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Erin Waxing Idiotic About Greeting Cards
https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1404215866699534342
Father’s Day cards are always depressing to me because they are SO cliche and low effort. Tools! Lawn mowers! Beer! Meanwhile, my dad likes computers and Disney Parks so I usually just end up making a card but still. Can we please start giving dads better options in 2021?
She makes cards. Like she’s ten years old. I mean, she doesn’t have a job so it kind of makes sense. She’s stuck in some weird perpetual childhood.
But yeah, a lot of guys are interested in tools and lawn care and alcohol. Not that I think a card glorifying alcohol consumption is appropriate for a Father’s Day card. Does such a thing even exist? Let me look…
I’m not seeing anything like that. I mean, there are some disgusting cards about flatulence and obesity and testicles but I’m not seeing anything about alcohol. Or tools or lawn mowers for that matter.
Oh, now I’m seeing some about alcohol. Yeah, it’s stupid but I don’t think that these cards are dominating the market. From a quick search, it seems that flatulence cards dominate the market.
Erin also isn’t fond of Mother’s Day cards.
Mother’s Day cards can be depressing and bland AF too but the past few years they seem to have gotten A LITTLE BIT better at least. These tweets are making me realize I pay too much attention to greeting card trends.
She doesn’t even give an explanation. Maybe because they have flowers and whatnot on them. Let me DuckDuckGo this…
Yeah, they’re all pink and have flowers and hearts on them. It’s pretty accurate, though. Erin talks about her fondness for the colour pink at least six times in every stream.
But yeah, her father isn’t interested in that macho stuff. He’s into computers and Disney.
Wait. You’re telling me that there aren’t any Disney Father’s Day cards?
There’s fucking loads.
That’s just an example. Five bucks from Hallmark. They’re all pretty childish like that but that’s because adults don’t tend to give Disney cards to their father. You can still do it, though. If he likes Disney stuff, there you go. Even comes with its own pin. “Yippee I’m loved.” He’ll wear it proudly. “My 33 year old daughter got me this.” “You have my deepest sympathy.”
Somebody replies with, “Don’t forget power tools too. And football. And being extremely lazy. It’s just all so dumb. lol”. To which Erin responds, “Yes the “dad’s are lazy!” cliche is also dumb. I hate it all lol.”
Erin’s father must have been lazy, though. How do you explain Erin if not through gross neglect? She’s a sociopath and has absolutely no interests or hobbies. Every story that she’s ever told was about something that she wanted to do or something that she wanted to acquire. It’s never about something that she actually did or actually acquired.
Oh, horny John Riggs replies. “It’s like they say ‘Dad’s like to do all the home repairs when they’re not stuck in a dead-end job’ – could you imagine the outcry if they had Mother’s Day specials on vacuums?”
Erin replies, “Yeah it’s just all so silly. And obviously it’s totally fine if someone enjoy’s tinkering with tools in their spare time. It’s just the way it’s presented is SO lame.”
I don’t even know what John Riggs is trying to say. Or Erin.
– “as a Dad of 4 kids, hand made cards are the absolute best”
From a 33 year old, though?
– “Maybe you can start an Etsy store with Erin greeting cards for dads.”
That would require effort. And there are already plenty of Father’s Day cards on Etsy that cover a wide range of topics and tastes.
Justin Silverman says, “Wait. I want to hang with your Dad.”
Erin replies, “He thinks you were funny on rental reviews. He saw like two episodes. You should hang.”
Why would she mention that he only saw two episodes? It’s insulting.
And you have to assume that one of the episodes is the one that Erin was on. Where she was wearing fishnet stockings.
It’s just weird. Unless her father is mentally retarded, which he may be, he must know that this is all fake. And there’s a disgusting sexual element to all of this. He’s watching this shit? “Oh, yeah. That’s my daughter getting those retards excited on the Powerpad. Say ‘It’s so hard’ again!”
It’s like people who get into pornography, as a rule, they don’t tell their parents about it. Because that would be creepy as fuck.
And that’s basically what Erin does. She’s making pornography for literal retards. Plus there’s the whole buttsex for Youtube promotion thing. I mean, what the fuck? These people don’t care in the slightest about Erin. If they did, first of all they would have done some parenting. And secondly, they would have told Erin that what she’s doing is stupid, it’s immoral, and it’s not going to work. So she should stop this shit.
No. “Keep making that pornography for retards and keep selling your ass.”
– “Just waiting for a dad card with some rainbows and unicorns on it. I would appreciate that if I were a dad.”
Well, in order to become a father, the first step is to have intercourse with a woman. And if you like rainbows and unicorns, I’m beginning to see the problem.
– “We don’t really do cards and I’m glad cuz all of those are terrible at least I usually get home made cards from the kids but I know eventually those will stop”
Well, they should. If you’re actually doing your job as a father and trying to raise your children to become productive, independent adults. Otherwise, you might still be getting these homemade cards from a 33 year old.
– “Lots of stuff about farts too.”
Yeah. It seems so.
Horny AlphaOmegaSin replies, “Yeah I never got all that. My Dad likes Star Trek and old western flicks. Closest thing to those that might hit the mark is if I found an unopened box of Home Improvement licensed Father’s Day cards from the 90s. He’d dig that.”
You’re telling me that there are no cowboy-themed Father’s Day cards? No. There’s fucking loads.
Here’s what Erin and the horntards are really saying, “The card selection at my local drug store on the day before Father’s Day isn’t very good.” So do some preparation. Spend five minutes looking for cards online, three days before Father’s Day. No, that’s too much effort. These people are too busy not working.
Speaking of not working, Erin talks about her $250/month “job” here:
https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1403978306446315523
“Wow this was a super fun stream! Thanks so much to those of you who watched/chatted! We “won” not one, but TWO deluxe kitchens AND a Porsche on Wheel of Fortune on NES!”
Erin streamed this game with Mike about two years ago. I reviewed it, but the review is gone. It was one of the most infuriating streams I’ve ever seen. Erin didn’t even know the rules. She kept picking vowels after spinning. She didn’t know that you had to buy vowels. She didn’t even know what a vowel is and I am not making that up. She obviously never watched Wheel of Fortune even one time in her entire life. And naturally, she never played the NES game before.
But now she’s all about Wheel of Fortune. The NES version. Or so she says. And we’re supposed to believe this.
Oh, I see. She did a “variety stream” of NES games based on television game shows. And she starts the stream by saying, “So today we’re playing Classic Concentration and I’ve never seen an episode of the show but I need to.”
Why does she need to? She’s gone her entire life without watching any of these game shows. Or playing any of these video games. Why now? If she wasn’t interested for 33 years, why the sudden interest?
It’s a scam. It’s a scam perpetrated on literal retards to get $250/month.
“And I’m going to be using the NES Advantage because I’ve been having really bad carpal tunnel.”
Unbelievable. Go see a doctor, Erin. A normal 33 year old doesn’t get wrist pain from playing video games three hours a week. If this is genuine, go get it looked at. What’s the problem?
The problem is that it isn’t genuine. I mean, I know that she doesn’t have health insurance, not having a job and all, but Mike can afford a doctor’s visit. Mike can also pay for private health insurance for Erin.
She says that she “couldn’t do anything” and was “icing my hands and being sad.”
It’s insane. First of all, she’s lying. But even if this is true, NOBODY would do that. If you’re that frail, just stop playing video games.
Then Sergio says, “How are you hands today?” Fuck off, you moron.
Oh. And you know who else is in the chat? JOHN RIGGS! That fat bastard jacking off over this.
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Conventions I'm Attending + YOU Vote on Where I Will Go – John Riggs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Y6OAi3qjw4
He’s hyping the fact that you can vote on which convention he attends. Who gives a shit?
0:45 – “This contest and this video wouldn’t exist without today’s sponsor: Raid Shadow Legends.”
Can you explain? He’s been making videos for years without sponsors. Does it cost money for him to make these videos? It’s just him sitting in front of his fucking webcam.
And it’s a “contest” now? How is voting for what convention John Riggs goes to a contest? There’s no winner. Only losers.
I think that John Riggs has been putting these shit ads in his videos for a while now. I rarely watch his videos so I’m not completely sure. But he did a really weird video on that testicle shaving product where he put the razor on his tongue. Whatever.
2:30 – The first convention you can vote on in this “contest” is in South Carolina.
2:45 – Wait…he’s saying things like “for the first time ever, I’ll be in (something) Houston.” So…are we voting on this shit or not? This “contest” is really confusing.
3:15 – He’ll also be in Arlington. I guess.
3:30 – And Los Angeles.
4:00 – He also hopes to go to Renton City…wherever that is. Oh. Washington.
So he’s able to go all over the country but not his home state.
4:30 – He shills for some homebrew game that he made.
Oh. Then he talks about how there’s a contest wherein you can be in this game. Why the fuck didn’t he say that at the start of the video?
And this still doesn’t explain how this required a sponsor. It costs John Riggs money to add somebody’s name and/or vague likeness into a homebrew game that he’s making? No. Plus, he’s going to make money from selling the fucking game. Although, how much money he’s going to make is another question. Is there a big market for homebrew NES games?
No, I think that was a separate contest. I don’t know the rules of this contest. He didn’t explain anything.
5:15 – So now it’s time for the actual “contest”. Vote on what convention John Riggs should attend. I’ll say the AVN Awards.
Oh, I see. Apparently, the producers of Raid Shadow Legends are paying for John Riggs’ flight and hotel for this “contest”.
Are you fucking insane? First of all, I REALLY doubt that that’s true. How much can these fucking Raid Shadow Legends possibly pay? Enough for a flight and hotel? I’d be really surprised.
Secondly, WE DON’T CARE. How the fuck is this a “contest”. A contest would be if the WINNER gets a free flight and hotel room.
But no. In this “contest”, no matter what you vote for, the “winner” is John Riggs. It doesn’t make any fucking sense. Why would he say any of this?
