Gamer Girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXh_0p2Cg-g

Erin is sporting pigtails.  Let me check the comments before we begin.

Oh.  Half of the comments are about her hair.  I see.  I’ll just move on.

The description caught my eye.

Streaming some Kirby’s Adventure on NES! I had a lot more fun streaming it this time compared to when I was playing it on my own. Enjoy!

What does this mean?  It’s clearly implying that she played the game in her spare time at some point.  But that can’t be right.  So when did she play this?  According to the comments, she played it for a Youtube video, for money about three years ago.  Maybe that’s what she’s talking about.

Oh.  And then she says exactly this right at the start of the video.

She didn’t like the game when she played it for that Youtube video, in spite of it being “cute”.  

So after that bad experience of playing the game for a Youtube video, for money, three years ago, she decided, “Why don’t I stream it and see how I feel about it now?”

Why does it have to be on stream, for money?  Why did you wait three years?  

1:15 – “Yeah, my allergies are a little better today, Chachi.  Thanks for asking.”

It’s so pathetic.  These people are straight up, no fooling retards.

And HungryGoriya is there too.  Erin gives her a shout out.  HungryGoriya must be a hardcore lesbian.  She seems to be a regular on Erin’s streams.  Maybe she can get with Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining.

2:15 – “I love how it looks.  It’s adorable.  Very cute.”

Okay.  We get it.  Do you have anything else to say?

3:15 – “Hey Sergio.  I’m a little better.”

Is this what they do?  They just feed Erin’s lies about her health?  

Why would this even be erotic?  People are getting off on unhealthy 33 year old women?  That’s a fetish for someone?  Women with a lot of health problems?  

3:45 – She’s talking about an enemy.  “What are their names?  I always forget.”

Again with the misuse of the word “always”.  When the fuck is she talking about Kirby?  Is this a regular topic of conversation in the Matei household?  Enemies in the NES Kirby game?  

4:45 – “I’m emo-tastic today?  Why do you say that?”

Because he’s masturbating.  But also because you’re wearing a black top and kooky hair.

“I was like, you know, what, life is short.  So I’m going to wear pig tails today.  Fuck it.”

I’m not sure what mortality has to do with hairstyles.  But if Erin wants to make the most of her life, getting a job might be an idea.

This Youtube thing is a giant failure.  Her “relationship” with Mike is not going to last forever.  What is she going to do when this all ends?   Does she have any money in the bank?  From the $200/month that she’s making from Youtube?  

She hasn’t worked in like five years.  What is she going to do when the inevitable time comes?  Won’t it be embarrassing as fuck going back to live with your parents in your mid-30s?  And have to look for shitty jobs?  Does she have any plan whatsoever for her life?

5:30 – So Erin is playing this crane game bonus game and gets confused when she captures Kirby and then a new Kirby appears in the machine.  She doesn’t understand that this is how the game works.  You’re able to capture two of them.

How much could she have played the game that she’s totally unfamiliar with the bonus game that appears after the first level?

6:15 – “I really like the colour palette.”

Oh.

6:30 – “I forget how you blow out the item that you have.

There are only two buttons, Erin.  It can’t be difficult.  And haven’t you played this game before?

Then somebody tells her to press select.  Okay, that was an option too.  There are four buttons then.

Then after somebody tells her that she should have swallowed the boss, she says that she “forgot” to swallow the boss.  She’s “always” “forgetting” that.  She “always” “forgets” how to play video games.  Even video games that she claims to have played before.

9:00 – “When you swallow a mini boss, you get their power?  Okay.”

The only Kirby game I’ve ever played for any length of time is the one on Nintendo 64.  It barely even counts as a game.  It’s basically impossible to lose.  But anyway, even though I only played that game briefly, many years ago, even I know that this is what you do in the game.

“It’s just…I forgot to swallow the boss.  I don’t know.  Thank you for reminding me.”

No.  You didn’t “forget”.  You don’t know how to play the game.  You’ve never played it before.  Just that one time for that Youtube video three years ago.  That doesn’t count.

Why does she come up with these child-level lies?  

9:15 – “See?  Doesn’t Kirby look adorable holding a sword?”

Let’s just skip ahead.

1:49:00 – She’s at another boss, beats him, and says.

“Oh, that sucks.  I accidentally spit him out.”

So it seems that she “forgot” to swallow the bosses for the entire stream.  What a pro gamer.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-rZbSyTygc

Oh, this is desperate.  She just released a video the day before.  She usually uploads one video a week at best.  She just wants to get in on all of that Castlevania Dreamcast game hype.  Assuming that such hype exists.  Judging from her view numbers, said hype, if it exists, has not yet found its way on to her channel.  It seems to be on course to get her normal view numbers.

0:00 – “So, you guys, I am super excited.  The rom of Konami’s cancelled Castlevania from 1999, called Castlevania Resurrection has been dumped and we can now play it.”

