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  • Let's talk about Castlevania on Nintendo 64 – Erin Plays

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBeY74pmHLo

    More zero effort trash from Erin.  She did a number of Twitch streams of this game, for money, and now she’s taking these streams and turning them into a shitty Youtube video.

    0:00 – “I’ve been putting this off long enough, and I’ve finally started playing Castlevania 64.”

    On stream, for money.  Why does she always leave that part out?

    She then talks about how she never played Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness but she plans to do so (on stream, for money).

    Oh fuck.  We can see her disgusting tattoo.

    1:00 – “It could be just because I’m a Castlevania fangirl.”

    Eugh.  She doesn’t have a clue.

    She says that she chose the female character “Mostly because of her weapon.  Uh huh.

    1:15 – “Although, I do love playing my Vanias with a whip.”

    Does anybody other than Erin say “Vania”?  I’ve looked this up before and the answer was “No”.

    1:30 – “The first time I played this game (on stream, for money), I played it on easy mode.”

    You don’t say.

    3:00 – Shout out to the Home Depot skeleton.  Whatever that is.

    3:45 – Erin gives an uncharismatic and awkward explanation on why she thinks the skeletons have motorcycles.

    Do I even want to watch this any more?  This is boring as shit.  

    What happened to that video that Tony promised with Crystal Quinn and Erin?  

    7:45 – Shout out to Zombies Ate My Neighbors, a game that Erin played on stream, for money and/or did a Youtube video on.  And then never again.

    10:45 – Shout out to the horntards who helped her when she was playing this game on stream, for money.

    12:00 – “It was stressful”.  Fuck off.

    13:15 – Shout out to Prima strategy guides.

    You guys know about Prima strategy guides, right?

    No, Erin.  I’ve never heard of this before.  But she’s so clueless that she’ll talk about things like this as if they’re common knowledge.  Even though she herself only learned about it recently, probably from some horntard in the chat.

    14:00 – She stops the video and says, “If I end up beating the game, I will totally do a part 2 talking about that.”

    Why?  Why didn’t she just wait until she was done with the game before making the video?  Because in the pinned comment, she says that she beat the game (on stream, for money) and will be doing a follow up video.  

    It’s stupid.  This video was bad enough.  We have to get TWO recycled videos from the same fucking game?  

    “So that was my first time experience playing Castlevania for the N64”

    And the last time.  And it was all on stream, for money.  How else would Erin play games?

    14:15 – “Shout out to Erin Plays Extras where you can watch like nine hours of her stumbling through the game, on stream, for money.”

    Yeah.  I’m going to decline the offer, Erin.  

    14:30 – “Please let me know in the comments what YOUR thoughts are on the game.”

    What a painfully generic thing to say.

    “Like, comment, and subscribe, guys!”

    God, this was a horrendous video.  How does she expect her Youtube career to take off with this absolute rock bottom “content”?  She puts no effort into these videos AT ALL.

    Voultar leaves a “funny” comment.  He’s trying to have sex with her.  He had her on his channel before, if I remember rightly.  She subsequently started advertising his videos.

  • Awful PS4 Themes – Cinemassacre

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yPInbLTuBg

    0:00 – “I really hope that you enjoyed that Rex Viper music video that we did.”

    Umm…

    0:15 – “That was a lot of work and everything to do all of those effects but I’m so happy we did that.”

    Jimmy never seems to understand what people are looking for.  NOBODY cares about the special effects that Jimmy puts in the videos.  Emphasis on “special”.  But he’ll make comments like this regularly.  “Oh, it took six months to make the garbage can explode in the AVGN Movie.”  Yeah.  And it looks like shit and nobody cared anyway.

    I mean, what the fuck?  Has a single person commented on the special effects in these Rex Viper videos?  They look bad.  REALLY bad.  But that’s beside the point.  Not a single person cares about the special effects, good or bad.

    In the AVGN videos, he always wants to do skits.  He thinks that skits are what’s bringing in the views.  No.  The videos were popular DESPITE the skits.  NOBODY likes the skits and they never have.  

    How can one person make this many bad decisions?  I know that he’s mentally retarded or has autism or whatever but come on.  He has a normal functioning wife.  Why is she not helping him?  It’s in her own interests that his Youtube “career” is successful.

    0:30 – He mentions a Cinemassacre podcast.  “That’s right.  I said a Cinemassacre podcast.  It will be starting soon, in August, and I’m really excited about filming with these guys again (Justin and Kieran) in person.  It’s going to happen.”

    Another horrible decision.  Is this going to be like The Overanalyzers where he talked about poop in every episode or like Rental Reviews where he awkwardly read from a script in every episode?

    Here’s my two part series where I document every poop reference in Overanalyzers:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/04/every-reference-to-excrement-in.html

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/04/every-reference-to-excrement-in_29.html

    0:45 – But first a word from our sponsor: some predatory lender.  No thanks, James.  I’d rather go to the local organised crime loan shark down the street.  I’d get a better interest rate and the there’s something to be said about the personal touch.

    Let me DuckDuckGo this shit.  Here’s the first result:

    https://www.reddit.com/r/roosterteeth/comments/nfn4zi/do_not_get_a_personal_loan_with_upstart/

    Who the fuck is taking financial advice from James Rolfe anyway?  

    1:45 – “And now take it away, guys, and I’ll be working on this nerd episode.”

    Wait…what?  First of all, Jimmy doesn’t work on the “nerd” episodes.  All he does is read the script that Justin and/or Kieran wrote.  Poorly.  

    But then he cuts away to Justin and Kieran in the podcast studio.  So…this is going to be a video of Justin and Kieran talking.  Why was Jimmy in this at all then?  Just to trick us to watch?

    See, here’s the thing.  People don’t like being made a fool of.  Did Jimmy not know that?  Did Jimmy not know that people don’t appreciate being tricked into watching a video.

    Why not be honest with the viewers?  Just have Justin and Kieran doing this video from the start.  Sure, the boys on Reddit would rage but they’re going to rage at this bullshit too.  

    Personally, I would have no problem with a video of Justin and Kieran.  My issue is the blatant dishonesty of this video.  Although, this is a man who just shilled for a predatory loan company.

    So then they start looking at “themes”.  Maybe I’m not the target demographic but I had no fucking idea what they were talking about at first.  I thought that they were going to listen to music.  No this is…like…wallpaper and different icons and shit.  

    I don’t have a PS4 so I don’t really get it.  I think that some games that I’ve played have different themes that you can use but I never do that.  And Windows probably has something like this but again, I don’t do it.  

    3:15 – Kieran wants to look at a theme of a guy defecating.  Yeah.  I’m not interested in this stuff.  I’m an adult.  

    I’m at 4:30.  They’re just looking at stupid pictures.  What’s the point of this?  How much can they even say about this topic?  “This one’s bad.  Now look at this one.  It’s also bad.  And this one’s bad too.”

    5:15 – Kieran said “neato” in a non-ironic fashion.  Is he Theodore Cleaver?

    They have that AVGN imitation Funco thing in the background.  I’ve resorted to pointing out things in the background ala Erin Plays.  Thus is the complete dearth of anything to talk about in this shit video.  

    9:00 – There’s a theme for $100 and at first they mock it but then they see that the creator allegedly donates a portion of the proceeds to veterans.  So Kieran says, “Oh, okay.  So that’s not funny.”

    What a bootlicker.  This veneration of the military that one finds in the US is really worrying.  You maybe see this shit in China and Russia and some former Soviet republics that have crooked totalitarian governments.  You saw it in the fascist South American countries that were propped up by the US.  You saw it in fascist Italy, Nazi Germany, et cetera.  What does it say that the US is in the same company as these countries?  

    I understand why the people at the top push this agenda but why do the people at the bottom buy into it?  “Thank you for your service”, free pancakes at IHOP, Kieran refusing to say anything even remotely critical of the military.  

    This all started with the first Gulf War.  Prior to that, we’re talking about the Vietnam era, when the military was massively unpopular.  People didn’t want to be drafted into an unjust war.

    But starting with the first Gulf War, the military became heroes.  And there was no draft.  “But wait a minute, isn’t the Gulf War unjust?”  Yeah, but only poor people are doing the fighting now.  There’s no draft.  So let’s give them free pancakes when they come back and thank them for their service.

    Then with 9/11, that was it.  No more dissent allowed.  No critical thinking allowed.  They’re heroes.  So we can send them to kill and be killed in as many unjust wars for oil as we want.

    I never bought into it, not even as a kid.  I remember my school would bring in soldiers once in a while and they’d give a little talk about Iraq and then we had to shake their hand.  And this one asshole made a comment about how I need to eat more.  Go fuck yourself.  

    What were these people doing in the schools?  What are we learning from this?  It was just military propaganda.  Portraying these people as heroes.

