https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R884SLXCejQ
Oh. She’s playing a game that nobody has ever heard of. For the first and last time ever. On stream. For money.
Before moving on to the obscure games, why doesn’t she first play some of the classics that everybody but Erin knows and loves? “Punch-Out? I’ve never played that before.” Maybe try Punch-Out. Or Sonic the Hedgehog. Or Tetris. Or any of the many thousands of games that people in the Western world have played and enjoyed over the years?
No, she’s going to play a game that she can’t pronounce and she doesn’t even know what she’s trying to say. What exactly does Getsu Fuuma Den mean?
And she has her fucking Skeletor figure on her shitty shelves. Where are the other 14 He-Man figures?
Those shelves are just unbelievable. I’m no shelf connoisseur but I can instantly tell that those are the cheapest shelves that Ikea sells. What is this shit? These are the shitty shelves that students would get for their dorm rooms and then throw away at the end of the year. Doesn’t Mike have money? Those 14 He-Man figures literally cost more than these shelves. By a huge margin.
And she’s wearing a Ren & Stimpy shirt. Hey guys! Remember Ren & Stimpy.
Yes, I remember them. But do you? Erin was between the ages of 4 and 9 when this show was on. The target demographic for this show was probably 10 to 14 year old boys. She just missed out and she’s the wrong gender.
How many girls were possibly watching Ren & Stimpy? Girls like gross out humour? It’s just unending lies from Erin.
0:00 – One of the horntards suggested that she play the game. “It’s kind of like Castlevania.”
Fuck off. I’m so sick of this fake passion for Castlevania. She first played the game two years ago (maybe three years by now) on stream, for money. And that’s the ONLY time that she played any Castlevania game. It’s always on stream, for money. This is all she does. She never plays ANY game in her spare time.
But now she’s all about Castlevania. Having somehow avoided the series up until the age of 31.
She says that they’re remaking the game and she thinks it’s going to be on Steam.
I don’t think that Erin knows what Steam is. She’s made comments like this a few times in the past. If a game is on Steam, that makes it a PC game. Not a Steam game Steam is just the seller.
It’s like buying a game from Walmart and calling it a “Walmart game.” She doesn’t have a fucking clue.
Then she starts giving the history of this game that she never even heard of until a few days earlier. She says that it’s similar to some other game that she never played. But this other game is on her list of games that she wants to play. “I have a list of games on my phone that I want to stream and it’s right at the top.”
This is how she talks. “Playing a game” is synonymous with “Streaming a game”. Because that’s the only time when she plays games: on stream, for money.
2:00 – “There it is. There’s the sword. Just like Dragon Spirit…and I’m sure a lot of other games too.”
So tell us. What other games have an intro screen where the protagonist draws his sword? There have to be loads. Why did you choose Dragon Spirit? She must have recently played this game, on stream, for money.
What even is Dragon Spirit. Oh. A fairly obscure 1987 arcade game. Yeah. We all know about that one. But there’s no fucking guy drawing his sword here. Maybe she’s talking about another game.
2:30 – “Look at all of those heads in the background. I didn’t notice that the first time.”
So you mean, that time when you played the game for a few seconds just to see if it works? Yeah. I can imagine missing stuff in such a playthrough.
But yeah. Background stuff. We all love hearing Erin pointing out stuff in the background. It’s Joe from Gamesack’s favourite thing in the world.
You know what I haven’t heard Erin say in a while? “X looks like Y”. Did she give up on that “joke” or am I just not watching her videos enough?
3:45 – “I’m really bad at…ummm….”
Video games? Creating “content” for Youtube? Making decisions about your life?
“Not getting hit.”
Oh. So yeah. “Videos games” was correct. So maybe do something else with your life. Being a gamer grrl on Youtube isn’t for everyone.
She’s horrendous at the game, by the way.
4:30 – “I don’t know how to defeat this guy without getting hit. Maybe I’m just not beefy enough.”
Let’s look at this because it’s a good example of Erin being a total moron.
Earlier in the stream, she was saying that she doesn’t play RPGs so she doesn’t know about levelling up and whatnot. She’s concerned that she’s going to enter a cave and not be a high enough level to be able to beat the level. She describes this as being “beefy”.
Erin is in the first fucking level of the game. How does she expect to be levelled up already? Does she think that she was supposed to be grinding more on the overworld screen?
“Maybe I should just work on like not trying to defeat him.”
Erin. You’re on the first level. There’s only one way to go. You have to beat the enemies. If you can’t beat the enemies on the first level, the only solution is to turn the game off and do something else with your time.
And she’s saying all of this AFTER she beat the guy. And she didn’t even have much trouble with him. So what the fuck is she even talking about?