Oh look at Erin go.  She knows “rom” and “dumped” and everything.  

But is that right?  The nerds back in the day always made a distinction between “roms” and “ISOs”.  Any game that came out on a CD was an “ISO”.  “Roms” were only for cartridge games.  There’s no “rom” to be “dumped” on a CD, is there?

1:00 – After a shitty intro where she pretended to know stuff, we cut to footage of Erin playing this game on stream, for money.  At least I assume it was on stream, for money.  It’s not listed on her Twitch page.  Maybe she just didn’t upload it.  But how else would she have played this?  In her spare time?

So I’m five minutes in now.  All Erin has been doing is stumbling through the game and saying things like, “Oh, I fell down”, “Here’s a skeleton”, “I like Castlevania skeletons.”  She’s just saying what she’s doing or what she sees on the screen.  This is boring as fuck.  Who is this for?

It’s like pornography for the blind.  Pornhub used to have a category for this.  I don’t know if they still do.  But it was just somebody narrating what was happening.  “Oh, now she’s giving him a blowjob.  Now she’s working the balls.”  Shit like this.  

I’m at 7:30.  She’s said that she likes the animation of the holy water at least three times already.  WE GET IT!

8:30 – She sings, “I’m so happy to be playing this.”

It’s all lies.  She’s probably convinced herself at this point.  She’s been lying for so long about her love for video games and Castlevania in particular that she probably actually believes it now.  

8:45 – There are stained glass windows in the game.  “I think that looks so awesome.  It’s so colourful.”

9:15 – “They have the same staff as Evil Lyn”

She’s talking about some enemies in the game.  I had to DuckDuckGo this but I had a suspicion that this was a He-Man reference.  I was right.  

This is what she does.  She claims to be “addicted” to something and will reference this shit over and over and over again for a while and then she moves on.  So for the moment, she’s “addicted” to He-Man.  So get ready for loads of references to He-Man from a 33 year old woman.  At least for a little while.  

9:45 – “If this game was finished and you could actually see what you were doing, I think that I would enjoy this game.  It’s very upsetting.”

It looks the same as Castlevania 64, a game that I think Erin played briefly, on stream, for money and didn’t like.  

10:00 – “That looks like rolled up carpet.  Like what is that?”

I don’t know and I don’t give a fuck.  

10:15 – “Look at the wallpaper.  It’s kind of like the haunted mansion in Florida, like Disney World’s haunted mansion.”

I don’t know because I’ve never been and I’m an adult with no children so I have no intention to ever go to Disney World.

11:30 – “Doesn’t this look nice?  I think this looks nice.”

Ugh.

“I mean, I love Castlevania so maybe I am coming at it from a place of wanting to like it.”

Fuck off.

12:45 – “I’ve never played a demo of anything before.”

Okay.  Let me repeat this.  Erin just said

“I’VE NEVER PLAYED A DEMO OF ANYTHING BEFORE”

How much more proof does anybody possibly need that this is all bullshit?  She never played a demo before.

Wait…what?  Then she gives a weird clarification.

I’ve never played a demo of anything before.  At least I don’t think that I have.  So this is kind of interesting.  You know, like an unfinished demo.  Not one released to the public.  You know, this was only for press.”

Well, using that all of those bizarre additions, I think it’s safe to say that most people haven’t done that.

She knew that what she said made her sound like a total fraud.  “I never played a demo of anything before”.  So then she added a bunch of weird riders.  “Oh, I mean only unfinished demos.  And only ones not released to the public.”

Fucking ridiculous.  She obviously has never played ANY kind of demo before.  Like shit that would come in magazines on a CD.  Or included with other games.  Or included with a console.  Or stuff that you would get in the mail.  Or shit that you could download off of the internet.  She never played ANY such demos.  

It’s to be expected.  People who don’t play video games aren’t going to get this shit.  But just admit it.  Don’t add all of this weird bullshit afterwards.  “Oh, I mean I’ve only never played demos for the Dreamcast, released in June 1999, that were 3d platformers.”

15:00 – “Look at that.  The sun like shining through the stained glass.  That is so pretty.  I’m like so sad that this wasn’t released.”

She’s said this MANY TIMES by now.  THINK OF OTHER THINGS TO SAY!  WE GET IT!  YOU’RE A HUGE CASTLEVANIA FAN AND YOU’RE *NOSTALGIC* FOR 1999 DREAMCAST GAMES.  EVEN THOUGH YOU’VE NEVER PLAYED A DREAMCAST GAME IN YOUR LIFE UNLESS IT WAS ON STREAM, FOR MONEY.

She keeps complaining about the camera.  “I can’t see.”  I suspect that you can adjust the camera with the analogue stick but she doesn’t do it.

21:00 – She thinks that it’s cute how the character (it’s a female character, by the way) wraps up her whip, like in a cord.  Erin compares this to how she wraps up her NES controllers.