    I don’t have any problem with people who were in the military but these aren’t heroes.  These are people who had few options usually due to poverty.  They didn’t want to work at Jiffy Lube so they thought that the military was a better option.  It isn’t but this is what they thought.

    What about that is heroic?   What’s heroic about carpet bombing a country?  What’s heroic about sitting in an air-conditioned office in Virginia while operating drones?  What’s heroic about propping up billion dollar, multi-national petroleum corporations?  

    But people buy this shit.  I don’t get it.  Are they just really simple?  I mean, I’m not some kind of a super genius.  How stupid do you have to be to blindly swallow this tripe?  

    What has the military ever done for Kieran?  How does dropping bombs on the heads of people from a third world country in any way protect his freedom to make really bad AVGN videos?  Were the people in Iraq trying to take away his precious poop jokes?  

    But these are heroes.  Can’t say anything negative about the military.  Sure, some scammer is using the military to drive up sales of his shitty PS4 theme but we can’t criticise that.  It’s the military.  These are heroes.

    Fuck you, you braindead fuck.

    Justin says, “I might buy that.  Help the veterans out.  Have an awesome theme for my Playstation.”

    Kieran says, “It has George Washington.  It looks like he’s going to fuck some shit up.”

    These are complete morons.  

    What we need to do is bring back conscription.  The veneration of the military would end on that day.  Of course, these fat fucks wouldn’t pass the physical but if we got back to everybody having to join the military, instead of just the completely impoverished, it becomes more real.  It’s not about fucking shit up and freedom fries and America rulez, it’s about your fat ass being sent thousands of miles away, to some shithole, to get shot at.

    So that’s the video.  Complete dogshit.

    Let’s see what the boys on Reddit have to say.

    Top comment is talking about that scumbag loan company.

    Then we descend to “memes” and talking about the official Cinemassacre Reddit.  Get over it, you fucking idiots.  They’re talking about ONE person who they don’t like over there.  

    People fighting with Justin.  This is boring.  These people are so easily riled up.  They’re talking about how the podcast sucks.  Justin, rightly, says “This isn’t the podcast.”  So then they start talking about why he even comes here.  It’s true, I guess.  Why would anyone want to talk to these ignoramuses?

    Oh, here’s a relevant comment:

    – “If anyone bothered watching even 10 seconds before f the video they’d realize this isn’t the first podcast by any means. First off, James is going to be in the podcasts, second the title doesn’t say podcast at all, third, they said multiple times it was to test the lighting and mics and cameras on the set. I agree with a lot on this sub but my god this is fishing for attention”

    It’s true.  

    Someone theorises that this video was only produced because they have an obligation to shill for these companies every so often.  That’s probably true.  I mean, the video was completely pointless.  This would explain things.

    Not a single comment on the worrying historical trend of military worship in the US.  You only get that kind of highbrow discussion here at Gamer Grrls.  

  • CAR BOOT – He SNATCHED this game out of my hand! Game Cube & Mega Drive finds! – TheGebs24

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lrgtInUP8Y

    She’s going to a “car boot sale” (flea market) with her fucking dog.  How low class does it get?  

    But then she complains about the low class behaviour of the sellers.  So don’t fucking go.  And leave your god damn dog at home.

    2:00 – She tells a guy that some item is too expensive because she just bought a house.  NOBODY CARES.  If you don’t want to buy it, put it down.  Nobody gives a shit about your house.

    And she’s saying this stuff to people who are completely impoverished.  It’s disgusting.

    “That’s beaut.  That is fantab.”

    She’s really annoying.  Try finishing your words.

    8:45 – She offered to pay £1 for a DS game.  It was listed as £2, I think.  Fucking ridiculous.  Her insulting offer was rejected.  Two pounds is too much?  

    These people have absolutely no money.  They’re there in a park selling their meagre possessions.  And she’s trying to lowball them.

    9:15 – Somebody is selling old magazines for 50p each.  She’s not happy with that.  She wants five of them for £2.  

    12:00 – “Have you got any other PS1 games handy-ish?”

    And there’s a fucking wall of games in front of her.  She looked at two of them.  She does this a lot.  She’ll ask people if they have more stuff.  Where would anything else be stored?  What’s on the table is what’s being sold.

    12:15 – “So you’ve not got any Gameboy games?  Nothing like that?”

    It’s just so annoying.  She should be banned from these places.  There are fucking hundreds of games on this guy’s table and she’s complaining because he doesn’t have more.  Buy what’s there or leave.  He can’t make games appear from thin air.

    13:30 – She crawls under a table to get at a Gamecube.  She asked the guy if he was willing to sell it as “untested”.  Presumably, she means for a rock bottom price.  Earlier in the video, she bought a Genesis for £5.

    Then she starts rooting through this bin.  All that she was given permission to do was to look at the Gamecube.

    14:30 – THIS is what she was complaining about.  The old man who was selling this shit simply took the games from her that she took out of the bin.  She had no right to take them.  She was given permission to look at the Gamecube in the bin.  That’s it.  She then decided to root through the bin.

    She says, “I was just looking”.  The guy responds, “There’s no point in looking because we’re not selling it.”  Or something.

    It’s true.  This is stuff that was on the ground.  It wasn’t on the table.  She had to crawl under the table like a dog to get at this stuff, and she wasn’t given permission to go through this fucking bin.  Is she out of her mind?  Why would she think that it’s appropriate to do that in the first place?

    Maybe she’s going to talk about how she bought a house soon.

    That’s the video.  Everybody in the comments say that this old man is a piece of shit and she was 100% right.  It’s insane.

    – “Why have things at a car boot if they’re not for sale?”

    IT WAS UNDER THE TABLE YOU FUCKING MORON.  It was not on display.  

    It’s the worst kind of behaviour.  It’s like people who go to fast food restaurants and then hassle the employees.  If you’re not happy with the service, get the fuck out.  Go to a restaurant more befitting of your needs.

    I always treat fast food workers with the utmost respect and I’ve never had a problem in a fast food restaurant.  Maybe the two things are related.

    These are people making minimum wage.  And they’re probably getting treated poorly by management.  They’re desperate for work, otherwise they wouldn’t be there.  I’m going to lord it over them?  

    If you don’t like how you’re being treated at the “car boot sale”, try Harrods.  Maybe the staff there are more professional.  See how many games you can buy for £1.  

    And she’s a complete piece of shit.  No job.  Covered in tattoos.  And fucking listen to how she speaks.

    This is the second time I’ve written about TheGebs24 since I went looking for a replacement for PelvicGamer.  Is this a worthy replacement?  I mean…she went to a fucking flea market and behaved poorly.  Kind of boring.

    But is it any worse than PelvicGamer?  PelvicGamer does the same fucking video every time.  

    Yeah, I’ll stick with it.  She makes like four videos a week.  Surely one of them has something of substance.  

  • The BEST Toy Store in the WORLD! – John Riggs

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJ0751VB3dc

    John Riggs is out with the ladies again.  Well, one lady.  And her husband.  And some other guy who I don’t know.

    This is the world-famous Zap of ZapTV fame.  She has 2,000 subscribers on Youtube.  You might remember her from this recent review:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/07/sege-2021-so-we-did-thinga-panel-women.html

    She’s a horrible person and has Crystal Quin Syndrome (an ugly woman who keeps talking about how hot she is).  She was at some nerd convention with three other women and she kept talking and clapping while they were talking.  She wanted the attention constantly on herself.  It was absolutely shameful behaviour and she should apologise profusely to those women.

    So here’s John Riggs with her.  Where are the other three women who were at this panel?  Well, they were fat chicks.  And a hot stud like John Riggs doesn’t go in for fat chicks.

    One of these women was JLuv81 and John Riggs has actually spoken about her before.  He put her on his 10 Ten Hottest Babes of the Internet list.   I reviewed that video but unfortunately, it’s lost to the ages.  Here’s the video, though:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NepOcDcPU4

    He licks all of these women’s asses (merely proverbially, much to the chagrin of John Riggs) except for JLuv81, who’s the only fat chick on his list.  

    You can hear all of his comments at the 6:00 mark but here’s an example: “The first time I found out about her was she won one of my contests a few years ago and then I found out that she had a channel, I checked out her channel, and I was like, ‘Oh, actually this channel is…it’s just fine.”

    Compare that to how he talks about the other women.  Complete scumbag.

    He also says that he met her before.  So why isn’t she with him at this toy store?  She was at the same nerd convention as John Riggs and Zap.  Indeed, she was on the same panel as Zap.  And you just know that John Riggs was at the “female empowerment” talk.  

    Maybe JLuv81 doesn’t want to hang out with this creep.  Or maybe JLuv81 and the other two women who were on this panel want nothing to do with Zap after her atrocious behaviour at the panel.  Or both of those things.

