Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbllVuRDL7w

Erin is “reviewing” a game that she recently played on stream, for money.

Actually, did I review that stream?  Let me check the archives.

I did not.  I must have found them too insufferable.  But here are the the videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8vakjDIk1M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1mgJkQrNLo

They’re from a month ago.

So once again, if you’ve seen the stream, why would you watch the Youtube video?  She uses the exact same “jokes” and comments in the Youtube video that she used in the stream.

0:00 – Oh.  Get your tissues for this one.  Erin is wearing some kind of a tank top or something.  You can see her “sexy” ice cream tattoo.  

That tattoo is so fucking hilarious.  She’s told this story before.  She thought that it would be a “cute” tattoo but…no.  This is something that a trucker would get.  A trucker who really liked ice cream anyway.  She didn’t research the artist.  She just went to the local tattoo parlour, said “Give me a number 4”, slapped her fifty bucks on the table, and some meth addict got to work.

What’s with that placement?  I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone get a tattoo on the front of their upper arm like that.  Why did she want a tattoo there?  

Anyway, let’s get to work.  This is 40 minute video.  This is going to require all of my self-control.  Only comment on the REALLY stupid stuff.  I know I say this all the time but this time I’m going to do it.

0:15 – Hilariously blatant Wikipedia dot com.

0:45 – She shouts out Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa repeatedly.  A game that she played ONCE.  On stream, for money.  But now she says that she really likes it.  She’s all about Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa.

She would not even be able to give you the name of the game if she wasn’t reading it from a script.  And even with the script, she struggles.

1:00 – “Why does Dr Cinnamon sound familiar?”

He doesn’t.  But then Erin shouts out Twin Bee.  This is a game that she played briefly, on stream, for money, during a “variety stream”.  So now she talks about it like she’s really familiar with the game.  Having played it for maybe five minutes in her life.  “You guys all know the bosses in Twin Bee, right?”  

No.  I’ve never played it before.  You know how that goes.

2:00 – She complains that there’s not a “grouping” of characters that includes three particular characters who she wants to play as.  She made this exact same comment in the stream.  

How do I know this?  I must have watched part of the stream.  But I didn’t do a review on it?  I must have just been watching some Erin Plays for my own personal enjoyment.  Or maybe I was just so disgusted with it that I couldn’t bring myself to review it.

2:15 – “When I first played this…”

Why doesn’t she say when and where she first played this?  It was last month, on stream, for money.

4:30 – She says that she never played the first Wai Wai World.  She prefers the sequel because it’s cute.  Fascinating.

“But I do want to play the first one.  If I don’t do a video on it, I’ll probably at least stream it.”

How else would you play a video game?  

5:45 – “I streamed this and I was like, ‘Ooh, I want to do a video on this.’”

What about playing it in your spare time?  Did you want to do that, Erin?  Of course not.

6:15 – “When I first started playing this game…”

Last month.  On stream, for money.  One time.  Why doesn’t she just say this?

This is just boring.  Should I stop here?  That would be a depressing way to end Erin Week on GamerGrrls.  I’ll give it another few minutes.

8:30 – She “forgot” that a character can shoot up.  Well, you did only play the game one time, Erin.  Don’t beat yourself up about “forgetting” these things.

I’m done.  I can’t do this.  I made it to the 10 minute mark.  I gave it a chance.  It’s just boring.  It’s boring as fucking shit.  I’ve seen CannotBeTamed videos that are more interesting than this shit.  No exaaggeration.

Let me just skip through the rest.  See if she takes her top off or something.

37:45 – “I didn’t know at first if I wanted to do just a written review or a let’s play.”

Wait…we could have had a written review?  I think that I would have preferred that to a video.  

Maybe she means “scripted”.  But is that what these videos are?  I’ve never figured it out what these videos are.  Are they play throughs or are they reviews?  They don’t seem to be anything.  But this video was “both” according to her.  Whatever that means.  Let’s not categorise everything.  Well, Erin’s videos are all in the “shit” category but I don’t know what genre her videos are in.

38:30 – “Castlevania and Contra feel like home for me.”

She has NEVER played either game in her spare time.  Not even for one second.  But she’s all about Castlevania and Contra.  Those games are “where her heart is.”

Awful, awful video.  

Let’s check out what the horntards had to say.

– “I enjoyed this video as always and you look so cute when you play and I love listening to you and your comments.”

He’s watching with his pants around his ankles.

I use this term fairly frequently but does anyone actually do that?  I mean, pull their pants all the way down when they’re masturbating?  Maybe if you’re mentally retarded you might.

– “Why any dislikes? The hell is wrong with you people?”

There were three.  There are four now because I watched the video but when this guy commented, there were THREE dislikes.  This fucking moron is complaining about THREE dislikes. 

– “You should be a model Erin.”

Yeah.  A 33 year old average (at best) looking model.

Although, I suppose that models are needed of all ages and it is trendy to use non-traditional looking models.  I saw some model on some clothing site or Amazon or something that had to be at least 300 pounds.  How many 300 pound women are out there?  

Anyway, it was just sad.  This is not a job that this woman should be doing.  It’s just gay men doing this as a joke.  The fashion industry is run by gay men, of course.  And they’re putting this obese woman out there and laughing at this.  

Juggs, which was a fine pornographic magazine back in the day, used to have like the Plumper of the Month.  It was a take on Playboy’s Playmate of the Month.  It would be a big fat chick.

Nobody who bought Juggs wanted to see this.  But the magazine was run by gay men.  It was a joke on the heterosexual readership.  This isn’t something that I’m making up.  I read an article about this.  People were interviewed.  This was a way for these homosexual publishers to say “fuck you” to heterosexual men.

I don’t know how we got here but yeah, Erin is not going to be a model.  Well, maybe she can be Plumper of the Month if Juggs ever makes a comeback.

– “I justr LOVED that introduction. Believe me, I got goosebumps so yeah, I’m also excited to watch this. You’re topping yourself with every video, “Skyrocketing Erin” 🙂 Looking forward to mooooore ;)”

Oh my god.  And if that wasn’t “cringe” enough, he then writes two enormous paragraphs giving Erin pro tips for this game that she’ll never play again in her life.  

What is wrong with this guy?  

– “Erin, loving this format! Not too short or long, excellent cuts, and your personality really pops. I also found myself laughing quite often. Are you sure Mike didn’t help write this one?! If he didn’t you could give him a few pointers!”

Forty minutes isn’t too long for this guy?  

– “Don’t delete! Show those panties!”

It’s been 18 hours.  It seems that she’s not going to delete this one.

– “Wooow. Believe it or not I was thinking about you some minutes ago ^_^”

Gross.

Somebody suggests that Erin’s next video should be about “Masters of the Universe movie”.  Why?  She’s never done a video about a movie.  And why would anybody care about Erin’s opinion of some movie?  Particularly about a franchise that’s from before she was born and that was geared to 8 year old boys?  

But this is Jose De Luna’s fetish.  He likes hearing 33 year old women who have no interest in He-Man or really anything talking about…that He-Man movie from the 80s.  It takes all kind, I guess.

Tomorrow we’ll be moving on from Erin.  Hopefully somebody else uploads something.  If not, maybe I’ll write some bullshit about Pam’s boring as fuck three hour video game collection video.  Or maybe I’ll find something else to write about from Twitter or whatever.  The world is full of possibilities.  

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdyRroOd5_k

1:17:45 

Mike: Which one’s better: Bust a Move 99 or Bust a Move 2?

Erin: I like both.  I’ve played both.

Mike: Oh really?