It’s just so disingenuous.  She’s always at pains to portray herself as a nerd.  She’s not a nerd.  She’s a loser.  There’s a difference.

Nerds are interested in video games and have poor social skills and shit like this.  

Losers don’t have jobs or prospects or ambition.  This sort of thing.

But she pretends to be a nerd to try to relate to the nerds watching this.  It’s ridiculously obvious what she’s doing.  The mentally challenged people watching this shit don’t know any better.

Then she finishes the game by YET AGAIN talking about how sad it is that the game wasn’t released.

The game looks like shit.  I wouldn’t want to play this.  3d platformers of the era were all awful.  I have no idea how anyone can play Mario 64.  It’s shit.  

I got the Mario game for Gamecube.  Whatever it’s called.  The one where you’re on a tropical island and have to spray everything with water.  I played it but I hated it and didn’t get too far.  You’re constantly fighting with the camera.  You can’t tell where anything is.  The games are not fun.  Fuck all of these 3d platformers.  

Let’s see what the horntards say.

Oh, King Horntard Joe from Gamesack left a reply.

– “Wow this was a quick video release. I played it within minutes of its release and it’s… interesting. You got further than I did. That might be because I got stuck inside some polygons and could not bust my way back out to the normal playfield.”

Good luck stealing Mike’s sugarbaby.

– “Very cool! Did you stream this earlier today?”

Yeah, this guy knows what’s up.  She only plays on stream, for money.

– “Hehehehehe Well done! I could use a mystical, enchanting woman with your talents join my minion.”

The guy is called Lord Skeletor and has a Skeletor avatar.  Erin replies with, “Am I being recruited by THE Lord Skeletor?! 🤯 Oh my!”

It’s Erin pretending to be a nerd again.  No.  You’re a loser, Erin.  Not a nerd.  That guy is both a loser and a nerd, though.

– “Anyone ever play Gauntlet legends?”

What an odd question.

– “Say Erin, you should do a video on wrestling games and (probably) DVDs”

Erin replies, “I don’t know anything about wrestling, sorry.”

When has that ever stopped her?

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GjSB6A47D8

Good news: It’s only a little more than 10 minutes long (getting those Youtube ad revenue pennies)

Bad news: It’s Erin Plays

I reviewed part one of this “series” here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/03/top-blockbuster-nes-rentals-in-1991.html

The concept for the video doesn’t even make sense.  But I’ve gone over this.  Let’s just move on.

0:00 – “Hey guys!  It’s time to sit back and imagine you’re back in the time of Blockbuster and Hollywood Video.”

Weird grammar.  But where does Hollywood Video come from?  This is about Blockbuster.  Kind of.  But not at all.  As we’ll soon see.

0:15 – “I’ll cover other consoles and years in future videos so don’t worry.”

WHY?  Why is she hanging on to this IDIOTIC idea?  

Some horntard gave her a list of the most popular videos in Blockbuster by system and year.  Who gives a fuck?  Let me DuckDuckGo this shit.

Well, I can’t find a comprehensive list but if you go to Wikipedia and search for “(year) in video games” there’s a section for “top rentals according to Blockbuster Video.”  Like here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1994_in_video_games#Top_rentals_according_to_Blockbuster_Video

They break it down by console and month.

So now that we all have this information, we don’t need Erin and her shitty “reviews” of games that she’s never played before.  Not even for the purposes of making this video.  Maybe you don’t understand what I’m saying so let me be clear.  She’s actually going to “review” games that she NEVER PLAYED BEFORE.  AT ALL!  NOT EVEN FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS VIDEO!

Let me illustrate what I mean because this is just so insane that I think that people out there still don’t understand what I’m talking about.  Here’s the list according to Wikipedia:

Tecmo Super Bowl
Kirby’s Adventure
Mega Man 6
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters
The Jungle Book
Mario’s Time Machine
Wario’s Woods

Now, I’ve never played The Jungle Book.  So here’s my review of the game.

The Jungle Book was an NES game released in 1994.  It was based on the Disney movie of the same name.  It’s a good game.  It’s a lot of fun.  You should definitely check it out.

I have no idea what The Jungle Book game even looks like.  I assume it’s a platformer but I wasn’t sure so I didn’t include that in my “review”.  I just said superficial, generic shit because I don’t know anything about the game and I’ve never played it before.

This is what Erin is going to do now.

So she started with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters and…yeah.  It’s exactly what I said.  Just generic shit.  She never played this game once in her life.  She doesn’t know anything about it.  I don’t know where she stole the gameplay footage from but it’s definitely not her playing the game.

2:15 – Now it’s  Mario’s Time Machine.  She recently played this on stream, for money.  I review it here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/04/i-cant-believe-i-streamed-this-marios.html

“Where do I even start with this one?”

I have an idea: “I’ve never played this before!”  Bring that classic back.

“I think most of us have been victimised by this game at some point.”