4:45 – “I have a lot of thoughts and concerns about this game, as you can tell.”
Yeah, totally nonsensical ones.
7:45 – Somebody mentions getting Pinball of the Dead and Typing of the Dead. Erin says that she wants to try both of those games. On stream, for money. Naturally, she hasn’t played them before.
8:00 – She talks about discontinued gum packaging that she liked. Why did she like it? Because it was a nice shade of pink. This is really interesting stuff.
9:15 – “Are those veins or trees? I don’t know.”
Mmmm…kind of an “X looks like Y” comment. But also just a tedious comment on the background.
“And I don’t know what those little squiggly sperm things are.”
That’s Joe from Gamesack busting a nut over you commenting on background shit.
9:45 – “Was that like a hornet with a dog face.”
No. No, it’s just a regular hornet type enemy. But yeah, it’s good to see that she definitely still has “X looks like Y” in her book of “jokes”. More like a pamphlet of “jokes”. Or a notecard of “jokes”.
Do they still make notecards? I’d imagine that they do. What does anyone even need them for? I only bought them for fucking speech assignments at school. But what are they actually for? Why would an adult buy them? Are many adults giving speeches? And using notecards for it?
Let me check Wikipedia.
Oh yeah. “Index card” is another name for them.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Index_card
Index cards are used for a wide range of applications and environments: in the home to record and store recipes, shopping lists, contact information and other organizational data; in business to record presentation notes, project research and notes, and contact information; in schools as flash cards or other visual aids; and in academic research to hold data such as bibliographical citations or notes
Yeah, I don’t think anyone is doing that now. And even in the past, that’s all very situational stuff.
I’m not sure what’s more boring: Erin Plays or index card discussion.
9:45 – “I don’t like this. I think we’re strong enough to get through it. I’m getting hit a lot but I’m not going to turn around. I’m too far in now to turn around.”
She hasn’t levelled up once. She’s 10 minutes into the game. And we can see her life bar. She gets hit a lot but it only takes away a tiny bit of damage.
What is she expecting? Does she think that she’s levelling up every time she hits an enemy? I don’t even understand this. Doesn’t she see her life bar? It’s fine. And where would she level up anyway? She’s only been through two levels. Does she think that she’s supposed to grind those first two levels over and over again before you can beat level 3?
10:30 – Oh this is great. Up until now, Erin has been doing her usual “keep hitting the attack button and wait for the enemy to walk into your sword” tactic. But now she’s on an enemy that doesn’t fall for that shit. So she actually has to move up and attack him when she’s in range. So she’s getting fucked up bad.
11:15 – “There’s a lot of shit about this game in the Konami-verse so I want to find out why.”
At the beginning of the stream, Erin said that she never even heard of this game until one of the horntards recently told her about it. But now she’s saying that this game is all over the “Konami-verse”. You can’t avoid it. Everybody knows about Getsu Fuuma Den, don’t they?
If it’s so popular, why did you only hear about it recently? If you’re such a hardcore Castlevania fan, why did this game pass you by?
11:30 – “I’m getting my ass kicked hard. I’m going to start encountering caves that I’m not strong enough to beat yet. This might be one of them. I don’t know.”
I just don’t get it. First of all, she’s doing poorly as usual, yes. But every time you get hit, you only lose one pixel of health. I assume that she’s on super-easy mode. So she’s doing poorly but just look at the fucking health bar. What is she so concerned about?
And she just started the game. They’re not going to put difficult levels in the first ten minutes of the game. They don’t expect you to grind for items on level 1 in order to beat level 2. She’s a fucking idiot. She doesn’t have a clue what’s going on.
12:00 – Then she died. “It starts us back here. That’s not bad.”
It started her at the beginning of the level. Where did she expect to start?
“Maybe I’m not strong enough for this.”
I’m so sick of this. It just doesn’t make any sense. SHE NEVER LEVELLED UP AT ALL! I don’t think that she understand HOW the levelling up works in this game. I don’t know how it works but I know that she hasn’t levelled up yet. And she’s on like the fourth level. They’re not going to expect you to grind the first three levels to get past level four.
Or maybe there are items that she has to get. She has to get a more powerful sword or something. Where does she expect to find this sword? She’s done everything in the first three levels already. No sword. No shops in the overworld. What the fuck does she think that she missed?
Maybe you gain new abilities when you beat a boss or something. What boss does she think that she skipped?
12:00 – “If I die again here…ummm…I’ll try to get a different route.”
THERE IS NO OTHER ROUTE. Is she fucking blind? There was only way to fucking go. She’s not missing anything. She’s on the fourth fucking level.
