Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xel4MXfE744

I just know that this won’t be worth reviewing but nobody else is uploading.

0:00 – It starts with an ad that’s almost certainly for a scam product.  Some kind of loan company, I guess.  Yeah, I’m going to get my financial advice from some autistic man on Youtube doing a paid advertisement.

What’s the interest rate on these loans?  Why wouldn’t I just go to a bank like a normal person?

This is obviously preying on the impoverished who can’t get a loan from their bank.  But I’d rather go to the local gangster for a loan than this fucking bullshit.  

What about credit cards?  Can’t you do something with credit cards?  

Have I ever had a credit card?  Oh, yeah.  When I was living in the US, I had some credit cards.  I never used them.  

Maybe this is an insane statement but I don’t think that credit cards are really a thing outside of the US.  You never see commercials for them, anyway.  In the US, at least when I was there, it was constant.  Constant commercials for credit cards.  It’s disgusting.

What do you need them for?  I’ve gone my entire life without using one.  Just go out and get a job.  Then you’ll have money.  

But we’re not here to discuss fiscal responsibility.  We’re here to watch an autistic man play Super Mario levels allegedly designed by his three year old daughter.  For the third fucking time.

By the way, I reviewed the second part of this trilogy here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/03/playing-more-of-my-kids-mario-maker-2.html

I didn’t even bother reviewing the first one.  Not worth it.  I shouldn’t have reviewed any of this shit.

0:45 – Weird pronunciation of “URL”.

He’s wearing the same fucking shirt.  He made all of these videos on the same day.  And couldn’t even be bothered changing shirts to create the illusion of doing it on separate days.

He’s wearing a different shirt in the first video.  But at least the second and third videos seem to have been filmed on the same day.

I’m thirty seconds into the actual video and I’m already bored as fuck.  Why would anybody want to watch this?  

1:30 – “I’m starting to notice a theme here: beginnings which are really, really hard but once you make it through, then it’s just a clear shot.”

How can you notice a theme when you’ve only played one level so far?  Oh right.  Because this was all done on the same day as part 2.

3:00 – Jimmy repeatedly fails to jump over a wall using a trampoline type thing.  The equivalent of a spring from the earlier Super Mario Bros games.  Yeah.  This is what I want to see. Not annoying at all.

3:;45 – He stumbles through that shit level and is on to the next one.  It’s called “buzz saw”.

I’m noticing some different capitalisation for these level titles.  Sometimes they use proper capitalisation, sometimes they don’t.  It was the same with levels in the previous videos.  

Why is this?  An adult wouldn’t do this.  An adult would be consistent.  Either everything is capitalised correctly or nothing is.

It can’t be his daughter writing these level names out.  A three year old can’t write.  

I suspect that it’s more than one person who are naming these levels.  One person uses proper capitalisation and the other person doesn’t.  Then that calls into question who actually is making the levels.  

I mean, why anyone make this up?  Why would Kieran, for example, design shit levels for Jimmy to play and then Jimmy goes on camera and pretends that they were made by his daughter?  That would be stupid.  

But…I don’t know.  This title thing looks suspicious to me.     

4:15 – Jimmy repeatedly fails to jump over a buzz saw that looks impossible to jump over.

He eventually gives up.

These levels are all terrible.  Who wants to watch this?  I mentioned in the previous review that he should play levels made by “fans”.  I mean…how did this idea escape the brain trust at Screenwave?  They came up with this stupid bullshit instead?

I just noticed that as well as the same shirt as in the previous video, he also has the same haircut.  He had the sides cut really short and in more recent videos, the hair is clearly grown out.  But for these two Mario Maker videos, he has the same short hair.  These were clearly done on the same day.

7:30 – This level is called “ffffffffhaaaffskape lavadonutffff”

I don’t get it.  In the previous video, the levels had names like “Rainbow Dash 2” and “Rainbow Bill” and “Super switches”.  Then it started getting stupid like “nothing” and “”start new one” and this feled off”.  

Now in part 3, which is all from the same day as part 2, the titles are completely retarded.  What happened?  

I assumed that it was James’ wife who was asking the daughter what name she wants to give to the level and then the wife would type it out.  But now it’s stupid bullshit that’s all misspelled and they’re not even words.  But they’re not random letters like an actual 3 year old would do.  It’s just extra letters for no reason.

It’s like an adult trying to name levels as though they’re a three year old.  

11:30 – The next level is just a long string of random letters.  So apparently his daughter is totally capable of writing “Rainbow Dash 2” but then just suddenly decided to write a long string of random letters.  

By the way, nothing that James says is even remotely interesting.  His commentary mostly consists of “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOA” and “come on….jump.”

And the levels are all shit so nothing to talk about there.

14:45 – Random letters for this one too.

15:45 – Now we’re back to words, albeit not capitalised, “don’t break the floor”.

16:00 – Then it’s “monsters are coming”.

That’s the video.  Terrible.

I just question who actually made these levels.  There’s a lot of variety in them.  Totally different themes.  Also some interesting gameplay mechanics.  And there are a lot of sections that are just barely possible, as though by design.