All he had to do was put the fucking Raid Shadow Legend commercial in the video, accept the free flight and hotel accommodation, and say, “Hey, you guys can vote on which convention I go to.” That would make sense. It would be stupid because who cares what convention he goes to, but at least there wouldn’t be this bizarre “contest” angle where the only person who “wins” anything is fucking John Riggs.
So he starts going over the options. There’s one in Georgia. He says, “If you live near to that one, maybe that’s the one that you choose.”
So this is the “contest”. You can “win” by getting a chance to maybe see John Riggs. If you stalk him at a convention. Maybe just by happenstance you’ll run into him. But no promises.
What kind of fucking prize is that? This just doesn’t make any sense.
9:00 – “Once again, Raid Shadow Legends, they’re sponsoring my flight, they’re sponsoring my trip, they’re sponsoring me being a guest or a fan or both at one of those six conventions.”
This is the third time that he’s mentioned fucking Raid Shadow Legends and this “contest” still makes absolutely no sense. What is wrong with him?
I would be really surprised if the people who make that shit game are literally going to pay for his flight and hotel accommodation. What I think John Riggs means is that he’s getting money from these people, as usual, and he’s going to spend this money on a flight and hotel. That’s it. Who gives a shit? John Riggs gets a fucking vacation from some shitty ad that he put in a stupid Youtube video and that’s the “prize” of this “contest”.
9:15 – “I hope that we see each other face to face really soon. How about that?”
No thanks, John. But he’s giving a shout out to all of the sexy ladies out there. All of the sexy ladies who are into 45 year old married fat men with three children.
So the options are Atlanta, Pittsburgh, Milwaukee, Philadelphia, St Louis, and Hartford. And he has a link where you can go and vote. It’s like some fucking Webmonkey or whatever polling site from back in the day. You don’t even have to vote. You can just click “see results”. So that skews everything.
Not that it matters anyway. Once again, who the fuck cares where John Riggs goes on his vacation? What kind of “contest” is this?
And again…even if your choice “wins” what does it matter? You then have to buy a ticket to the event, travel there, and….then what? He’s not saying that he’s going to meet you. What the fuck is the point of this?
The Atlanta option has an insurmountable lead. So that’s where John Riggs is going to go on his vacation. That’s the “prize”. John Riggs going to Atlanta is the “prize” of this “contest”.
But he’s also going to all of those other conventions: in South Carolina and Texas and California. How is he paying for those? Raid Shadow Legend isn’t sponsoring those “contests”.
I don’t think that John Riggs has a job. And he has three children, one of which I think has a serious mental disability and requires near constant monitoring. But he’s traveling all over the country for these nerd conventions. To try to pick up chicks. While his poor wife is at home with these kids.
He’s fucking vile.
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REVIEW | Fire Emblem Three Houses – Pelvic Gaming
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8rHeopIzOU
0:00 – “This was gifted to me by my best friend Mark.”
By “best friend” she means, “horny, mentally challenged loser”. It’s disgusting.
And I just don’t get it. Why this woman? She’s boring and there have to be better looking women doing these scam “gaming” videos.
2:30 – Closeup of Pelvic Gamer’s face and she’s wearing a lot of makeup, including her usual blue lipstick, and she’s like a lion or something. This is really unsettling.
4:00 – More of this unpleasant cosplay.
8:45 – And again. I don’t get it. Who’s jerking off to this?
Oh. Games & Movies. He’s that mentally retarded guy who goes to Erin’s streams. He has videos of him hugging various costumed characters at Disneyland.
Yeah. This must be a fetish for the mentally retarded. Furry shit. That’s exactly what she’s doing. This is shameful. Blatantly trying to attract the mentally retarded.
She’s doing some like political speech for some faction in the game called the Blue Lions. And The Star Spangled Banner is playing. And this is supposed to be like some American political commercial.
So…the Fire Emblem series takes place in the US? This doesn’t make any sense. I assumed that it was some fictional world loosely based on feudal Japan.
9:15 – What? Now she’s in an eagle mask and the Soviet flag is projected behind her via greenscreen.
“Do you hate religion? We sure do. Join the Black Eagles. Yeah, fuck the church.”
I don’t think that this is an accurate depiction of the views of the old Soviet Union. Or, for that matter, the Black Eagles. This is just weird and stupid.
9:30 – Now she’s in some shitty horse cosplay or something. She speaks in a stereotypical Southern accent and then does a jig. This is supposed to represent the Golden Deer faction.
None of this makes sense and it just exposes the horrendously deficient education standards in the US. The game is loosely based on fucking feudal Japan. Right? I mean, I’m just assuming because that’s what all of these JRPGs are like. I’ve never played any JRPG that was at all based on life in the US.
But this is all that she knows. She doesn’t know anything outside of the US. And even her knowledge of the US is shallow at best.
9:45 – Really weird cosplay where she’s having virtual tea with some “sexy” character in the game and she has to choose from three dialogue options: “Dimitri’s Dick”, “Hubey x Ferdi”, and “Blue Eagle suck”.
The first option is her usual bizarre crude bullshit, the second one doesn’t make any sense to me, and I think that she forgot an “S” in the third option. In any event, none of this is funny and it’s disturbing.
11:45 – More creepy American-centric cosplay about this Japanese game that takes place in a fictionalised version of feudal Japan.
I don’t even want to comment on this. She’s an idiot.
15:00 – A final “treat” of this furry shit.
16:15 – “If you enjoyed the bits in this video, be sure to join my Patreon. It’s because of the funds that you guys provide, I can go a wee bit extra.”
How much did these fucking costumes cost? The lion thing, maybe $30. The eagle mask, $10 at the most. And the deer one is $20.
So if it wasn’t for Patreon she wouldn’t have done this “cringe” shit? That’s just a reason not to join her Patreon.
Why not just get a job and then you can buy stuff as needed? Wouldn’t that be better than shaking down the mentally challenged?
– “Damn….. this review so good, don’t know why tho…. just can’t put my finger on it…”
And he timestamps the furry shit. This is just confirmation that people are jerking off to this.
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Advising the Ladies on the GirlGamers Sub-Reddit
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/
Men aren’t allowed to post there (which isn’t discriminatory) so I’ll post here.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/nwbpd9/need_advice/
real talk gals how do I tell my husband I can’t play with him anymore? We play a co-op game together and I just don’t have a good time playing with him anymore. He gets angry over the smallest things. For example, he raged quit because one other player accidentally interfered with him getting an achievement, noone res him on time, and etc. It’s always everyone’s fault or the game’s fault when we don’t complete missions…I tell him he needs to chill and have fun because that’s the whole point of gaming. Anyways, I love playing this game and I would rather play with other people at this point… (I didn’t put the name of the game. He might find this post lol)
Get a divorce.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/nwjm8n/being_too_tough_for_horror_games/
I love horror games – I played RE7 a bit slow to appreciate all artwork and spooky atmosphere. It makes it way more immersive that way and now it’s my favourite game of all time. It scared me so much I had to take breaks haha, but I think that’s part of the fun of appreciating horror. My housemate is also a big RE fan and I told him that this game was really fun and scary and that he should play it sometime. He did pretty much a speed run of it on his first attempt and said “is this supposed to be scary?” “you must be really easily scared” like come off it man. Why do men have to do this?
Because all men are giant jerks. You should become a lesbian. If you’re not already.
Somebody did a picture of two video game ladies in love. Happy “Pride Month” to all the lesbian gamer grrls out there.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/nvwf85/whats_with_the_dota_and_whole_esports_community/
My partner loves DOTA and was watching a game and I was looking over and there was a female commentator and it made me happy but the teams and coaches were entirely male and all the other analysts were male and it just seemed so ridiculous. We had a conversation about it and apparently there once was a full female DOTA team (unknown what happened to them) but it just seems like esports (much like other sports) is just so male centric. Why, when there are so many gamers that identify as female, is there no room for us in pro-gaming communities?
Your “partner”, huh? I hear you loud and clear. Happy Pride Month.
As to your question, perhaps women aren’t as interested in “gaming” as you think that they are. Or at least not to a competitive level. They’re not being excluded. These places are gagging for women to join. Women don’t seem to be interested.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/nvk23g/starting_a_new_game/
Anyone else get kinda insecure when starting a new game, especially an online multiplayer FPS? I’ve been tryna get into Valorant but Im the type who stays loyal to a game and I had been playing Overwatch for years before I finally lost interest. Now I’m a total noob and I feel so lost! Its hard for me to push through this phase of being insecure about being the worst player on each team in every match I join and I get lost around the maps sometimes. Is this just a me thing or does anyone have any tips for this?
Nobody cares if you suck. Just make an effort. If anyone gives you any shit, they’re probably children.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/nvbwdx/why_is_everybody_on_rainbow_six_siege_so/
Why is everybody on Rainbow Six Siege so misogynistic??
I absolutely love the game and am trying to get back into it, but whenever I unmute my mic I get harassed. It’s hard to even want to play anymore when my team is always full of assholes. Does anyone else have this issue with R6S?
Do most people use voice chat in that game? I fucking hated whenever somebody would use voice chat in a game. I always turned that shit off. I don’t want to hear some 13 year old kid trying to boss people around and talking about how everybody sucks.
But yeah, everybody is misogynistic in Rainbow Six. Maybe try Cat Quest.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/nupz5g/encouraging_bullying_while_repping_pride_flags/
I just need to get this off my chest. Had a very toxic game of Valorant, some weirdo incel type was saying increasingly more demented sexual stuff, I muted him after the first sentence but my friend told me what he said.
We asked the enemy team to report, and seeing as they had 3 out of 5 with pride banners, we thought they’d understand and help. Instead they made fun of us for asking for help.
I couldn’t help myself and said that pride flags are meant to be a sign that you are supportive.
Further bullying ensued.
It’s very disheartening and disillusioning that even LGBT people perpetrate toxicity towards women and other LGBT players.
I know being LGBT doesn’t automatically make someone a good person, but it still hurt.