Erin: I don’t…I get them confused.  I don’t remember which one’s which, to be honest.

So why did Erin specifically shout out Bust a Move 99 as being one of the top games on the N64?  Why wouldn’t she say both of them?  Because Bust a Move 99 is the game that she played recently, on stream, for money.  She didn’t even know that there is a Bust a Move 2.

By the way, Bust a Move 99 was called Puzzle Bobble 3 in Japan.  Bust a Move 2 was called Puzzle Bobble 2 in Japan, of course.  It’s true.  Right there on Wikipedia.  So Bust a Move 99 is the sequel to Bust a Move 2.  Erin didn’t know this.

There’s something going on with this emulator, they can’t figure it out, so Erin says, “I mean, I have the real cartridge”.

Because you’re just such a Bust a Move fan, Erin.  That cartridge is probably worn out from thousands of hours of play.

1:19:00 – “Acclaim!”

She just randomly read the name.  What other games is Acclaim responsible for, Erin?  Give us a list.  She has no idea.

She doesn’t mention Taito, when that appears, even though Taito is closely associated with this series of games and Bubble Bobble.  Erin doesn’t know this.

1:19:30 – Captain Commando is one of the characters.  Erin says, “I don’t like the look of him.  He looks like he’d be on Silver Hawks or something.”

What an odd reference.  By the way, Mike said “Captain Commando” during this and Erin still didn’t recognise him.  She never even heard of the name.

So let me Google Silver Hawks.  Oh, of course.  An obscure cartoon from 1986.  Erin, of course, being born in 1987.  She’s all about those shitty 80s cartoons, that were geared to 8 year old boys, and were simply vehicles to sell toys, as a 33 year old woman.  

She must have watched an episode recently with Mike.  Now she’s all about Silver Hawks.  You guys all know Silver Hawks, right?  

No.  I don’t know Silver Hawks, Erin.  But I do know Captain Commando.  Erin doesn’t.

“I’m going to be Bub!”

Is it Bub?  The name doesn’t appear anywhere.  It could be Bob.  Which one is which?  It’s the green one so…probably Bub.  But let’s check.

Yeah, she was right.  She’s a real “gamer.”

“Or I can be one of the anime girls.”

She’s regretting her decision because she immediately chose her character without first scrolling through the other options.

1:20:00 – “Do you think I’d get more viewers if I had cat ears.”

I don’t know.  What do the mentally retarded like?  This is clearly all calculated.  She’s intentionally targeting the mentally retarded.

Then they can’t figure out how to start the game.  Because they’re fucking morons.  Maybe try all of the buttons?  Maybe read what’s on the screen?  No.  Just try the other Bust a Move.  Whichever one that is.

By the way, that was Bust a Move 99, one of Erin’s favourite N64 games of all time.  She couldn’t figure out how to start the game.  

1:22:00 – “I think it’s the same game, actually”.

Erin doesn’t know.  She’s wrong, by the way.  I’ve already explained how Bust a Move 99 is the sequel to Bust a Move 2.

Earlier in the stream, Erin said that she played BOTH of these games.  But she doesn’t know which one is which.  

Now she’s saying that it’s the same game.

She’s clearly never played the game before.  And she only played Bust a Move 99 briefly, on stream, for money.  She has no fucking idea.  

1:22:30 – “I forget.  Do you play with the d-pad?”

How could you forget?  You’ve clearly never played this game before.  OR, if we go with her other story, she HAS played it before and it’s one of her favourite games.  Either way, how can you forget? 

Also, why not just try it?  If the stick doesn’t work, try the d-pad.  It takes less than a second.  Why does she insist on advertising her gross ignorance about video games?  She knows absolutely NOTHING about video games.  Even after fucking YEARS of playing this shit, on stream, for money.  She still doesn’t know anything about video games.

“It’s been a while.”

No.  It’s more lies.  She just fucking got through saying that she thinks that Bust a Move 2 IS Bust a Move 99.  Why is nobody calling this out?  It’s so fucking obvious that these are blatant lies.

Erin is TERRIBLE at the game, by the way.

1:27:30 – Mike again brings up that monkey costume where he destroyed buildings.  Let’s see if Erin takes ANY interest in this the second time.

No.  She just said, “That’s true.”  It’s the equivalent of “That’s cool”.

1:28:30 – “Yeah, we’re playing Bubble Bobble/Bust a Move, whatever you like to call it.”

Umm…no.  Puzzle Bobble, Erin.  Bubble Bobble is a different game.  But Erin is totally clueless.

So Mike says, “Puzzle Bobble.  Bubble Bobble.”

Erin doesn’t reply to this.  She doesn’t even realise that he’s correcting her.  She’s completely out of her depth.  She knows NOTHING about video games.

1:31:45 – Erin starts massaging her wrist and saying that she only wants to play one more game.  “Carpal tunnel.”  From playing video games too much.  Erin is all about those video games.  She’s CONSTANTLY playing them.

The horntards suggest Pilot Wings 64.  Erin says that she never played it before.  But she did “try” the SNES game (on stream, for money, by the way) and couldn’t control the character.

1:33:00 – “Thanks Evil Alex.  Hope you’re having a good night.”

This is all she ever does.  She never talks to the chat AT ALL other than to greet them and say “that’s cool”.  She’s incapable of having a conversation because she doesn’t know anything about anything.  It’s all generic responses.  

She doesn’t want to play but Mike insists.

She manages to complete the level and then hands the controller to Mike.  She doesn’t want to do this.  Clearly.  

1:36:00 – “Have you seen the Pilot Wings pilot recently?  No.”

You don’t say.  Instead of just saying “no”, why not ask him what he’s talking about.  I assume that it’s some stupid half-joke.  Explore this.  Have an actual conversation with the horntards.  

1:36:30 

Mike: So that’s what you do.  You go through the rings.  Were you watching?

Erin: No.

Mike: Cool.

Erin: I was looking at the chat.

She doesn’t want to do this.  Clearly . 

1:40:45 – She’s really bad at the game and can’t get through the first level.  “I can’t play games where you control a plane.  I just can’t.”

Such as?  Name some other flight games that you’re poor at, Erin.  Anything?  

And I really don’t think that her inability to play video games is limited to aviation games.

Then there’s an edit after she dies.  Let’s see what she’s hiding this time.

Basically nothing.  I have no idea why she edited these few seconds out.  It was just Mike talking about some mini game.

1:42:15 – They’re finishing with Star Soldier.  Because Erin is all about those “shmups”.

1:42:30 – “Oh, I guess I could have put it on easy mode.”

Erin is annoyed that she pressed the button too fast and chose “normal mode”.  She only plays on “easy”.

1:43:00 – “This is so weird.  I’m so used to shmups on like anything except the N64.”

Yeah.  She’s all about those “shmups”.

HORRENDOUS gameplay, by the way.

1:44:45 – She dies and wants to quit but Mike insists that she plays again.

1:47:00 – While Mike is answering some nerd question about CRT’s, Erin is completely checked out and starts doing some weird wrist massages.  Because she has carpal tunnel, guys.  She just loves video games so much and plays them for 18 hours a day to the point where she got carpal tunnel syndrome.  

Also, I notice that it’s both wrists that seem to be affected.  Usually, symptoms begin in the dominant hand and may progress to the other hand.  So Erin must have been suffering from this for a while.  It’s terrible.  She should see a doctor.

Less than two hours of playing video games, on stream, for money.  With Mike, who was playing most of the time.  This has destroyed her wrists.

“My hands are hurting so I’m checking out.”

