever) game and it’s just so embarrassing. You have 40 year old, bald, Jimmy Rolfe in a ridiculous shirt, pretending that he’s angry. He doesn’t want to do this any more and I don’t want to see this.
And with this clip show format, it’s just a stark reminder of how the show used to be compared to how it is now. And it’s not a favourable comparison.
21:30 – Bad CGI of a True Lies console being shot at a helicopter. I say “CGI” a lot, and I don’t know if I’m using the term correctly, but hopefully we all know what I mean. Like special effects. Really “special” in Jimmy’s case.
21:45 – Warlock for SNES. This looks like new footage. I can’t even tell what’s going on. Why does he put new footage with the old footage?
22:15 – Atrocious acting by Jimmy. He’s “angry” again. Over a game that he’s not even playing.
It’s so fucking bad that I’m embarrassed for him.
23:00 – Cutthroat Island for the SNES. This is new footage as well.
24:00 – So that’s the clip show/new “review” portion of the episode. Now Jimmy goes to check on Sam. Remember Sam? He’s the guy who’s re-making Back to the Future for the NES.
Sam gives him the game and it’s a bootleg or something of a side-scrolling game. Jimmy says that he wants time travel inserted into the game. Jimmy loves his time travel.
That’s the episode. There’s a message that says, “Episode 200 Part 2 Coming Soon!!” We can all look forward to that.
Edited by Kieran and they give his Twitch. He must be getting desperate. Looking for alternative income streams.
And Sam Beddoes played Sam. They give the URL to his website. Let’s check it out.
Oh. This guy made the AVGN game. And some other games.
And yeah, he’s English. Gives his pronouns on Twitter. He/him. It sort of suggests that he was born a woman. Because how many “CIS” people put their fucking “pronouns” on their Twitter?
So that was the video. It was boring and full of poop references. This is what AVGN has become.
And James wrote all of this. Or so he says. James wants full credit for this masterpiece. All of those poop jokes? Plucked straight from Jimmy’ delightful coconut.
This was bad. Not funny. Not interesting. It was boring. At times, it was disgusting.
Jimmy was proud of this? Jimmy was hyping this? Jimmy got a cake out of this?
After seeing this, that cake that he got was too thoughtful. Too decadent. Jimmy didn’t deserve that cake.
Jimmy should have got a cake made out of poop. And the frosting is turds. And there’s a layer of shit inside.