    So John Riggs is there with this women who is quoted as saying, “People tell me, ‘You’re too pretty to be an influencer.’”.

    THIS WOMAN:

    Too hot to be an “influencer”.  Are you out of your fucking mind?  She’s a 3.  At best.  Out of 100.

    0:30 – John Riggs asks the guy next to him a question and then watch what he does.  He sets the camera so that both this guy who’s talking and the super hot “Zap” are in frame.  He actually adjusts the camera to make sure that Zap is in frame.  But he makes sure NOT to put Zap’s husband in frame.

    Why do we need to see Zap?  The only one talking is the nerd to John Riggs’ immediate left.  Because John Riggs is going to jerk off to this video later.

    1:00 – Then he asks Zap a question and pans the camera down so that we can see her tits.  Unbelievable.  

    Is this even a shop?  Everything is behind cases.  This looks like a museum.  The only place I’ve seen something like this is in Amsterdam with the weed shops.  They put all the bongs and whatnot behind glass cases.  There was a small selection of brownies out in the open, though.

    11:45 – Zap is looking  at a Flintstones “etched glass”.  Earlier in the video, she described herself as a Flintstones “etched glass” expert.  

    Zap: I think that this is a 1982 (inaudible Ebonics)

    John: (incredulous) 82?

    Zap: No, no, no, no.  It’s a 1964!

    Holy shit.  She’s looking at the date that’s in giant letters on the glass.  This is a drink glass from Hardee’s, by the way.  Hardee’s is a restaurant, if you’re unaware.

    First of all, no glass will print the manufacture date in giant letters like that.

    Secondly, the glass also says “First 30 years.”  

    This is a commemorative glass from the hamburger chain celebrating 30 glorious years of Bam Bam.  It says so right on the glass.  Bam Bam was introduced in 1964.  Super Flintstones and etched glass fan Zap didn’t know that.  She couldn’t even fucking read it on the glass.

    Why did she think it was from 1982?  She was looking at it like she’s some kind of an expert on the Antiques Roadshow.  “I’d date this piece to 1982 and I’d put an insurance value on it of $10.”

    Unbelievable.  Let me look this fucking Flintstones glass up.  

    Oh.  You can get the entire four glass set on Ebay for $20.  They’re from 1991.  The Flintstones came out in 1960 and these glasses commemorate various Flintstones milestones so they have different dates on them.  But it’s about the show’s 30 year anniversary.  I guess that Hardees couldn’t release these in time so it’s maybe the 31st anniversary when they released them.

    It’s worthless trash.  Maybe in another 30 years they’ll double in value: ten bucks each.

    So John Riggs doesn’t say anything for a while.  He knows full well that this glass is not from 1964.  HE CAN JUST READ THE GLASS TO KNOW THAT.  But he doesn’t want to correct her because he’s trying to have sex with this woman.  He doesn’t want to embarrass her.

    12:15 – Then fat fuck John Riggs buys some Star Trek cereal.  

    12:30 – Good shot of John Riggs’…can you even call it a bald spot?  He’s completely bald?  Why doesn’t he do something with his hair?

    You don’t have to shave it.  But keep it short.  Invest in some clippers and do a 4 all over.  Make it look neat.  

    What exactly is he going for with this long hair?  Comedian Gallagher?  This is why Gallagher usually wore a hat.  Well,  I suppose that John Riggs usually wears a hat too.   But no.  It doesn’t fucking work.  You don’t look like some rock and roll hero.  You look like some old, drugged out hobo on the street.  

    The comment section is all horny women who want to have sex with John Riggs.  Not really.

    ,

  • Unravelling the Rental Reviews Lore (Part 1 of ???)

     As we all know, Jimmy Rolfe is one heck of a filmmaker.  He planted seeds of a story throughout Rental Reviews.  Just little teasers for the fans to try to decode.  I’m going to try to unpack it.  There are 101 episodes to get through so let’s not waste any more time.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOy7tLMfVQo

    They review Commando in the first episode.  

    0:00 – The intro establishes that this takes place in Cinemassacre Video, an old school video rental store.  They rent the “newest releases” but the films they show are Austin Powers (1997), Scream (1996), and Beavis & Butthead Do America (1996).  And they’re all in VHS format.

    They also rent “the hottest video games” and the games on display are the NES games Battletoads, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (I think), and a third game that I’m unable to identify.  

    Laserdisc is also available.  Jurassic Park (1993), Terminator 2 (1991), and Dracula (1931) are the films that I can identify.  

    Pornography can also be acquired here but no titles are shown.

    The store is located in the Voorhees Memorial Shopping Center, next to Caldor.  Vorhees is a reference to Jason Vorhees, presumably.  Caldor is a defunct department store found in the American Northeast.  It was in business from 1951 to 1999.

    We know that Jimmy is a big fan of horror so I think that this Vorhees Memorial Shopping Center is important.  Unfortunately, I’ve never seen any of the movies.  

    According to the internet, Jason Vorhees died at the age of 11.  This may or may not play a role in this whole thing.

    Another thing that we know is that Jimmy likes time-travel.  They describe the films as the “newest releases”.  The movies shown are from 1996 and 1997.  I may be wrong but I don’t think that any film shown in this intro is any more recent than 1997.  

    I’m going to suggest that Rental Reviews takes place in 1997.  Is time travel actually involved or is this just a period piece?  I’m not sure yet.

    1:00 – James is on the phone, an old school landline, and telling a customer that he or she is approximately 7,000 days past due.  Presumably, he’s talking about an overdue movie or video game.  7,000 days is a little over 19 years.  That would place the opening of Cinemassacre Video to at least 1978.  

    According to Wikipedia, the first video rental shop was Video Station, which opened in December 1977.  So this all works.  Cinemassacre Video is one of the first video rental shops in the world.

    1:15 – Kieran enters the store to return his copy of Commando.  

    Hold the phone.  Justin is also in the store but he’s wearing a Too Many Games shirt.  Too Many Games is a nerd convention which was first held in 2004.  How would he get a shirt from 2004 back in 1997?  

    Justin is clearly a time traveller.  

    2:15 – Jimmy is talking about how if aliens came to earth and wanted to know about movies, he would show them Commando.  He goes on to say, “This movie doesn’t have time travel.”  And as he’s saying this, it’s a shot of only Justin and Jimmy.  

    Is this confirming my theory that Justin is a time-traveller or is Jimmy Rolfe (the director) using Jimmy Rolfe (the actor) to send the message that there ISN’T time travel in Rental Reviews?  

    The most obvious explanation for the Rental Reviews lore is that it takes place in then-contemporary 2018.  But then why would the intro state that the latest releases are films from circa 1997?  Why would there be a video rental store that only rents movies and games from 25 years ago, using obsolete formats?  That’s not a viable business model.  Is Jimmy independently wealthy and running this store at a loss?  Why would he have any customers at all?  Is everybody insane?  

    No, I’m sticking with time travel.  Jimmy Rolfe (the director) is known for making films that explore time travel.  Although, he does explore the theme of insanity in The Head Returns.  Now I’m not so sure.

    33:30 – Jimmy answers the phone.  He says, “No, only laserdisc and VHS.  Okay.”

    Obviously, somebody was enquiring about the formats available at the shop.  But were they asking for beta (which would support the Justin as time traveller theory) or DVD (which would support the insanity theory)?  

    That’s the first episode.  Yeah, there are definitely layers here.  Let’s see if the next episode helps elucidate matters.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jT4hBZi9drw&

    Mac and Me.  The movie about McDonalds and aliens.  Another aliens reference.

    It starts off with Jimmy showing Mike “all the classics” and then shows Mike three VHS movies: Blockbuster Presents: Halloween (1995), Blockbuster Classics: Night of the Living Dead (unknown release date), and Bigfoot & Witches (1996).

    If this takes place in 1997, why would Jimmy refer to movies from 1995 and 1996 as “classics”?  Bigfoot & Witches is clearly not a good film so maybe it was just like a joke.  He was being sarcastic.

    0:45 – Tony enters with a bag of McDonalds.  The bag is clearly empty.  Then he picks up a can of Coke that belongs to Jimmy and asks if he can have some.  Jimmy agrees.  The can is clearly empty.  Maybe they are insane.  Maybe this is some kind of a dream.  I don’t know.

    By the way, I’m not exploring the actual reviews.  When they’re reviewing the movie, that’s just them reviewing the movie.  They’re not “in character” for that.  So when Justin makes a reference to, for example, a blu-ray from 2017, that’s just him talking.  It’s not part of the lore.  Only the skits are part of the lore.

    37:30 – Tony says that he’s going to go to Sears.  

