Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R884SLXCejQ

Oh.  She’s playing a game that nobody has ever heard of.  For the first and last time ever.  On stream.  For money.

Before moving on to the obscure games, why doesn’t she first play some of the classics that everybody but Erin knows and loves?  “Punch-Out?  I’ve never played that before.”  Maybe try Punch-Out.  Or Sonic the Hedgehog.  Or Tetris.  Or any of the many thousands of games that people in the Western world have played and enjoyed over the years?  

No, she’s going to play a game that she can’t pronounce and she doesn’t even know what she’s trying to say.  What exactly does Getsu Fuuma Den mean?  

And she has her fucking Skeletor figure on her shitty shelves.  Where are the other 14 He-Man figures?  

Those shelves are just unbelievable.  I’m no shelf connoisseur but I can instantly tell that those are the cheapest shelves that Ikea sells.  What is this shit?  These are the shitty shelves that students would get for their dorm rooms and then throw away at the end of the year.  Doesn’t Mike have money?  Those 14 He-Man figures literally cost more than these shelves.  By a huge margin.  

And she’s wearing a Ren & Stimpy shirt.  Hey guys!  Remember Ren & Stimpy.

Yes, I remember them.  But do you?  Erin was between the ages of 4 and 9 when this show was on.  The target demographic for this show was probably 10 to 14 year old boys.  She just missed out and she’s the wrong gender.

How many girls were possibly watching Ren & Stimpy?  Girls like gross out humour?  It’s just unending lies from Erin.

0:00 – One of the horntards suggested that she play the game.  “It’s kind of like Castlevania.”

Fuck off.  I’m so sick of this fake passion for Castlevania.  She first played the game two years ago (maybe three years by now) on stream, for money.  And that’s the ONLY time that she played any Castlevania game.  It’s always on stream, for money.  This is all she does.  She never plays ANY game in her spare time.

But now she’s all about Castlevania.  Having somehow avoided the series up until the age of 31.  

She says that they’re remaking the game and she thinks it’s going to be on Steam.

I don’t think that Erin knows what Steam is.  She’s made comments like this a few times in the past.  If a game is on Steam, that makes it a PC game.  Not a Steam game  Steam is just the seller.  

It’s like buying a game from Walmart and calling it a “Walmart game.”  She doesn’t have a fucking clue.

Then she starts giving the history of this game that she never even heard of until a few days earlier.  She says that it’s similar to some other game that she never played.  But this other game is on her list of games that she wants to play.  “I have a list of games on my phone that I want to stream and it’s right at the top.”

This is how she talks.  “Playing a game” is synonymous with “Streaming a game”.  Because that’s the only time when she plays games: on stream, for money.

2:00 – “There it is.  There’s the sword.  Just like Dragon Spirit…and I’m sure a lot of other games too.”

So tell us.  What other games have an intro screen where the protagonist draws his sword?  There have to be loads.  Why did you choose Dragon Spirit?  She must have recently played this game, on stream, for money.

What even is Dragon Spirit.  Oh.  A fairly obscure 1987 arcade game.  Yeah.  We all know about that one.  But there’s no fucking guy drawing his sword here.  Maybe she’s talking about another game.

2:30 – “Look at all of those heads in the background.  I didn’t notice that the first time.”

So you mean, that time when you played the game for a few seconds just to see if it works?  Yeah.  I can imagine missing stuff in such a playthrough.

But yeah.  Background stuff.  We all love hearing Erin pointing out stuff in the background.  It’s Joe from Gamesack’s favourite thing in the world.  

You know what I haven’t heard Erin say in a while?  “X looks like Y”.  Did she give up on that “joke” or am I just not watching her videos enough?

3:45 – “I’m really bad at…ummm….”

Video games?  Creating “content” for Youtube?  Making decisions about your life?  

“Not getting hit.”

Oh.  So yeah.  “Videos games” was correct.  So maybe do something else with your life.  Being a gamer grrl on Youtube isn’t for everyone.

She’s horrendous at the game, by the way.

4:30 – “I don’t know how to defeat this guy without getting hit.  Maybe I’m just not beefy enough.”

Let’s look at this because it’s a good example of Erin being a total moron.

Earlier in the stream, she was saying that she doesn’t play RPGs so she doesn’t know about levelling up and whatnot.  She’s concerned that she’s going to enter a cave and not be a high enough level to be able to beat the level.  She describes this as being “beefy”.  

Erin is in the first fucking level of the game.  How does she expect to be levelled up already?  Does she think that she was supposed to be grinding more on the overworld screen?  

“Maybe I should just work on like not trying to defeat him.”