No.  I’ve never played it.  I dare say that most people watching have never played it.  It wasn’t popular.  It only became a “meme” many years later.  Whatever a “meme” is.  I’m probably always misusing the term.

But Erin doesn’t know any of this, of course.

This is definitely footage of her playing the game.  It’s from this stream.  And you can tell it’s her because she’s god awful at the game.  

Compare this footage to the competent footage of TMNT: Tournament Fighter.

And she’s fucking recycling the same fucking “jokes” that she used on stream, for money.  She comments on the portraits of Donkey Kong and Yoshi.  “Why would Bowser have portraits of Donkey Kong and Yoshi?”  And she comments on how the museum looks like a cemetery.  She wants two of the “cute” star statues outside of “her” house.  The enemies look one of those dancing flowers outside of K B Toys.  It’s the exact same fucking “jokes” that she made on stream, for money.  Identical.  No changes.  And no new “jokes”.  This shit was just so fucking hilarious, she nailed it the first time, why change anything?

4:45 – The Jungle Book.  Really bad gameplay so maybe this is her.

6:00 – Tecmo Super Bowl.  

6:30 – “I’m not going to pretend like I’ve played this game a tonne.”

OR AT ALL.  This is all bullshit.  

“But there’s plenty of more in depth reviews out there, if you’re interested in that sort of thing.  I do like the sunset in the intro, though.”

Complete dogshit.  She spent about ten seconds on this “review”.

6:30 – Kirby’s Adventure.

Kirby is cute and he’s pink.  That’s the “review”.

She also makes a reference to Rainbow Brite. You guys like Rainbow Brite, right?  Because Erin has a lot to say about Rainbow Brite recently.  

If you don’t like Rainbow Brite, don’t worry.  She’ll forget about it soon enough.  But for right now, she’s pretending to be obsessed with Rainbow Brite.  Maybe next month, it will be Popples.  She’s so *nostalgic* for Popples.  Until she moves on to the next fake *nostalgia* item from before she was born.

7:45 – Mega Man VI.  

8:00 – “It always boggles my mind when I think that there were six games in the same series released on the same console.”

She’s said this MANY times.  GET OVER IT!

8:45 – Wario’s Woods.  Slightly odd pronunciation.

9:45 – “What year or system would you like to hear about next?”

None of them.  We can all go to Wikipedia and see what the top rentals were for ourselves.  We don’t need you to do a shitty “review” of these games that you’ve never played before.

It just doesn’t make sense.  What the fuck does Blockbuster have to do with these videos?  

Why doesn’t she use the top selling games list?  That would make slightly more sense.  The list is just from Babbage’s but still, one could argue that these were the most popular games of the year.  I don’t think that you can really say the same thing about rentals.  

Hey guys!  Remember Babbage’s?  I…don’t think so.  No, I don’t think that I’ve ever been to such a place.

I used to have some kind of loyalty card for Egghead Software.  Hey guys!  Remember Egghead Software?  I went there for like two years at the most and then they shut down.

I liked going there better than Best Buy, though.  Best Buy was a huge box store, Egghead was a boutique shop.  But then when Egghead shut down, I was stuck with Best Buy.  And then years later, that Best Buy became….some other electronics store that starts with a “C” I think.  But Best Buy still existed, it just moved down the street.  Anyway, I wasn’t buying games at this point.  Steam was out.  But I bought some Simpsons DVDs from there.

Let’s check out the comments.

– Hi Erin, how are you? Greetings from El Salvador. 

First time I see a video of you of this type. They are very good for being cataloged by year. I would like one from 1987 if you can. I think Blockbuster had not yet come to my country for 1994. It’s funny to imagine that you rented games in that place. 

I loved the comparison you made between Kirby and Rainbow Brite, because I loved that cartoon. For 1994, my NES had recently been sent to me from the USA, so the only game I knew was the one that came inside: Super Mario Bros. 3 (bundle that I still have complete and in good condition) and a few games that I saw in store windows and drug stores, like Mario is Missing for the SNES. 

P.S. You look very cute on the thumbnail 😉

Good luck with that shit.

– “Do u do video of psp gamplay”

She never played a PSP.

– “You are cute”

– “Fantastic video. Your comment about the sunset in the Tecmo Superbowl intro made me laugh”

This guy is a real fan of female “comedy”.  Or so he claims.

– “I remember a buddy of mine had Mario is missing for the Snes and it was terrible. I thought he had this game too but he says he didnt.”

I hate people who say “buddy” like that.  It’s so low brow.  “I’m having some beer with my buddies and then we’re all going to take our shirts off and tickle each other.”  Cool.

– “Nice vídeo! Even writing in English, I don’t understand anything about what it says only that the video entertains well.”

It’s like watching foreign language porn for these losers, I guess.  You don’t need to know what’s being said.  That’s not what you’re there for.