You should have muted your friend too. Just play the game, you fucking clown. Stop trying to create drama.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/nu0s9q/new_tlou_tattoo_of_ellies_switchblade/
Somebody posted a tattoo of some video game dagger (I guess) that she got on her chubby leg. Happy Pride Month, madam.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/nu7ii3/recognition_to_all_epic_gamer_ladies/
This post goes to all of you, to the warriors and the wonderful women who continue to make a stand against the silliness of the world. For those who empower and support each other over fighting each other down. When the world goes into chaos we remain strong and absolute. Leaders of everything we put our minds to. You are amazing! Hope this Monday finds you all well :3
Wait…what are we talking about here? Happy Pride Month anyway.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/ntnuzb/online_games_for_someone_with_social_anxiety/
Online games for someone with social anxiety
To elaborate, I can’t handle rude and judgemental people. The slightest bit of disappointment or anything that seemed like they don’t want me to play will literally make me stop playing the game. BUT, I also want to make friends because I feel lonely.
So anyone here who knows any game that is fun and also has warm friendly players? I tried among us for a while but I remember joining a discord group where they literally left when I wouldn’t talk -as they were already talking to each other- when they’re already inside a group bubble of just 7 people. Did it two more times and both times I was either rejected or ignored.
Please don’t judge me. I really just want friends
Yeah. Any of them. I don’t know what Discord has to do with anything. Find a game that you enjoy playing and play it. Mute anyone who’s an asshole. This isn’t challenging stuff, ladies. I have the same fucking experiences. Everybody does. I write a message on a video game message board and some asshole will give a stupid reply. I’m playing a game and some asshole will start complaining that I suck. These games are TEEMING with assholes. Because they’re children. These are children’s games. Nothing to do with misogyny. Mute them and continue playing.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/ntgwcs/nervous_about_getting_back_into_online_gaming/
Ive been a console gamer for a very long time but I’ve played alone mostly. I’m just wondering if there are any online games that are good for dipping your toes into the water? I did play gta online for a short while a few years ago with some work colleagues but ngl I’ve lost some confidence. I’d really appreciate any advice/suggestions!
Yeah, online Grand Theft Auto 5 is awful. I played it once. Nothing to do with the people playing the game. It was just a stupid game. No fun.
As for good online games, any of them. Find something that you like. I mean…what the fuck? What I like is probably different from what you like. We all have video game preferences.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/nt85gy/new_to_twitch/
New to twitch!
I’m super shy tbh.. so it’s totally nerve racking but I enjoyed all the nice people. I got into twitch because my bf is a COD God and has quite a lot of viewers but… everytime I had a guy in my channel he would act super wierd and hop in my chat. He also refuses to play with me because I’m a newb. So I stopped for like a month but I think I want to start playing again. I saw the just chatting option. Can anyone please tell me what just chatting is all about? Any tips or pointers for games and twitch will also be really appreciated!
Yeah, Twitch is a platform mostly for people who enjoy playing video games. That doesn’t sound like it’s you. So do something else.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/nsp9x4/women_play_videogames_can_we_move_on/
Recently I’ve been teaching some friends how to play Valorant (they usually play CSGO). I got used to give a lot of calls and kinda organize the game. So, the other day I was playing with a few of them and some randoms. We played 3 games, and I was with my mic open, giving a lot of calls, etc. From those 3 games, I got 3 friend requests, one guy asking my for my Instagram and another asking if I was a girl. I think is my fault I still get surprised everytime this things happens. I feel like a live in a completely different reality than these guys. It’s the year 2021, women play videogames and always have, can we move on and get treated as anyone else?
They’re horny losers. Mute them and move on.
But imagine a world where you’re playing a video game, as a man, and women just flood you with offers for sex. That would be awful, wouldn’t it? Come on, ladies. I just want to play a video game here. Stop talking about how hot I am and all of the sexy stuff that you want to do with me.
I knew a guy years ago who took dance lessons. It was an Italian guy. Italian as in from Italy, not Italian as in Tony from Hack the Movies.
And he took these dance classes precisely because it was overwhelmingly women and the women would fight each other to have him as a partner. Not because he was some hot guy but just because it was either him or dance with other women.
He didn’t say, “Come on, ladies. I’m just here to dance. Can you stop fighting for my love and attention?” THAT’S WHAT HE WAS THERE FOR. He specifically went to these classes to receive the adoration of women. He didn’t give a fuck about dancing.
But women in video games don’t seem to like this. And that’s fine. You just want to play a game, not deal with horny losers. I get it. But you can either mute them or take up knitting. I mean, what can I say? They’re not going to stop. It’s overwhelmingly guys who are playing these games. What do you think is going to happen?
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My Horror Movie Premise – Cinemassacre
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJm_BcnHBoM
Jesus Christ. Is his horror idea The Wolfman? Those are some hairy arms.
So he had no time to make a movie so he’s just going to tell us his idea for the movie. This seems pointless but let’s hear him out.
3:15 – It’s something about a fucking amusement park and he makes a reference to Six Flags Great Adventure. That’s the name of a specific park, isn’t it? A specific park in the Six Flags…brand. Let me look this up.
Yeah. That’s the park in New Jersey. Why would he expect people to know this? There are loads of parks under the Six Flags umbrella.
10:00 – He talks about fucking coronavirus. This is Jimmy’s true horror.
This is fucking boring. I’m 13 minutes in. It’s about a haunted abandoned amusement park. Where did he get this idea from? Every third episode of Scooby Doo, Where Are You? I mean, what the fuck? This is hardly original.
And how the fuck would he film this? Is he going to build an abandoned amusement park? He’s talking about dilapidated roller coasters and shit. Is it all going to be bad CGI? Is he going to get filming permission to film in an abandoned amusement park?
19:00 – “There are lots of horror films that take place in abandoned amusement parks.”
Yeah. So why didn’t you come up with something more original?
20:15 – He suggests that this brilliant idea of his could be turned into a book instead of a movie.
So that’s the video.
But it reminds me of a time when I was looking up former classmates on Facebook. And one woman had written two books. And she had the Amazon links. So I checked them out.
Fucking haunted houses. She wrote two fucking books about haunted houses. As an adult. And these books were, apparently, aimed at adults.
They were just self-published, of course. Amazon has some print on demand service, I think. Or maybe they were “e-books”. But holy shit. Haunted houses. Is this really the best that you can come up with? I think that this idea has been done before.
I mean, whatever. She wasn’t a bright woman. She wrote a couple of books for her own enjoyment. Keeps her busy. Good for her.
What makes James think that he can even write a book? Or for that matter a movie? I’m still working my way through the AVGN Movie, after more than a year, but what I saw was absolutely abysmal. And it’s the same as everything that he does. He just throws every stupid idea he can think of into the movie, with liberal doses of time-travel. It’s all just an incoherent mess.
Let’s see what the boys on Reddit have to say.
Oh yeah. Somebody says that the film idea is similar to the Goonies. That’s true. I hate the Goonies so fucking much. I didn’t see it as a kid so it holds no *nostalgia* value for me. I think that this is the key. With no *nostalgia* value, the film is just a vulgar, stupid, piece of shit.
Somebody else compares this movie idea to It. I never saw it but yeah, I think that that’s accurate too. Yeah, childhood friends coming together during adulthood to combat evil. It’s been done.
And I still don’t understand how he would possibly film this. Okay, maybe he can find an abandoned amusement park to film in. Use the dilapidated roller coaster as background for some establishing shots. But the main part of the film takes place in some kind of haunted It’s A Small World ride with animatronic characters and shit. Where would he find such a thing? This would cost a fucking fortune to make. It can’t just be all CGI. That would look like shit even if a competent team of professionals was doing it. How much worse would it look with fucking Jimmy Rolfe and the Screenwave Gang doing it?
Just make a fucking movie of people talking. That’s all that you have the budget for. Something like My Dinner with Andre. Or Slacker. Or Clerks.
What about fucking Glengarry Glen Ross? Mike has referenced this movie many times in his streams so I assume that he’s mentioned this at “work” before and that everybody at Screenwave is familiar with it.
Just rip Glengarry Glen Ross off. You have the fucking actors. You have the set. It takes place in an office. All guys.
Make a movie loosely based on what it’s like to work at Screenwave. Instead of talking about “leads” in the real estate sense, you can talk about “leads” in the “Youtuber” sense. “We need to get these Youtubers to sign up with us”. Or whatever. I mean, it doesn’t have to be a straight rip off of Glengarry Glen Ross. But do some sort of movie about working in a fucking office. You have the office. No need to build sets or anything. You don’t have to go to Hollywood to shoot the film. And you don’t have to do any casting call. Fucking Tony and Kieran and Justin and whoever else works there and wants to do this. There are your actors.
And no fucking stupid horror or time travel or giant monsters or any of this shit. Just a movie about working at Screenwave or some kind of office. Drama. Maybe some comedic elements if somebody there can actually write comedy but I’ve seen no evidence of that thus far.
You can also rip off The Office. Light comedy. Maybe there’s a scene where Justin clogs the toilet and he has to escape the bathroom without getting caught. And there’s an investigation into who clogged the toilet. And Justin is getting nervous. They’re saying that the size of this dump suggests that only a 300+ pound man could have done this. And there’s in-fighting. People are blaming each other. And in the end, I don’t know, it’s never discovered who the culprit was but Ryan sends a company-wide email out stating that the plumbing bill was $300 and to please institute part-way flushes if you have unusually large bowel movements.
There’s thirty minutes right there. Just off the top of my head. And it involves poo. James likes poo.
But no. Haunted fucking amusement park.
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8 Retro Gaming Easter Eggs and Secrets! – Erin Plays
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONVMwsnAjco
Without watching the video, maybe I can guess what games she’s going to cover.
Probably NES. I was thinking that there’s that Easter egg in…Adventure or whatever that has the game designer’s name on some screen. I think that’s considered the first Easter egg. But is she going to mention that? I’ll say no.
So NES Easter eggs…I can’t even think of any offhand. But she also says “secrets”. So that opens the door up. Well, let’s just get into it. See what Easter eggs she found on Wikipedia.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Easter_egg_(media)#In_video_games
Huh. They mention the Konami code as an “Easter egg” in this article. Never in a million years would I consider that an Easter egg. So if Erin mentions this, I know for 100% certainty that she just went to Wikipedia for this shit.
