https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTA99ZwaF5I
I was actually able to get through it. And now I have to get through it again for review purposes because NOBODY IS UPLOADING.
Madam Fomo is posting loads of “black lives matter” shit on her Twitter, though. I’m just going to say it. Madam Fomo is not black. Anyway, at least it’s a change from her boring as fuck TikTok shit that she usually puts on Twitter.
Oh, she’s also apparently moving. She’s moving out of New York, allegedly. That’s as much information as she’s given. But with her, it’s all bullshit anyway.
So James Rolfe. The Autistic Film Curator. Let’s get to it.
1:15 – Kieran and Justin are in the usual Screenwave studio but James decides to stay home. How much longer can he use this excuse? Is he genuinely afraid of getting coronavirus? Is anyone? I suppose you see people out there with masks and gloves and whatever. Fucking lunatics.
3:45 – Kieran shows off his GI Joe DVD box set.
Kieran: It comes in this really cool footlocker.
James: Is that like a fishing bait ummm…or like…
Kieran: Tackle box?
James: Yeah, tackle box.
Kieran: No, it’s supposed to be like a military footlocker.
Yeah. Like he just fucking said. James doesn’t know what a footlocker is. Now, I’m not a military buff by any means but I know what a footlocker is. And when somebody is talking about a military-themed cartoon, I know that…it’s a footlocker and not a tackle box.
4:30 – Kieran shows off his Cobra tattoo. I don’t know. It’s obviously nerdy as fuck and no woman on earth is going to be impressed with that…indeed, most will run a mile in the opposite direction upon learning of that. But…as nerd shit goes….they did have that insignia on their arms, didn’t they? On the uniform, anyway. So…I can appreciate the sort of accuracy to the toy line. I guess.
5:00 – Justin tries to include Jimmy Rolfe in the conversation. It’s like how you talk to a shy child. “James, do you like GI Joe this much?”
James barely even heard of GI Joe.
“It’s just that I had so many other things that I was…occupied with.”
He was about to say he had no time but then remembered the internet “meme”.
People are into different shit, I guess. Well, James was literally into shit. But yeah, I suppose that you kind of had to choose a toy line to follow. I had a lot of GI Joes but I didn’t get any He-Man shit, for example. Even as a kid, I found that toy line vaguely homoerotic. Even though I didn’t know what homoeroticism was. But, you know, all of those grossly muscular characters. They might have even had nipples. They’re wearing tiny little outfits. No thanks.
8:00 – Then they start talking about the movie.
14:00 – I just noticed that James put his hat on his computer. And he seems to have more hair. Is this a wig?
15:30 – They laugh at some machine in this movie called the BET. Presumably, because it’s also the acronym for Black Entertainment Television. Pretty childish and borderline racist but whatever.
19:45 – Kieran talks about how the Cobra line of toys were largely “troop builders”. I guess that’s sort of true. They did have a lot of different types of generic troop characters.
But was anyone really buying these things in bulk? “Mommy! I want ten Cobra Officer figures.”
I’ve heard this before in terms of Star Wars Stormtrooper Lego mini figures. But I’ve never seen this in person.
I had one of these trooper characters. So I had one Cobra Officer, one whatever, Motor Viper, and so on.
Who were these rich assholes and/or morons who were buying more than one of these figures? You can get ten individual figures of different characters or ten of the same figure. Give me ten TMNT foot soldier characters.
If this was really happening, this would imply that these trooper characters were produced in greater quantities than the named characters. There’s no way. I remember seeing production numbers of some WWF toys and it was something like 500,000 Hulk Hogans, 200,000 Ultimate Warriors, and 10,000 Honky Tonk Mans. It’s the most popular characters who get the lionshare of the production and thus the less popular characters are more rare.
You wouldn’t go to the fucking store and walk out with an armful of Crimson Guards. The store wouldn’t even have that many on the shelf. You only bought these generic characters when there was absolutely no other choice or there was just some fucking gay character like Chuckles or something.