– “How about rentals form the year 1990”

Here you go, Hilson.  Go nuts.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1990_in_video_games#Best-selling_home_video_games

No Blockbuster list.  Presumably because they weren’t renting video games then.  But you can see the top selling games.

– “I was still in the military then with no car so I didn’t do much renting at Blockbuster. I did rent after I was discharged but only 16 bit games and I did buy a rental copy of Ninja Gaiden 3 from Blockbuster and some SNES games.”

Hey Erin!  Do you like 50 year old ex-military guys?  If so, hit me up!

– “@Erin Plays. If a fan wanted to start corresponding with you, or go out on a date😂, what would be the best,if any way to go about that? Because i got this desire😍😂 to get to know Erin.”

This guy was slightly less subtle than that military guy.

Well, he has a completely blank profile.  No picture.  No videos.  No comments.  No information about him whatsoever.  But I like his odds.

– “Don’t you just wish you could still Rock up to Blockbuster video and rent some nes or snes games? Its the simple pleasures that could make like so much better.”

Why would I rent them?  I have them.  I have the entire NES and SNES library on my computer.  And if you don’t want to take the 15 minutes required to download the torrent, you can just go to one of these sites that lets you play the game in your browser.  All of the games.  You’re aware of this, right?

– “She thicc ya know this man”

Yo yo yo.  I think it’s a white guy, by the way.  A white guy trying to sound black.  His username is “john cena”.  I just don’t think that a black guy would use that name.

– “ClayFighter 63 1/3 Sculptors cut was the biggest rip off. I hope no collector LEGIT wants that game in their collection in mint condition for that price.Racist game and horribly unfunny.I’d much rather buy NFL Blitz Special Edition.”

This is another comment by animal psychic Sharon Loy.  I mentioned her recently.  

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/04/attempting-getsu-fuuma-den-on.html

Yeah.  She was that lunatic who mentioned watching Erin’s videos while recovering from her gallbladder removal surgery.

If you DuckDuckGo “Sharon Loy”, you get links to some animal psychic or medium or something.  It’s the same person, right?  How many Sharon Loy’s must there be?

But yeah, another weird comment by this lunatic.  Clayfighter was racist?  How?  Let me look at the character list.

Oh.  Maybe the Houngan character.  He’s some witch doctor.  You can’t have witch doctor characters?  They’re not saying that all black people are witch doctors.  But this guy is.

Just like not all white people are fat Viking opera singers.  But Helga is.

Anyway, I wonder what a dog would have to say on the matter.  Maybe Ms Loy can tell us.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHEnUCpuyjI

She’s getting desperate with these clickbait titles.  “You’ll never believe how bad this gameplay is!”.  

Relax, Erin.  It’s a video game.  We can believe it.  It’s no big deal.

0:00 – “So I’m doing another Blockbuster rentals video.”

That’s why she’s playing this.  Everything has to be on stream, for money.  She’s recording footage that will later be used in this upcoming horrendous Blockbuster video.

God, that first Blockbuster video was terrible even by Erin’s standards.  It didn’t even make sense.  She had a list of the most popular video games that Blockbuster rented and then she just did half-reviews on these games.  She didn’t even play most of the games that she was “reviewing” but that’s not even what I’m taking issue with here.  The format didn’t make any fucking sense.

It might as well be a list of ten random games.  Who cares what Blockbuster’s most popular rentals were?  

She didn’t say anything about Blockbuster.  She didn’t get any of her personal experiences renting these video games at Blockbuster.  Because she doesn’t have any such stories.  She just reviewed the games.  Kind of.  I don’t know.  

Then she says that she rented the Super Nintendo version of this game as a child at Albertons.  Or something.  I think that it’s a grocery store on “The West Coast”.  Let me look this up.

Yeah.  How many people are going to fucking know this?  I don’t even know why I know this.  Sergio in Argentina is scratching his head over this comment.  

We’re just supposed to know.  Everybody on earth is supposed to know about Erin’s local grocery store.  

https://local.albertsons.com/

There are 392 of these stores in the US.  That’s not many.  The overwhelming majority of them are in California with 126 locations.  So we’re all supposed to know about a fucking California grocery store.  

0:30 – “So there’s Bowser’s museum, which looks like we’re in a cemetery.”

Mausoleum.  But I wouldn’t expect Erin to know the word.

1:15 – Then one of the horntards mentions this “mausoleum” thing and she just makes an awkward comment.

1:45 – She’s playing a mini-game that’s obviously based on the original Mario Bros game and she doesn’t mention this fact once.  Because she’s unfamiliar with Mario Bros.

2:15 – She gets an apple.  This is some kind of artefact .  Then I guess you travel back to related time period.  

Erin says, “Okay, apple.  I think, okay, the beginning of humans.  Right?  Adam and Eve?”

What?  This is a game about history.  Not religion.  Maybe she’s one of these bible literalists like her friend Adam the Woo.  Maybe she believes that Noah was chilling with dinosaurs on the ark too.  

Anyway, I immediately thought of Isaac Newton.