And I was right about that game being Adventure.
0:00 – “I’ve always been interested in hidden secrets inside old video games.”
Define “always”. I think that she means, “From about the time that I got the idea for this video, through the 30 minute “research” stage, and ending when I finish recording this video.”
“When you stumble upon little secrets in games you never knew about, you get an extra burst of satisfaction, especially when it comes to finding new things in games that you’ve played through a bunch of times.”
And there’s footage of Punchout: a game that Erin has openly admitted to never playing before. Also, some Legend of Zelda game and Super Mario Bros 3, two games that I believe she’s also never played before. She’s never done a stream of them, after all. So she never played them.
She starts with Sword of Sodan on the Genesis. Huh…just give me a minute.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuJt1CxZow4
That’s a stream that Mike uploaded to Youtube five days ago. Go to 3:00:00 and you’ll see Mike briefly playing Sword of Sodan. Mike, rightly, suggests that it’s an obscure game.
Gee, Erin. Where do you get your ideas?
0:30 – “We all know that this game sucks.”
No we don’t. I never saw it in my life until five days ago when I was watching Mike’s stream. I never heard of this game.
But Erin doesn’t have a fucking clue. She thinks that this is a well-known game. And naturally, she never heard of the game either until Mike did his stream about a week ago. But she’s pretending to be a real “gamer”. “You guys all know Sword of Sodan, right?”
She picks the female character, of course.
Then she gives a quick rundown of this game that she’s never played before in her life.
Then it’s time for the Easter egg. If you drink all of the potions at once, your character dies and a “Winners don’t use drugs” message appears. Erin doesn’t get the reference. It was a common screen in arcade games but Erin doesn’t know this so doesn’t mention it.
1:30 – “You can accomplish this little trick in less than a minute if you play the game on easy mode.”
That’s the only mode that Erin ever plays on. Thanks for the tip.
1:45 — Streets of Rage 4. Huh. Give me another minute.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQcI66GAR_E
Two months ago, Mike did a five hour stream of this game.
Gee, Erin. Where do you get your ideas?
And yeah, I saw this stream. I remember Mike showing some Easter egg where if you did something involving a taser with an arcade machine in the game something would happen. Let’s see if that’s the Easter egg that Erin is going to show.
1:45 – Well, well, well. That was exactly the Easter egg that Erin demonstrated. It was probably footage stolen from Mike’s stream as well.
2:30 – Star Fox…give me a minute.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiFco90-6Cg
Mike uploaded a Star Fox stream yesterday.
Is this a fucking joke? Is she intentionally doing this just to mess with me? This is fucking ridiculous. It couldn’t be any more obvious what she’s doing. All she fucking did was take recent streams that Mike has done and put them into a compilation video. This is the laziest fucking shit possible. And it’s yet another illustration showing that Erin knows absolutely nothing about video games.
The Easter egg in question “Looks like a 90s fever dream.”
Hey guys! Remember 90s fever dreams? Fever dreams that were unique to the 1990s?
No, Erin. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. What does that possibly mean? Were dreams different in “the 90s”?
3:15 – She pronounces “dimension” with a long “I” sound. Really weird. Like she’s never seen the word before.
4:30 – She makes a Yoshi’s Island reference. A game that she played on stream, for money.
4:45 – Oh. And Yoshi’s Island is the next game. Well, at least it’s not a game that she’s stealing from a recent Mike stream. She’s just repurposing her own streams for this one.
You know, for a long time Erin talked about how Yoshi’s Island was her favourite game and she played it when she was a kid. One of the first Youtube videos she did was Yoshi’s Island. Then we finally got to see her stream the game maybe a year ago. Something like this. No, it must be longer than that because I wrote about it but it’s not on this site. It’s in my personal archive of my old sub-reddit, though.
Holy shit was she bad at the game. And this is one of the few games that she said that she had experience with.
6:00 – Castlevania III. The game that she’s streamed more than any other game. For money.
6:30 – Alladin. Huh. Mike definitely played this not too long ago. But I don’t know. I think that I’ve seen him play this game many times.
7:00 – “McDonald’s Treasureland”. Full title seems to be McDonald’s Treasureland Adventure but whatever.
Yeah, Erin did a video on this and probably streamed it too.
8:15 – Cruis’n USA. I’m sure that Mike played this in a somewhat recent “variety stream” but I don’t have a specific memory of it. What I know for certain is that Erin has never played this game before and has no idea what she’s talking about.
9:15 – “I hope that you guys enjoyed this video and maybe even found something new.”
Well, not really because I watch all of your shitty videos and most of Mike’s videos.
“Feel free to leave some secrets in the comments.”
Why? I’m not going to do your research for you.
Anyway, another dogshit video. And she doesn’t even appear on screen. Shishi is sitting there with his dick in his hand. “I waited two weeks for this?”
– “Streets of Rage 4 has multiple 16-bit secrets like that.”
Yeah, but that was the only one that Mike showed so that’s the only one that she knows.
– “I didn’t know about any of these! The Sword of Sodan one is so silly even though it’s a good message about not mixing medicines… I also need to try the Star Fox one sometime. I’m always glad to learn something new!”
That was from Hungry Goriya. She’s super gay for Erin.
– “My favourite episode (and it seems I’m.not the only one, I wonder why) is the Power Pad Games one. Part 2 coming anytime soon, or have you tried them all? :)”
He’s straight up talking about how he masturbates to these videos.
– “Hey Erin, did you know there is a controller that you can purchase at Best Buy that has a button you can press and instantly beat any video game on any console? It’s called the ‘Prettiest Gamer Girl’ button, and apparently you are the only person that can buy it. LOL!”
That one needs a lot of work.
– “Erin Plays with no Erin”
Erin replies, “I didn’t find it necessary to be on camera for this video :)”
Ummm…you know what these videos are, don’t you? People with mental retardation masturbate to them. So yes, you have to appear in the fucking videos. NOBODY is watching these videos to learn about video games.
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Crystal Quin is UNWATCHABLE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOM8XS0f_cY
I think that I’m going to have to retire Talking About Tapes, or as it’s called now, Hack the Movies. Here’s a comment that I saw:
– “Hate what this show has become”
I agree entirely. Here’s another one:
– “simps”
The comments are mostly about how people, inexplicably, want to have sex with Crystal.
Let me back up. I used to watch Talking About Tapes aka Rental Reviews aka Hack the Movies and enjoy it on a semi-ironic basis. It was watchable. I can’t say that any of them were good but as background material while you’re doing other stuff, it was fine.
What Tony seems to have done of late is realise that if he puts Crystal and/or Johanna in the videos, they get slightly more views. So he’s doing this constantly.
Here’s the problem: Johanna is not good and Crystal is absolutely unwatchable. But he’s trying to attract the horntard audience. He’s given up on trying to produce a good show.
Let me show you what I mean:
12:00 – They’re talking about some script that Newt apparently wrote.
Tony: Did Newt write like a married couple giving road head?
Crystal: Yes. That also is something that he would definitely write.
Then Newt talks about how he wrote something about a female monster who bites a man’s penis off.
Crystal: This is literally like the third time that he’s written something like that. How many times do you want somebody biting off somebody’s dick?
Newt: I have a fetish.
Tony: I also found it interesting that the girl, pretty on point, she instigated the road head. What is up with chicks wanting to do road head? I’ve never — I’ve been offered it so many times and I’m like, ‘No, I’d like to make it to my destination’”
Before I continue, nobody questions this. Nobody says, “Really? Come on, Tony. How many times were you really offered ‘road head’? Be honest. Is it even one time?”
No, instead Crystal uses this obviously apocryphal story to launch into a tedious monologue about how much she enjoys fellating men while they’re driving.
Crystal: (obnoxious face) Is Tony telling me that he’s turning down road head?
Newt: Well, so many women want Tony.
Tony: Yeah.
Crystal: Who the fuck turns down road head?
Right here is where we could probably stop. We get it, Crystal. You’re a whore. Your entire personality is about sex and your appearance. You have no other interests. But let’s move on and talk about the movie.
But no. They continue. Newt tells a riveting story about receiving oral sex while in traffic on Independence Day. Tony says that he only enjoys it while the car is parked.
So Crystal continues: “You’re boring. It’s only if you can handle it. It’s okay to say, ‘Hey, I can’t handle this.’ Or it starts and you’re like, ‘Oh, shit. Got to pull over.’ Because that happens as well.”
Okay, Crystal. You’ve had sex before. Everybody wants to have sex with you. You’re so fucking hot. We get it. You don’t have to keep telling us. Can we get back to the movie?
There’s something deeply wrong with this woman. Everything is about her appearance and sex. AND LOOK AT HER.
But forget her appearance. That’s a distraction. I’m not going to assign her a number. Everybody likes different things. She obviously works out. She takes care of herself. And facially…I’ve seen worse. If she was less repellent in terms of personality, I’d be happy to go out with her. Go to the Quakertown Flea Market or whatever.
Even if it was a smoking hot chick, I don’t want to fucking hear this. It’s extraordinarily off-putting. Talk about something else. Do you have any other interests? Is there anything at all going on in your mind?
No. Just everybody wants to have sex with Crystal Quin and she wants the world to know it. EVERYBODY wants to fuck her. Except me, apparently. Maybe I’m the weirdo. I mean, you look at the comments and all of these fucking retards are loving this shit. “Yeah! She fucks everybody! Maybe even a retard like me has a chance! Now I just need to learn how to drive and that road head is mine!”
It’s fucking boring. And it’s so fucking obvious what she’s doing.
It doesn’t help that her two fucking idiot co-hosts are perpetuating this. “Go tell Youtube how hot you are and how everybody wants to have sex with you. Road head. Do you have any road head stories that you can share? What about that time that your boss wanted to have sex with you? And lesbians. You do lesbian stuff too, right?”