Erin.  You’re on the first level.  There’s only one way to go.  You have to beat the enemies.  If you can’t beat the enemies on the first level, the only solution is to turn the game off and do something else with your time.

And she’s saying all of this AFTER she beat the guy.  And she didn’t even have much trouble with him.  So what the fuck is she even talking about? 

4:45 – “I have a lot of thoughts and concerns about this game, as you can tell.”

Yeah, totally nonsensical ones.

7:45 – Somebody mentions getting Pinball of the Dead and Typing of the Dead.  Erin says that she wants to try both of those games.  On stream, for money.  Naturally, she hasn’t played them before.

8:00 – She talks about discontinued gum packaging that she liked.  Why did she like it?  Because it was a nice shade of pink.  This is really interesting stuff.

9:15 – “Are those veins or trees?  I don’t know.”

Mmmm…kind of an “X looks like Y” comment.  But also just a tedious comment on the background.  

“And I don’t know what those little squiggly sperm things are.”

That’s Joe from Gamesack busting a nut over you commenting on background shit.

9:45 – “Was that like a hornet with a dog face.”

No.  No, it’s just a regular hornet type enemy.  But yeah, it’s good to see that she definitely still has “X looks like Y” in her book of “jokes”.  More like a pamphlet of “jokes”.  Or a notecard of “jokes”.

Do they still make notecards?  I’d imagine that they do.  What does anyone even need them for?  I only bought them for fucking speech assignments at school.  But what are they actually for?  Why would an adult buy them?  Are many adults giving speeches?  And using notecards for it?

Let me check Wikipedia.

Oh yeah.  “Index card” is another name for them.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Index_card

Index cards are used for a wide range of applications and environments: in the home to record and store recipes, shopping lists, contact information and other organizational data; in business to record presentation notes, project research and notes, and contact information; in schools as flash cards or other visual aids; and in academic research to hold data such as bibliographical citations or notes

Yeah, I don’t think anyone is doing that now.  And even in the past, that’s all very situational stuff.  

I’m not sure what’s more boring: Erin Plays or index card discussion.

9:45 – “I don’t like this.  I think we’re strong enough to get through it.  I’m getting hit a lot but I’m not going to turn around.  I’m too far in now to turn around.”

She hasn’t levelled up once.  She’s 10 minutes into the game.  And we can see her life bar.  She gets hit a lot but it only takes away a tiny bit of damage.  

What is she expecting?  Does she think that she’s levelling up every time she hits an enemy?  I don’t even understand this.  Doesn’t she see her life bar?  It’s fine.  And where would she level up anyway?  She’s only been through two levels.  Does she think that she’s supposed to grind those first two levels over and over again before you can beat level 3?  

10:30 – Oh this is great.  Up until now, Erin has been doing her usual “keep hitting the attack button and wait for the enemy to walk into your sword” tactic.  But now she’s on an enemy that doesn’t fall for that shit.  So she actually has to move up and attack him when she’s in range.  So she’s getting fucked up bad.

11:15 – “There’s a lot of shit about this game in the Konami-verse so I want to find out why.”

At the beginning of the stream, Erin said that she never even heard of this game until one of the horntards recently told her about it.  But now she’s saying that this game is all over the “Konami-verse”.  You can’t avoid it.  Everybody knows about Getsu Fuuma Den, don’t they?

If it’s so popular, why did you only hear about it recently?  If you’re such a hardcore Castlevania fan, why did this game pass you by?

11:30 – “I’m getting my ass kicked hard.  I’m going to start encountering caves that I’m not strong enough to beat yet.  This might be one of them.  I don’t know.”

I just don’t get it.  First of all, she’s doing poorly as usual, yes.  But every time you get hit, you only lose one pixel of health.  I assume that she’s on super-easy mode.  So she’s doing poorly but just look at the fucking health bar.  What is she so concerned about?  

And she just started the game.  They’re not going to put difficult levels in the first ten minutes of the game.  They don’t expect you to grind for items on level 1 in order to beat level 2.  She’s a fucking idiot.  She doesn’t have a clue what’s going on.

12:00 – Then she died.  “It starts us back here.  That’s not bad.”

It started her at the beginning of the level.  Where did she expect to start?

“Maybe I’m not strong enough for this.”

I’m so sick of this.  It just doesn’t make any sense.  SHE NEVER LEVELLED UP AT ALL!  I don’t think that she understand HOW the levelling up works in this game.  I don’t know how it works but I know that she hasn’t levelled up yet.  And she’s on like the fourth level.  They’re not going to expect you to grind the first three levels to get past level four.  