“I like apples too, Super Jeff.”

Boy, this is some good commentary.  Do you have a favourite variety, Erin?  Golden delicious?  Granny Smith?  Tell us everything that you know about apples.  I think that she already did.

“We go in the time machine.  Now we have to pick which year the apple belongs to.”

Yeah.  Isaac Newton.  I don’t know.  When was this?  1600s?  

2:45 – “Oh, it could be Isaac Newton.”

Even the mentally challenged people in the chat know this.  And it’s all news to Erin.  Even though she claims to have played this game before.  As a child.  She never got past this part?  The very first stage?

“So we’ll see what the makers of this game…what year apples represent.  I don’t know.”

Isaac Newton.  What are you, retarded?  That’s obviously it.  It’s not obscure.  What a fucking idiot.

3:15 – “So is it…that year?”

She doesn’t know what “80mBC” means.  So she just said “that year”.  She doesn’t know that the “m” stands of “million”.  Unbelievable.

“So 80…heh…80 million BC.”

She had to guess.  And she was unsure of herself so she laughed.

“Wait.  What is that ‘m’?  I don’t remember.  I’m sounding like such an idiot right now.  Just — it’s happening.  It’s here.”

Indeed.

Everyone in the chat is telling her that it’s one of the two 1600s options.  These mentally challenged people all know the answer.  But Erin still thinks that this is something obscure.  Like nobody would know what an apple is supposed to represent.  This is somebody with a degree.  Allegedly.  

Then the mentally challenged people in the chat give her the correct date.

This is a game for children, by the way.  Erin doesn’t have a fucking clue.

Then she just jumps around and doesn’t know what she’s doing.  How is it possible that she played this game before?

5:15 – Then after ENORMOUS struggle, she managed to jump on the appropriate block and it revealed the answer.  “Okay, Newton.  So you guys were right!”

Well no shit.  She’s the only person who didn’t know the answer.  Adam and Eve.  What the fuck.

Then she reads the quote, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”  And the way she reads it, it’s clearly that she’s never heard this before.

So she says, “Okay, hopefully we all absorbed this information.  We’re learning tonight.”

No.  Everybody knew it already.  You’re the only one who needs this game for children.  The retards in your chat already know this shit.

5:45 – “So let’s go to the left, I guess.  Nope.”

She never played this before.  It’s impossible.  She lied yet again.

And by the way, typically in side-scrolling games, you move to the right.  This is another bit of video game information that Erin doesn’t possess.

6:00 – “Even though I rented the Super Nintendo version, I was probably like eight and I haven’t rented the Super Nintendo version since then.”

So she’s saying that she doesn’t remember this at all because she only played it once, when she was eight.  Well, okay.  How about playing some games that you have played before?  We’ve seen how that goes.  She’s just as bad and clueless at Yoshi’s Island and Super Mario Bros as she is at games that she’s never played before.

7:45 – “I like how Mario is purple.  That’s kind of fun.”

Oh, we all love comments about colours.  

By the way, she’s completely unable to do this platforming.  It’s not exactly challenging either.  This is a game for eight year olds.

9:30 – “Can you actually take damage from enemies?  I think you can.”

The person is asking this because there were at least two times when Erin clearly got hit by an enemy and nothing happened.  So no, I don’t think that you can take damage.  But Erin is just completely clueless.

“Erin should start her own Youtube physics channel.  It should be called Erin Teaches Physics.  Can you imagine?  And the channel takes off.”

Well, it can’t be any worse than this.  Do you want to hear about physics from a woman who knows nothing about physics or do you want to hear about video games from a woman who knows nothing about video games?  Physics would be something different at least.

10:45 – “No, I’m sure there are good channels on physics, it’s just it would be funny if I made a channel on physics because I would not know what the fuck I’m talking about.”

Uh huh.  You don’t see the irony in this statement, Erin?

12:00 – She stumbles through the level.  “That…I mean, I get why they used the apple but it’s like…Newton could have found other apples.”

I don’t think that she actually does know why the apple was used.  There was a tree at the end of the level.  She never mentioned this tree.  She doesn’t know the story.

12:15 – She makes a weird “joke” about how the apple wouldn’t have survived all of this time but that a person who invented a time machine would probably be able to invent “food preservation even better than McDonalds”.  Okay?

13:00 – “And now for a really sexy blowing my nose.  Sorry.”

And she inhales this tissue.  Why doesn’t she just turn around when she does this?  Or walk off screen for a second?  She knows it looks bad.  Maybe this is somebody’s fetish.  “Oh yeah.  Stick your fingers all the way up your nose!  Hot!”

13:15 – “I want that statue outside of my house.  Isn’t that cute?”

It’s a statue of a star.  Go get a job, Erin.  Then you can buy all the statues you want.  And maybe a house one day.

It’s weird that she described Mike’s house as her house.  She’s surely not paying anything toward it.  And they’re not married.  So she has no claim whatsoever on this.  

