Gamer Girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8j2tOh_-tgk

I’m going to try to do this differently.  With these Erin streams, I rarely make it past the ten minute mark because I want to remark on every time she talks about colours or background shit or says that something is cute and every time she plays the game poorly and whatever.  I can’t do that.  We’re never going to get through 90 minutes of this shit if I do that.  So I’m just going to try to watch it and only time stamp stuff that’s egregious even by Erin’s standards.  So just assume that she makes the usual inane commentary and exhibits the typical horrendous gameplay abilities throughout.

0:00 – Well, that didn’t last long but she’s talking about storms and power issues and that’s why she hasn’t streamed in a while.  What the fuck?  Are there storms?  She’s talking about the WEATHER now.  Local weather.  And this isn’t some kind of national emergency.

And what’s crazy is that she assumes that we all know about this.  We all know about New Jersey/Pennsylvania weather.

Well, here’s a semi-interesting anecdote from me.  Yeah, there used to be bad storms in the US.  I lived on the “East Coast” and I lived in the Midwest.  And sometimes the power would go out.  It wasn’t even that infrequent.

But I haven’t experienced this at all since moving to the UK.  One factor is that they don’t get bad thunderstorms here.  When it rains, it’s just usually like a mist.  It’s not the large drops that one finds the US where as soon as you leave your home, you’re soaked.  Also, I don’t recall ever hearing thunder or seeing lightning in the UK.

I may have over-sold that story.  It wasn’t interesting at all.

I’m five minutes in.  I can’t do this.  I’m trying to just have it on as background noise but she’s just so fucking boring.

And she’s wearing a sleeveless dress or maybe it’s just a top.  Views must be down.  So you get a reasonably good look at that horrible ice cream/candy canes tattoo.  Whatever it is.  I’ll try to press on.

She has no clue how to play the game, by the way.  She never played it before.  Of course.

Mike was actually promoting this stream in one of his streams.  He does this a lot.  “Go check out Erin’s stream.”  He’ll even tell his viewers to stop watching him and go watch Erin’s shit streams.  Such is his level of desperation to promote Erin’s channel.

I mean, he’s fucked.  He promised Erin fame and fortune in exchange for butt sex.  “You’re going to be the female AVGN!”  It’s a promise that he can’t possibly deliver on.  She has no charisma, no experience with video games, no knowledge about video games, and no interest in video games.  No amount of promotion can possibly overcome this.

As soon as this reality hits home, she’s moving back in with her parents in California.  And he knows it.  That’s why he’s constantly promoting her, that’s why he’s promising her cars, that’s why he’s showering her with gifts.  It’s some sad, desperate shit.  And baffling.  ERIN?  He’s doing all of this for fucking ERIN.

I’m reminded of a scene that I saw.  There was a young, reasonably good looking guy waiting outside of the grocery store with his obese girlfriend.  The girlfriend was smoking.  She can’t go in the shop while she’s smoking.  And what she needs are tampons.  So she’s explaining to the guy the exact type of tampons that she needs.  The guy doesn’t have a fucking clue.  But he agrees to go in and look for the tampons.

Are you fucking kidding me?  Put the cigarette out, you fat bitch, and go get your own tampons.  But some guys are so pussified that they’re willing to go out with ANY woman even if it’s some fucking chain-smoking mastodon.  And they will endure any humiliation.  “Oh, you want me to buy tampons?  No problem, honey.  Oh, you want me to aggressively promote your god awful Youtube channel?  Anything for you, baby.”

Hey, guys, there are other women out there.  And you can do a whole lot better than this.

God, Erin is just so bad at this game.  She sits there and waits for enemies to approach her and keeps mashing the attack button.  But the enemies stop just outside of reach.  They’ve obviously been programmed this way to prevent exactly this type of shit-tier gameplay.  But Erin continues with this tactic and doesn’t seem to get why it’s not working.

Oh fuck.  This is has been the longest 11 minutes of my life.  I need a break to re-cooperate.  Eat a sandwich, maybe watch something halfway decent on Youtube to cleanse the palette and come back to this dreck.

Alright, I’m back.  Let me just check the comments first.  Oh, Shishi left a comment.

– “Thanks for uploading this right away I missed most of the stream D:”

Wow.  You know it’s bad when not even Shishi could watch this shit.

Let’s set a goal for myself.  Make it to the 20 minute mark.  I can do that.  Only 8 minutes and 43 seconds to go.

I can’t.  14 minutes and 50 seconds.  I’m done.  This is BORING AS FUCK!

Let me just skip around for a bit.

Oh.  At 20:45, she puts a jacket on.  And she blames this on her consumption of “ice cold water.”

Ummm…am I crazy or does it not work that way?  Drinking something cold doesn’t make YOU cold.  Right?  Maybe it’s just me.

22:00 – She starts talking about the storms again.  And then says, “Since moving to the East Coast, I’ve noticed my allergies go out of control.”

It’s just so terrible.  Even if it were true, WHICH IT ISN’T, nobody wants to fucking hear this.  Keep your fucking medical problems to yourself.

Then it’s back to the thunderstorm.  “Luckily we didn’t have it any worse because I know some people had damage.  We just had power issues.”

Let me look this up.  Maybe it just didn’t make the international press.

“Tropical Storm Isaias Blows Into New Jersey, Packing Tornadoes And Powerful Winds”

Well, whatever.

22:30 – Then back to her “allergies”.  “I’m allergic to everything in nature, basically.”

Okay, fantastic.  Go to a doctor.  They have treatments for this.  What’s the fucking problem?

Or you can just get shit over the counter.  This is extremely common.  Many people have allergies.  They don’t just go on Twitch and complain about it.  They actually attempt to resolve the problem.

“Thank you so much NewWaveJunkie for subscribing for 24 months.”

There must be something seriously wrong with these people.

1:21:30 – She takes her jacket off.  “Now I’m getting hot again because of the stress.”

Oh.  I was about to guess that it was because she drank something hot.  But no.  Stress makes Erin hot.  It’s an interesting physiology.  Perhaps unique in all of humanity.

Anyway, that’s the video.  Sergio was helping her with a lot of the game.  Or trying to.  She’s shit at the game, of course.  Sergio lives in Argentina and seems to be in every stream.  I’d like to find out more but his Twitch profile is blank.

Erin’s next stream is Boogerman.  I will not be doing that one.

Let me check out her boring as fuck Twitter.

https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1292879710280732674

“I didn’t get the Mario legos, but she did! Check out her unboxing and build video”