Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxw5_QCkQy4

0:15 – “So starting off, we have my yellow Game Boy Pocket.  This was the first Game Boy I’ve ever owned and it’s yellow.”

This is awful.  Is it yellow, Erin?  Tell us what colour it is another six times.

What can anyone even say about this shit?  Even if they’re actually interested in video games?  

I had an original Game Boy.  If I was doing a video, god forbid, I would say, “Here’s the Game Boy I had a kid.  The screen cover has come off and I don’t know if it even works any more but I used to play this a lot back in the day.  I also had a magnifying glass that connected to it.  ‘Light Boy’, I think it was called.”

That’s it.  And that’s from somebody who actually has a passing interest in video games and has played the fucking thing before.  That’s boring.  So there’s absolutely nothing that anyone can say about these things.  That’s why Erin is just repeatedly talking about hues.  Just don’t make the video, Erin.  Do something else with your life.  Something of value.

“I remember, like, having trouble deciding which one I wanted and my mom was like, ‘Well, what colour do you want?'”

This is brutal.

0:45 – “I played a lot of Tetris on this thing.”

Didn’t she do a video on Tetris99 or whatever?  Let me check the archives.

If she did, I didn’t write an article on it.  There’s nothing even in my personal archive.  I don’t remember writing such an article but I’m pretty sure that she played the game at some point, on stream, for money.  Maybe she didn’t upload the video because her gameplay was so bad.

1:15 – She’s showing the original Game Boy.  “This is, like, the beginning of Erin being neurotic for having the thing that came first.”

She keeps repeating this boring narrative.  Even if it’s true, which it isn’t, get over it.  

1:30 – “I finally came to terms that I liked this one better because it was yellow and it was mine.”

Was it yellow, Erin?  Tell us about the colour some more.  Yellow, right?  Have I misunderstood?  I think that it’s yellow.  

I have no idea why somebody would have two Game Boys, by the way.  Especially somebody with ZERO INTERST in video games.  She says that she had Tetris, Super Mario Land, and Super Mario Land 3.  That’s it.  Two Game Boys for her three games.

1:45 – She has a Game Boy printer.  Why?  

Oh.  She says that she took pictures of her grandmother and her dog and would print them out.  Then she talks about Chuck E Cheese.  Hey guys!  Remember Chuck E Cheese?  No, Erin.  I don’t give a fuck about Chuck E Cheese and I’ve never been there.  In any event, I’m a man in my 40s and I’m living in 2021.  I don’t fucking care about your stupid pizza *nostalgia*.

2:15 – “Next up, we have a Game Boy Color.”

It’s also yellow.  PLEASE tell me that she’s going to mention that it’s yellow.  I can’t fucking wait.

“My childhood Game Boy Color was the purple one.”

Right…but this is yellow.  Just say the word “yellow”, Erin.  I’m about to cum.  Hue talk is my thing.

The purple Game Boy is at her parents’ house for whatever reason.

2:30 – “I just think it’s really cute.”

Great.  But what COLOUR is it, Erin?

3:00 – She claims to have played Super Mario Bros Deluxe and Tetris DX “a lot”.  

Wow, you played so many games, Erin.  Mario and Tetris.  That’s literally it.  Even by her own totally fictitious story, she only played Mario and Tetris.

AND SHE DIDN’T MENTION THE FUCKING COLOUR!

3:30 – She has a Game Boy…something.  I don’t even know.  I don’t give a fuck about the different Game Boys.  I had the original Game Boy and then many years later, I got a DS.

Anyway, this thing that she’s showing is red.  PLEASE tell us that it’s red.

3:45 – She says that she played New Yoshi’s Island.  This thing also came with Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga, which she claims to have played “a lot.”  Sure you have, Erin.

4:00 – “During high school, I didn’t have the Game Cube.  I kind of skipped over that because I was just really busy with school and music lessons and stuff.”

Plus, you had absolutely zero interest in video games.

What was I doing in high school?  Well, I was also going to class.  And I had extracurricular lessons.  I didn’t do much, but I think that I was at least as busy as Erin because Erin never did jack shit.  

But you know what else I was doing?  Playing video games.  I found time for them.  When I started the ninth grade, I didn’t suddenly say, “Okay, no time for this video game bullshit any more.  I have to focus on my studies.  This is the big time.  High school.”  No, I still played games.  

Indeed, adolescence is probably the time when people play video games the most.  But not Erin.  Erin just eschewed video games during high school.  And then she took up the hobby again as a 29 year old woman when she started a Youtube channel about video games.

4:30 – “Now I’m going to go back and play the Castlevania games for this.”

Why now?  Why only on stream, for money?  What took you so long?  Why the sudden interest?

“I didn’t play the Castlevania games growing up.”

Yeah.  I get that.  But what about when you were an adult, say, in your early 20s, and and emulation was popular?  Why didn’t you fire up some Castlevania Game Boy games then?  

Or why at no time since starting your channel did you decide, IN YOUR FREE TIME, to play this Castlevania Game Boy game?  It’s been five years.  Why now?

4:45 – Nintendo DS.  It’s pink and has glitter or something all over it.  Because she’s a girl!