What a terrible affliction.  Maybe get a job.

1:49:00 – Mike was asking Erin about a game that she played on stream, for money.  Erin refers to the “PC Engine” a number of times.  I don’t think that she even knows that it’s just the Japanese version of the TurboGrafx.  Then Mike says:

Mike: I feel like you really like the PC Engine.

Erin: I really like the PC Engine, yeah.

Mike: Off the top of your head, do you have any PC Engine games that you like.

Erin is panicking.  She doesn’t fucking know any.  Mike knows this.  He’s just calling her out for being a fraud again.

Erin: Umm…I always try to think about of what do I like on the PC Engine besides…I mean, obviously there’s like…umm…Rondo.  Umm…there’s just so many shmups on there.

Name some.  Name some that you like, Erin.  It’s not a hard question.  You’re all about the “PC Engine”, right?  What are some games that you like?  

Erin: Isn’t Sexy Parodius on there?

You tell us.  You played the game.  On stream, for money.  Is it on the PC Engine?  Is it one of your favourite games on that Japanese-exclusive console?  

Erin: Which one is that on.  I forget.

Mike: Maybe?  Maybe Saturn.  I forget.

Erin: I forgot.  I think it’s on PC Engine.

It’s not.  It’s on Saturn.  And Playstation.  

Erin just got through saying that she REALLY likes the PC Engine.  So what are her favourite games on the system?  A Castlevania game that she played on stream, for money, and doesn’t even know the name of (“Rondo” is all that she managed) and a game that isn’t even on the system but that she also played on stream, for money.

She REALLY likes the PC Engine.

Then she reads the chat.  The horntards are again helping her with what games that SHE likes.  She needs to be reminded of what games she likes.  She “always” “forgets” what games she likes.

Erin: (reading) Yeah, Bomberman on the PC Engine is fun.

Which one?  There were several.  Which is your favourite, Erin?  I think that some of the later ones were never released in the US.  Do you play those?  They’re only in Japanese, of course.  Not that you need to read the story but earlier in the stream, you didn’t want to play a Bomberman game because it was in Japanese.

Erin: (still reading) Air Zonk?  I haven’t spent a lot of time with.

Well, stop reading the chat and just think about it.  What PC Engine games do you like?  You shouldn’t need the horntards to tell you about your video game preferences.

Then Mike tells her that she played the game years ago and Erin says that she doesn’t remember it.  Probably because it was only for a matter of minutes.  Or even seconds.  But that counts in Erin’s universe.

So that’s it.  They change the subject.  Erin REALLY likes the PC Engine.  She couldn’t name a SINGLE game that she likes on the console.  

It’s a complete farce.  Is there anybody ON EARTH who can possibly believe that she’s interested in video games?

Then she massages her wrist some more.  She wants to stop this, Mike.  Are you not picking up on this?  

1:51:15 – “Before we started streaming, I did try out some Castlevania 64 and I’m excited to stream that.”

Yeah.  On stream, for money.  How else does one play video games?

Absolutely unbelievable.  She’s a total fraud.  

What might work is if Erin just straight up said that she has no experience with video games but she plays them on stream, for money.  It’s a hobby that she’s interested in exploring.  On stream, for money.

The problem is this whole fake backstory of her being a super “gamer”.  And then when you ask her ANYTHING about video games, she’s unable to give an answer.  

Her opinions don’t matter AT ALL because she doesn’t know anything about this shit.  So don’t ask her what her favourite PC Engine game is, for example.  She only played a handful of the games, on stream, for money, for minutes or seconds.  So who cares what her answer is?  And she couldn’t even fucking give an answer.  Sexy Parodius is her favourite PC Engine game.

It’s such a massive fraud that you think that something should be done about it.  Can Youtube shut channels down for video game fraud?  I mean, this is blatant.  

Let’s see what the horntards thought.

– “Love the banter. You two have the cutest couple streams ever!”

– “Love the couple streams!”

– “This stream was too much fun.”

– “The best couple.”

Not a single person pointed out ANY of the hundreds of lies that she told in this video.  They didn’t notice?  Too busy jerking off?  Were they watching with the sound off?  

So that was Erin Plays Week on GamerGrrls.  She recently uploaded a three hour stream of Castlevania 64 but I don’t know if I can watch that.  Certainly not three hours of it.  

It’s just so disheartening.  I can’t believe that nobody else is calling her out.  The boys on Reddit talk about her appearance and sometimes people will say that she’s not interested in video games but they’re just referencing my articles.  There’s no other independent person exposing Erin’s lies.

For example, there are people on Youtube who will make videos about how Madam Fomo isn’t actually interested in video games and this is just a scam and some people will also suggest that she has sex for money.  There are a number of people who do this.  

I’ve also read on message boards people expressing the view that Madam Fomo is a total fraud and she’s being put up to this by her pimp.

Why is there no Erin equivalent?  Erin is one of the most flagrant frauds I’ve ever seen in my life.  

The answer is that nobody cares.  Nobody wants to put the time in to talk about some Z-list “Youtuber”.  But what she’s doing is disgusting.  She’s taking money from the mentally retarded.  She’s pretending to be these people’s girlfriend.  The whole thing is pathetic.  

And she remarkably bad at all of this.  Her channel fails on every level.  Forget about the fact that she doesn’t know anything about video games and she doesn’t care about video games.  She’s incapable of being entertaining AT ALL.  She has zero charisma.  Zero conversation skills.  She’s average looking AT BEST.  That’s me being kind.  What’s the appeal?  

You look at some of these “titty streamers” and yeah, they’re bad at video games and don’t know anything about video games.  But they’re engaging.  They talk to the people in the chat.  And they have their tits out.  So I can see the appeal.  Yeah, this woman might be a dud in terms of video games but you might like her personality or her tits.  

Erin doesn’t have personality or tits.  So I don’t get it.  The fact that there are people who go to Erin’s streams, even as few as these people are, is one of life’s great mysteries.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdyRroOd5_k

Erin Plays: The Lies Continue

54:15 

Erin: A new Wave Race game?  Wave Race makes me so upset.  It’s like I know it’s good, I just physically…I can’t.  I can’t.

Mike: You have to practice it a bunch.

Erin: For like 30 hours.

Mike: No.  It’s a game that you have to like play every day and get good at it.  

Erin: Yeah, that’s true.

Mike: It’s a game that you’re supposed to like play with your friends after school every day and then you get good at it gradually.  It’s not like pop on and be amazing.

Erin: Well then I want none of it.  Just kidding.

She wasn’t kidding.  And she thinks that playing a game for 30 hours is a long time.  She’s never played a game for 30 hours in her life.  Think about that.  She’s never played the combined N64 library for 30 hours.

54:45 

Mike: There are a lot of games that I love on the Nintendo 64.

Erin: Yeah.  I wouldn’t say “a lot” but you like a few of them.

Mike: I can name a bunch of games that I love on the Nintendo 64.

Erin: Okay.  Alright.

Mike: Do you want me to name some?

Erin: Yeah.  And then I’m going to name some.  Your list might be longer than mine actually.

This is insane.  Erin couldn’t name three games on this system, excluding the ones that she’s played today on stream, for money.  Actually, I’ll even allow the games that she’s played here on stream, for money.  She probably forgot them already.  

And Mike is clearly annoyed at her absolutely idiotic, clueless comments.

So then Mike named about five games and Erin got increasingly uncomfortable and, as usual, pretended to know what games he was talking about.

55:30 – Mike says, “What are some N64 games that you like, Erin?”