Or maybe there are items that she has to get.  She has to get a more powerful sword or something.  Where does she expect to find this sword?  She’s done everything in the first three levels already.   No sword.  No shops in the overworld.  What the fuck does she think that she missed?  

Maybe you gain new abilities when you beat a boss or something.  What boss does she think that she skipped?

12:00 – “If I die again here…ummm…I’ll try to get a different route.”

THERE IS NO OTHER ROUTE.  Is she fucking blind?  There was only way to fucking go.  She’s not missing anything.  She’s on the fourth fucking level.

12:45 – “I need a better sword so I need the money.”

Where’s the shop?  There was no fucking shop.  She just started the game.  Everything seems to be fine to me.  She’s not particularly struggling.  Why is she panicking like this?  And what does she expect the solution will be?   If she can’t get through the fourth level, she just has to turn the game off.  There’s no way to level up, as far as I’m aware.

It’s not an experience-based system, I don’t think.  Nowhere on the screen does it say that her character is on level 1.  Maybe it’s a case of getting better weapons but there hasn’t been any shop thus far.  So what is she talking about?  She has to progress through the game more.  With the weapon she has now.  What’s the big deal?

12:45 – Hilariously bad gameplay.  She just crouched and kept attacking while the enemy maintained his distance and repeatedly threw axes at her head.

13:30 – So she got through the level without that much difficulty and she’s in a shop.  It’s like in Legend of Zelda where you can choose from three items.  One of the items is a sword.  I assume that it’s a more powerful sword than the starter sword.  It costs 200 gold but she only has 179.  Let’s see if she notices that she doesn’t have the money for it.

13:45 – One of the horntards mentions Baby Oompa or something.  Erin says, “I know Baby Oompa.  I like that game.”

She played it once.  On stream, for money.  And then never again.

14:15 – What should I get?  I don’t have enough to get a sword yet.”

Oh my god.  She actually noticed.  

Then she accidentally bought something because she’s an idiot.

15:15 – “Is he throwing pickles at me?”

Ha!  No, of course not, Erin.  Don’t be silly.  An enemy throwing pickles.  Can you imagine such a thing?  

This is one of those hilarious “X looks like Y” comments that I mentioned earlier.  Erin loves this shit.  Some of that delightful “female comedy” that’s sweeping the globe.  

16:00 – Erin encounters a roadblock, can’t figure out how to get past it, so decides that she’s going to farm for money.  Against enemies that repeatedly hit her.  This won’t lost long.

 Then she just leaves the level.  What happened to her idea of farming for gold?

17:45 – Then she writes down the name of some other obscure Japanese game that nobody has heard of that one of the horntards tells her about.

“It’s not good for views but it’s like, whatever, it’s fun to play them.”

Well…then how about eschewing views entirely and playing in your spare time?   You know…for fun.

18:15 – “I almost bought a Hello Kitty gumball machine from CVS a while back.”

Oh.  Another fascinating story about something that Erin DIDN’T do.

And why would she want such a thing?  It’s fucking garbage.  A gumball machine from the drug store?  It’s a toy, presumably.  

19:00 – She can’t remember the name of the game.

20:30 – Erin just starts talking about Blue’s Clues out of nowhere.  

That lasted about ten seconds then she moves on to a story about how she was in the store with Mike and they were going to buy a salt and pepper shaker.  Mike wanted a normal one but she wanted a “cute” one.

That’s the story.  Then she moves on again.

Oh.  She wanted to get Blue’s Clues salt and pepper shakers because they’re “adorable”.  But she didn’t get them.  So another story about something that Erin DIDN’T do.  She has loads of these stories.

22:45 – “If I get a Hello Kitty gumball machine, I could put it behind me.  Because I have a shelf behind me now.”

Ugh.  We know.  

24:45 – “I should be in marketing?  I almost…I was going to try to be in marketing, actually.”

Another riveting story about something that Erin DIDN’T do.  

What other career paths didn’t you choose, Erin?  Tell us all about them.  

In some alternate universe, there’s an Erin out there with a successful career in marketing.  She comes home, sets her briefcase down.  “Hey guys!  I’m home!”  Her husband Jose greets her and their two children.  Living in sunny California.  She’s making $60,000/year.  She never even thinks about video games.  There’s no Youtube channel, none of this shit.  Why would there be?  She’s not interested in that.  She has a fulfilling life.  No need for scam Youtube channels.

Mike is happily out of the closet.  Living with Tony from Hack the Movies.  The boys on Reddit are very happy for them.