22:45 – James is surprised that the main character is Duke. “You know who I thought the main character was up until now? Joe.”
Another autistic comment from James. People with autism have difficulty with language and taking things literally and they get these hang ups.
24_00 – Here’s another one. “Nemesis Enforcer is such a bad ass name that it doesn’t really make sense. Like what? You’re enforcing nemesis?”
Yeah. I’m going to take James to Las Vegas some day and really make some money.
25:30 – They complain about the small wing span of the first Nemesis Enforcer toy. I had the toy and didn’t mind it. I didn’t watch the movie, though so I didn’t have any preconceived ideas of what the character should look like.
Then Kieran mentions the “weird tentacles” backpack for the character. I just viewed these as like insect wings but no. I looked this up just a few months ago. I don’t know why I was looking up GI Joe shit. But this is actually supposed to be like a weapon. You’re supposed to place this on your enemy and wrap them up in the tentacles. I guess that the character shoots this out of…somewhere. I wouldn’t want to speculate.
27:30 – Justin suggests that Roadblock is “like their Mr T”. Based on what? The fact that they’re both black. Another borderline racist comment. At least Kieran wasn’t really going for it.
Also, every time James talks, it’s after a quick edit. This is obviously because he needs time to think. He’s not having an organic conversation. He’s incapable of that. He needs to check his notes and then make a prepared statement.
30:30 – So they’re talking about Sgt Slaughter and the dispute between him and WWF over this GI Joe business proposal. Kieran says, “Sgt Slaughter is a real marine too, I think.”
No. There was a recent controversy where Sgt Slaughter was “called out” for never having served in the military, despite his claims to the contrary. It’s obviously him staying in character but wrestlers today don’t really do that so it leads to misunderstanding.
Indeed, Dave Schultz called Sgt Slaughter out on his alleged military service way back in a 1984 promo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFfk0nWb_Ek
“I never seen a soldier in my life, while I was in Vietnam, wearing steel-toed combat boots, you idiot. It rains there.”
The double irony is that Dave Schultz never served in the military either.
33:45 – Justin says, “Why do the good guys shoot red lazers and the bad guys shoot blue lazers. You would assume that the good guys would shoot the blue.”
I heard this and I thought, “Holy shit. What the fuck is he talking about?” But no. Everyone runs with it.
Kieran says, “I always thought that was kind of weird too.”
WHY? According to Kieran, “It’s because of the Cold War”. “Blue is the good and…” then he realises that it’s the opposite of what’s shown in the cartoon.
Then James’ Autism Sense is tingling and he says, “Wasn’t it the Red Army? Don’t quote me on this.”
What a fucking doofus. But putting James’ knowledge of history to one side (I guess they didn’t teach history in special education), this is another autistic fixation on words. He probably thinks that the soldiers were literally red in colour. An army of red-skinned men.
Anyway, the whole discussion makes no fucking sense and nothing gets resolved. What the fuck makes red inherently evil and blue inherently good? Why would anybody even think that?
Then the video ends with another quick edit for James to read from his script. “Now I know a little more about GI Joe and knowing is half the battle!” Just like in the cartoon! The cartoon that James repeatedly said he had no knowledge of.
Anyway, it’s bizarre for grown men to be remotely interested in this. I remember watching the cartoon as a young child. I had to be…eight? Something like this. And I discussed with a friend how I didn’t much care for the show because it was too predictable and formulaic. I didn’t use those words, of course, but I said that I would have liked to see the bad guys win sometimes. Why does it always have to be the good guys? Give us some drama and some realism.
I stand by that. And even as an eight year old, I was having more interesting discussions about the show than these guys. “Why are the good guys shooting red lazers”? What the fuck? Anyway, by the time I was nine, I was no longer talking about GI Joe.
So Rental Reviews. I watched it. I watched it twice. So it couldn’t have been that bad. A lot of these recent Rental Reviews, I couldn’t get through. But whatever. This one was okay, I guess. Rain Man was completely useless as usual, though.