Hey, guys, go jerk off before you do the show. Jerk each other off. I don’t give a fuck. I’m an open-minded guy. Nobody’s judging you. Whatever you have to do to keep this shit off of the show.
13:45 – Then Newt describes what it’s like when he has an orgasm. Hey, Newt, we don’t fucking care.
Show me a single person who wants to know what it’s like when Newt cums. Is this information that anybody on earth was requesting?
Oh, I just realised, because I looked it up, that they’re reviewing a current movie. You know what might have helped? TELLING US THIS INFORMATION. I just assumed that it was another “the 90s” or 2000s movie.
16:45 – Crystal again brings the discussion to the gutter.
“As soon as I sawl (sic) topless, showgirl zombies, I was like, and the music in the background, what was it, Viva Las Vegas, I was like, this is amazing.”
We get it Crystal. Boobs. You like boobs. Can we talk about something else?
In case people aren’t understanding my objection, let me be clear. I’m not some Puritan. I like sex and boobs as much as the next guy. And if Crystal is having a lot of sex and really appreciates tits, that’s the tops.
But we don’t need to hear about it every fucking time that she opens her mouth. Change the fucking record.
It’s like Madam Fomo and her repeated promotion of her OnlyFans. “LOOK AT MY TITS, GUYS! LOOK AT MY TITS, GUYS! LOOK AT MY TITS, GUYS!”
Okay. They’re pretty big. Cool. But this is boring now. Do you have anything else to say?
Then Tony sarcastically says that he found this scene misogynistic and degrading. Crystal says, “Wait, why is that degrading? Why is that degrading because girls want to show their freaking boobs?”
We get it, Crystal. You’re super hot and everybody wants to have sex with you. Everybody loves seeing your tits. And all women should want to show their tits. That’s liberating. All women should be as empty-headed as you as well.
18:30 – “There was a crude visual gag, apparently, where there was going to be a male stripper with a huge dick that was going to be bitten off but they said they had to cut it because that was going too far.”
Does anybody want to guess who made this contribution? It was Crystal, of course. Everybody wants to have sex with her and she wants to have sex with everybody. So you have a shot, horntards.
It’s just so fucking obvious. She’s doing this to try to appease people. To try to get people to like her. I assume that she’s like this generally. Not just for these videos. I don’t think that she’s clever enough for this to be a ploy just to con horntards for pennies.
She’s replaced a personality for sex talk. She’s deranged. There’s something seriously wrong with her. Why doesn’t she just have a personality like a normal person? Why was this the coping strategy that took over?
“But it was their tits, it wasn’t their freaking va-jay-hay now.”
I won’t give the context but it’s Crystal with more weird and desperate sex talk.
Newt: There’s never been a guy who does like sexual stuff in his movies.
Crystal: I think that that would have been great!
It doesn’t end. I’m at 18:45. There’s another hour of this.
Tony: He did make a giant blue penis in Watchmen.
Crystal: That was fantastic.
We get it, Crystal. Everybody wants to have sex with you and you’re super horny all of the time. You’re totally receptive to sex. To anyone. You really want to be accepted. You want people to like you. And you’re super hot.
Let’s move on. What else can I say? How can I possibly progress this podcast? Somebody just tell Crystal that she’s attractive and that they want to have sex with her. Maybe that would help. You don’t ACTUALLY have to have sex with her. Just say that you’d like to. She just needs the validation. Then maybe, MAYBE she can start talking about something else.
19:30 – “Doggie style is when you bend her over, you pull her hair back a little, and you just…no?”
This was another Crystal contribution. This is a review of a zombie movie, right? Why is Crystal defining “doggie style”? We’re not in the seventh grade. We know what it is. But it’s yet another sex comment.
You know what? All of this sex talk got me curious. Let me check out Crystal’s Instagram. I bet that she has some really hot pictures because she’s super attractive and likes showing off her totally appealing body.
Okay. Bra and panties. A lot of pictures of her in a bra and panties. She’s also holding a skull. The skull is in front of her crotch. Some “road head” simulation, I guess. Let me check…no, totally flaccid. Maybe I should see a doctor. If I can’t achieve an erection to a smoking hot woman like Crystal Quin, who EVERYBODY wants to have sex with, there must be a medical explanation. She’s a professional model, for fuck’s sake.
25:45 – Out of nowhere, Crystal defines “coyote ugly” as, “When you get so drunk that you wind up sleeping with somebody so ugly and gnawing your arm off instead of waking them up.”
Have I mentioned that everybody wants to have sex with Crystal Quin. It must be true. Why else would she keep making comments to this effect?
Then for the remaining hour of the video, Crystal just…talks about the movie. I was really taken aback by this. What happened? Did they take a break and she had sex with some random dude off the street? Everybody wants to have sex with her, after all. It shouldn’t be hard to find somebody.
But yeah, that last hour was totally listenable. She redeemed herself. It wasn’t good but I didn’t fall asleep or have cause to write more shit about her.
This is what Rental Reviews aka Talking About Tapes aka Hack the Movies should be all about: something that you can put on as background noise while you do something else. In this instance, I was furiously masturbating while thinking about having sex with Crystal Quin. And the video was a good soundtrack for that.
But the first 26 minutes? Please, for the love of Christ try to take my comments on board. Not because I know everything and only my opinion matters and I’m so influential (although, I do have the most popular gamer grrls cum Hack the Movies blog in the world). But I think that my opinion is one which is shared by large numbers of viewers. At least those who aren’t required to wear a taekwondo helmet all day.
So I wrote the above and that was going to be a stand alone thing but then Tony uploaded ANOTHER video with Crystal. As here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZMX0fnrwCo
So let’s check it out. Maybe the sex comments are kept to a minimum.
0:30 – Crystal is in a “sexy” Poison Ivy costume. Eugh.
It’s just so fucking shit what Tony is doing. Trying to appeal to the fucking horntards. And with THIS. I am not jerking off to Crytal Quin. I’m sorry. She doesn’t do it for me. Stop trying. Just do a straight fucking review.
Two fucking hours.
4:15 – Crystal makes an annoying, patronising face for no apparent reason. I won’t point these out because she does this CONSTANTLY but I’ll just mention this one by way of example.
10:00 – Tony starts talking about the buttocks and penis bulges that appear on the Batman costume and Crystal makes a bunch of idiotic excited comments about this. Just fuck off.
14:00 – Newt says, “You look amazing as Poison Ivy, by the way.”
This could have been edited out. But maybe this will help in getting Crystal to not constantly remind everybody how hot she is and how everybody wants to have sex with her.
Newt also mentions, for the second time this episode, that he’s been drinking. He’s drinking whiskey. He was also drinking whiskey in the Batman Forever video.
Is this what goes on at Screenwave? You’re allowed to drink hard liquor while working? It would explain some things, I guess.
16:45 – Newt again mentions that Crystal is attractive.
Tony. Please. Edit this fucking shit out. It’s two fucking seconds and it adds NOTHING to the video. It only detracts. I’m not the only person raging over this shit. There’s a silent majority of non-retards who can’t fucking stand this shit. And it’s so easily fixed. Just fucking get rid of Crystal. That would be the ultimate solution. But I appreciate that you’re trying to pull in the horntards.
19:00 – “She looks super hot as Poison Ivy, Tony. Fuck you.”
Okay, just get rid of everybody. I don’t want to listen to this fucking drunk any more. Do the show by yourself. Or get fucking Kieran or what’s his name…the fat guy. I’m just so blinded with rage that I can’t even remember his name now.
Then Crystal says, “Don’t worry. There will be plenty of people who say that I don’t look good.”
Yeah. You invite these comments by constantly fucking telling us how hot you are. Just don’t mention your fucking appearance. TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE FOR ONCE. What a pathetic, shallow existence that she leads.
26:00 – Newt mentions a “choking sex story” that was cut out of a previous episode. Just get rid of him. This is not working.
Tony: Fuck Newt.
Crystal: Okay!
Newt: Alright!
Crystal: No, I mean like ‘fuck you’, not like…
Newt: Aww.
Crystal: Sorry.
Newt: I got excited for a minute.
Get rid of these scumbags. I mean, we can see the video. Tony is not engaging with this shit. Tony does not like this shit. Tony represents the viewer. He knows that it’s bad. Why doesn’t he just get rid of these clowns? Does he need fucking pennies from retards this badly?
28:15 – Newt makes a comment about how he’s jealous of Brad Pitt’s muscular physique. Tony, again voicing the thoughts of the viewer, suggests that Newt is a homosexual.
I mean, what the fuck is this? Just review the fucking movie without all of these bizarre sexual comments. And now he’s adding homoerotic comments to his repertoire. Who is this appealing to? The homosexual horntards, I guess.
35:30 – “Oh my gosh. There were so many fantastic cod pieces in this.”
Okay. Crystal. You like fornicating. We get it. And you’re so fucking hot. Move on. There are other topics to explore.
36:00 – Tony tells a bizarre, sexist and racist story about his time working in a garden supply store. Crystal agrees because she really has to have people like her. She’s super hot, guys. Form an orderly queue.
39:15 – The riveting horticulture discussion continues and Crystal says of some plants, “They’re supposed to go into dormitory season.”
Tell us some stories about all the sex that you’ve had in dormitories, Crystal. We really want to hear about it.
She meant “dormant”, of course. Just in case there are any horntards reading this.
39:45 – Newt starts telling a story about what an idiot James Rolfe is and Tony interrupts him and moves on.
40:45 – Newt makes some xenophobic comments about the British for absolutely no reason. Just get rid of him.
43:00 – Crystal starts going on about how hot some actress is. We get it, Crystal. You’re super hot and you like doing stuff with other super hot ladies.
44:00 – Newt again talks about how hot Crystal is. You can’t blame it on the alcohol. I’ve never been so drunk that I’ve consistently made a complete ass of myself. He’s just stupid. He’s a stupid man. Fucking get rid of him.
The problem would really be solved if you just got rid of Crystal. Because I’ve not had a problem with Newt in videos where she’s not there. But he just can’t help himself. Crystal is so fucking hot that he’s compelled to mention it CONSTANTLY. It’s a distraction. It’s Crystal’s cross to bear. Everybody just fucking can’t get enough of how hot she is.