“Of course, I had to get it in pink.  Normally, I like hot pink or neon pink but, you know, this is pale pink and this is as good as you could get.”

Tell us more about the different shades of pink, Erin.  This is just so riveting.

5:15 – “I have so many good memories about this thing.”

Here was go.  Strap in, boys.  Erin is going to tell us some really interesting stories about games that she ACTUALLY PLAYED.

The Legendary Starfy.  Crosswords.  “It was called something.  Crosswords something.  I’ll have to look it up.”  Cooking Mama.  New Super Mario Bros.  

Oh fuck.  She’s just going through this EverDrive sort of thing and saying the names of games.  This is boring.  And she never played any of this shit.  

6:30 – “Oh my god.  Rhythmn Heaven was great.  Do you remember the commercial where they had Beyonce playing on it?”

No.  And I don’t give a fuck.  But then she shows a clip from the commercial.  And I’m pretty sure that Erin has told this story, shit as it is, before.

Then, after she calls The Legandary Starfy “The Legend of Starfy”, she says, “I should do a video on that.”

What about playing it in your spare time, Erin?  Do you think that you might enjoy that at all? 

7:00 – “I’m never getting rid of this.  So cute.  Mine.”

She’s said that the console is “mine” at least once before in this video.  It’s weird.  Who else would it belong to?  

7:00 – 3DS.  It’s the same colour as the car that she got that year.  Isn’t that interesting?  Tell us more about hues, Erin.

“I thought that was cute.”

It is.  So cute.  Adorable.  

“I was just really into the colour teal that year.  I still am.”

This is fabulous.  I’m loving every minute of this.

7:45 – Some Target Game Boy.  She bought this after she started her channel.  It was for some shit video that she did.  Mike spent a small fortune on this shit.

“I had to pick this up because not only is it red, but it just straight up says ‘Target'”

Fascinating.

“I like accessories and game consoles and stuff that have that have, like, retail names on it.”

Such as?  Give us some examples of this phenomena.  I can’t think of one.

Oh, she mentions the Sears…something.  Some ancient video game console.  What else?

Nothing.  

8:30 – Coca-Cola Game Gear.  This is another thing that Mike bought for her, after she started the channel, of course.  She did a video on this too.  I think.  Oh yeah.  “In the past year, I did a full video on this.”

“I just really like the classic red look of it.”

This is awful.

9:00 – “I was such a Nintendo kid growing up that this didn’t even cross my mind.”

Yeah.  You were a real hardcore Nintendo fan with your Super Mario and Tetris and Yoshi’s Island games.

9:15 – Nokia…whatever it is.  She mispronounced Nokia but maybe that’s how it’s said in the US.

She never played this.  Even by her own admission.  It doesn’t even work.

9:45 – Nintendo DSi.  “I really like this matte blue/teal kind of colour.”

Oh.  Who cares?  I don’t know.  This isn’t kindergarten.  We don’t need to hear about colours that you like.  We don’t fucking care.  Move on.

“I’ve never seen this exact colour on a Nintendo product before.”

Good stuff.

10:15 – Sega Genesis Nomad.  Another thing that she got after she started the channel.  I think that the DSi was also bought after she started the channel.  This Nomad is mint, in box, as most of this recent stuff is.  Mike went all out when buying these things.  He spared no expense.  And of course, Erin doesn’t play these things so they remain in mint condition.

It’s clear that she’s never played this before.  Even by the stuff she’s saying.  “I’m sure that it eats up batteries”, for example.  She doesn’t know because she never played it before.

Then she reads the box.  She’s totally out of ideas.

11:00 – “I’ve never experienced two player Sega Nomad before.”

Or one player.  Who are you kidding?  You didn’t even know the battery life situation.  And this thing is in the fucking box, untouched.

11:45 – Then she mentions that she didn’t include her Tiger handhelds.  Why would she?  Who would include these as part of their “handheld collection”?  Then she links to a video where she only talked about these Tiger handhelds.  That video was awful.  As was this one.

Let’s check in on the horntards.

– “Guys get yourself a woman who’ll take care of you the way Erin takes care of her yellow Gameboy Pocket.”

Keep it on a shelf and never touch it?  That’s what you’re into?

– “I love you frfr lol”

– “How much do you think your whole collection cost you ?”

Ask Mike.

– “Target GBA. There should be a Wawa Playdate”

Speaking of which, that comment was from Mike.  What does it mean?  I have no fucking idea.  But Erin replies, “It could have Wally goose on the box!”  I don’t know what that means either.  Must be a reference to something that she played recently, on stream, for money.

– “You must have been a very kind kid because Santa gave you all these great handhelds 😊. The sp matches your hair beautifuly, you should get that one backlit also and play the castlevanias on it instead of the switch.”

– “We need an Erin plays edition game boy released”

Yeah.  A console that only turns on if you’re playing on stream, for money.

– “Did someone say handhelds?”

That bizarre and pointless comment was from Retro Ali.  I have never seen her write anything even REMOTELY interesting.  Or say anything even remotely interesting.  She’s BORING AS FUCK and stupid as well.