    Hmm.  On to episode 3: Surf Ninjas.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DKBEipFGH4

    It starts with Mike reading a magazine called Shadowland.  Mike asks where he gets these from.  Jimmy says that they (the publishers, presumably) sent it to him and that he’s actually in that issue.

    https://twitter.com/cinemassacre/status/250694459694673920

    Jimmy Rolfe was in issue #5 of Shadowland, which was released in 2012.  So now we know that Jimmy is also a time traveller.

    But to what end?  What’s their goal?  And why isn’t Mike shocked to read a magazine from 2012 in 1997?  Is he also a time traveller?  Why doesn’t he express surprise at any of this?  He must at least know that Jimmy is a time traveller.  Or maybe he’s just numb from shock.

    28:45 – Tony gets up to leave but doesn’t seem to be moving to where the exit is located.  Mike says that he (Tony) is actually going to the porn section.  1997 porn stars, we’re talking about Jenna Jameson, Jenteal, Silvia Saint.  Will this somehow feature in the lore?  

    Is Tony also a time traveller?  And his motivation for traveling back in time is solely to get pornography that’s no longer widely available in 2018?  We know that Tony likes pornography.  More than most men.  So it’s plausible.  

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uk_Y3PhLGR8

    Nothing of note happened in the next few episodes but in this episode, The Time Machine is playing on the tv in the background.  No.  I’m convinced now.  Time travel is involved.

    And it’s not just James and Justin.  Tony is wearing a Polybius t-shirt.  Aside from the awful AVGN episode, this is an urban legend dating from about the year 2000.  So Tony is definitely a time-traveller too.  

    26:15 – Justin leaves to go to the porn section.  Tony says, “Why do people keep going to the adult section?”

    Maybe they’re going back in time to get 1997 era porn and then they’re going to sell it in 2018.  They’d probably have make a digital copy and sell it electronically because few people would want VHS porn in 2018.  But there’s a lot of porn from back in the day, that’s long out of print, that isn’t on the free sites and might not even be on the pay sites.  So there’s money to be made.

    But can this really be the lore?  Time travelling pornographers?  

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJczh6jvAT8

    This one starts off with Kieran approaching the store but the lights are off and nobody is in.  

    Then we cut to Justin, Jimmy, and Tony in a Predator costume in a movie theatre.  Justin says that they’re not going to start stocking blu-rays.  Well, obviously.  That would look really suspicious in 1997.

    Then Jimmy says, “We just watched The Predator (2018).

    So they obviously travelled to 2018 for this episode.  And they did it without Kieran because Kieran is one of the few characters who isn’t a time-traveller.  At least not yet.  The story is still unfolding.

    19:15 – Newt enters and asks Justin if he was “bootlegging the movie”.  Justin has a 1997 era camcorder.  

    So they’re making money in both directions of time travel, which is smart.  They make bootleg copies of contemporary (2018) films and then go back to 1997 to sell them.  Even a shitty movie from 2018 would impress audiences in 1997 in terms of special effects and whatnot.  Then on the return journey, they take porn from 1997, encode it, and sell it on one of these sites where you can buy old porn movies for $10 or whatever it is.  

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2oBbIxna4c

    They review Starship Troopers in this one.  They also do an ad for a wooden watch.  And during the skits, they mention the word “time” a lot.  They’re running out of time and whatnot.  They emphasise the word “time”.  So Jimmy is just driving the point home that they’re time travellers.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9fcTdHZnVU

    Event Horizon.  But the intro is weird.  They changed it.  It’s like security tape footage and the tape is broken.

    Wait…the date on the security camera is 06/06/06.  So…this episode takes place in 2006, I guess.  

    There’s a scene where Justin peeks out from the porn section.  He’s obviously back there collecting tapes to be sold in the present.

    27:00 – It’s the same weird security camera footage that we saw in the beginning.  On the tv in the background, there’s close up image of a guy’s face and he’s saying, “I’m at the Vorhees Memorial Shopping Center next to Caldoor.  He won’t let us leave.”

    I’m thinking that Justin, who we saw earlier peeking from the adult section, is holding a man captive back there and they’re making gay BDSM porn to then be sold in the present day.  And this took place somewhere between the years 1997 and 2006.  Or maybe he was there the whole time and we just didn’t know about it.  This is a shocking turn of events.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzaufkLaUIE

    Star Trek V.  It starts with a bunch of “Youtubers” and whatnot, including Johanna, asking for a copy of Star Trek V.  Erin is also in this.  This might get freaky.  Are any of these people going to become the next victim of Justin’s time travelling porn enterprise?

    1:30 – Jimmy shows a little cardboard advertisement of the movie that depicts Captain Kirk, from Star Trek V, holding the movie Star Trek V.  And Jimmy says, “It just blows your mind.”  Mike says, “It’s a paradox.”  Tony says, “Star Trek, there are so many parallel dimensions, maybe Kirk travelled to a dimension where Star Trek V had just come out on VHS and he’s like, ‘Holy shit, I remember when this happened to me.  In this universe, it’s a movie.  That’s insane.”

    So now Jimmy is introducing the concept of parallel dimensions.  This is Jimmy’s style.  He just throws everything into his movies.  Every idea he can think of.  

    Maybe that gay BDSM stuff from the previous episode was a parallel universe.  Because it was really out of place.  That was also the Halloween episode.  So it’s sort of like the Simpsons where the Halloween episodes aren’t canon.  

    33:00 – Jimmy says, “Scotty, four to beam up” and Tony, Justin, Mike, and Jimmy are transported ala Star Trek.  

    I don’t even know.  Is this another parallel universe?  Why does Jimmy have to make everything so complicated?  Just make a simple story about people hanging out in a video rental store.  Not this fucking time travel and gay porn and parallel universe shit.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_K7T1AHcPc

    1:00 – Kieran is talking to Tony and he’s depressed because he owes Jimmy hundreds of dollars in overdue tape charges.  “I just wish there was a fast, easy way to make money right now.”

    Oh no.  Don’t do this.  It’s an ad but what’s obviously being implied is that Kieran, the only one who isn’t a time-traveller (and possibly Mike) is going to take part in Justin’s disgusting gay porn time travelling exploits.  So Kieran is going to have sex with that gimp who we saw in an earlier episode, Justin is going to film it, and then Justin is going to travel to the present day to sell the video on the internet.

    Or was Kieran the gimp all along?  Because there’s nothing to say that this is all happening in sequence.  They’re time travellers.  The timeline can be anything.  

    This is backed up by the numbering sequence of these Rental Reviews videos.  As below:

    Episode 91: 12 October 2018

    Episode 90: 2 November 2018

    Episode 89: 26 October 2018

    They jump back and forward in time.  And to make things even more confusing, everything is numbered in reverse.  The first episode of Rental Reviews is episode 101, the second episode is 100, and so on until you get to the final episode, which is episode 1.  

    Jimmy is clearly playing with the concept of time travel.  I’ve never seen anything like this.  Very innovative.

    1:45 – Kieran says, “I’ll pay off my rental fees in no TIME”.  Jimmy then pulls out a baseball bat and says, “You better get cracking on those surveys before I get cracking on your kneecaps.”

    So Jimmy is in on this.  Jimmy is in on this whole gay porn time travel thing.  “Surveys” is a codeword for “gay porn”.  

    I’m not sure what role Tony has because he’s in this scene and he appears to be scared of James, just like Kieran is.  Maybe he’s afraid that Jimmy is going to turn on him and make him start doing gay porn too.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M6Cr7xLJkQ

    They’re reviewing Halloween (2018), which obviously is going to raise some questions.  And again, these videos are all out of sequence.  

    We’re back to the security camera footage.  Justin sneaks in.  He takes the bubble gum dispenser and walks off.  What is he going to do with that?  Oh god.  Jimmy is a sick fuck.

    Wait…what?  I just noticed that the camera has the date 10/19/2018.  So…this is in the present day.  It makes sense since they’re reviewing a (then) current movie.  But is Kieran still being held captive?  

    No, in the next scene we see Tony, Jimmy, and Kieran in a parking lot at night.  Tony says. “Well, we just saw another brand new movie and got it on VHS for everyone at the store.”

    Yeah.  This is following from earlier on when we established that they’re going to the present day, making bootleg copies of current movies, and then selling them in 1997.

    Tony says, “This is the same tape that I used in 2001 to record Halloween VI off cable”.  Just more time travel references.

    Kieran, holding a 1997 camcorder, clearly nervous, and stumbling over his words, says, “You know, for all of the money that you’re selling these bootleg tapes for, this $8,000 state-of-the-art camcorder is going to pay for itself in no time.”

    So is Kieran no longer being forced to make gay porn by 2018 (the present)?  Or is he still making the porn but after years of captivity, he’s identified with his captors and they’ve allowed him a degree of freedom?  

    28:30 – Tony asks an off-screen passer-by if he wants to buy the bootleg Halloween tape that he was holding.