It’s not her fault. She can’t help being smoking hot. But you get these fucking idiots like Newt who just can’t help themselves. So, unfortunately, I suggest that Crystal no longer appear on these riveting Talking About Tapes videos. I mean, if it’s a choice between Newt and Crystal, I have to get rid of Crystal. Because Crystal is terrible no matter who is there.
48:00 – Crystal starts talking about how she loved some comic book (or something) that had a storyline about Poison Ivy being a lesbian. I don’t know. I’m not really paying attention. This is just fucking awful.
I should break this down into two separate reviews but I don’t like having too much Tony from Hack the Movies content. And I really hope that this is the last fucking one that I do. I never want to see Crystal Quin ever again. She’s fucking horrendous. I can’t even do this for “comedy” purposes. There’s nothing funny about writing a novel-length review about how much I hate some stupid Youtube show. Not in this instance, anyway.
All I’m doing is repeating myself because that’s all that Crystal does. She’s a total one-note character. She’s hot and everybody wants to have sex with her. That’s it. That’s all that she talks about. That’s fucking trash. I can’t work with that.
And while all of this is going on, by the way, Crystal just said that she wants Newt to find her a hot chick to have sex with, Tony is having none of it. He keeps trying to move on and TALK ABOUT THE FUCKING MOVIE. He knows that this is terrible. Why not edit this out or just fucking get rid of her. This is two fucking hours long. Do we need these constant sex interludes from the super hot Crystal Quin? And that fucking horny, drunk loser Newt talking about how hot she is. We can all fucking see how hot she is. We don’t need constant reminders.
Fucking unbelievable. I’m not sure what would be more obnoxious: an actual hot woman constantly talking about hot she is or fucking Crystal Quin constantly talking about how hot she is. It’s obnoxious in both cases. Why the vanity? Why the obsession with your appearance? TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.
49:30 – Newt asks, “Do all states have Mr Softee?” Crystal says, “They have something like it.”
No, you fucking idiots. It’s only in the Northeast. Do some fucking travelling.
53:30 – Newt the horny drunk leaves because he has to urinate and Tony decides that he’s going to continue without him. That’s a step in the right direction.
Oh. I didn’t think this through. This just means more Crystal. She’s talking about how hot the woman who plays Poison Ivy is.
57:30 – Crystal is talking about hot chicks again.
I can’t believe that there’s another hour of this.
1:00:30 – Crystal asks the question that we’ve all been thinking about, “Have you guys ever been auctioned off before?”
I’m really hoping that this is just an excuse for Crystal to tell her own riveting story about the time when she was “auctioned off” and the winning bid was over one million dollars. Because she’s just so fucking hot.
Oh. No. Instead, it was a bizarre story about how she was in a bar, while underage, and started making out with a woman while standing on the bar, at the encouragement of the patrons. Because EVERYBODY thinks that Crystal is just so motherfucking hot.
Wait…what?
“Then somebody paid a lot of money for him and his friend to go on a date with us and then we had to sneak in because they eventually found out that we were underage, well, we weren’t underage, we were under 21.”
So I was right. This was just an excuse for Crystal to talk about the time when she was in some kind of auction and somebody paid a lot of money to go out with her because she’s just so fucking smoking hot.
Can you just fucking get rid of her? She’s awful. Everything is about her and everything is about how fucking hot she is. Has she said ANYTHING about Batman and Robin so far? Not that I can recall. She talked about hot actresses in the film who she wants to have sex with but that’s it.
Then Crystal says that being in some kind of sex auction is really fun and that Newt should try it. Yeah. That doesn’t happen. Women aren’t paying to go out with men. And certainly not 40 year old men who work in small multimedia businesses. But Crystal wanted to try to make it sound like that story wasn’t just all about her, which obviously it was.
1:07:30 – “Imagine how sweaty and gross your balls are being in that outfit and fighting crime.”
Oh, that was a Crystal line if you couldn’t tell.
1:14:30 – Tony says, “George Clooney left ER for this.” Crystal says, “George Clooney is sexy as fuck.”
Well, thank you for that contribution. This is all that she does. It’s all superficial trash. How hot she is and hot people who she wants to have sex with. This is the one of worst examples of this that I’ve ever seen in my life. She’s completely self-obsessed and she has nothing else going on upstairs. She’s fucking terrible. Get rid of her.
1:16:45 – “Apparently, one out of every three guys has a foot fetish.”
Why am I even doing this? That was a Crystal contribution, in case it wasn’t obvious. It’s so fucking stupid. Why am I watching this? Why am I writing all of this? She’s stupid. She’s a stupid woman. She’s an extreme narcissist. And I wouldn’t have sex with her if she paid me, perhaps at one of these sex auctions that she apparently thinks exist.
It’s just unbelievable. Who can possibly find her at all appealing, physically, intellectually, or personality-wise? But they do. These fucking literal retards who watch these videos leave comments about how hot Crystal is. This is why Tony keeps putting her in the fucking videos. To appeal to literal retards.
This is disgusting. Go get an honest job. See if that plant nursery is hiring. Shaking down the mentally retarded for money is not something that any self-respecting person would even consider doing.
1:17:00 – Then Newt starts talking about all of the hot women that he’s dated. I’m not even joking. And Crystal starts talking about how hot these women were and how she wants to have sex with them. That’s only a slight exaggeration.
For the love of Christ, can we eliminate these fucking morons from the show? Because I’m not doing this again. This is the last time that I’m watching anything with Crystal Quin in it. She’s unbelievably repellent. On every level, including the most important in Crystal’s mind: physically. She’s a fucking dog. There. I said it. This horse-faced bitch can go fuck herself.
And the personality. Oh my fucking god. Have I mentioned that she only talks about her appearance and how everyone wants to have sex with her? No, really. Everyone wants to have sex with Secretariat over here.
And this fucking costume. What a treat to be able to see this woman’s jiggly upper arm fat. And you boys like small tits, right? Maybe Newt does because he came out of the fucking closet on this episode. He likes his women to look like men.
!:17:45 – She continues and Tony finally says, “Can we please stop talking about feet? Guys, guys. No more feet.”
Once again, Tony represents the viewer. The non-retarded viewer, at least.
I’m done with this shit. I am never watching ANYTHING that involves Newt Wallen or Crystal Quin ever again. These people are completely reprehensible. Crystal is some kind of sub-human who has nothing going on in that giant equine head of hers other than, “I’m so fucking hot” and “Everybody wants to have sex with me.”
In case I’ve been too subtle, let me be clear: Crystal Quin is unattractive. And yet she’s based her ENTIRE PERSONALITY around the fact that she’s attractive. It’s all based on a lie. Let’s be fucking serious. THIS woman is a model? Of what? Oat bags? And she’s like 35 years old. The modelling is done. It’s time to find a real job. Get some fucking hobbies. Do some travelling. Do something to replace your appearance (which is repellent, as I hope that I’ve made clear) with some other interest that you can talk about.
It could be anything. Instead of being that woman who only talks about how hot she is and how everybody wants to have sex with her, you could be that woman who enjoys talking about knitting. Or ceramics. Or books. Or your travels. Or German philosophers. There’s a whole world of topics and interests out there OTHER THAN how hot you are and how everybody wants to have sex with you. And once again, just for the avoidance of any doubt, you are not hot and very few non-retards want to have sex with you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps3zPqlxqIU
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps3zPqlxqIU] -
Hiraeth – SupaPixelGirl's Debut Album
https://twitter.com/SupaNostalgic/status/1400096181754150915
The music world is abuzz over this one. Four generic comments from the horntards.
You can listen to it on Spotify but that requires an account and possibly an exchange of money. So I’m using Soundcloud.
https://open.spotify.com/album/37vlMr5m113ywdLoswTRfs?si=cOFEXprBTbmvohCUuANnhg&nd=1
https://soundcloud.com/supanostalgic/sets/retro-tracks-by-supa
1. Hiraeth. She starts with the title track. This is some kind of remix of the Secret of Mana music. I only know this from SupaPixelGirl’s comment in the description. A couple of horntards also left comments.
So…it’s just video game music and then it ends abruptly. Like mid-note. What the fuck is this?
The version on Spotify is 1:36 and the Soundcloud version is 1:16. Maybe something got cut off. Anyway, even without this cut off ending, this was dogshit. I mean…it was video game music. If you like video game music, then…I guess this fits the bill. But who the fuck is listening to video game music?
2. What Alchemy Taught Me. Let me check the times before I begin. They’re both 1:36. So I’m not getting the abridged version this time.
A lot of comments from the horntards. This should be great.
Umm…it was more video game music. This time from Tales of Phantasia. Maybe if I was familiar with the music from these games it would be more interesting. Or maybe it would be less interesting because I’d see how little she’s done to these.
This seemed to be the full song but it doesn’t build to anything. It just ends.
That’s fine for video game music because video game music has to loop seamlessly. But…I’m not rocking out to this shit. Why is she wasting her time with this? Why are the horntards pretending to enjoy this?
How many tracks are there? Twenty-five? Come on. Nobody is going to listen to this.
3. The Goddess of Time. This one is based on some music in King’s Quest VII. I never played it but I’ve played the first four games in the series so maybe this will be a little more familiar to me.
It’s 59 seconds long and it just ended abruptly. It’s some fucking like classical music arrangement. It builds slowly and then…it just ends. You expect this shit to go on for like 15 minutes. You know…like classical music. But she got bored and didn’t want to put the time in.
4. Terraforming Mars. This is from Donkey Kong Country. Okay. I’ve actually played the game. Give it to me, SupaPixelGirl.
Well, at 2:08, it’s the longest song so far. But I don’t recognise this from the game whatsoever. And again, it just ends. There’s no big crescendo.
This is such fucking dog shit. Shae Tindall enjoyed it, though.
“Didn’t know you has an ear for music too. Is there anything you can’t do?! Sounds like some old skool Nintendo games i used to have.”