12:45 – “I need a better sword so I need the money.”
Where’s the shop? There was no fucking shop. She just started the game. Everything seems to be fine to me. She’s not particularly struggling. Why is she panicking like this? And what does she expect the solution will be? If she can’t get through the fourth level, she just has to turn the game off. There’s no way to level up, as far as I’m aware.
It’s not an experience-based system, I don’t think. Nowhere on the screen does it say that her character is on level 1. Maybe it’s a case of getting better weapons but there hasn’t been any shop thus far. So what is she talking about? She has to progress through the game more. With the weapon she has now. What’s the big deal?
12:45 – Hilariously bad gameplay. She just crouched and kept attacking while the enemy maintained his distance and repeatedly threw axes at her head.
13:30 – So she got through the level without that much difficulty and she’s in a shop. It’s like in Legend of Zelda where you can choose from three items. One of the items is a sword. I assume that it’s a more powerful sword than the starter sword. It costs 200 gold but she only has 179. Let’s see if she notices that she doesn’t have the money for it.
13:45 – One of the horntards mentions Baby Oompa or something. Erin says, “I know Baby Oompa. I like that game.”
She played it once. On stream, for money. And then never again.
14:15 – What should I get? I don’t have enough to get a sword yet.”
Oh my god. She actually noticed.
Then she accidentally bought something because she’s an idiot.
15:15 – “Is he throwing pickles at me?”
Ha! No, of course not, Erin. Don’t be silly. An enemy throwing pickles. Can you imagine such a thing?
This is one of those hilarious “X looks like Y” comments that I mentioned earlier. Erin loves this shit. Some of that delightful “female comedy” that’s sweeping the globe.
16:00 – Erin encounters a roadblock, can’t figure out how to get past it, so decides that she’s going to farm for money. Against enemies that repeatedly hit her. This won’t lost long.
Then she just leaves the level. What happened to her idea of farming for gold?
17:45 – Then she writes down the name of some other obscure Japanese game that nobody has heard of that one of the horntards tells her about.
“It’s not good for views but it’s like, whatever, it’s fun to play them.”
Well…then how about eschewing views entirely and playing in your spare time? You know…for fun.
18:15 – “I almost bought a Hello Kitty gumball machine from CVS a while back.”
Oh. Another fascinating story about something that Erin DIDN’T do.
And why would she want such a thing? It’s fucking garbage. A gumball machine from the drug store? It’s a toy, presumably.
19:00 – She can’t remember the name of the game.
20:30 – Erin just starts talking about Blue’s Clues out of nowhere.
That lasted about ten seconds then she moves on to a story about how she was in the store with Mike and they were going to buy a salt and pepper shaker. Mike wanted a normal one but she wanted a “cute” one.
That’s the story. Then she moves on again.
Oh. She wanted to get Blue’s Clues salt and pepper shakers because they’re “adorable”. But she didn’t get them. So another story about something that Erin DIDN’T do. She has loads of these stories.
22:45 – “If I get a Hello Kitty gumball machine, I could put it behind me. Because I have a shelf behind me now.”
Ugh. We know.
24:45 – “I should be in marketing? I almost…I was going to try to be in marketing, actually.”
Another riveting story about something that Erin DIDN’T do.
What other career paths didn’t you choose, Erin? Tell us all about them.
In some alternate universe, there’s an Erin out there with a successful career in marketing. She comes home, sets her briefcase down. “Hey guys! I’m home!” Her husband Jose greets her and their two children. Living in sunny California. She’s making $60,000/year. She never even thinks about video games. There’s no Youtube channel, none of this shit. Why would there be? She’s not interested in that. She has a fulfilling life. No need for scam Youtube channels.
Mike is happily out of the closet. Living with Tony from Hack the Movies. The boys on Reddit are very happy for them.
And Joe from Gamesack is quietly sobbing while spanking it to Retro Ali. He can’t help but feel that something just isn’t quite right.
But alas, that’s not the universe that we live in. We live in the universe where Erin thought that she could make it as a fake gamer grrl in spite of the fact that she has no experience with video games, knowledge of video games, or interest in video games. And even though it’s been years and this is clearly not working, she just keeps doing it. Polluting the internet with these garbage videos.
– “Just got home from a successful gallbladder removal surgery. Glad to see you again Erin!”
That was from telepathic animal communicator Sharon Loy. What an odd over-share.
– “Hello, what happened to your tailbone?”
Erin replies, “lol, yeah fell down the stairs. It sucked but I’m all good now :)”
I guess that she never went to the doctor about this. She just…didn’t sit down for like three weeks.