    I think that I should stop here for now.  This is some crazy shit.  And we’re not even at the point where that weird Indian or whatever guy comes in.  The landlord.  This is just the first 15 episodes.  They’re merely setting up the universe at this point.

    Oh my god.  Time traveling gay pornographers, Kieran being forced to make BDSM porn for at least nine years, alternate universes.  What the fuck was James thinking with this?  

    Still…it’s different.  This is what the AVGN Movie should have been about. 

    ,

  • Why The Pandora Directive is the best FMV Adventure Game – Cannot be Tamed

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTHELZCP0sQ

    This fucking dullard.  Over 17 minutes.  She’s wearing a low cut top.  Talking about a fucking FMV games.  You guys all like full motion video games, right?  Remember those?  From “the 90s”?  Briefly?  Because they all sucked ass?  Well, it’s Pam’s favourite genre because she’s boring as fuck.

    I noticed that Pam changed her channel description.  It used to be something like, “Yes, I’m old enough to remember that game.  No, I don’t need you to (something).”  But now she changed it to, “Hi I’m Pam and I like to talk about video games.” which is her boring as fuck catch phrase, of course.  Maybe she’s finally learning that the passive aggressive behaviour isn’t endearing.

    Just out of interest, and to put off having to listen to Pam, what did “gaming” magazines and whatever of the day think of this game?  Well, Gamespot gave it a 7.3 back in 2000.  That’s…pretty low by Gamespot standards but the review seems to be pretty positive.

    http://www.adventureclassicgaming.com/index.php/site/reviews/10/

    Philip Jong gave the game a fairly positive review back in 1996.  I’m surprised that website still exists.  Are they still updating it?   No.  The last article was in 2016.

    They appear to be freelance writers.  There’s an “authors’ instructions” link on the page that gives the style guide and whatnot.  This was a thing back in the day.  Websites would pay you to write for them.  I did a few articles.  I got like £25 or something per article.  I wasn’t really working so it was whatever.  I didn’t like it, though.  The “editor” would butcher my work.  And for £25 it’s not worth the hassle.

    Let’s see what Philip Jong is up to nowadays.  He wrote loads of articles for this site.  Maybe he’s some kind of “management consultant” in London.  Whatever that is.  Maybe he’s some manager for the Shell corporation in Texas.  No, that guy’s probably too old and he’s from Taiwan so probably doesn’t have the English skills to write game reviews.  

    I think I found his Twitter.  It says, “tech, hockey, business stuff” and he’s from Canada.  He hasn’t posted in quite a while.  Well, whatever Philip Jong is up to these days, I wish him the best.

    So…fucking…Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining.

    Okay.  I made it to 1:46.  I can’t do this.  I have to skip around.  See if she takes her top off.

    She does not.

    So that’s the video.  I can’t…I mean…it’s Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining.  I’m only human.  I can’t watch that shit.

    – “Pam reminds me of Christina Ricci”

    Hey guys!  Remember Christina Ricci?  I do.  She was in Addams Family and…I don’t even remember.  She was in a lot of shit, though.  I used to think she was hot.  

    Let me look this up.  Oh god.  What happened?  This picture on Wikipedia is from 2008 and she looks unwell.  Does she have an eating disorder?  And is this a wig?

    Oh yeah.  She was in Casper.  That was a piece of shit.  And then…I’m not recognising any of these films.  She seems to have transitioned to voice work around 2010.  Probably around the time she lost her movie star looks.  What could have happened?  

    Oh, I was right.  It says here that she’s “struggled” with anorexia.  Eight tattoos.  That’s not going to help her get work either.  She married a “dolly grip” in 2013.  They’re recently separated and she alleges abuse against him.  

    I’m thinking that I have a chance.  I mean, look at her.  And she’s 40 years old, she already married a non-celebrity, she has mental health problems, self-esteem issues, and her career is in the toilet and has been for decades.  Plus she has a kid.

    How crazy would it be to be able to say, “I’m having sex with Christina Ricci”.  Yeah, it’s not the hot Christina Ricci from 20 years ago but whatever.  Appearance isn’t everything.  And she’s still working.  Kind of.  She’s in the upcoming Matrix 4, apparently.  

    How else can I pad this out?  Philip Jong…Pam’s tits…Christina Ricci fantasies.  

    See, the problem is that these gamer grrls suck ass.  I think that TheGebs24 has potential to replace one of the existing boring as fuck gamer grrls.  I think that Zap is a good candidate too.  I want to ease them in, though.  I had so much hope for Super Awkward Gal but then she just stopped making videos.

  • Erin's Disney Power Pad Video One Week On

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YRXTV98Kn8

    It’s a failure.  It’s at 21,000 views.  That’s about her average number of views.  

    Obviously, it’s only been a week (about ten days, actually).  People are still going to watch it.  But I think that the lion’s share of the views are already in.  So…it performed about average for her.

    By contrast, her video where she sits on the floor and wears fishnet stockings is currently at 54,000 views.  So it did twice as well as average.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xmOigtXLYM

    Other recent videos that got 50,000+ views are the video where she “reviews” the most rented games from Blockbuster and…that’s it.  This explains why she did a “sequel” to this video.  The sequel only got 30,000.  So better than average but not by much.

    The Power Pad video is currently at 222,000 views.

    So why did the Power Pad video take off?  Because it was aggressively marketed by Mike Matei using the Cinemassacre Youtube account and probably other accounts like Twitter and whatnot.

    Also, the Power Pad was something new and unexpected whereas the Disney Power Pad video was a carbon copy of the Power Pad video.  

    In the absence of new, original, interesting content (something that Erin is incapable of) we have to rely on aggressive marketing.  With Mike no longer owning the Cinemassacre Youtube account, Erin is completely fucked.

    I predicted this back when Mike first left Cinemassacre.  Did he not think this through?  Erin is only with Mike for the Youtube promotion.  Now he can’t uphold his end of the bargain.  

    Suddenly, Joe from Gamesack is looking a whole lot more attractive.  

    What’s the difference in income between a video that gets 25,000 views and a video that gets 50,000 does Socialblade say that?

    Not that I’m seeing.  But I’m just looking at her yearly income: £157 to £2,500.  It’s fucking hilarious.  Even if it was at the high end, which it isn’t, nobody would do a job for £2,500/year.  That’s like…I don’t know…$3,500.  The actual pay is probably the average of £157 and £2500 so she’s probably making about $1,800/year from Youtube.  For making a video just about every week.  And completely embarrassing herself just about every week.

    But let me try to DuckDuckGo this 25,000 views versus 50,000 views question.

    https://lifehacker.com/how-much-money-can-you-make-on-youtube-1845756449

    It’s between $2 and $5 per 1000 views according to that.  So let’s see if this works out.  Let’s say $3.50 per 1000 views.  That would be $87.50 for a video that gets 25,000 views and $175 for a video that gets 50,000 views.  Can that be right?  She makes, let’s say, 40 videos a year, averaging 25,000 views, that would be $3,500.  Yeah.  That’s dead on what Social Blade estimated.  For the high end, anyway.

    I don’t know.  Getting $87.50 per video doesn’t seem too bad.  I mean, she shits these things out in no time at all.  She puts no effort into them whatsoever.  So on that basis, why doesn’t she make a video every day?  

    She probably wouldn’t get 25,000 views per video if she did that.  I mean, if she just went down the NES library and “reviewed” each game, alphabetically, having never played them before, one game per video, how much of that would people be able to endure?  Even Shishi would be saying, “This is getting kind of boring.”

    It’s a shockingly low income, though.  And she puts absolutely no time into this.  She must “work” two hours a week on these videos.  And that’s it.  Then she plays games, on stream, for money, for probably another two hours a week.  So four hours of “work” A WEEK.  Sounds like a sweet life until you realise that she’s getting eighty-seven bucks for the week, at the absolute most.  She’s probably getting half that.

    This is somebody who has totally given up on life.  It’s sad.  She’s working at the record store and then she gets the bright idea, “I’m going to be a fake gamer grrl on Youtube!  I heard that they make a lot of money for doing no work!”  Eighty-seven bucks.  And that’s after YEARS of doing this.  For a long time, she was making less than that.  WAY less.

    I’ve been unemployed and I’ve had shitty jobs and it’s not pleasant but I never gave up.  I never said, “I’m going to be a fake gamer guy on Youtube.”  I kept applying to jobs and going to interviews like a normal person.  I planned shit.  How am I going to get a job that I like?  I strategized.  And then I executed the plan.  There were setbacks but I kept at it.  Then there’s the whole thing of changing employers every three years to maximise salary.  I did that too.

    This is what normal people do.  And while I was doing all of that, in a foreign country, mind you, Erin was working at the local record store and hoping that a millionaire would walk in and ask her to marry him.  She had no plan for her life whatsoever and was doing nothing to better herself.

