Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHkGj9eYzJs

Two hours of Erin looking at one of Mike’s Nintendo Powers.  Can this be right?  Is this all she does?  Let me skim through this…yeah, it seems to be.

This was her birthday stream.  Hey guys!  It’s my birthday!  Give me money!  Unbelievably pathetic.  

And what a weird way to go about doing it.  All you see is her hands in this video.  What about a birthday Power Pad marathon?  

It really goes to show that she can put absolutely minimum effort into this shit and people will still pay.  Not a lot of people, of course.  But some.  People are there jerking off over a hand.  Well, I suppose that’s how it usually works but I mean Erin’s hand.

0:00 – “Issue from May/June 1990”

That’s how it starts.  She cut shit out again.  And she starts the fucking video mid-sentence.  Absolute shit tier editing.

0:15 – “Man, I love Contra.  I wish it didn’t kill my hands so much.”

One lie in each sentence.  We all know what they are.  I don’t have to go over it yet again.  This video is two fucking hours.  Two fucking hours of Erin going through a 30 year old Nintendo Power, pretending to like old video games, all in an effort to wrestle every last nickel from these mentally ill losers in the chat.  

0:30 – She points to a smiley guy in an advertisement.  “So that’s what I look like right now.  Just pure joy and excitement.”

She’s being sarcastic, of course.  It’s off-putting.  Nobody asked for this.  You’re not doing anyone a favour.  You’re here to shake down the horndogs for money on your birthday.  

Birthdays are sometimes a time for reflection.  You think about what you’ve done with your life, where you’re headed, mistakes you’ve made, where you wish you would be, whatever.  So maybe Erin regrets some of her life choices.  She should.  She should regret every one of them.  She’s wasted her entire life.  

But I didn’t cause this.  Don’t sit here in this pathetic stream giving me attitude.  If you’re not happy with your life, shut down the fucking channel and go get a job like a normal person.

1:00 – “How old am I?  I am 33.  Isn’t that nuts?”

She put in her tweet where she advertised this stream and presumably on Twitch that this was a “birthday stream”.  So everybody knows.  It’s expected that you give her money on her birthday.  And people are obliging.

1:15 – “Okay, so you can do six issues or 12 issues.  They give you a little option.”

She’s reading the subscription choices for Nintendo Power.  It’s either six months or 12 months.  You know…LIKE EVERY FUCKING MAGAZINE SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME!

But Erin doesn’t know this.  Because she’s done absolutely nothing with her life.  This is all new to her.  Everything is new to her.

1:30 – “Burai Fighter?  I don’t know what Burai Fighter is but I know that that’s Dinowarz.”

She’s going through the table of contents and got excited to see Dynowarz.  She played this game briefly, on stream, for money, during a “variety stream”.  It’s the only game in this issue that she’s familiar with.  She played it for maybe five minutes in her life.  The other games: not at all.  Not for one second.  And the other games include Final Fantasy and Super C.  She never played them before.

It’s just crazy.  Why would anybody want to watch this?  It’s like watching your grandmother flip through a Nintendo Power.  “Oh, this looks cute.  This is probably fun” and you just know that she never fucking played the games before and she has absolutely no interest in that shit.  She’s just humouring you.  

Then she goes to the next page, there are some previews of upcoming games and the only one she knows is Ninja Gaiden II.  She presumably played this on stream, for money.  But she straight up says that she doesn’t know anything about the other three games on this list.  Startropics is one of the games.

I’m disappointed that she didn’t read the masthead.  She seems to be reading everything else.

4:00 – She’s reading the letters now.  “So this first one says, ‘I’ve had my Nintendo for about two years now and I have eight games.'”

That’s twice as many games as Erin had in her entire childhood.  Think about it.

I mean, eight games in two years?  That’s probably about right.  Obviously, if your parents are rolling in cash, you’d have more but I think eight games in two years is about average.  Maybe one for your birthday, one for Christmas, and you save up your allowance for another two.  This is what we did.

But not Erin.  She wasn’t interested in this shit.  And she still isn’t.  Why would she be?  She’s 33 years old and has no experience whatsoever with video games.

