https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeAZ1I5SjRA
0:00 – Whoa! Get the lube for this one. Here’s “too hot to be an influencer” Zap Cristal looking fine as hell. Why are my pants suddenly so tight?
Let me point out that articles about Zap Cristal do really poorly. Worse than Pelvic Gamer. Nobody knows who this is. But I don’t care. The fact that THIS woman thinks that she’s some “smoke show” is too fucking hilarious to me.
0:15 – A picture of her “interviewing” Pat the NES Punk. Hopefully, she shows the actual interview. Her interview skills are non-existent.
0:30 – “We had so much fun, we were invited as special guests.”
Zap…you have 2000 subscribers. Don’t you get it? They let ANYBODY do this shit. Anybody with a Youtube channel who wants to humiliate themselves can hold a zero-effort panel.
I remember when nerd conventions had big names in attendance like Leonard Nimoy or the wife of some deceased guy who played one of the Dr Who’s or whatever. Now it’s complete nobodies. How many people are going to spend $30 or whatever it is to go to a convention where Zap Cristal is holding a panel? “Come see Zap Cristal!” Who? No thanks.
Her panel is called “Diversity in Gaming.” It’s with her husband. He’s perhaps the only person who can stand being in the same room as her. She was absolutely HORRENDOUS at the previous panel that I discussed, which was about women in “gaming”. Allegedly. It was really all about Zap Cristal and how everybody should pay attention to Zap Cristal.
1:15 – Nerd montage.
Watching this, it just dawned on me what a good booth would be. You know, the tables where people sell shit. Somebody should sell exercise equipment and diet plans and shit like this. Obviously, market it appropriately. “Look less like The Penguin and more like…I don’t know…Bane.”
2:45 – She reveals the audience at this panel. What a sausage fest. It’s like a big college lecture hall…probably fits about 200 people…and Jesus…I can probably count the number of people here. Let’s do that.
There are 26 people in attendance. This includes five women and two black guys. The rest are lonely white men. Well, that’s not true. At least five of these men are with their girlfriends. No single woman would go to something like this.
This is just sad. I almost feel bad talking about this.
She shows the panel schedule. The other “guests” are:
Taffeta & Stina. They’re doing a “Fan Girls Q&A”.
Who are Taffeta & Stina? I have no idea. I DuckDuckGo’d it and nothing. I searched Youtube for “Taffeta” and it was just stuff about fabric. It’s an uncommon name so if this person existed, it would be here.
8-Bit Eric. Nobody cares about this guy but he has 85,000 subscribers so way more than a complete nobody like Zap Cristal.
Boogi2988 will be there. He’s a big name for these nerd conventions, I guess.
Pat the NES Punk also seems to be a big name.
Kenny James…oh, “The voice of Bowser” is his panel. Yeah, he was in the other panel that Zap Cristal was at. What a sad way to try to make a living.
Then there’s a cosplay contest at 3:00. God. Who would possibly want to go to something like this? If you’re going to these fucking nerd conventions, even as a kid, forget about ever getting a date.
Then there’s a montage of hopelessly single men playing games from 30+ years ago.
3:45 – Whoa. Some big titted MILF dressed an X-Men costume. I don’t know which character. Why do this? Why tease these nerds with something that they’ll never be able to get? It’s cruel.
Pause the video at 3:56. These two guys must have a combined weight of 1000 pounds. I’m not even exaggerating. I mean…I don’t just want to shit on people for being overweight or giant nerds but this is really pathetic. Why would anybody want to go to these conventions? And the people who do go really need to get their lives together.
4:00 – “The food there was delicious”.
Yeah.
She says that she hung out with Boogie and John Riggs. Of course John Riggs was there. Spending time with the ladies again. While his poor wife is at home tending to their autistic son, transgender son/daughter, and the third daughter with an as yet undiscovered crippling social problem.
Go home and take care of your wife and children, John. How many lives do you plan on ruining with your pathetic obsession with gamer grrls?
Linda the Gamer Girl is there. I remember seeing this name somewhere. She’s completely insane.
https://www.youtube.com/c/Lindaakathegamergirl/videos
Oh yeah. Two thousand subscribers. She used to wear weird makeup like…costume makeup. She’s nuts.