    Fake gamer grrl on Youtube.  This was her brilliant idea.  Spam bigger Youtubers and hope to get into a buttsex for Youtube promotion agreement with one of them.  And then…Mike Matei.

    She could have been anywhere now.  Real estate.  Dental nurse.  PA to a big Hollywood movie star.  All she had to do was a put a tiny bit of effort into her life.  But she doesn’t do it.  She doesn’t put effort into anything.  You see it in the videos.  

    I knew a woman from California.  Similarly aimless.  She was working in a bank.  She was a recent graduate.  But then she just got it in her head that she wanted to move to London.  I tried to talk her out of it and that she has a good thing going there with the bank.  And you need a visa to move to the UK.  You can’t just rock up.

    But she insisted that she was going to do it.  So I met her, she was a world class drunk and a giant bitch, so it didn’t work out.

    Then she travelled all over Europe and the Middle East.  I’m pretty sure that she was a prostitute at that point.  Then after a few years of that, she moved to New York and got some job there for a company who organises club nights or something.  Then she got another job at a company that sells used video games.  

    She’s 40 years old now, lives with her parents, single, unemployed, still a drunk but now a drug addict as well, and she talks a lot about wanting to go to Switzerland for some suicide clinic.

    She had no plan.  And look where it got her.  And she went out with loads of guys.  What happened?  Nobody met her standards.  Who’s going to be interested now?

    It’s just people wasting their lives.  

  • SEGE 2021 So We Did A Thing…A Panel!! – Women In Retro Gaming – ZapTV

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmdLS8SHCfA

    This is a recent panel from something called Southeast Game Exchange.  It took place in Greenville, South Carolina.  JOHN RIGGS was a featured guest, along with a bunch of other people but I’ve never heard of anyone else.

    But this panel, just like John Riggs, is all about the ladies.  So we have JLuv81.  I wrote about her before.  I wasn’t proud of that article.  It was needlessly insulting.  You can read it here, though:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/07/unboxing-more-gifts-jluv81.html

    She has 4,000 subscribers.

    Also present is Gamer Ahmer.  She has 3,800 subscribers.

    Rounding out the “who’s that?” of female retro gaming “Youtubers”, we have Laci from Do You Nerd.  She has a channel along with her “partner” Tom.  They have 2,100 subscribers.

    This is all that you need to get invited to these nerd conventions.  2,000 subscribers on Youtube.  And I don’t think that it’s a sexism thing because I’m sure if we checked out the men “guests”, they would have similar low numbers.  Actually, let’s do that.

    Yeah.  RetroWolf88 has 2,000 subscribers.  Universe Retro has 1000 subscribers.  Retro Reminiscence has 500 subscribers.  

    I mean, come on.  Five hundred subscribers?  Who would possibly want to go and see this guy?  

    According to the description, there was a “full room” to see these gamer grrls.  They don’t state the room’s capacity but…why is ANYBODY there?  Are they all friends and family of these gamer grrls?  

    Let’s just get to it.  Fifty fucking minutes.

    0:00 – “Good morning, ya’ll lovely and beautiful people.  How is everybody doing?”

    Some fucking dumb hillbilly teasing the horntards.  Who even is this?  Maybe this is ZapCristal.  I’m watching this on her channel, after all.  She has 2,200 subscribers.

    “I am super excited because I am among greatness here.  These are my sisters from another (some Ebonics that I can’t understand)“

    Two out of the three other gamer grrls are having NONE of this.  So I give them credit for that.  They’re deadpanning all of this.  They know when some dumb redneck is trying to blow smoke up their ass and they’re having none of it.  

    Oh yeah.  And this is ZapCristal.  You all know ZapCristal, right?  2,200 subscribers.

    She’s REALLY off-putting.  She’s one of these hillbillies who tries to sound black because she thinks it makes her sound tough.  No, you just sound like a fucking inbred moron.

    She also has braids, by the way.  You know, like how Caribbean people have.  Black Caribbean people.

    0:45 – Gamer Ahmer then introduces herself.  It’s…how to put this?  It’s awkward as fuck and uncomfortable.  But…I don’t say this as an insult.  She’s just not a showman.  Who is?  Certainly not these people.  I just don’t get why anybody would want to watch this.

    And Zap nods along, seemingly trying to encourage her, but she’s clearly judging her and trying to steal focus.  Because Zap thinks that she’s a big superstar and everybody wants to hear what she has to say.  Zap thinks that she oozes charisma.  No.  She looks like she oozes gonorrhoea.

    Then after Gamer Ahmer mercifully stops talking, Zap takes the microphone and says, “Amazing.”  Then she hands it to Jluv81, Jluv points out something happening in the crowd (which we can’t see) and Zap starts loudly clapping in an animated fashion, again to try to draw attention to herself.

    God.  Zap is fucking dreadful.  I can’t keep commenting on everything that she’s doing but she’s constantly clapping and making stupid face and saying shit when other people are talking.  She wants constant attention.  Can she at least shut the fuck up while other people are doing their introductions?

    Anyway, JLuv was a little more…what’s the word…boisterous?  I mean, she wasn’t good, it was still awkward but again, these aren’t professional entertainers.  Not in any real sense.

    2:00 – So then it’s Laci from Do you Nerd’s turn.  Let’s see if Zap can shut the fuck up for 20 seconds.

    No.  Not even two seconds.  Laci simply gave the name of the channel, and Zap decided that that warranted applause so she started the clap session.  I suspect that Zap knows all about the clap.  And then she yelled, “Come on, Tom”, I think.  Tom is presumably the other person from this Can We Nerd channel or whatever it’s called.

    This Laci woman did a decent job.  It was still awkward and she had to deal with this fucking buffoon Zap but she seemed more natural and able to have a conversation than the other panellists.

    If you’re not actually watching this, it might help if I describe the ladies.  Everybody except for Zap is overweight.  This is why Zap is behaving as she does.  Zap thinks that she’s the hot chick who everybody wants to have sex with and it’s her job to prop up the other women.  Make them feel good about themselves.  She’s also there to pull in the horntards.

    I have bad news for Zap.  She’s a hard pass for me.  I would rather spend time with any of those other women.  

    Not everything is about appearance.  Zap’s personality is completely repellent.  Also, Jluv is fairly abrasive.  But the other two panellists seem like perfectly nice women and it’s unfortunate that they’re at this fucking clown show with Zap who’s just going to make everything about her because she’s just so fucking hot and everybody wants to have sex with her.

    By the way, in terms of appearance, Zap is a 3.  If that.  So it’s not even some hot chick.  This is the Crystal Quin Conundrum.  Take an unattractive women, surround her with even less attractive women, and suddenly that unattractive woman thinks that she’s super hot.  You see this a lot in the world of “gaming” Youtubers.

    3:15 – Jluv starts the panel off officially but then Zap says, “Look who’s there!  Looks who’s there” and starts blowing kisses to somebody who we can’t even see.  

    SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU PIG UGLY BITCH AND LET OTHER PEOPLE TALK!

    Then she says something in Ebonics that I can’t even understand.

    Jluv: Thank you so much for being here.  I appreciate it.

    Zap: Me too.

    IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, YOU FUCKING JACKASS!  SHUT THE FUCK UP!

    I implore everybody to watch this.  Zap can not keep her whore mouth shut.  Every two fucking seconds, she’s saying “yeah” or “no” or doing some stupid shit to draw attention to herself.  It’s not your turn, Zap.  Shut the fucking mouth.  

    I can’t even focus on what Jluv is saying because Zap keeps interjecting.  This is the most unprofessional thing I’ve ever seen in my life.  Doesn’t she know that she’s supposed to shut the fuck up while other people are talking?  

    Jluv is saying something about women in “gaming” and how she doesn’t consider herself a “woman gamer” she just considers herself a “gamer”.  And something about how people think that women are given special treatment in “gaming” and maybe that’s true but…

    And Zap is just constantly interrupting.  And when she’s not saying something, which is basically all the time, she’s making a stupid face.  It’s so bad that I’m surprised that nobody is approaching the table and escorting her from the premises.  

    4:15 – Jluv talks about how some women are in “gaming” because they want attention but she contrasts herself from these other women.  “You don’t see us flaunting anything.”  Well…it’s true but…with respect, how much of a market would there be for a JLuv OnlyFans, for example?  

    And also, look at how many subscribers these women have.  It’s abysmal.  

    Yes, nobody is going to accuse these women of using their bodies to get views.  Because they can’t.  And maybe they wouldn’t do that even if they had bodies worth flaunting.  But I don’t know.  It just rings hollow.  It’s easy to be moral when you don’t have the option to be immoral.  

    6:00 – After interrupting CONSTANTLY Zap gets the microphone back.  Let’s see how many times anybody else interrupts her.  I’m going to guess zero.