I can’t believe that he’s actually doing this.  He’s actually going to take her to task on this.  Expose her for the total fraud that she is.

She had to think about it for a good while.

Erin: I like the ones that I grew up with.   I like Yoshi’s Story and Mario 64 and Bust a Move 99

Mike: Yeah…

Erin: And…Mario Kart 64.  All the Mario shit, I like.

Mike: Mm hmm.

Erin: So you won.  You like it more than I do.

Holy shit what an awful answer.  Do I even need to explain this one?  Bust a Move is a game that she’s only played on stream, for money.  And she played it recently, on stream, for money.  And then it’s just her usual Yoshi and Mario 64.  

She strained to come up with Mario Kart 64.  And then she just said, “Oh, I like the Mario games.  All of them.”

Such as?  Give some examples.  

Here’s another idea: name some Nintendo 64 games that DON’T feature characters from the Mario universe.  She couldn’t do it.  She doesn’t know the games.  She’s never played any of them.  This is all a giant lie.  

So then Mike stares at her for a while.  Erin says, “At least for now”, whatever that means.  And then Mike says, “So let’s play Hercules.”

He’s clearly annoyed with this shit.  How does he stand it?  Every day with Erin is just one huge lie and he knows it.  The interest in video games is a lie.  The interest in him is a lie.  Why does he do it?  Is his self-esteem that low?  Is he just that desperate for buttsex?  Any normal person would have sent Erin back to her mama ages ago.

It’s like Mike thinks that he’s trapped with this shit.  He isn’t.  He’s free to do whatever the fuck he wants.  

Mike is independently wealthy.  And he doesn’t have a job.  Not in the traditional sense, anyway.  He has no responsibilities.  He’s done with Jimmy Rolfe.  

What’s keeping him in New Jersey?  

Here’s what Mike should do.  Sell his home.  Sell all of his bullshit that he doesn’t want.  Then move to the Philippines.  You can get a visitor visa and then you just keep extending this visa every two months.  Something like this.  Or you can get a retirement visa.  From a quick perusal, all you need to be is over 35 years of age and deposit $20,000 into a Philippine bank account.  

Then he can stream from the Philippines.  The cost of living is very low.  He’d be living like a king even if this Twitch income is fairly modest.  And then he can get a hot Filipina girlfriend.  Or multiple girlfriends.  Whatever you’re into.  

Maybe marry one of these women and then you’re good to go.  Less visa hassle.  

Why not?  Why is he not doing this?  Why is he sitting in New Jersey with this fucking middling attractive (at best) 33 year old complete fraud who doesn’t have a brain in her head?  

I mean, he would not even have to try to get a date.  Women would be approaching him.  It’s a poor country.  He’d be a relatively wealthy white man.  And an American.  This is what these women are looking for.  And he’s not that old.  There are 70 year old dudes with 20 year old women in the Philippines.

Would these women be using him for his money and possibly hoping to move to the US?  Yes, of course.  But Erin is using him.  Wouldn’t it be better to be used by a hot Filipina?  And as long as he knows the score, he wouldn’t have to be taken advantage of too much.  He could go out with a different woman every night.  He’d be drowning in pussy.  

Or he can just find a nice woman there, somewhere near his league, who has a decent job, and they could get married.  

But no.  He’s going to stay in New Jersey and waste his life on Erin of all people.  This fucking moron.  This total fraud.  This woman who’s making a complete fool of him for the whole world to see.

56:45 – Speaking of which, Mike leaves to get his Elmo puppet.

57:30 – Erin says, “So I have a confession.  Some of you already know this.  But when I was really little, I liked Xena a lot.  I also watched a little bit of Hercules but Xena was where my heart was.”

She played the Xena game for 30 seconds on this stream.  That’s how much Xena is “where her heart is.”

“Oh yeah.  I also like Pokemon Snap.  That’s another one.”

I can’t believe this.  The horntards are actually reminding Erin of which Nintendo 64 games she likes.

59:45 – Mike is back with his Elmo puppet.

He wouldn’t be doing this in the Philippines, that’s for damn sure.  He’d have two naked chicks next to him, dancing, wearing only an Elmo head.  THEY would be trying to entertain HIM, not the other way around.  

1:02:45 – Erin can’t follow what Mike is saying because she’s an idiot.  So Mike gives up and leaves.

She’s totally incapable of having a conversation.  

Then some horntard gave another ten subscriptions.  That’s $50.

1:07:15 – “Did I ever watch Young Hercules?  No, I didn’t.”

You don’t say.

“Oh, Ryan Gosling was on that?  Was he Young Hercules?  I know that he was in Goosebumps and The Mickey Mouse Club with Britney”.

It’s total trash.  This is all that she can talk about.  Disney and Britney Spears.  

He could definitely find a more intelligent and a more interesting woman in the Philippines.  And I don’t know how popular McDonald’s is over there but he could be going to Jollibee every fucking day.  

I went out with a woman from the Philippines once.  She was a nurse.  She was completely nuts but she was reasonably attractive.  Then she sent me like 20 pictures of her feet.  I don’t know why.  I didn’t ask for them.  This is just what they do in the Philippines, I guess.  

1:08:15 – Then Mike chooses Mario 64.  I think that he’s just trolling Erin some more.  She said that this was one of her favourite games on the system so let’s see how she does.

Erin then says, “You hate this game.  I don’t want to play it with you.”

Pathetic.  She’s trying to weasel out of this.

1:09:15 – Metal Mario comes out and Erin says, “Is he made of cement”?

Erin has never played any of the Smash Bros games.

“What’s happening here?  Is he made out of tin?”

I want to see Erin play this game.  She clearly does not want to.  She’s not even looking at it.  She’s just looking at the chat.

1:09:30 – She’s reading from the chat.

Erin: “This doesn’t look right.  I have a different version.”

Mike: What one did you have?  

Erin: I don’t know.  Is this the one that you had?

Mike: Yes.

Erin: Maybe I’m remembering wrong.  Maybe you’re right.

Mike: What are you remembering?

Erin: I don’t know.  I remember it looking more Mario-looking.  And like he wasn’t made of metal.

Mike: Wait, you’ve never heard of Metal Mario?

Erin: (long pause) No…

(Mike smiles)

Erin:  I think that my parents got my N64 at Montgomery Wards.

Mike: Oh really?  Is that true?

Erin: Yeah.  (nervous laugh).

Mike: I thought that you got it at K-B.

Erin: No.  I got it…I don’t think so.  I remember there being video games at K-B.

This should be every video.  Every video should be Mike calling Erin out for being a fraud.  She’s completely clueless.  

Mike turns the game off.  Erin refused to play it.

1:11:15 

Mike: You like Bomberman, right?

Erin: I played it a little on stream and I thought that it was intersting.

Mike: Do you want to show it to me?

Erin: Sure.  I don’t know what to do.  It’s kind of like the Mario 64 version of Bomberman.  Like you run around.  Like it’s not a normal Bomberman game.

What she’s saying doesn’t make any sense because she doesn’t know anything about video games.  But Mike is taking her to task again.  Show us noobs how good you are at Bomberman, Erin.

Then Erin refuses to play because the game is in Japanese.  Not that it matters.  You don’t need to follow the story.

1:12:45 – Erin talks about Bomberman Hero.  She’s not sure if the game she’s playing is Bomberman Hero or not.  

Erin: The one I was thinking of is Bomberman Hero.  

Mike: Oh, was it?  Let’s see if I have that.

Erin: Maybe that was it.

She doesn’t have a fucking clue and Mike is sticking it to her.  She’s getting assistance from the horntards on these video game questions that she can’t answer.