4:45 – Zap is eating with some 500+ man and John Riggs. John Riggs must be at least 300 pounds himself. This must be a heavily reinforced bench that they’re sitting on. And they’re all filming each other with their phones.
Boogie is also there. And some guy I don’t know. And Linda the Gamer Girl. And Zap’s husband.
Oh. These are chairs that they’re sitting on. Not a bench. How…how are these people sitting on regular chairs?
How come nobody other than Zap is there with their significant other? John Riggs left his wife at home to take care of the children that he doesn’t care about and because it’s easier to try to pick up chicks if your wife isn’t with you. And these other people…I think we know why they’re not there with their respective partners.
6:00 – She shouts “Boogie I love you” for no real reason.
Then she does it again. This is brutal. Put the phones down and eat your food, you fat fucks.
This reminds me of that dog trick where you put a biscuit on it’s nose and he can’t eat it until you say so. It’s like a test of the dog’s willpower. How long can these absolutely corpulent men last with a plate of food in front of them before they have to start eating?
6:15 – “Doesn’t that look scrumptious”?
I laughed way too hard at this. Just watch it to see what I mean. I don’t want to describe it.
6:30 – In the interests of equality, we now get footage Zap talking to a 300+ woman. No. I’m going to say 400+ pounds.
Is this normal in the US? Or maybe this problem is particularly acute in Texas. I know that other than Zap and her husband, most of these people don’t actually live in Texas but this is insane. Why is everybody so fucking fat? And I don’t just mean fat, I mean fucking colossal.
I don’t see people like this in the UK. Sure, there are some fatasses but not like this. Not people who struggle to walk.
I remember seeing absolutely enormous people in the US. It wasn’t that regular but you’d see it. I can’t think of anybody who I’ve seen like this outside of the US.
6:37 – That MILF from earlier is back. She’s in a different costume this time. And yeah…she’s fat. That’s why her tits looked so big in that other picture. They are big. But she’s big all over. So that doesn’t really count.
6:45 – Another enormous woman. She’s putting her glasses on. Maybe it’s this same enormous woman from 6:30. She’s holding a baby stroller now. So…there’s at least one guy on earth who was able to achieve and maintain an erection with her. Can’t be any of these fat fucks, though. At this weight, you must be impotent.
Then she “interviews” Pat the NES Punk. Let’s see how this goes.
“Hello guys, beautiful peeps.”
So far, awful.
7:00 –
Zap: – I’m glad that we got to meet again?
(Pat makes a face, he obviously doesn’t recognise this woman)
Zap: …after the pandemic.
Pat: (clearly uncomfortable) That’s right. We’re good to go.
7:30 – Pat encourages everybody to get “vaxxed”. Go fuck yourself.
8:00 – She says that she has a big important question and she really builds this up and even has a drum roll inserted. Here’s the question:
“What is your ultimate, favourite system but, if you were to make a tweak to it, what would it be to make it even better.”
Pat has no fucking idea what this question means. Nor do I.
By the way, this was her only question.
Awkward as fuck “interview”. She asked one question, it was like the worst question ever conceived, and then she asked him to plug his shit.
10:30 – Another awkward as fuck interview. This time with Billy from the GameChasers. I don’t know who it is. I don’t watch that shit but I’ve heard the name.
Do I really want to watch this any more?
No. Let’s just skip ahead to her “interview” with that lunatic Linda the Gamer Girl.
15:15 – Here it is. Linda is wearing her mask. Can’t hear anything.
No. I’m done. Linda is boring as fuck. And Zap isn’t going to bring anything interesting to the table.
What else? I’m skimming…there’s another awkward interview with somebody I don’t know.
26:30 – She shows what she purchased at this nerd convention.
Boogie “gifted” her some stuff. Why is she accepting gifts from strange men? She doesn’t know what the intention is? She knows and she doesn’t care. She just enjoys taking advantage of people.
Then she opens a pack of Dinosaurs cards. You know…the short-lived puppet series from the early 1990s.
That’s the video.
You know what I just realised? She didn’t show her fucking panel. Why not? I want to learn about diversity in gaming.
Oh. It’s a separate video.
Fuck. I just randomly skipped to a section and her husband is talking about how he asked God for advice and He told him to start a “gaming” channel. Holy shit. I’ll have to do a separate video on this.