    God, this is brutal.

    8:15 – She claims that people tell her, “You’re too pretty to be an influencer.”

    Yeah.  No.  Nobody is saying that.  But again, this is what SHE thinks of herself.  SHE thinks that she’s a hot chick and everybody wants to have sex with her.  It’s in everything she says and does.

    8:45 – “If you’re pretty, show it off.  There ain’t nothing wrong with that.”

    JLuv looks uncomfortable.  This is the exact opposite of what she was saying.  JLuv was denouncing these fake gamer grrls who are just doing this for attention and money.

    9:00 – Now it’s Gamer Ahmer…oof…I’m really struggling not to scroll to the end.

    She’s talking about people who comment on her weight and she doesn’t like it.  She claims that this doesn’t happen to men.  Yeah.  Pardon me while I finish my “meme” putting Tony from Hack the Movies’ face into a picture of two obese men having sex.

     12:00 – Zap claims that people approach her and tell her that her videos got them out of depression.  Do tell.  Her videos get 150 views on average.  And they’re boring as fuck.  

    “Your self-indulgent, three minute videos stopped me from killing myself.”

    Yeah.  That never happened.

    “Or like, ‘Your energy is so contagious.  You just make me smile.”

    More lies.  And everything is about her, of course.  Everything is about how great she is.  She’s super hot, she’s stopping people from killing themselves, everybody loves her.  Go fuck yourself, you giant bore.

    “And it’s surprising like, ‘Did I do that?  Did I really do that?’”

    No.  No you didn’t.  Your story is entirely invented.

    And while she’s saying all of this, Laci actually starts laughing.  She knows that this is all bullshit.  She has to.  

    12:30 – She starts talking about a six year old girl who “looks up to us”.  This is so brutal.  She’s completely self-obsessed.  Shut the fuck up and let somebody else talk.

    “She got a cat recently, and she wanted Zap to know that she got a kitty.”

    Zap, please hand the microphone to somebody else now.  You’ve had your turn.  Laci is looking increasingly uncomfortable, having not had a chance yet.

    12:45 – “When she did that, I was like, ‘Wow.  I am modelling what a future female content creator is going to be.’”

    What a bleak vision of the future.  A self-obsessed; homely woman, without a brain in her head; making shit, cookie cutter videos that get very few views.  Is this the future of Youtube?  Let’s hope not.

    13:45 – She finally hands the microphone off, to JLuv, but of course Zap continues with her CONSTANT interludes and stupid faces.

    14:00 – Fourteen minutes into this, Laci finally gets a chance to talk.

    14:45 – Zap checks her watch.  She can’t even let somebody else talk for FORTY-FIVE SECONDS without getting bored.  

    15:15 – Zap tries to lead an applause, nobody bites, and then she says something in Ebonics that I can’t understand.

    I mean…can she be any more off-putting?  She’s giving Crystal Quin a run for her money.

    All these people are talking about is being positive and *nostalgia* and whatnot.  WHO CARES?  They don’t seem to have a topic.  It’s just, “Waffle about whatever bullshit enters your mind.”

    17:30 – “Why is everybody here today?”

    I was wondering the same thing.

    18:00 – Zap interrupted with more Ebonics.  No idea what she said.

    18:30 – JLuv is talking about the other women on the panel.  “They’re such humble people.”

    Is this a joke?  Zap is a humble person?  Compared to who?  Caligula?

    18:45 – Oh great.  Zap gets the microphone again.  What is she going to talk about now?  I’ll guess that the subject will be Zap and how great Zap is and how everybody loves Zap.

    I was right.

    22:00 – Zap is still talking about herself…

    22:15 – Oh finally.  She reluctantly hands the microphone to Gamer Ahmer.  She almost throws it at her.  She’s completely dismissive.  “Oh, now I have to listen to somebody else talk for a few minutes.  This is torture.”

    Zap looks bored as fuck.  She’s arranging her pens and looking around.

    This woman is talking about how she has a small game collection.  Zap also talked about having a small game collection.  What gamers!

    23:45 – Zap again forces an applause break.  Everything has to be about Zap.  Zap has some serious mental problems.

    26:00 – Laci says, “We get made fun of for collecting things, for having game collections or stuffed animal collections of whatever but nobody makes fun of people for sports collecting.”

    Zap screams, “EXACTLY!”

    Another bizarre sexism strawman.  People who collect video games or stuffed animals are often giant nerds.  Men and women.  It’s the COLLECTION that’s being made fun of, not the gender.  

    And adults who collect baseball cards or whatever are often giant nerds as well.  Nobody thinks that it’s cool for an adult male to have a giant baseball card collection.

    She’s raising issues that simply have no basis in reality and then Zap starts screaming “EXACTLY!”  Exactly what?  The premise is not factual.  

    Pat the NES Punk has told stories about how women saw his video game collection and then never contacted him again.  These women, rightly, thought that anybody with a giant video game collection like this is a giant nerd and not somebody who they want to have a relationship with.

    Are those women sexist?  The question doesn’t even make sense but that’s the premise that Laci just presented and that Zap just screamed “EXACTLY” to.  

    27:30 – JLuv says that people tell her, “You’re 40 years old.  Why are you collecting toys still?  Why are you playing video games?”

    Then Zap starts an applause YET AGAIN.  Everything has to be about Zap.  She’s doing these applause things not to give kudos to the person speaking but to draw attention to herself.  She’s fucking horrendous.

    This video should be shown to everybody who ever does these nerd conventions to show people how NOT to behave.  She is absolutely awful.

    28:00 – Zap says that she has the greatest husband in the world and that people shouldn’t hide their collections and that they’ll find a girlfriend eventually.  Disgusting.  Terrible advice from a woman who doesn’t care about anything other than herself.  

    If you’re a man and you’re collecting video games or stuffed animals or Pokemon or any of this shit, best of luck finding a girlfriend.  Hide that shit until after you’re married.

    If you’re a woman and you collect this nerdy shit, nobody really cares.

    There’s an example of sexism.  Most women will run a mile from nerdy men but men don’t really care if a woman is nerdy.  

    28:45 – Zap says that you have to be “very courageous” to start a Youtube channel.  Yeah.  These are the true heroes.  Youtubers.

    29:00 – “I’m not perfect.  There are days when I think, ‘I’m not doing Youtube any more.  I’m done.  Screw it’”

    Listen to that voice, Zap.  

    “I don’t do it because I want attention.”

    Oh, do tell.  Is there anything that Zap does that ISN’T to get attention?  

    30:15 – Finally, the Q&A.  I’m at the home stretch.  Well…20 minutes to go.  But I’ll think of it as the home stretch.  Try to psyche myself up.  I’m almost done with this disaster.

    30:45 Somebody in the audience says something, it’s completely inaudible, and then Zap claps and says something in Ebonics.  

    Oh fuck.  What an unfortunate turn of events.  The people in the audience don’t have a microphone so I can’t hear anything.  Guess we have to end the video here.  Dang.  I was so looking forward to hearing from the lovely Zap and these three other losers who don’t matter at all.

    So that’s the video.  Really…REALLY bad.  What was this even about?  It was four women with TINY Youtube channels talking about…what?  How we’re all in this together?  How people should be more positive?  Vague and factually incorrect examples of sexism?  This was dog shit.

    And Zap…oh my god…she ruined the whole fucking thing.  Shut your fucking mouth, you brain dead, self-obsessed bitch.  

    JLuv left a comment in the comments section and so did some other nobody Youtuber but the other two women didn’t reply.  They’re probably mortified about the whole thing.  Zap made this thing entirely about herself.  

    Here’s your feminism.  Women fucking over other women.  So much for being in it together.  Zap just wants the world to know how great she is and how everybody wants to have sex with her and to hell with these three fat chicks.  We’re all here to see Zap.  

    165 views.  Zap is really setting Youtube on fire with these videos.  

    Her other videos are equally dire.  She does “reaction” videos where she screams and it’s the usual fake bullshit.  She looks at old games and toys and whatever from before she was born and makes inane and uninformed comments about them.  And she talks about how hot she is and how everybody loves her.  THIS woman.  

    Oh, and wouldn’t you know it.  JOHN RIGGS does a “collab” with her.  That guy really gets around.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bX8IbK3_Pig

    I’ll have to review that one another day.  What a nightmare that video must be.

  • Rarity: Retro Video Game Collecting in the Modern Era | TRAILER – John Riggs

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eP9pDpJQRI

    0:00 – Jesus Christ, can you just take one step away from the camera?  Nobody wants to see John Riggs this close up.  It’s not even about John Riggs, really.  Nobody wants to see ANYBODY this close up.

    So he’s going to show a trailer for some video game documentary.  Great.  I’m all about video game documentaries.  I think that I’ve seen one.  