She’s terrible at the game.  She clearly has never played it before.

A plane takes off about 30 seconds into the game and Erin says, “Oh my god”.  She’s never seen this before?  She said that she’s played this game.

“I don’t know where to go.  I think that this is what I’ve played a little bit of.”

And Mike is just looking smug.

Erin doesn’t know where to go, keeps dying, and keeps taking the same exact path and dying.

1:16:00 – “I kind of like it.”

She clearly has never played the game before and has NO IDEA what she’s doing.  But she likes it.

Erin: It would be fun to play this on my own for a bit.

Mike: Let’s play it right now.

Mike called out her lies again.  

Erin says, “Well, I get self-conscious sometimes.”

She wants no part of this.  

1:16:30 – Mike says, “Somebody is going to say ‘Erin is no good at Bomberman from 1997’.  If that’s what the person is saying, they have no fucking life.”

But you see that this is a fraud, right?  It’s not that she’s not good at this particular game, which she isn’t, she’s not good at ANY game.  Because this is all a giant scam.  She’s not interested in video games.  

1:17:00 – In a nerd voice, Mike says, “She doesn’t have the right to play this game.  I bet that she never even had a Nintendo 64.”

I think that I’m getting a shout out.  But it’s true.  She didn’t.  This is all a fraud.  He knows this.  

1:17:30 – Erin says, “Game over.  So that’s Bomberman Hero.”

She doesn’t want to play this.  At all.  Even though not 30 seconds earlier, she said that the game was fun and she’d like to play it.

1:17:45

They’re moving on to Bust A Move.  I’ll stop there for now.  Tomorrow will be the thrilling conclusion of this four part epic series.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdyRroOd5_k

I get the feeling that this is going to be a many part series of articles.  It’s going to be like The World at War but about this shitty Erin Plays video rather than World War II.  No less gruelling, though.

So Mike chooses Wheel of Fortune next.  Erin has played the NES version twice.  She doesn’t know the rules.  She doesn’t know what a vowel is (and I’m not joking).  She’s never seen a single episode of the show.  So it’s really, really bad.

I talk about her most recent attempt at this game here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/06/classic-concentration-and-wheel-of_17.html

30:30 – “Oh, and it’s by GameTek.”

Erin mentioned this in the video that I link to above.  This is what she does.  She reads the title screen and points out just random stuff that she happens to read.  The developer or the copyright year or whatever.  It’s because she has no idea what to say because she doesn’t know anything about video games.  

But yeah, Gametek published the Wheel of Fortune NES game too.  

This must be a joke by Mike.  He must have done this intentionally.  Erin sarcastically says, “How exciting.”

30:45 – “Ew.  Why are they real people?  I don’t like this.  That man’s a computer!  And those two people are controllers!  (laughs)”

Then she looks to Mike for reassurance for this…joke?  Was it even a joke?  What was this?  But Mike just looks straight ahead.  He has no idea what that comment was either.

31:30 – Erin chooses an “M” for her first letter.  There’s no “M”.  You know what else there isn’t?  A timer.  So Erin has no excuse for her idiotic behaviour this time.  You can sit there and stare at those letters all day and nothing will happen.  Take your time.  Choose good letters.  Study the puzzle.  There’s no rush.

31:45 – 

Erin: I know.  It doesn’t look like Vanna.  I don’t know who these people are.

Mike: They literally scanned in Vanna White.

Erin: Is it her?

Mike: Yeah.

Erin: From far away, that looks like that chick from The Brady Bunch.  Ummm…the nanny.

Mike: Oh my god.  Alice?

Erin: Yeah.  It looks like Alice.

Where to begin with this?  First of all, Mike was right.  I have no idea what Erin is talking about.  It’s literally footage of Vanna White.  

Second point.  The nanny from The Brady Bunch.  There was no nanny.  Alice was a housekeeper.  

Third point.  What?  At first, when Erin just said that it looked like “that chick from The Brady Bunch” I thought that she was meant Marsha.  Let me get a screenshot of this shit.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdyRroOd5_k

I watched this one a bit yesterday on Twitch and there’s some real bullshit here.  So I was hoping that she would upload it.  My prayers have been answered.  

0:00 – She starts the stream with her usual awkward pointing at Mike.  

She says that they’re playing in the middle of the night, “So if you’re here, that means that you’re on a different time schedule.”

She means “time zone”.  It’s a minor point but for some reason I made a note of this when I was watching yesterday.

Then she cut out some awkward dialogue with Mike.  And she also cut out the following:

I was into Rampage: World Tour when I was like a teenager.  I got into it.  I got it at a random game store.

This is an important bit of information.  Because listen to her talk about Rampage 2, which they’re about to play.  The game is very similar to Rampage: World Tour.  From the comments she makes, it’s clear that she knows NOTHING about the game.  She knows NOTHING about the Rampage series.  She never fucking played these before.  It’s impossible.  And also from her horrendous gameplay, it’s obvious that she never played it before.  She doesn’t know the basic controls.  

Erin has also said before that she had a Nintendo 64 as a child.  But again, watch this gameplay and listen to what she says.  It’s absolutely impossible.

0:15 – Now we’re back the video.  She cut those few minutes out.

Erin: Like I was saying, I liked Rampage: World Tour.  That’s the Rampage I’ve probably played the most, out of all of the Rampages.  However many there may be.

Mike (Inspector Gadget impression) All the Rampages.  There are a lot of Rampages.

Erin: Yeah.  So I’ve played the first one on N64 the most.  That’s the one that I had.

Then another edit.  Let’s see what she’s trying to hide.

Oh.  Some horntard said, “What’s with the awkward vibes?”

Erin: It’s in the middle of the night.

Mike: You’re an awkward vibe.

Erin: My whole presence is built on awkward vibes.

Mike: No, I meant the chat.

Erin: So this is nothing new.

Mike: The chat’s an awkward vibe.

Erin: Oh.  I mean…I guess that makes sense that it would be.

Then she says, “Thank you Mocking Jay.  I hope you had a good vacation.  Should we just start?” and she’s about to start the game.  Mike replies, “Where was Mocking Jay on vacation?”

See, this is how you have a conversation.  Erin doesn’t know this.  She always just replies, “That’s cool” or similar to anything that anyone says.  Mike is trying to help her out.  Show her how conversation works.  Show her how to be a REMOTELY engaged and interesting “streamer”.

So rather than asking the guy, Erin immediately says, “I don’t know”.  Then Mike says, “Does he say?”  And Erin says, “No” and moves on.  “Have I played Ramage for the Atari?  No.”

She’s an idiot.  

Erin then claims to have played Ramage on the NES, the arcade, and the Gamecube.  Just wait for this gameplay and commentary.  Everything that she’s saying is a lie.  It has to be.

Regarding the Gamecube Rampage, Erin says, “I think you and me played it.  I don’t think that it was on stream but we played it.”

Mike isn’t playing along.  If it wasn’t on stream, she didn’t play it.  She does not play games off stream.

Back to the video.

1:15 – Erin is choosing the character, gets to the crab, and laughs as though she’s never seen this before.  She says, “I’m going to choose him.”  Because he’s “cute”, I guess.  She didn’t look at the stats or anything.

1:30 – Mike says, “Okay, there’s just three guys.”  Erin replies, “There’s like three.”

Wrong.  I had Rampage: World Tour and Rampage 2.  I had them for the Playstation.  You can quickly unlock the three main characters from the Rampage arcade game.  Plus an alien guy.  I don’t remember how.  It was nothing complicated, though.  You just beat a stage or beat the game.  Something like this.  Let me look this up.