And Joe from Gamesack is quietly sobbing while spanking it to Retro Ali.  He can’t help but feel that something just isn’t quite right.

But alas, that’s not the universe that we live in.  We live in the universe where Erin thought that she could make it as a fake gamer grrl in spite of the fact that she has no experience with video games, knowledge of video games, or interest in video games.  And even though it’s been years and this is clearly not working, she just keeps doing it.  Polluting the internet with these garbage videos.

– “Just got home from a successful gallbladder removal surgery. Glad to see you again Erin!”

That was from telepathic animal communicator Sharon Loy.  What an odd over-share.  

– “Hello, what happened to your tailbone?”

Erin replies, “lol, yeah fell down the stairs. It sucked but I’m all good now :)”

I guess that she never went to the doctor about this.  She just…didn’t sit down for like three weeks.

vm.tiktok.com/ZMe9dFG5U/

“Did you know that there were over 20 Sailor Moon video games?”

Erin, I don’t think that this is what TikTok is for.  I think that it’s for singing and dancing or “memes” or something.  And I think that you’re a bit too old for this.

It reminds me of Mike promoting his Instagram.  And it’s just pictures of video games.  No.  Instagram is for posting sexy pictures of yourself.  Don’t be bashful, Mike.  

Or just don’t use the platforms.  I mean, what the fuck?  Who is going to go to TikTok to watch Erin’s awkward as fuck videos about video games?  We can see them on Youtube.  And I don’t even know why people are watching them there.

It’s just one terrible decision after another with Erin.  The problem isn’t that you’re not on enough platforms.  The problem is that your “content” is god awful.  Focus on that.  Focus on making GOOD content.  Then maybe people will start watching your videos.  

No, she’s just going to pollute every platform that she can find with her trash.  

Oh yeah, and she’s also on Instagram.  So what’s on there?  This TikTok video and screenshots of her Youtube videos’ thumbnails.

Why would anybody want to see this?  If we’re interested in your videos, we’ll subscribe to your Youtube channel.  Instagram is to show the world what a hot babe you are.  Put on some sexy dresses and take pictures in your bathroom.

It reminds me, I downloaded a dating app recently what with the “global pandemic” being over now.  I guess.  

A lot of women will include their Instagram profile.  So there will be like 20 pictures of them in the bathroom.  Some of these women just give their Instagram username.  They want you to “follow” them or something.  This is important to these women who use Instagram.  They’re really concerned about having a lot of “followers” for some reason.

All of these women should be banned from these dating apps.  They’re just using it to promote their stupid fucking Instagram that nobody cares about.

I had a match the other day.  Probably about 230 pounds, jacked up teeth, but a professional job.  That’s typically the sorts of matches that I get.  Big fat chicks with professional jobs.  

This is why back in the day, before pictures were common, I used to specifically look for Asian women.  Because how many Asian women are fat?  Not many.

So I met up with a lot of painfully unattractive Asian women who had professional jobs.  I mean…true, they were rarely fat so my plan was good in that regard but…really unattractive.  Maybe fat white chicks would have been better.  I don’t know.

Anyway, that fat chick who I mentioned didn’t message me.  That’s another depressing thing about internet dating.  It’s one thing to only get matched with obese and/or really unattractive women but it’s a whole other thing when these same women say, “I can do better.”

They’re delusional.  They’ll never find anyone to meet their insanely out of touch standards.  I’ve seen this many, many times.  They just end up alone.

Oh, look at this.  Just opened the app and the first woman here has a picture of her in a sexy dress in the bathroom.  I didn’t plan this.  It’s a black chick, she’s wearing a low-cut dress, about 9 inches of cleavage, and she’s in a bathroom.  It’s a pretty nice bathroom, actually.  Nice big mirror.  That’s obviously why she took the picture there.  Or maybe she just got done taking a big dump and was feeling slim.

Ooh.  5’11 “Yankee”.  She’s from fabulous New York City.  Wow.  That’s everyone’s favourite city.  She uses the word “banter” because she’s in the UK now and she wants to…I don’t know…adopt the local vernacular.  Guv’nor.

Ooh.  Second picture is also in the bathroom but an even more low-cut top.  

She uses the word “banter” again…

And her remaining pictures are weird selfies of her face, obviously taken by her, and they show that she’s a big fat chick.  

So…do I like or dislike?  Well, obviously like.  This woman has it all.

Next profile is a 19 year old, blank profile, and five close up pictures of her face, obviously taken by herself, and they all look identical.  We have to “like” her.  She put so much work into her profile, after all.

Next we have a 31 year old “team leader”.  Probably…300 pounds?  Something like this.  