I’m saying that these levels weren’t made by his daughter.  These are shit levels made to look like a three year old made them.  But…that’s crazy.  Why would anyone do that?  This really makes me question humanity in general.  

Would he really have Kieran make these shit levels and then try to pass them off as his daughter’s?  Why wouldn’t he just get his daughter to make ACTUAL levels?  Because it’s not like there was anything amazing about these levels.  And if word got out that Kieran made these levels and Jimmy said that it was his daughter, everyone involved would become a laughing stock.  It would be a huge blow to the channel.  Large numbers of people would unsubscribe.  Would he really risk all of this over these shitty videos?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqsPfVYjmHo

Here’s a video where a guy played videos that his 4 year old daughter made.  He released this video after James did.  Obviously “inspired” by that.  So…it won’t be as pure but…let’s check it out.

It’s called “The Mega World”.  Proper punctuation and a sensible title.

Seems to be fairly traditional level design.  She’s not just spamming enemies all over.

“The Goomba Land”.  Another good title.

Similar design to the previous level.  Similar use of doors.  

Then there’s “The Water World”.  Again, same punctuation, same sensible title.  None of this random letters bullshit.

7:15 – He mentions that his daughter had to clear the level.  So these were all uploaded, unlike James’ levels.  

This is a water level, but again, similar design layout.  It was coherent.  It was playable.  

Then it’s “The Ice World”.  The guy mentions that all of these levels use the Mario 3D World layout.  That’s a good point.  She just stuck with the same thing, unlike James’ “daughter” where “she” used lots of different themes.

“The Block World” is next and it looks very similar to the previous level.  

The video goes on but I’m done.  I can buy this.  These levels were all clearly made by the same person.  They’re structured.  They’re all properly named.  The names are all similar.

They’re also levels that look like a four year old made them.  They’re not great but they’re fine.  They’re all playable as well.  

Comparing this to James’ “daughter’s” levels…I know there’s a year difference but…it can’t be that significant.  

James’ levels were all terrible in the sense that they just spammed a bunch of enemies and shit.  Kids probably do make those kinds of levels.  

But…I don’t know.  They were all thematically quite different.  Not just using the Super Mario Bros 2 theme versus the Super Mario 3 theme, for example.  I mean the level layouts were quite different from each other.  

Then there’s the issue with the different naming conventions.  

I’m going to assume that it’s genuinely James’ daughter who made these levels.  Because it would be too insane for this not to be the case.  My mind just can’t comprehend a world where James farms these levels out to Kieran and then pretends that his daughter made them.  But something isn’t sitting right with me.

In any case, the videos were all shit and I never want to see something like this again.  Stop this lazy fucking “content”.  

And as I said, it would have been just as easy, if not easier, to play levels that “fans” made.  And it would have been a nice thing to do.  A way to engage with the viewers.  Whatever.  Not that James ever does this anyway but he wouldn’t ACTUALLY have to engage.  He could still hide away and pretend that the “fans” don’t exist.  But just play their fucking levels.  Have Screenwave make a tweet saying, “Send your level codes for James to play” and that’s it.  That’s all you have to do.  Screenwave can pick some good ones and James plays them.  It couldn’t be easier.

Plus, playing levels made by “fans” would be eminently more interesting.  The levels are going to actually be good.  

How could anyone have thought that this three part epic of James playing levels designed by his daughter or “daughter” was in any way going to be a good idea?  We don’t know James’ daughter.  Even if we knew her, who gives a shit?  The levels are all terrible.  

I can imagine James’ wife or somebody watching the first video, saying, “Well, that’s cute.  Good job, (name of daughter)” and then shutting that shit off after about two minutes.  Even if you know the person, you don’t want to watch 45 minutes of this fucking garbage.  

How much less interested is the rest of the world.  We’re supposed to find it “wholesome” that Jimmy is playing his daughter’s levels?  And this “wholesome” feeling is supposed to extend over THREE episodes?

I regularly see people on Reddit saying stuff like, “It’s nice to see James happy.”  Why do they say this?  Why do they give a fuck if James is happy or not?  Worry about your own happiness.  

I don’t give a fuck if James is happy or not.  If he’s doing something that he’s not “happy” with, he should do something else.  It’s his fucking channel.  

When he makes these videos where he’s clearly phoning it in, the problem falls squarely on Rainman.  I didn’t tell him to do this shitty video.  This was his decision.  

And you shouldn’t have to cater to his narrow band of interests anyway.  You’d see this on Rental Reviews.  Somebody on Reddit would say, “Why are they picking movies that James clearly doesn’t like?”  Because that’s the format.  You’re reviewing movies.  Different movies.  You know…like a movie review show.  Every episode can’t be It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.

If you can’t muster up the energy to make the video, do something else with your time.  Get a different job.  See a psychiatrist.  I don’t know what the problem is.  But it’s not my fucking fault that James doesn’t want to make these videos.  And he shouldn’t be treated like a child who has to be catered to.  Get up off your ass and make the fucking videos.  Or don’t.  Stop making videos.  That’s fine.  But stop half-assing this shit.  Put out GOOD content or fuck off.  Those are your options.