I’m looking at Rampage: World Tour because that’s the game that Erin said that she had as a child and…no.  There aren’t any characters to unlock other than “T-Rex” but that requires beating the game and then pressing a series of buttons.  So that’s not straightforward.

And for Rampage 2, you’re able to unlock the characters who I mentioned, plus a few others, but it requires entering a cheat code.  That’s not how I remember it but whatever.  

So okay, Erin gets a pass on this.  In Rampage: World Tour, there weren’t really any unlockable characters.  Just the one and it’s complicated to do.  But just wait.  Erin is going to say some really stupid shit.

1:30 – 

Erin: Ha!  Look at his nose.

Mike: I believe that that’s supposed to be Ted Koppel.

Erin: I don’t know who that is.

When did Ted Koppel retire from Nightline?  2005.  Erin would have been 18 years old.  Does nobody find this strange?  She never watched Nightline?  Or had any familiarity with it whatsoever?  

She wasn’t allowed to watch television.  She just stared at a wall for her entire childhood.

She’s also a big Simpsons fan, so she claims, although, again she knows NOTHING about the Simpsons as she’s demonstrated time and time again.   Remember that scene where Homer wakes up in a panic and says, “I think I hate Ted Koppel?  No, wait.  I find him informative and witty.”

Erin doesn’t know this.  

2:15 – Strap in.  Here’s the gameplay.

Erin repeatedly punches a spot in the building.  As anyone knows, there’s only so much damage that you can do to any particular part of the building.  You damage it all the way and then you move up the building and punch that part of the building.  

But Erin doesn’t know this.  So she kept punching even after it was obvious that she did as much damage as she could possibly do to that part of the building.  And she does this constantly.  She doesn’t seem to learn.

Then Mike is on top of the building and he’s just punching downward.  This is something that you can do in the game and it’s probably the quickest way to destroy the buildings.  Erin sees this and says, “Oh yeah.  How do you do –” and then she’s just jumping on another building and doing no damage to it.  She doesn’t know the controls.

Okay, she hasn’t played it in years, according to her.  Neither has Mike.  How does Mike immediately pick up the controls?  Because when he says that he’s played it before, he’s not lying.  Erin is.

Then she’s just kicking and punching randomly, still trying to figure out how to do this downward punch.  I’m going to guess down and punch.

2:30 – Erin gives up and is now on the side of the building.  She figured out that you can also kick the building so she’s doing that.  Repeatedly.  On the same spot.  Even though it’s already at 100% damage.

2:45 – “Maybe this one’s not as good.  I don’t know.  It’s been a long time since I’ve played World Tour, though.”

It’s identical.  The two games are identical.  If anything, the sequel is a slight improvement on the original.  But Erin has no fucking idea what she’s doing, having never played any of these games before, so she immediately dismisses the game as sucking.  

For what it’s worth, the game does suck.  But not for the reason that Erin is suggesting.  “I don’t know the basic controls” is not a reason to say that a game sucks.  

3:15 – Erin’s character catches on fire and she laughs at this.  She’s never seen this before.

“Oh, I just ate that person.”

This right here is the smoking gun.  This is conclusive proof that Erin has never played ANY Rampage game.  Eating people has been a staple of the game since the start.  It’s one of the main things that anyone remembers about the game.  A huge portion of the game involves punching the buildings and eating what’s inside, be it people or toilets or whatever else is there.  You want to avoid eating the toilets.  

Everybody knows that you eat people in this game.  Everybody who has ever played any Rampage game knows this.  ERIN DOESN’T KNOW THIS BECAUSE SHE NEVER PLAYED THE GAME.  She’s a compulsive liar.

“I ate him too.  I am a hungry crab.”

Then she edits something out.  Let’s see what she’s hiding again.

Erin: Sebastian is pissed.  

Mike: Is that the name of your guy?

Erin:  I just named that in my head right now.  I don’t actually —

Mike: Oh.  From the Little Mermaid?

Erin: Yeah.  Sebastian on steroids.  I can’t take it any more, Ariel.  That was the worst joke I’ve ever made.  

Why on earth would she edit this out?  Of all the shit to be embarrassed about, THIS is what she’s removes?  

This was actually a semi-intelligent comment.  Hey guys!  Remember Sebastian from the Little Mermaid?  That’s what I’m naming my crab character.

Oh.  Yeah, I get it.  Ruby (the name of this character) is also a crab.  It’s like Sebastian on steroids.  Good joke, Erin.  It had a setup and a punchline.  That’s very rare for you.  Most of your “jokes” follow the “X looks like Y” format.

3:30 – “Oh, look at that little move.”

She’s flapping her arms.  You can do that in the game.  You glide down.  She didn’t know this.  How?  I’m sure that it was the same in Rampage: World Tour.

3:45 – “Oh, that’s how you punch down.  You just hold down and punch.”

How on earth did she not know this?  WHAT ELSE CAN IT POSSIBLY BE?  

There’s two hours of this and I’ve already written a lot.  I’m going to have to break this down into more than one post like I did with the gameshow stream that she did.  Usually, I just watch like 10 minutes of these streams and then call it a day but I think that there’s going to be some good shit in this one.  

“So we’re slowly learning what we’re doing.”

Oh fuck.  She’s never played the game before.

“Super punch?  How do I get that?”

And she tries to punch it.  It’s a fucking icon.  It’s indicating that you’re able to use the super punch.  It’s part of your…whatever, where it gives your health and score.  It’s not part of the playfield.  Erin doesn’t know this because she’s never played the game before, ANY Rampage game, and she’s so unfamiliar with games generally that she doesn’t know how this all works.

“Oh no.  It was telling me to use it.  Oh, okay.”

It’s unbelievable.  How can Mike sit there and not comment on any of this?  

4:15 – “We should play Carmageddon 64 since it’s the worst car game on N64?”

Then she just sighs.  She doesn’t know anything about the game.  And just listen to her stumble and have to sound out “Carmageddon”.  She’s never even seen the word before.  

Then Mike says that he was going to write an AVGN episode about the game.  Erin says, “Oh, really?  Bring it back.”  That’s it.  She basically said, “Oh, cool.”  She knows absolutely nothing about the game, or AVGN, or how to have a conversation so this is all that she can say.

4:45 – “Ooh, I just ate popcorn or something.”

How is it possible that she didn’t know this?  There’s food in the game.  You punch the buildings and there are various items in there that you can consume.  THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT OF THE FUCKING GAME.  Erin didn’t know this.  

And the whole time, Mike is just making a semi-disgusted face and not responding.  Because he knows that this is all a fraud.  But he doesn’t want to call her out.  

“I thought the crabs only ate people.”

It’s unbelievable.  She CLEARLY has no familiarity with the game AT ALL.  ANY of the Rampage games.  But she fucking sat there and said that she had the game as a teenager.  She said that she played the game before.  How is it possible?  How is it possible to have ever played Rampage, ANY of them, and not know that you eat people and food from the buildings?  Somebody explain this.  

5:00 – 

Mike: I wish the camera would like zoom out.

Erin: Yeah, it’s a little annoying because we keep dying.

Mike: I didn’t realise that.  You know, so that I can like walk to a different building or something while you’re working on a different building.

Erin: Yeah.  I think that you can do that on World Tour.

Mike: Do you want to try that?

Erin: Yeah, let’s try that.

I will bet ANYTHING that you can’t do this in Rampage: World Tour.  Why would the first game have something so useful and then they remove it in the sequel?  She doesn’t have a fucking clue.