Career girl
Family girl
Bad girl
Good girl
Attracting someone kind of special

Yeah.  It would be somebody…no, I’m not going to finish that sentence.  I’m going to have to dislike, though.  I’m sorry.  I have my limits.

Ooh.  29 year old slim woman.  How much do you want to bet that she has children?

Ding ding ding!  We have a winner!  Two children.

If a woman is even remotely attractive on these things, she has children.

It’s a no for me.

Next is a hideous 29 year old woman with no profile.  

This is how it is.  These women, no matter how unattractive, no matter how overweight, no matter how little effort they put into their profiles, no matter how many children they have, they’re getting matches.  LOADS of them.  More than they know what to do with.  

But I’m passing on this lazy uggo and thereby maintaining my alpha status.

Next is a 19 year old student.  She has some creative pictures.  Chubby but reasonably attractive woman.  I’ll swipe right.  You never know.  Live in hope.

Next up, 33 year old woman, blank profile, maybe a 3/10 in appearance.  But she’s not overweight at least.  She’s a keeper.

Then there’s a 30 year old student (aka “unemployed” at that age), not a looker, but she gives her Instagram profile.  So…even if you don’t match with her, she still wants you to follow her on Instagram.  Indeed, that’s the whole reason that she’s on the app.  She just wants Instagram followers.  And who wouldn’t want to see a bunch of pictures of a well-below average looking 30 year old woman?   

That’s a marginal “like”..

Next we have an absolutely corpulent woman with one picture and a blank profile.  Pass.

Oh.  Hold your cards.  We might have a bingo.

25 years old, unemployed, a 2013 graduate of the “school of clownery”, ENORMOUS, face of a man, heavily tattooed, “polyamourous” with “one amazing partner”, and smokes weed.  She’s looking for “great sex”.  She also states that social media is “very very hard on your mental health”.  So also a crazy person, in case it wasn’t already obvious.  OH.  And she has her Instagram on here.  

People who haven’t used internet dating before, as a heterosexual man, are going to think that I’m making this up.  I have to screenshot this shit.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCLaiRzAU-k

Fifty-six minutes?  What?  

0:00 – “Today we’re going to be doing something a little bit different.  Well, not totally different because I have talked about He-Man before on my channel.”

She’s right.  Nearly one year ago to the date.  I talk about it right here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/04/top-ten-he-man-games-erin-plays-httpswww.html

Sorry for the weird formatting.  Something got fucked up when I changed layouts.

Anyway, in the video reviewed there, she talks about how He-Man was before her time but she’s been watching a lot of He-Man since doing a video on He-Man for the Intellivision.  That video is here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCSJOQjsyVE

I don’t think that I ever reviewed it.  It’s certainly not in the archives and I don’t even remember watching the video before.  But that video is from 10 July 2018.

But in this Top 10 He-Man games video, which was from 26 April 2020, she says, “Since then, I’ve watched a lot of episodes of the cartoon series.”  She’s saying since the July 2018 video.

Now, I don’t know many 33 year old women who are watching He-Man.  Now or in the 1980s.  But this is what Erin says.  Maybe for once in her life she’s telling the truth.  It’s been like three years since that He-Man on the Intellivision video.  Maybe she has watched them.  And it’s not like she has a job.  She has the time.  Maybe she’s just sitting there in Mike’s palatial estate watching He-Man cartoons all day.  Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt.  

Oh, also, she had a tweet recently about He- Man:  Oh fuck.  I think that she deleted it.  But she was showing off her new He-Man/Britney Spears mashup t-shirt.  It was He-Man doing some pose that Britney Spears did.  Or something.  She also wore that shirt on a recent stream.

So yeah.  Erin, a 33 year old woman, is all about He-Man now.  Why not?  I believe it.  Why wouldn’t I?  

“Recently, there are now Origins figures and Super 7 figures.”

You’re going to have to explain this to me, Erin.  I don’t know what this is.  I’m an adult man so don’t buy He-Man toys.  

“Now, I was aware that they existed but I never really looked into it.”

I didn’t know any of this, Erin.  Please explain.  We’re not all the He-Man enthusiasts that you are.

Oh, she’s wearing the Skeletor/Britney Spears shirt in this video too.  This was probably done on the same day: the stream, this video, and her tweet.

Then she shows about 15 He-Man figures, mint, on card.  

Why on earth did she buy these?  Or, more accurately, why did Mike buy these?  

Wait…what am I saying?  She bought these because she’s a huge He-Man fan now.  As a 33 year old woman.

Then she says that she wanted “her own Skeletor” and she also got the figures from the Super 7 line and the Origins line.