It’s some black guy with no shirt on, according to his avatar. The black guys do seem to find SupaPixelGirl. What is it about fat white women that’s so appealing to this demographic?
5. That’s Rough, Buddy. This is a mix of Tales of Phantasia OST and Avatar the Last Airbender. So our first song that uses two different source materials.
It sounded like the exact same song throughout to me. And again, the last 20 seconds are cut off from this so it just ends even more abruptly that usual.
This is fucking trash. I used to make songs as a kid on The Music Studio, some primitive software. I put WAY more effort into this and the songs had more artistic merit. They were longer. They built to something. I didn’t just repeat the same fucking four notes over and over again and then end the song in mid-note like SupaPixelGirl does.
Here’s a video showing the software that I used:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDEHGOd11-U
I don’t know what software SupaPixelGirl is using. Maybe she should start with something more basic like the above. Get the fundamentals down.
6. Princess No More. Another fucking Secret of Mana song. I don’t even know the game.
Yeah, this was more repetitive video game music that just ended.
I’m not doing any more of this shit. But here’s an interesting description that I found for her Love Bombing song.
“Love bombing is the practice of showering a person with excessive affection and attention in order to gain control or significantly influence their behavior. The love bomber’s attention might feel good, but the motive is all about manipulation.”
It’s a song based on Diddy Kong Racing.
Complete fucking dogshit.
Is she even looking for a job? Her Twitter is full of shit about how Rick and Morty is too rapey for her, various video game shit from “the 90s”, and pictures of her herself, bundled up like Nanook of the North, indoors, in summer, captioned “Supalonely”.
https://twitter.com/SupaNostalgic/status/1378480170437287938
What desperate bullshit. “I need validation, horntards.”
Employment, SupaPixelGirl. Focus on gaining employment. There must be somebody who will give you a job as a psychologist or psychiatrist or whatever it is that you’re apparently qualified to do. How does it even work? You just get your degree and you can suddenly see patients? There’s no like apprenticeship or somebody monitoring your sessions or anything like this?
And surely plenty of psychiatrists and psychologists are self-employed. I worked with a woman who, last I checked, is now a “sex therapist.” She has no qualifications whatsoever. I think that the “industry”, such as it is, is completely unregulated, at least in the UK. Anybody can claim to be a “therapist” and set up a business.
Why doesn’t SupaPixelGirl go that route? Claim to be a sex therapist. That would be perfect for her. The horntards come in and complain about their masturbation addiction and whatever. She could do virtual sessions over Skype.
Advertise this shit on OnlyFans. Skype sex therapy sessions. It would be a money maker. I guarantee that people would take her up on it. She doesn’t have to get naked or anything. It could be genuine psychological help and advice.
And maybe for extra money, the horntard could jerk off for the camera while SupaPixelGirl watches. Maybe she could give him some advice on technique or some encouragement. Frame it in a psychological fashion, though.
There’s money to be made. This is a brilliant idea. Just a little outside box thinking. I mean, the fucking garbage that she had on her OnlyFans. Pictures of her in a sweater, pictures of OTHER WOMEN passed off as her own pictures, a close up picture of (allegedly) her vagina. Come on. That’s trash.
She has the fucking qualification. Use it. Set up some kind of a fetish psychology clinic. People can come to her with ANY problems. Doesn’t have to be sexual. But maybe for extra money, she wears a low cut top or takes her top off or whatever. And if the guy wants to jerk off, that’s okay. But it’s all done professionally. SupaPixelGirl treats this as an actual psychology session, uses psychological terms and concepts, and dispenses sound psychological advice.
It would be a licence to print money. But instead you get this extraneous bullshit with bad video game music and how lonely she is. Fuck that shit. Go get a job. Even if that job is fetish sex therapist on Skype.
-
Playing Light Crusader on Sega Genesis – Erin Plays
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfSHI_IwkU0
Nobody is watching two and a half hours of this shit. It’s impossible. Even if you view Erin Plays videos as pornography, as the horntards all do, you don’t need two and a half hours for that.
It’s like how porn producers will post heavily edited versions of their videos on the free porn sites and then at the end of the video it will say, “Go to our website for the full video”. What’s the point? The joke’s on you. I only needed that five minute preview.
So Erin is playing some game that nobody has ever heard of and it looks like shit. It’s some isometric game. Name a good isometric game. Wait…I just thought of loads of good ones. But also, a lot of them suck penis. Probably a higher percentage of suckage in isometric games than in non-isometric games.
0:15 – She says that she never played the game before.
0:30 – She starts laughing and says, “That guy’s face gets me every time.”
Not fifteen seconds earlier, she said that she never played the game before. But she “always” laughs at this intro screen. To a game that she never played before. Am I the only person noticing these obvious contradictions?
2:45 – She shouts NewWaveJunkie out. How is it possible that he’s in every fucking stream? He’s in every stream of every gamer grrl. Doesn’t he have a job? And I think that he’s married. Doesn’t his wife tell him to stop doing this shit? Even if he doesn’t have a job, how can he possibly watch EVERY stream? Aren’t there scheduling conflicts among the various streams? Doesn’t he get bored with it?
3:45 – She’s in some castle and says, “Oh, look at that. Those look like trees you’d see in a mall.”
This is riveting commentary. I can see why NewWaveJunkie never misses a second of this shit. His poor wife.
5:30 – “Did I play Centuries of Centy? No, I haven’t. I know what you’re talking about, though. It’s a Zelda clone.”
Is that what it’s called, though? Erin is one ahead of me on this one and I had to Google this. Crusader of Centy is what I’m seeing.
Oh. This thing. Yeah, I’ve seen it before. But I wouldn’t have known what it was just by the title. Especially the wrong title, apparently. So good for Erin. She’s a real “gamer” now.
6:45 – “What’s my t-shirt? It’s Sailor Venus.”
Hey guys! Remember Sailor Venus?
No. I’ve never watched Sailor Moon. I was too old for that shit. And a guy. But here’s a 33 year old woman wearing a t-shirt with a children’s cartoon character on it. At what age does this no longer become cute? I’m saying that she’s there already.
Early 20s? You can maybe get away with wearing something like that “ironically”. Maybe even mid-20s. Things that you liked as a kid are just becoming retro. But 33? No.
What Erin needs is a good makeover. She should make a video out of it. Try on different outfits. Not in a Madam Fomo way with her sleazy “try on hauls” where she wore fucking sex costumes but genuinely. Try some more sophisticated looks out. Stuff that you’d actually wear every day, outside, maybe to a job. Sweaters. Blazers. I hear that pantsuits are back in vogue.
7:15 – She’s in a weapons shop and the proprietor asks her if she wants a job. Of course she chooses “no”. She’s just going to scam the mentally retarded out of pennies instead.
9:00 – Erin points out a monkey painting in the background. “Cute”. And boring as fucking shit.
She has absolutely no idea what she’s doing, by the way. Of course.
This is just really bad. She’s clearly never played an RPG before. She doesn’t even know the basic concepts.
10:15 – One of the horntards says that he liked the recent video she did where she wore fishnet stockings and sat on the floor. Erin thanks him and says that she thinks that video turned out good.
11:15 – Erin points out another picture in the background. We can fucking see it.
12:30 – Erin goes to the graveyard, after saying, “I know that I need to go to the graveyard” and then she pushes a tombstone, revealing stairs. She explains that she played this game briefly already so knew all of this.
The problem is that we didn’t know this. Why does she have to push one of the tombstones? None of the NPCs she spoke to gave any clue to this regard.
14:30 – She does a really obvious fake celebration after completing some platforming.
Why doesn’t she just do something else with her time? This is stupid. Entertaining horny retards for $250/month?
I might have told this story about the Australian woman whose job was to masturbate some guy in a wheelchair. Let me check the archives. No, I’m not seeing it.
So I matched with this Australian woman on Tinder. She was like, I don’t know, 23 or something. Anybody in that age range who’s matching with a guy who’s over 40 is going to be mentally ill and/or a prostitute and/or exceptionally unattractive. She was the first two.
She had some really weird pictures. But more concerning was her profile. She said that she was a carer for a guy in a wheelchair and she’s “dating” him but that he allows her to see other people.
Her job was obviously to give this guy handjobs and whatever else. But I’m talking to her, just normal stuff, nothing about handjobs, and holy fucking shit. I’ve talked to some boring as fuck women on these things but she was definitely in the top ten. So I had to call an end to the proceedings after a few messages.
Think about how terrible your life has to be when a man who’s like 20 years older than you says, “You know what? I’m good. Good luck with the wheelchair guy.”
19:15 – A different horntard (or maybe the same horntard and he just forgot) asked her what shirt she’s wearing.
This is just so terrible. Let me DuckDuckGo this game.
Oh, this game was on the Sega Genesis Mini. Erin promoted this thing at E3. And never even played the fucking games.
If I recall correctly, she didn’t own one of these things at the time. She only had it for a short while (hours? minutes?) before they threw her on stage.
Okay, whatever. But she wasn’t curious to try the games out at any point subsequent to this? Of course not. She has absolutely no interest in video games.
Mean Machines, some video game magazine from “the 90s” criticised the game as being “too easy and dull.” Insert your own Erin Plays joke here.
This game is also on Steam for 79 cents. That’s weird. It presumably just runs on an emulator. Why would I buy a game running on an emulator when I can just play the game on an emulator already for free?
Here’s a competent playthrough of the game:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6qpKPhHNek
Yeah, the game looks like shit.
Do I really want to waste any more time hearing Erin talk about background shit and her t-shirt? I’ll give it another few minutes.
19:30 – She talks about how she “needs” to watch more seasons of Sailor Moon. No. What you need to do is get a job.
20:00 – She yawns. She’s already bored with this shit. Well, me too. But then just stop doing it.
20:30 – “We need to get some keys.”
She just got a key from a treasure chest not 60 seconds earlier. I guess that she “forgot”.
21:45 – “Hey Games & Movies.”