And I, much like Mike, didn’t know about this issue because I’ve never played the game with more than one player.  So I understand him not knowing this.

But we’re supposed to believe that Erin played Rampage: World Tour with her little school friends?  They’d all come over and play Rampage: World Tour together?   And Erin can remember that the game would zoom out to show all of the different characters when playing multi-player but she DIDN’T remember something as basic as the ability to eat people and food?  Or how to do a down punch? 

Then there’s another edit.  What is she hiding this time?

“So I do have that like actual cartridge but because I have an Everdrive, it’s just easier.”

Mm hmm.  Because you’re a real Rampage fan, Erin.  It’s so obvious.

That’s what she edited out.  Why?  It doesn’t make any fucking sense.  What about that comment was any more of an egregious lie than any other egregious lie that she makes?  The Youtube version is packed with egregious lies.  I’m only at five minutes and I’ve catalogued dozens of egregious lies.  Why didn’t this one make the cut?

Another edit.  

“Can I be my crab boy?”

5:45 – “I wish my crab man was here.”

Let’s look at the chronology of this.  Rampage: World Tour had the original three characters from the arcade game: the Godzilla character, the King Kong character, and the wolf character.

Rampage 2 had an all new cast of characters: the crab, the rhino, and the mouse.  And the goal of the game is to rescue the old school characters, who you can then play as.  

So Erin, who even according to her own admission has never played Rampage 2 until today, thinks that you can play as the characters in Rampage 2 in the previous game, Rampage: World Tour.  I didn’t phrase that well but hopefully we see how insane this is.   Characters who were NEW to Rampage 2 (1999) obviously aren’t going to be available in Rampage: World Tour (1997).  But Erin doesn’t know this. 

Erin has played Rampage: World Tour.  As a teenager.  That’s what she says.  She claims to be familiar with the game.  But she thinks that these NEW characters, who were introduced in a game that she never played before today, will be in this first game.  How?  How is it possible that somebody would think that?  Why is she surprised by this information?  Why doesn’t she know that the only characters available in this game are the three from the arcade?

Then she picks Ralph, the wolf, the least popular character.  The character who didn’t appear in the NES version of the game.  Maybe she picked him because she was a big fan of his in the arcade original.  She claims to have played it and Erin always tells the truth.

6:00 – She laughs at the name “Scumlabs”.  She doesn’t remember this from the game?  I remember it.  Why doesn’t she?  Because I actually played the game before.

6:15 – So let’s see if it zooms out.  Let’s see if the earlier game had a vastly superior feature, a feature which I’m not even sure was technically possible at the time, that was omitted from the sequel.

“I like the graphics on this one.  Like it kind of looks like clay”.

Exact same graphics as the sequel.

Oh, for anyone who was playing at home, no.  The game does not zoom out.  

Erin continues to kick the building long after the area is at 100% damage.

7:00 – “I got confused again.  Can we start over?”

She thought that she was the Godzilla character.  I guess.  Even though two seconds earlier, she was complaining that Mike wasn’t helping her destroy the building.  And she was the only one kicking that building.  Repeatedly.  Mike was off eating a bomb throwing guy on the ground.  

So why the fuck does she want to start over?  What’s even the big deal?  They were both at full health.  But Mike reluctantly starts over.

7:30 – They’re at the character select screen.  “Oh, you can change their colours!”

You didn’t know this, Erin?  Why is this all news to her?  I didn’t know this either.  Maybe it’s only available in multiplayer.  But she must have played multiplayer before because she said that the screen zooms out in multiplayer when the players get too far away from each other.  This isn’t a feature actually in the game, but she said that it was.

7:45 – 

Mike: You have to eat these guys who are throwing shit.

Erin: I’m trying to remember how to eat them.

You don’t know?  You can’t just assume that it’s down and punch?  

Why isn’t the chat rioting?  It’s so unbelievably obvious that everything that she says is a lie.  How could anybody possibly play this game before but NOT know that you eat people on the ground by pressing down and punch?  Even if you’ve never played the game before, how can you not figure this out in about two seconds?  

8:00

Mike: I think that I really like this game.

Erin: Yeah, this one’s fun.

It’s IDENTICAL to the game that they just played.  The sequel.  The characters looks different but they play exactly the same.  All of the characters play the same.  There might be some negligible differences but nothing noteworthy.  

Both games use the same engine.  Same graphics.  Same sound.  Same play style.  Rampage 2 is less a sequel than an expansion of the first game.  

Why do they profess to like the first game so much better than the sequel?  Again, if anything, the sequel is better.  The sequel has these old school characters in it.  You just have to unlock them.  The sequel has everything that previous game had and more.  

By the way, Mike still hasn’t mentioned that you can’t zoom out.  Why not?  That was the whole point of going to this game.  To see the zoom out feature.

9:15 – “So I tried a new coffee drink right before this, and I think it works, Mike.”

A “coffee drink”.  Interesting vernacular.

But yeah.  Erin is really on the ball during this stream.  She’s in the zone.  Must be that “coffee drink”.

Erin continues to hit the same spot over and over and over and over and over again.

She’s also not eating any of the items.  By eating the people and the food, you get health.  Erin doesn’t know this.  

11:30 – “I shouldn’t be on the internet.”

Somebody should clip this.  Where’s Shishi when you need him?

12:30 – “Why am I small?  Oh my god, I turned into a little man and walked away.  What happened?”

You know how in Rampage, when you die, you turn into a little naked person and walk away?  Erin doesn’t know this.

How?  It’s something that you learn the first time you play the game.  Maybe she never died in these games before.  Maybe every time she played, it was a deathless speedrun.  

Then Mike explains the lore behind this and Erin is completely clueless.  He’s clearly annoyed.  He’s clearly perplexed by her comments.  How is it possible that she wouldn’t know this, having said that she played the game before.  Not only this game but also the NES game, the arcade game, and a Gamecube game.  I don’t get it.  Mike doesn’t get it.  Can anybody explain this?  

13:00 – Mike dies.  “See, you got small too.  You turned into a girl.”

Yeah.  We know.  We all know this, Erin.  This is why Lizzie was a popular character back in the day.  You could see a tiny naked woman when you died.  

But Erin doesn’t know this.  This is all new to her.  How?  It doesn’t make any sense.  

Then she laughs at the animation when the character returns.  She never saw this before?

Erin continues to attack the same area of the building repeatedly, even though it’s already at 100% damage.

13:30 

Mike: Here’s yet another N64 game that’s fucking cool.

Erin: Yeah, this game’s good.  I always forget about it.

Boy is she right.  She forgot literally EVERYTHING about this game.  Or maybe she just never knew about it to start with.  Because she never played this before.  

And yet again, this is Erin misusing the terms “always” and “forget”.  

Erin: So I didn’t have this when it came out.

Mike: Erin —

Erin: Let me tell the story about how I got this.

Mike: I want to say one thing first.

Erin: It’s not interesting at all.

No.  I’m dying to hear the story.  Please explain how you got this game and then somehow forgot EVERYTHING about it.  

Mike: Make a video about talking about a whole bunch of N64 games that are actually good.

Pause the video at 13:50.  Erin can’t believe that he said this.  This guy actually expects Erin to make a video of good N64 games?  Now she has to think of good N64 games.  She can’t even think of ANY N64 games.  Her mind is racing right now.  “How the fuck am I going to get out of this one?”

She stares at him for a while and then says, “But if I title it N64 games that don’t suck, they’ll be like, ‘What are you talking about?  There’s a lot of good N64 games.”