WHAT IS ANY OF THIS?  EXPLAIN WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.

Now I have to fucking DuckDuckGo this.  Erin is just so far down the He-Man stream that I can’t follow what she’s saying.  She expects everyone to be a He-Man expert just like she is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNOO3Erva8c

Oh, SEO Toy Reviews is the top search result for me.  That’s Ryan from Screenwave’s god awful channel.  

But yeah, a bit suspicious that Ryan is also doing videos about He-Man toys.

I can’t watch that, though.  I’m just going to see if I can find something on Reddit or something.  

Yeah.  It seems that they’re just two toy lines by two different companies but the figures look pretty much identical.  I think that they also look like the original 1980s toys.  I’m not sure how any of this is legal but whatever.  Figures from both lines retail for about $15.  

She then shows Mike’s original Skeletor.  And she openly admits that it’s Mike’s.

Then she keeps going on and on and on about how she likes the new Skeletor better because it’s hers.  This is so fucking…no.  I’m not going to get upset.  It’s just a 33 year old woman fangirling over a short-lived cartoon for boys that was cancelled years before she was born.  Nothing wrong about that.  We still have 55 minutes to go with this thing.

By the way, Erin hasn’t uploaded in three weeks.  She’s been working hard on this video for the past three weeks, I can feel it.

Oh.  Erin finally explains that the Super 7 figures look more like the cartoon whereas the Origin figures look more like the original figures.  Okay.  

2:00 – “This one’s nice because he has a totally cool shade of blue that totally matches my nail polish.”

Oh.  Yeah.  Sounds like Erin is really into He-Man.  Skeletor in particular.  He’s a nice hue.

Then she takes them out of the package, thereby ruining their value on the collectors’ market.

2:30 – “I like them both.  I am going to display both Skeletors because I like them both.”

Oh thank fuck.  I was worried.  She has all of these fucking Skeletors.  What is she going to do with them?  She has to decide.  Sophie’s Choice style.  No.  She’s going to display BOTH of them.  Genius.  Just an entire room of Skeletors.  For a 33 year old woman.

Where exactly will these be displayed?  Maybe on her new shitty shelves in her streaming closet.  That way we can all enjoy them.

By the way, she has a new background for this video.  I see a Virtual Bart poster and an Atari’s Haunted House poster and a Donkey Kong poster and all kinds of fun old school games that Erin never played before.  There’s also a He-Man type plastic shield on the wall.  Because 33 year old Erin is all about He-Man.

3:00 – Then she gives an extended review on the different hues of the old school Skeletor sword compared to the Origins sword.  She REALLY likes talking about colours.  Which shade of purple does Erin prefer?  Get ready for a two minute explanation.

3:30 – “I like how you can put the little sword in his back.  It’s cute.  I like it.”

Erin has never owned a toy before.  At least not a toy sold and marketed to boys before.  But now she does.  Now she owns 15 He-Man toys.  As a 33 year old woman.

4:00 – Ever want to hear Erin read the little card that comes in these He-Man toys?  Now’s your chance.

4:30 – “Now it’s He-Man time.”

And she’s holding two He-Man figures.  He-Men, perhaps.  One from each toy line.  

What in the name of fuck is the point of any of this?  Let’s say that she has 14 of these figures.  That’s $15 times 14 so…$210.  That’s her entire month’s wage from Youtube.  Doesn’t she have anything better to spend her money on?

It was obviously Mike who bought this.  Mike buys everything for Erin.  Erin doesn’t make any money and she doesn’t have a job.  But still, this is fucking idiotic in the extreme.  What the fuck is she going to do with this garbage?  She says she’s going to display them.  WHY?  Who is going to be impressed with this?  What 33 year old woman displays He-Man figures?  This is a fucking fraud.  She has NO interest in this WHATSOEVER.  She’s doing this for stupid fucking “CONTENT” for her stupid fucking fraud of a channel which is watched by stupid fucking retards.

5:00 – “Here are the new He-Man figures.  He’s so tan.”

You know what would be a good gift for Erin?  An upholstery sample book. She could just flip through and appreciate all of the different colours.  

5:15 – Then she starts reading the box…

She’s already out of ideas. 

Do I really want to watch another 50 minutes of Erin reading boxes and talking about colours?  This whole thing is a fucking farce.  The woman is 33 years old and has never watched a He-Man cartoon in her life.  She wasn’t even born when the show was on.

Oh, I found that tweet that I was talking about earleir.

https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1379999385451368448

And in the comments, she talks about her love for Merman.  And she uses the same animated gif in the video that she used here.  Because Erin is ALL ABOUT Merman.  As a 33 year old woman.

