https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOU1d9sgm0g
Well…it’s either this or CannotBeEntertaining doing a boring as fuck review of a 30 year old pinball game. So let’s just get into it. It’s four minutes. How bad can it be?
0:00 – “Whatisupmydudes?”
It was actually a teeny bit slower than usual. She’s getting better.
She describes this as an “office tour”. Where exactly does she live? I mean, with her parent(s) or by herself or with a boyfriend or what? I assume her parents. Because if she had her own place or a place with a boyfriend, she probably wouldn’t have an extra room to use as an office. Plus, how would she even afford her own place? I don’t think that she works. Actually, maybe she does, now that I think of it. I seem to recall some vague reference to a job in a recent video.
Anyway, I think that she lives with her parent(s).
0:15 – Yeah, this appears to be a house. She’s on the second story of a house. I’m saying this based on there being a large tree right outside her window. If this was an apartment, it’s unlikely that there would be a large tree outside her window. And it’s unlikely that she would rent a house. So yeah, she’s living with her parent(s).
0:30 – Oh, here’s the money shot. You get to see her “rig”. Pink keyboard, pink mouse, pink compueter wallpaper, pink mousepad. Because she’s a girl! Girls like pink!
How insecure does somebody have to be to do this? Her entire persona is based on being a gamer grrl. “Hey, don’t judge me! Girls can like video games too!” Yeah. We know. We don’t care. Just get on with it. You don’t have to keep reminding us that you’re a girl.
But this is all she does. She likes the attention she receives for being a female in a “hobby” mostly enjoyed by males. And that’s it. The only thing she brings to the table is her gender. Total lack of personality. Total lack of anything interesting to say. Just, “Hey, I’m a girl. Give me money.”
0:45 – She shows her “cute” stickers on her PC. I guess that she couldn’t find a pink PC case.
1:15 – Then she shows this keyboard. But first, I want to talk about this giant keyboard/mousepad. I’ve never seen anything like this before. Wouldn’t it be better to have a normal sized mousepad? Because sometimes you have to adjust it. I guess. I don’t know. It just seems stupid to me.
Then she shows the keyboard. Razer Huntsman. Let me look this up.
It’s £150 on Amazon. I also have a Razer. Ultimate…something. Let me look this up.
Blackwidow Ultimate. I bought it like seven years ago. It was £115. They still sell it. It’s £130 now. But this new version is slightly different to mine. It lights up in a bunch of different colours now, which is awesome. You need a keyboard that lights up and the more colours, the better. That’s how you get your “gaming” edge.
But noticeably absent in this version are the macro keys. In my vintage Razer “gaming” keyboard, there are five macro keys. And you’re able to assign a series of button presses to these macro keys. So useful for…I don’t know…”gaming” situations where you have to press different buttons in sequence. I…guess that this is useful. I don’t know.
I have no way of knowing because in order to program this shit, you need to install Razer’s software on your computer. And I’ve tried this. Three times. What does Razer’s software do? It bricks your keyboard. What a fantastic piece of machinery this is. So I never used these macro keys, which, really, were the only possible “gaming” feature on the fucking keyboard. And then they got rid of it in the next fucking model of the keyboard.
So right there is when I decided that I’m not buying any Razer shit ever again. Software that bricks the keyboard. Brilliant. Took fucking hours to get it working again.
And this is for children. I just wanted a nice clicky keyboard because I type a lot and…I don’t know…I read that clicky keyboards are better for typing than smooshy keyboards. Whether or not that’s true, I have no idea. So now I have this ridiculous keyboard aimed at adolescent boys. And it hasn’t helped my “gaming” one iota.
She also has a pink Razer Basilisk mouse. £65. It looks okay, I guess. Some of Razer’s mice look completely ridiculous.
But I’ve got Ali beat. *Vintage* G9 “Gaming” Mouse. I paid £50 over ten years ago. Long discontinued. I’ve bought about three replacement cords over the years but otherwise, it’s still going strong. Adjustable weights. On the fly DPI changing. Replaceable shells. Can’t do any of this with that Razer piece of shit.
People are still clamouring for this mouse. £250 on Ebay. They achieved mouse perfection in 2008. It’s been a regression ever since. But it’s not pink so there’s that.
1:30 – She shows that Pac-Man mini arcade machine that she got and some little CRT. Because real “gamers” play games on shitty tvs. I’m so *nostalgic* for shitty tvs.
2:00 – Then she shows her…game collection. I guess. She only has a few games and they’re all Pokemon. So I don’t know if this is it or just her Pokemon shit or what.
And Pokemon plush novelties.
2:15 – Pokemon and Sailor Moon statues and whatnot.
Also, more games but…not many. Can this possibly be all that she has? I mean, I don’t give a shit. There’s no reason for anyone to have any physical games these days but this is…not much stuff. And she seems to buy a fair amount of games according to her “pickups” videos.
So that’s it. I don’t know. At what age does this become embarrassing? A large Pokemon collection.
Let’s not even look at the Pokemon aspect because realistically, a large Pokemon collection is embarrassing at any age.
But a large collection of video games and toys. I mean, I would collect toys and whatever as a kid. And I probably continued that longer than I should have. But I probably stopped buying toys when I was like 15 or 16.
An adult doing this? It’s fine to have an interest in something, it’s fine to collect something but I don’t know. This isn’t exactly a home museum for rare toys. This is just cheap shit for display purposes.
If you want to collect something, how about something more mature? I don’t know. Fucking Precious Moments figures used to be big. These were clearly aimed at adults but I don’t know…kind of childish still. And sort of the Beanie Babies of their day. That shit isn’t worth anything today.
What about China? You can collect plates and shit. Decorative plates and figures and whatever. Or glassware. That would be something and if it’s high quality it might even go up in value.
Disney memorabilia. Loads of that shit, of course.
Maybe film props or something.
Animation cells.
Silverware.
If you’re on a tight budget, you can collect magnets. Or mugs. Or key chains. None of this is going to go up in value but it would give you something to do and to categorise and whatever and it would be less embarrassing than collecting just random toys and video games.