“So we have to do this shit again.  We have to get another item.”

Yeah.  You have to play a version of Mario Bros again.  She seriously doesn’t know this.  She doesn’t recognise the game.  She never played it before.  Mario Bros.

13:45 – “Oh my god, a torch.”

I’ll say first Olympic games.  I don’t know.  Something BC.  But not that 80mBC.  I think that the “m” stands for million.  Is that right?  Fucking idiot.

Oh, my god.  She got it.  “I think we’re going to talk about the Olympics.  Don’t you think?  Or what do you guys think.”

“Wouldn’t a torch be the first Olympics?  I think so.”

Okay.  You got it.  You don’t have to keep bragging.

Then the horntards suggest 776 BC.

Whatever happened to BCE and CE, by the way?  I know that this game pre-dates that shit, at least in my experience, but in college BCE and CE was all the rage.  This was like 20 years ago.  But nobody in the real world uses that, do they?  Do they still use it in colleges, though?  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_Era#Support

Oh.  It’s an issue that the Chosen People have.  But yeah, I’ve never seen anybody use these terms outside of my time in college.

It’s just one of those stupid college things.  Like safe spaces and whatnot.  That shit might fly in college but the the population at large isn’t going to go along with that shit.

It’s not a liberal/conservative thing.  It’s just an opposition to stupid bullshit thing.

15:30 – Erin got tripped up by the word “pentathlon” but managed to get through it.  She obviously never saw the word before.

It reminds me of when Mike reads shit.  He’s fucking embarrassing.  He skips so many words because he can’t fucking pronounce them.  If it’s an unfamiliar word, like some made up video game place name or something, he just skips it.  Did he not take phonics classes as a kid?  Can he not sound the word out?  He’s really, really bad.

Do they still teach phonics?  I think that it was kind of controversial in the 1980s.  Previously they taught children how to read using the “whole word” method or something.

16:00 – Extended “X looks like Y” discussion.

But the Olympics.  She’s reading some facts about the Olympics.  Except for the first block, which she skipped because she couldn’t reach.

What about the fact that they competed naked?  Are any of the horntards going to mention that?

16:30 – “Can Mario participate in the Olympics?”

Well, he did.  Wasn’t there that game Sonic and Mario at the Olympics or something?  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Mario_sports_games#Mario_&_Sonic_at_the_Olympic_Games_series

Yeah, there’s a whole series of games.  Erin never played any of them, of course.  Or even heard of them.

18:30 – She’s back to Mario Bros and gets a sledgehammer.  This one is a bit more obscure.  I’d guess it would have to be something from the 20th century.  

Wait.  Maybe it’s a railroad thing.  So maybe 19th century.  Well, let’s find out.

18:30 – “Is it the song from the 80s?  Sledgehammer!  You know what I’m talking about?”

Not at all.  Let’s see if it’s on Youtube.

Oh.  Hey guys!  Remember Peter Gabriel?

No.  Not at all.

Tell us more about Peter Gabriel, Erin.  Or sing a few bars from his hit song Sledgehammer?  You only sang one word.

Then she actually checks the dates to see if it’s a Peter Gabriel reference.  I’m not even sure if she’s kidding or not.

Then she suggests that somebody should do a hack of this game but make it about 90s pop culture trivia.

First of all, the song is from the 80s.

Secondly…Erin was born in 1987.  Her knowledge of “the 90s” is going to be necessarily limited.

Somebody suggests the Industrial Revolution.  That makes sense.

Erin is on the 1989 option and somebody says “Berlin Wall”.  Erin doesn’t understand this.  She thinks that he’s still talking about the sledgehammer.  “Berlin Wall?  Do you really think that the sledgehammer is for the Berlin Wall?”

I’d say 1862.  Erin says 1602.  Is she joking?  Oh my god.  She wasn’t.  

Oh my god.  Then one of the horntards says 1687 so she goes with it.

Obviously, the Industrial Revolution did not take place in 1687.  But even if you don’t know that, SHE ALREADY WENT TO 1687 FOR THE NEWTON ONE.

She can’t even play this history game for children.  

So she’s on the same fucking level that she already did and doesn’t realise it.  Then she spends about three minutes trying to make an easy jump.

25:00 – So she’s back playing Mario Bros again.  She’s really bad at it.  Fortunately, in this version, even if you get hit, nothing happens.  And she gets an egg this time.

Umm…egg…I have no idea.

Let’s see is Erin has a guess.

“So wouldn’t you think that that means dinosaurs?”

Maybe?  So try the 80mBC one.  See if that “m” really does stand for “million”.  

Then one of the horntards says that the sledgehammer was for the Berlin Wall.  Let me check.  That would be kind of stupid.  But what else could you use for the Berlin Wall?  Assuming that 1989 even is Berlin Wall.

Oh yeah.  It is.  