I don’t need to explain why I keep mentioning her age, do I?  Even when the show was on the air, no 33 year olds were watching this shit.  It was a show for 8-12 year old boys.  Why in holy fuck would Erin, a 33 year old woman, be watching this shit today?  

There are cartoons that I watched as a child.  How many of those cartoons do i watch today, as a middle aged man?  NONE OF THEM.  NOBODY DOES THIS.  

He-Man was fucking trash.  Just like all of those cartoons.  There’s no deep stories to any of this shit.  The animation was horrible.  They were fucking shoddily-made commercials to sell the toys.  

But Erin is watching this shit as a 33 year old woman.  Having no experience with He-Man up until the age of about 31.  And even then, she was only “interested” in He-Man for the purposes of making a Youtube video.

7:15 – One iconic thing about Prince Adam and He-Man is his hair.”

Really.  Do tell.  I didn’t really follow the show or the cartoons but I don’t remember hearing ANYTHING about his hair.

7:30 – “This is more like natural blonde and this is like cartoon blonde.”

She’s comparing the two figures.  By hue, of course.  Because that’s what we all care about.  Which figure has the most pleasing shade of yellow?  That’s what I’m going to make my purchasing decision on.

8:00 – “If you didn’t get these in the 80s, there was a long time when you couldn’t find He-Man figures.”

Well, no shit.  Oh my god.  I don’t even know what to say any more.

9:15 – She’s comparing the Beast Man figures now.  

“He’s very bright.  He’s very neon.  He’s very radical.”

Oh my fucking god.  Just go away, Erin.  Do something else with your life.  This is fucking idiotic.  Who the fuck wants to hear this dumb bitch talk about colours for 55 minutes?  This is a total fucking fraud.  Some drooling imbeciles are sitting there with their pants around their ankles jerking off over this Romper Room shit.  It’s disgusting.  This whole thing is disgusting.  She’s wasting her life with this.

How much longer can she possibly do this?  I can’t believe that she’s even doing it now.  

Then she starts reading the fucking boxes again.

Then she shows the original figure and goes over the different colours that he has.  I’m not even joking.  She describes the different colours on this thing. 

I can’t do this.  Fifty-five minutes?  This is unbelievable.  Who would possibly want to watch this?  

“The thing I noticed about him is that his armour is more of a brick red.”

We all know what the colours are, Erin.  We can see the fucking figure.  You don’t have to point out what colour everything is.  We’re not in the first grade.  We’ve all mastered colours by now.  Even the biggest fucking retard watching this knows his colours.  

11:00 – “I just noticed on these Super 7 figures it says, ‘adult collector.’”.

Erin LOVES reading packaging material.  And this makes for such FASCINATING “content”.  Tell us some more stuff that you’ve read on the packaging, Erin.  

“I don’t know why that makes me laugh.”

Nor do I.  Do you want to take a moment to gather your thoughts and present something INTERESTING to say for a change?

13:30 – “When you were a kid, you liked glow in the dark stuff.”

No I didn’t.  Don’t tell me what I liked.  Tell us what YOU liked. It wasn’t He-Man, that’s for damn sure.  She only got into He-Man as a 31 year old woman ,while making “content” for Youtube.

“I had a Barbie, like her dress glowed in the dark.”

Okay.  Makes sense.  Girls played with Barbie.  

Why don’t you go out and buy some Barbies?  It would still be weird.  Why would a 33 year old woman be buying Barbies?  But people do that.  

There are women out there who are buying Barbies out of some *nostalgia* for the toys they had as a child.  Maybe their parents threw their dolls away and it traumatised them and they’re trying to collect them again.  Whatever.  

Same with men who buy toys that they had as a child.  There are men who do this.  

These people are all giant nerds but giant nerds exist.  

What doesn’t exist is somebody suddenly at the age of 33 deciding that they’re going to take an interest in a line of toys that they had no interest in as a child.  I never had the urge to buy a Barbie, for example.  Why would I?  First of all, I’m an adult.  Secondly, I have no interest in that shit even as a kid.  What would have changed that would have caused me to suddenly become interested in Barbies?  

This is so ridiculously fake.  Mike spent two hundred bucks so that this woman could release some more bad “content” on Youtube.  Two hundred bucks is a lot of money to a lot of people.  It’s a lot of money to Erin.  She’s making that much in a month.  

14:00 – She talks about how she used to go to garage sales as a child and that’s how she got into “Rainbow Brite and other stuff that was out before I was born.”