Such as?  Give us your list, Erin.  What N64 games do you like.  Just some examples.  It doesn’t have to be a comprehensive list.  Name three.

Mike: That’s the point of the video.

Erin: Oh.  To get interaction because people will angrily comment because there’s a lot of good N64 games?

Mike: No.  You don’t have to call it that.  

Erin: Oh.  This sounds clickable.

Mike: There’s like a whole bunch of titles it could possibly be.

Here’s my suggestion: “Nintendo 64 Games That I Know Nothing About But Google Says Are Pretty Good” and then she “reviews” Super Mario 64, Mario Party 3, and GoldenEye.

14:30 – 

Mike: So what were you going to say about buying something?  N64?  

Erin: It doesn’t matter now.  Nothing matters.

Mike just stares awkwardly at her.

Mike: You’re not going to tell the story any more?  I want to hear it.

Erin: No because now it’s all hyped up and it’s going to be a let down.  You want to know what happened?  Okay.  This is what happened.  So I think it was either when I was still in high school or right after high school.  It was probably around 2006 or 2007 at the latest.  Me and my friends were like, “Let’s go buy some N64 games.”  That was when we thought, “Oh my god, this game is $45?  That’s so expensive.”  You know what I mean?

Not really but please continue.

Erin: So anyway, we bought this and it was not that expensive but it was really fun.

Okay.  Let’s try to make sense of everything that we’ve seen today.  In 2007, Erin was 20 years old.  She bought this game with a friend and claims to have played it because she says that it was fun.  

She might have played it once.  On the day that she bought it.  Briefly.  

This would explain why she doesn’t know anything about the game.  And we can apply the same rule to every other Rampage game that she claims to have played.  Because she clearly knows NOTHING about the games.  

So if you only played a game one time, briefly, 15 years ago, is it fair to say that you probably wouldn’t know anything about the game?  I’m trying to think of real life examples of a game that I only played once, briefly but don’t have many memories of but nothing is springing to mind.  I mean, there aren’t really any examples of a game that I only played once and briefly.  And CERTAINLY there aren’t any examples of a game that I PAID for and only played once and briefly.  

But it’s the only way that any of this possibly makes sense.  She got the game and played it one time, for a little while, with her friend.  Similar with the NES game, the arcade game, and the Gamecube game.  For example, maybe she played the arcade game one time.  Or maybe not even.  Maybe she just watched somebody else play.  Or just watched the demo.

15:45 – “Mocha Wake Me Up.  Isn’t that a cute little name?”

It sure is, Erin.  It sure is.  This is one jim dandy of a stream.

16:15 – “Thank you so much (some horntard) for gifting ten subs.”

It’s $50.  That mentally challenged man just gave Erin $50.  FOR THIS.  

17:00 – They do some minigame and Erin had no idea what was happening.  In fairness, I don’t remember this either.

I mean, I don’t expect people to know every little detail of a game that they played 15 years ago.  But something like eating people?  I think that everybody who ever played Rampage knows about the eating people aspect of the game.  Same with the becoming a nude person when you die.  Same with pressing down and punch in order to do a down punch.

17:15 – She’s bouncing on the building and says, “Oh, look it’s a trampoline.”

Yeah.  This was one of the big things about the game.  You can jump on some of the smaller buildings like it’s a trampoline.  I remember this aspect of the game distinctly.  But not Erin.  

Mike asks how she did that.  Then he tries on a tall building and it doesn’t work.  

Has Mike said that he played this before?  I think that he has.  But he doesn’t know about this?  Now I don’t know what to believe any more.  Is Mike telling tall tales about his gaming history now too?

17:45 – Erin dies again and Mike tells her the pro tip about eating food to get some health back.  Erin didn’t know this.

21:45 – Erin is talking about cosplaying as the sexy lady in the game’s cutscenes.  Mike says, “Isn’t it just a nurse” and Erin says, “Yeah, it’s easy.  I could also be like the nurse from that Blink182 album cover for Halloween.”

A pointless music comment that comes out of nowhere because she knows nothing about video games.

Mike suggests that he’s going to be “George the monkey”.  That’s the King Kong character in the game.  So Erin says, “So now we’re going to do Curious George?  Am I going to be The Man with the Hat?”

How does Mike stand this?  Erin doesn’t even know where she is.  She has no idea what’s going on.  She has no idea what anybody is saying.  She can’t follow any conversation unless it’s about Blink182 or Britney Spears.

Mike: I’ve already done things with monkey costumes.  I’ve already destroyed buildings while wearing a monkey costume.”

Erin: Okay, so we’ve had enough of that.  Erin, have you played Dark Rift for N64?  I’m not familiar with that one but maybe we’ll check that out.”

She’s completely incapable of having a conversation.  Mike just got through saying that he wore a monkey costume and destroyed buildings.  She didn’t want to learn more about that?  “In what capacity were you destroying buildings while dressed as a monkey, Mike.  Tell me more.”

No.  She just moved on to the horntards asking her if she played some game before.  And of course she hasn’t.  That’s what we all want to hear.  Fuck this monkey costume shit.  I want to hear more about games that Erin hasn’t played before.

22:45 – “I know like the bare minimum of Thundercats”

I don’t even know why she said this.  Mike did some monkey impression right before that.  Maybe it’s something to do with that.  But yeah, maybe Thundercats is going to be the next big interest of Erin’s.  She’s going to watch all of the episodes.  And buy the toys.  And display them on her shitty shelf.  And then we’ll never hear about it again.

24:45 – Mike is complaining about Erin’s abysmal abilities at this game and says, “Can’t we zoom the camera out?”

No.  Didn’t you notice?   The camera doesn’t zoom out.  But Erin thought that it did.  Even though this feature isn’t in the sequel.

26:00 – Erin is repeatedly trying to attack a portion of the building that clearly can’t be damaged.  

By the way, she hasn’t eaten anything since Mike told her that pro tip about eating food to regain your health.  

26:30 – Mike gets some powerup that gives him the ability to fly and take down buildings with like two hits and Erin is just fucking around, doing nothing, her usual shitty gameplay.  Mike clearly wants to to move to the next building and Erin is totally useless.  “Look at the guy in the bench” she says.

27:45 – “I want to eat the calculator.”

And then she doesn’t.

29:45 – “Let’s move on.  I do like this game but I just wasn’t concentrating as much as I should be.”

Oh.  So that was the problem.  Erin just wasn’t concentrating enough.

So that was Rampage: World Tour and Rampage 2.  We have another 90 minutes of this stream.  They play Wheel of Fortune next.  Briefly.  No prizes for guessing how that one goes.

I think that this might be Erin Week here at GamerGrrls.  I’m going to do a four (or more) part series just on this video.  Nobody else is uploading anyway.  Except Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining.  She recently uploaded a three hour video of her game collection.  Yeah.  I’ll get right on that one.

And Retro Ali hasn’t uploaded since I pointed out her new rubenesque physique.  Maybe it’s just coincidental.  

Tony from Hack the Movies is out.  I’m not watching anything with fucking Newt or Crystal in it.  He did some really half-assed Godzilla podcast recently where he gave me a shout out but it’s not worth reviewing.

Destiny Fomo is “travelling”.  If you know what I mean.  Wink and a nudge.  

Bobdunga hasn’t uploaded anything in ages.  She’s been working on that totally awesome documentary.

Pelvic Gamer seems totally checked out.

John Riggs is doing whatever gross shit he does.

So yeah.  I can get a lot of “content” out of this one video.  And everybody likes Erin.  She’s the star of the show here at GamerGrrls.