26:00 – “The word ‘dinosaur’ comes from the Greek word ‘terrible lizard’.  That’s funny.  I want to take a picture of that.”

Why?  And again, Erin obviously didn’t know this.  Is there anything that she does know?  

“I wish that I could take more aesthetically pleasing shots of my monitor but…”

She doesn’t know about the print screen button…

“It went away?  I want to see it again.  For the sake of content.  Or whatever.”

No, obviously this is for content.  You don’t give a fuck about any of this.

“I do remember the sitcom, The Dinosaurs.  I used to like that show a lot when I was little.”

So much in fact, that she calls it THE Dinosaurs.  As opposed to the actual title of the show: Dinosaurs.  No preceding article.  

27:15 – “So where do you think we put the egg?”

Well…probably at the end of the level.  Like in the previous two levels.

Then she gets to the end of the level and it was the wrong level or the wrong spot or something.

So she goes through this shit all over again and puts the egg in the right spot.  I guess.  

33:45 – “Should I do that stage again?”

Why on earth would you do it a third time?

34:00 – Fortunately, she got a different item.  Stovepipe Hat.  That’s Lincoln.  1862.

She doesn’t know what it is.  She laughs when she says “stovepipe hat.”

“Is this like the Industrial Revolution?”

How is it possible that she doesn’t know that Lincoln wore a fucking stovepipe hat?  What was she doing in school?  Was she in special education for seven and a half years too?

34:30 – “What is a stovepipe?  I don’t know.  I’m going to Google it.  (After a minute)  It’s like what Abe Lincoln wore.”

Yes.  We all learned this in the second grade.  Except for Erin.

35:00 – “Look.  It’s a cannon.  It looks like it’s making sausage.”

Oh.  This is really intelligent commentary.  Interesting and funny as well.

Erin doesn’t mention that the background music is Dixie.  She’s unfamiliar with the song.  Never heard it before.  Not the instrumental version.  Not the Elvis version.  Not even the version from Dinah Shore. 

Man, that Burt Reynolds really knew how to pick them.  Cruising down America in my Chevrolet with a hot babe like Dinah Shore.  Whose alter ego is Dinah Shore?  

37:15 – She beats the level and reads the message: “Abe just hasn’t been been himself without his stovepipe hat.  He even refused to sign the Gettysburg Address without it.”  Cool.

That’s all she has to say.  She doesn’t know what any of this is.  

I’m not even sure if the makers of this game know what this is.  He refused to sign a speech?  Why would he sign a speech?  But of course, Erin didn’t pick up on this incongruity.  

Oh, one of the horntards even picked up on this.

“The Gettysburg Address was a speech, he didn’t have to sign it.”

Erin doesn’t have a fucking clue what to say.  She doesn’t know what the Gettysburg Address is.  Even though it was just referenced in the level.  They gave the first line of it.

38:45 – She gets the sledgehammer again from this Mario Bros minigame.

Erin has no idea what she’s doing in this Berlin Wall level.  She’s not been able to hit even one of these trivia blocks.  So…we learned nothing about the Berlin Wall.  Great.

42:45 – She got a lightbulb.  I’ll say Edison.  And…late 19th century?  Early 20th century?  It has to be after the Civil War, though.  Were there options after 1862?

Oh, she knew about Thomas Edison.  Good for her.

One of the horntards suggests 1903.

She can’t hit any of these trivia blocks either.

I think the problem is that she never runs and jumps.  If this controls like regular Super Mario Bros, you can jump higher when you run and jump.  We all know this.  But Erin doesn’t.  So we’re just missing out on all of this trivia.  This is an opportunity for Erin to learn something for once in her life but she’s failing, as usual.

Then she thinks that she was in the wrong level so goes back to the Mario Bros minigame.

45:45 – “This is random, but speaking of history, I kind of wish I was more into it growing up.”

Yeah.  What were you into?  Anything?  Did you ever have an interest or hobby in your entire life?

Then she says that in college she took a class on California history and “really enjoyed that class.”

That’s the story.  Give us an example of something that you learned.  Do a Youtube video on some aspect of California history.

Then she gets the lightbulb and goes to 1879.

Once again, she’s not able to hit the trivia blocks so just gives up.

The whole point of the game is to read these trivia blocks and learn about history.  She’s skipping that part.  So now it’s just a game about dropping an item in a particular level.  That’s fucking boring.

Then she drops it in the wrong place.

I’m done.  I got to 48 minutes, though.  It was fun to see just how stupid Erin is.

– “*You’re so gorgeous Erin *Long time admirer (Fan Sounds Creepy) *Love the channel”

– “…. the industrial revolution was not in the 1600s…….. I havent watched farther but I’d say it was probably the Berlin wall 🤔 and the first thing you thought of when you heard “stovetop hat” wasnt Abe Lincoln? Lol how? Erin you’re great! But that was just… wow hahahaha”

Even her mentally challenged fans are questioning her intelligence.