I hate doing this, but here’s Games & Movie’s Youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLrQiA7pj308zh-AD3guKhw/videos
The man is mentally retarded. I don’t make fun of that. But these are the people who she’s talking to. These are the people who watch these streams. These are the people who are giving her money.
How can anybody not feel bad about this? It’s completely disgusting. But Erin is totally devoid of empathy. If there’s a retard out there who she can swindle out of money, she’ll do it.
This is unwatchable. She’s lost in this little six room dungeon. And still doesn’t realise that she has a key. So she leaves the dungeon. And just goes into the same town that we’ve seen already. And does the same shit. And keeps pressing the wrong buttons. And buys more potions that she doesn’t need or even knows what they do. She doesn’t even know how to use the potions, even if they were the appropriate potions to get.
25:30 – She makes a cow sound and then says, “Yeah, I got to see the doggos. I miss my puppies so much.”
If they’re her dogs, why didn’t she bring them with her when she moved to rural Pennsylvania? Either her relationship with the dogs isn’t very strong or her relationship with Mike isn’t very strong. Could be both.
I mean, maybe she didn’t anticipate staying with Mike this long and that’s why she didn’t bring the dogs with her. “I’ll only be there for six months and then I’ll become a Youtube superstar and will get my own place. So leave the dogs here for now.”
Three years later? $250/month.
25:45 – “I wish I brought the dogs.”
She’s responding to somebody in the chat who obviously suggested that she bring the dogs with her to Mike’s house. What’s stopping her?
Then she yawns for about the fourth time in this stream. Really loudly. She doesn’t want to do this shit.
26:30 – Shishi asks if he can look up a map and help Erin and Erin says, “Only if you can tell me in Erin speak where to go.”
Earlier, somebody suggested that she go northwest. She didn’t know what “northwest” meant.
27:00 – “Go left? See, I can understand that. I can understand left/right.”
But…it’s an isometric game. There is no left and right. There’s only northwest, northeast, southwest, and southeast.
29:30 – “I need a damn key.”
You have one, you retard. Let’s see how long it takes for her to figure it out. I can’t understand why the horntards aren’t telling her this. It might be something that she has to equip but she doesn’t even know that she has it.
29:45 – “Feel free to give me suggestions because we’re not making any progress here.”
Go see if your job at the record store is still available.
31:00 – “Hey GeekyGirl. I don’t think that I have a key yet.”
There’s somebody named GeekyGirl? Let me see if I can find this person.
Oh, she cut a lot out. The Twitch stream is 3 hours and 10 minutes but the Youtube version is 2 hours and 30 minutes.
Sergio is here again. He says, “How are you Erin? It’s nice to see you.” There are no women in Argentina?
Oh, I found GeekyGirl. GeekyGirl95 to give her full name.
https://www.twitch.tv/geekygirl95
“25 years young, newb to the Twitch and gaming world! I welcome you to my channel, just be respectful to each other. No hate is allowed here. Only by me! Follow me if you wish too. 18+ adult language, and if you’re sensitive this channel isn’t for you.”
Not a bright woman. And the only videos available are short clips of her playing Doom, poorly, for money? I’m not even sure if she’s getting money from this. These videos have one or two views each. And the one that has two views is the one that I watched. So they were all at one view.
She plays the game really poorly. And has no charisma. She obviously has never played Doom before.
Here’s her Twitter:
https://twitter.com/nicolesantistev?lang=en
“25 (rainbow emojis) I have pride in who I am, and the person I’ve become. Poetry and animals ❤ End Mental Health Stigma. Be kind.”
Mentally ill lesbian. Yeah. We see a lot of those in the gamer grrl scene.
https://twitter.com/NicoleSantistev/status/1319156184666927106/video/1
Whoa! You boys like giant melons? Check that link out.
She’s also on TikTok but it’s mostly videos of her children so I won’t link to that. I think that it’s the same person, though. She has one video of herself. She looks rough but what do you expect with a profile like this:
“I am 24 I have 4 beautiful babies 3girls 1boy ages 5,4,3,n 1”
Four children at the age of 24. Pretty good for a lesbian. How did that happen? So those giant titties in the previous video are milk-assisted.
This woman wants you to give her money while she plays video games.
And all that she said in Erin’s stream was, “Hey there”. She’s spamming. She chose an obviously female name to try to pull in the horntards. It worked on me and I’m not even a horny retard.
It’s fucking pathetic. Get your life together, GeekyGirl95. Nobody is going to give you fucking money to sit on your rapidly expanding ass and play video games. You have four children and presumably no husband. Go get a job and stop procreating.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBkF7yYY5wQ
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBkF7yYY5wQ] -
Fighting Castlevania Bosses with the Power Glove – Erin Plays
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAHgiAlFj2k
Old video, new review.
I was looking at Erin’s most viewed videos. Power Pad is number one, of course, with 216,000 views. Number two is this Power Glove video with 99,000.
By the way, her latest video, the one where she plays various light gun games, for a few seconds each, poorly, for money, while sitting on the floor and wearing fishnet stockings, is only at 41,000 views after nearly two weeks. So I was right when I predicted that it wouldn’t even get twice as many views as one of her “normal” videos does.
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/05/6-awesome-playstation-light-gun-games.html
So the Power Glove video. I remember this one. Mike promoted it heavily on the Cinemassacre channel.
When you see a video title like this, you expect that the person is going to defeat the enemies in the game. Because otherwise…what’s the point?
Well, Erin opted for this pointless option. Because she knows absolutely nothing about video games.
From memory, Erin fights various Castlevania bosses, while using the Power Glove, and gets totally destroyed. This is completely idiotic. She struggles on these bosses with the regular controller, how can she possibly defeat them using the Power Glove? She doesn’t. It’s just 13 minutes of Erin playing the game poorly, for money, as usual.
I just couldn’t believe it. Even today, two years later, I still can’t comprehend this video. It makes no fucking sense. Why make a video of you sucking at the game using the Power Glove? We all know that the controller isn’t any good. What would make sense is BEATING THE ENEMIES using the Power Glove. You know, as an extra challenge. But she doesn’t do that.
So let’s check it out.
0:00 – She starts the video by saying that she never had a Power Glove “until now”. Oh. I guess that Mike let her borrow his.
0:15 – “Let’s try to beat all the bosses in Castlevania with the Power Glove.”
Yeah. That’s an idea. Do that. Practice extensively until you can actually beat them. Instead, she shows you footage of her playing the game poorly, for the first time ever using this thing, and getting her ass handed to her.
0:30 – Her Power Glove wasn’t working so she claims to have opened it up to try to fix it. You see footage of her unscrewing something and exposing the circuit board.
This is just bizarre. There is NO WAY that Erin was trying to fix this thing. How would she even know how? What is she looking for? She doesn’t know anything about this. Is she going to get her soddering iron out? Is she going to start testing the voltage with one of those…voltage testing things? She doesn’t have a fucking clue.
“Everything looked fine. And putting everything back together, it luckily started to work.”
What? A working circuit board looks exactly the same as a non-working circuit board? It just doesn’t make sense. None of this makes sense.
1:00 – Finally some gameplay footage. She’s on the first boss. She can barely even move the character.
Then she’s unable to jump at all.
“I just want to hit it once.”
So this is the video. Erin is playing this game for the first time ever using this fucking glove. And she IMMEDIATELY went from a goal of beating the bosses to “I just want to hit it once.”
1:30 – “Fuck. This doesn’t work. This is the dumbest thing.”
Yeah. Never used this before. Why didn’t she fucking practice beforehand and show us footage of her actually beating the fucking bosses? Or at least playing at a semi-competent level? Why does everything have to be a first (and last) playthrough?
3:15 – Oh, she actually beat the first boss. Well, that’s more than I expected.
Then she beats the second boss.
3:45 – “I really hurt my knuckle, I don’t know how, and it really hurts to bend it but this is what we’re doing.”
Who cares? Nobody fucking cares about your fake maladies.
You just know that Erin has given Mike a handjob with this thing. Perhaps multiple times. Maybe that’s the only way that Mike can get off. This fucking semen encrusted Power Glove.
4:30 – She starts talking about how she “forgot” that you can’t use the stop watch on this boss. She sure does “forget” a lot of video game-related things.
5:15 – “This is going to be my last attempt because this isn’t about beating them, it’s just trying to beat them.”
I’m pretty sure that the original idea was about beating them. Because the video makes absolutely no sense otherwise. Trying to beat them? Who cares?
Still, the video is better than I remembered. I didn’t think that she beat any of the bosses. But she beat two.
6:15 – She gives up on the mummies and moves on to Frankenstein.
By the way, her posters are mostly Disney and McDonald’s shit. Doesn’t she have mostly video game posters now? I wonder when she made the switch.
8:30 – She gets to the Grim Reaper, struggles, and just uses a lot of awkward profanity.
Then she’s on the final boss and it’s more of the same. She’s really bad at the game and just uses a lot of awkward profanity. It sounds totally forced.
12:30 – “Do you know how rad it would be if we got to the blue beast?”
Pretty radical. Whatever the blue beast is. Hey guys! Remember when people said “rad”? No, me neither.
“So that was my first ever experience with the Power Glove.”
And last ever experience.
Then she says that she wants to try Contra with the Power Glove. Fortunately, we never got that video.
Oh, Joe from Game Sack replied. Just get a girlfriend, Joe. It’s not that hard.
So that’s the video. It sucked ass but not as hard as my memory had it.
Let me look up the etymological origins of “rad”. Because I’ve raised this point a few times before. I contend that nobody has EVER said “rad” outside of 1980s Hollywood movies.
None of these dictionaries give the approximate date of origin of the word. But Urban Dictionary says that “radical” was popularised by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Presumably the movie and/or 1980s/1990s cartoon. That’s true. But again, that just goes to my point that it was only said in film and television. Nobody in real life has ever said “rad”.
Oh, here we go.
“Teen slang adjectival sense of “extraordinary, wonderful” is from late 1970s (see radical (adj.)).”
I don’t know. I can only go by my own experience. I’ve never heard it in real life. Not once.