So anyway, the guy in the letter complains that video games are too expensive.  He saw a news story that said it only costs $5 to make a game so why do they cost $40?

Erin says, “Well, Billy you’re about to learn about the world of…ummm…(long pause)…(smacks lips)..ummm…cost…and consumerism…and how…people make money.”

CAPITALISM, YOU MORON!  That’s the word that she was thinking of.  She was trying to say something funny and/or clever and she totally blew it.  She has no charisma, no intelligence.  She’s a total waste of space.  

“So let’s see if Nintendo Power here gives little Billy his first taste of…umm…his first lesson on economics and capitalism”.

It finally came to her.  What great timing.  She’s a natural entertainer.  

Then they give a bizarre response about how people are only worth a few cents of carbon or whatever, just like how the games are only worth a few cents if you look at their components.  It’s vile.  What is Nintendo suggesting?  Eating the poor?  It’s completely de-humanising.

But Erin says, “That’s a good explanation.”  I suppose in her warped mind it would be.

6:00 – “Have I ever sent a letter to Nintendo Power or another magazine?”

Place your bets.  I’ll say…no.

She didn’t to Nintedo Power but…

6:30: “I did write into numerous music magazines and sometimes they would print my opinion and I felt really fucking cool.”

Oh great.  Tell us more.  Maybe do a video on it.  Maybe do nothing but videos on music.  That’s what you seem to like.  Video games?  No.  This is a scam.

By the way, she stops a lot to thank people for their donations.

9:00 – She’s reading a letter from some kid and he mentions that he likes books by CS Lewis.  Erin finds this funny.  She stumbled over the man’s name, by the way.  She obviously doesn’t know who it is.  She never even heard of him.  She has a degree in English.

There are two letters in this section.  It’s two kids talking about how many games they’ve beaten.  And they’ve beaten more games than Erin has.  Two 14 year old boys from 1990 have more experience with video games than Erin does.  

It’s just crazy.  Why does she do this?  Why does anybody watch?  Everybody in the chat had similar childhoods as these kids.  They all surpassed Erin’s video game knowledge when they were 14.  So why do they watch?  Why do they ask her questions as though she’s at all interested in this shit?  Can’t they tell from a mile away that she’s a fraud?  

Then she goes on to a third person.  She’s mocking all of these people.  But you know what?  That third guy has an unusual name so you can Google it.  He’s a systems administrator.  So he pissed all over Erin.  This is a man with a job.  He’s not sucking cock for Youtube promotion.  You can bet that he makes more than $250/month.

12:45 – “I wish one of these dudes had a Youtube channel.”

Too busy working.  And they wouldn’t want to humiliate themselves for peanuts.  

Then she calls Ultima “Ultimo”.  Because she’s totally unfamiliar with the game.

14:00 – He says that he works at a cherry farm and Erin says, “Oh, that’s adorable!  He’s picking cherries so that he can get his games.”

No.  There’s nothing adorable about it.  He’s working.  He’s working on a farm to make money and get some work experience.  Why don’t you try it?  

It’s fucking disgusting.  The contempt that she has for labour.  She’s sitting on her fucking ass, doing nothing with her life, and getting $250/month.  She thinks that this is the good life.  All while getting fucked in the ass by a man she doesn’t love. 

15:30 – She gets to the Final Fantasy portion of the magazine and she literally yawns.  She’s 15 minutes into this trash and she’s already bored out of her mind.  

Well, I have to say that that makes two of us.  Fuck Erin and fuck the horny losers who support her.

Speaking of which…here’s a weird one:

– “I like how the joints in your fingers bend . Being different is so cool to me”

Erin says, “I have wacky fingers.”

Shishi says, “Huh? Are you double jointed or something? D:”

The OP is literally jerking off to her hands.  “Oh, look at how those naughty joints bend.  HOT!”

Then this gives Shishi ideas.  “DOUBLE JOINTED!  OMG!  Are you like super flexible, Erin?  Can you put your legs over your head?  That would sure be funny to see.  Have you ever thought about doing that on stream?”

So happy 33rd birthday to this massive fraud.  Hopefully she gets her life together one day.