Like what?  We’ve all heard about your fondness for Rainbow Brite but tell us about some of the other stuff.  Is there anything else?  

Then she says that she can’t understand why she never got into She-Ra.  “Maybe I just didn’t see any She-Ra stuff”.  

Okay.  I can buy that.  So you first heard about She-Ra as a 31 year old?  Even if that’s true, why would it cause such an intense reaction in you that you now have to go out and spent hundreds of dollars on these shitty toys?  

I’m intrigued by a lot of the Sid and Marty Krofft stuff.  It came out before I was born.  It looks interesting.  Weird, psychodelic children’s shows.  

So how much of that shit have I watched?  None of it.  I’m interested but not that interested.  Not interested enough to actually watch even a single episode of, say, H.R. Pufnstuf.  But as a concept, it seems cool.  

20:30 – SHe says that she’s going to display this shit in her “game room”.  That means her “streaming room”.  Because that’s the only time when she plays video games.

So yeah.  We finally learn why she bought this shit.  Mike bought her these shitty shelves recently and she wants to have kooky shit to put on there.  So she went out and bought some kooky shit.  Or rather Mike bought it.  

You know what?  I’m done.  She’s talking about the fucking makeup on some character.  And all the different colours of the makeup.  FUCK OFF.

This has to the worst fucking video I’ve ever seen in my life.  But I suppose that it’s some kind of insight into the type of “content” that Erin could produce if she wasn’t making video game “content”. 

You know how she always talks about colours and how things are “cute” in video games?  Well, as it turns out, that’s all that she talks about with ANYTHING.  

Let’s see what the horntards say.

– “your skeletor impression is my ringtone now lol”

He blows his load every time his phone rings now.  Unfortunately, nobody ever calls him.

– “Are you familiar with the Masters of the Universe books that Dark Horse publish?”

I’ll give you one guess, Micronoid.

– “I had no idea you loved he man too erin?”

I wonder how many years of special education this guy had.

– “Sorry, I can’t ignore this question hahaha …Did you envy boys toys as a kid?”

No.  She had Barbies and possibly Rainbow Brite.  She wasn’t interested in boys’ toys.  She still isn’t.  Why would she be?  She’s 33 years old.  This was done entirely for “content”.

– “Another outstanding and entertaining video. Thanks for entertaining.”

– “I wonder what the average ag is for people subscribed to this channel.”

Erin replies with, “Late 20-40s.”

Oh.  So just those twenty years.  You want to narrow it down any?  I don’t think that she knows what the mathematical term “average” means.

– “OOOHH, so does this mean now that being a 50 year old boy it’s OK for me to get my Barbie and Ken dolls out, fill up my Tiny Tears doll and also start playing Barbies Horse Adventures on the PS 2 and Disney Princess Enchanted Journey without any guilt? Cool!” 

This is from that creepy guy who said that he was old enough to be Erin’s grandfather.

Somebody talks about radical it was to be an “80s kid” and Erin replies with, ” know! I was born in late 87 so I was more of a 90s kid, BUT that didn’t stop me from being obsessed with things like Rainbow Brite when I was little, lol.”

WHAT OTHER THINGS?  Just give ONE example other than Rainbow Brite.

– “This channel has evolved into something great and amazing. Love and ADORE yours and Mike’s streams. I watch them often at my security job and I’m so thankful for the both of you! Your content provides me with much joy! LONG LIVE ERIN PLAYS”

This guy is on another planet.

– “Erin’s background is a complete work of art.”

Then one of the horntards says, “Erin herself is a work of art.”

Yeah.  She’s a real “hottie”, boys.  Fucking unbelievable.  But we don’t need to get into that discussion.

A remarkably shit video.  And it proves that Erin is incapable of talking about ANYTHING in a remotely interesting fashion.  Everything is just about colours and how “cute” things are.  She could do videos on literature or physics or politics or whatever and it would somehow all be about colours and cute things. 

She’s stupid.  She’s a remarkably stupid woman.  It explains how she thought that this fake gamer grrl scam would have been a success.  Anyone with a brain would have realised that there’s zero chance of this succeeding but Erin, being the dimwit that she is, thought that this was going to work.  A gaming channel run by a woman with absolutely no knowledge of, interest in, or experience with video games.  A woman with negative charisma.  A woman who can only talk about colours and cute things.  A woman who’s a 5/10 in appearance at best.  Completely delusional.

Two hundred bucks a month.  It’s just such a tragic waste of a life.  She could be working at a record store right now and making nine bucks an hour.  More than that.  Minimum wage if like $15/hour in California, I think.  Any job would be better than this fake gamer grrl shit.