    0:30 – John Riggs starts talking about how critically acclaimed the director of this piece of shit is.

    0:45 – We get to the trailer.  Some guy who I’ve never seen before says, “Nostalgia is such an interesting thing to me because so many people place it in different categories.”

    Umm…does this make sense to anyone?  Maybe in the documentary he elaborates but here we just end it and then we’re on to horny JOHN RIGGS!

    So John Riggs defines “nostalgia” thusly: “Nostalgia for me definitely brings me back to when I was younger, when I didn’t ache, before I had responsibilities, before I had a full-time job.”

    It’s always so uncomfortable seeing John Riggs.  He’s only a little older than I am.  I don’t ache.  And look at him.  Is it possible that I look that old too?  It’s a worrying thought.

    But does he really have a full time job?  I saw something that he works in a radio station.  He’s some kind of DJ on what looks like an “urban contemporary” music station.  I guess that in Yakama or where ever he lives, he’s the closest thing that you’ll find to a black man so they just went with it.

    But can that really be a full time job?  Can it be a job at all?  I assumed that it was almost a hobby.  

    And if it is full-time, how is he able to take all of this time off, whenever he pleases, to travel the country going to video game conventions and trying to pick up chicks?  And he’s on Twitter and the like ALL THE TIME.  Trying to get things going with various gamer grrls.  

    Plus he has his family responsibilities.  But that seems to be WAY down his list of priorities.

    1:00 – Another guy I never heard of defines “nostalgia”, “It’s like a microwave.  You’re re-heating your leftovers.  Nostalgia is the leftovers.  You remember it being so good, it was such a great meal, but it’s never going to be as good as it was when you first had the meal.”

    Wow.  This guy really loves leftovers.  I don’t know.  Maybe don’t use the microwave.  Maybe reheat stuff in the oven.  Or in a pan.  Depends on what you’re re-heating.  There are various tricks.  

    Like french fries, for example.  Those are never good microwaved.  I just put them on my George Foreman griddle section and that works pretty well but you can also put them in a frying pan, add a little oil, heat them up and they’re as good or better than on the day you purchased them.  

    So try it out, get back to me with the results, and maybe try to find some meaning in your life.  These Z-list “Youtubers” talking about *nostalgia* are fucking pathetic.  

    1:15 – Some other nobody says, “Back then, I put tonnes of time, tonnes of energy, tonnes of love into getting a box, opening it, smelling it, feeling it, reading these guides, these books.”

    This loser never smelled or felt a box in his life.  

    But innuendo aside, has anybody ever smelled a video game box?  Who the fuck is doing this?  Does this resonate with anybody?  This is a crazy person.  

    And he’s all covered with tattoos.  You see footage of his tatted up hands as he’s flipping through the pages of some 30 year old manual.  This guy has clearly made a series of poor life choices.

    1:45 – The parade of tatted up old junkies continues.  “The reason I wanted to go back and play these old games and collect them is that I had a deeper connection with them, I had more intimate experiences playing with them, I thought that they were just more well-made games, like core gameplay.  You start to connect certain games with certain people you played them with back in the day, like your friend down the block.”

    And there was footage of this meth addict with his pit bull earlier in the video.  Where did they find these people?  And what do I care about their opinions?  They should be saying this shit to a therapist, not a “documentary filmmaker”.  

    2:00 – Hey, Super Awkward Gal.  Come on.  How the fuck did she make the cut?  She has a Youtube channel with very few videos on it, it’s about two years old, and a lot of her videos aren’t even about video games.  Why does anyone care what she has to say?

    I want to hear from the leading authorities on *nostalgia*.  Where’s the head guru of *nostalgia*?  Interview that person.  This is a serious matter.

    “Physical media is something that I think is kind of dying away a little bit.”

    You don’t say.  I haven’t bought a physical game in 20+ years.  I think that we can safely say that it’s done.

    2:15 – Some other nobody posits the question: “What do we care about?  Right, we care about pop culture.”

    Who’s this “we” you’re referring to?  I don’t care about pop culture.  Don’t bring me into your weird nerd shit.

    “Especially in America.  Like it’s so American.  It’s Americana.”

    America, you say.  Now this guy is questioning the viewer’s patriotism.  “If you don’t like hoarding old games, you’re not a real American.”

    Go fuck yourself.  I’ll put my patriotism against your faggot ass any day.  You don’t get to define the terms.  Let’s settle this with an essay contest.  “What America Means to Me”.  

    “Having physical products, you know, is capitalism.” 

    Oh do tell.  So now you’re an expert on political theory too.  So nobody owned stuff in the Soviet Union?  Nobody owned stuff in feudal times?  Nobody owned stuff in caveman days?  Are you a fucking idiot?  

    “I mean, 70s, 80s, 90s, think about how many toys came out, how many actual physical products.  Us now trying to actually get that stuff back is a representation of preserving the culture.”

    The serfs revolted in the 16th century because they wanted to be able to own a copy of Mario Paint.

    “Preserving the culture that matters to us.  Preserving the culture that we grew up with.”

    Does this guy think that *nostalgia* is a new phenomenon?  There was no *nostalgia* before 1970?  Yeah, I really want to hear more about this idiot’s opinions on *nostalgia* and the rise of capitalism but we’re moving on to John Hancock.

    God, how old is this guy?  I’m talking about the weird “Youtuber”, not the early American mercantilism magnate.

    I can’t find anything.  It’s probably for the best.

    2:45 – “I’ve seen collecting destroy people.”

    Well, that was brief.  

    Then we’re back to the unknown junkies.  “There’s a dark side where it can interrupt relationships.”

    What relationship has this guy ever had?  Maybe he means his relationship with oxycontin.

    James Rolfe makes an awkward appearance.

    “I wouldn’t recommend to the common person to fill up an entire room in their house of video games or movies or anything, which is what I do.  I mean, we all have our own personal reasons for doing it.”

    Yeah.  In James’ case, it’s for the videos.  They’re props.  He doesn’t actually want this shit.  If he wasn’t making the videos, he would have not have all of this shit.  Especially not the video games.  

    And how weird is it that he said “common person”?  Like he’s above the common man.  James Rolfe is a big time Youtube celebrity.  It’s an insight into how he thinks.  Just watch that fucking horrible AVGN Movie to see how highly he thinks of himself and how lowly he thinks of his “fans” (i.e. the common people).  Mr Seven and a Half Years of Special Education needs a giant dose of reality.

    “It’s more of a niche thing.  Nobody does this because this is the thing to do.  We just do it because we want to and we may all have our different reasons.”

    God, he couldn’t give an interesting observation if his life depended on it.  I can’t wait for that podcast.  

    And he had time to prepare for this, presumably.  THIS is what he came up?  This jumbled mess of generic bullshit that amounts to nothing?  

    That’s the video.  Does it pique my interest in the documentary?  Not at all.  What the fuck even is it?  A bunch of unemployed nerd “Youtubers” talking about *nostalgia* and their bizarre ideas about capitalism?  That’s a hard pass from me.

    , , ,

  • Hearts on Fire – Cinemassacre

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSqPDpUbLQE

    I listened to the “leaked” version without the music video first.  It’s bad.  Really bad.  But maybe it improves with video.  

    0:00 – It starts off as the Punchout theme song and then switches to that song from Rocky.  One of them.  Not Eye of the Tiger.  The other one.  The one from Rocky IV, I guess.

    This is really hard to listen to.  I actually feel ill.  It reminds me of Friday by Rebecca Black.  It was really badly autotuned so it made the song sound weird and unnatural, which resulted in an uneasy feeling in the listener.

    These Rex Viper songs are made in some kind of Frankenstein’s laboratory.  My understanding is that everybody records separately and then they stitch it all together.  That’s why the songs sound weird and this one is particularly bad.  James is too petrified to leave his home to record or allow people into his home to record so this is what happens.  And do these people even live nearby?  I think at least some of the “band” live in Canada.

    And did they film the video separately and then stitch it together?  I assume so.  So everybody recorded themselves separately, in front of green screens, and then somebody put it together, poorly.

    Justin said on Reddit that Newt “mixed” this.  At least the audio portion.  Then somebody thought that Justin was joking but I don’t see why they’d think that.  It seems normal for Screenwave.

    It seems extraordinarily difficult to take six different audio files and compile them into one coherent song.  Even for a professional that would be difficult.  And for the people in the “band”, how are they able to keep together, pace-wise, if they’re all doing it separately?  So you’re going to get five different audio tracks, all at different speeds.  It’s a fucking disaster.  That’s why people don’t record like this.  

    By the way, Kieran isn’t in this.  Who did they replace him with?  Oh.  Nobody, it seems.  There used to be seven members of the band and now there are six.  I guess that the “keytar” was deemed superflous.

    They say in the description that Kieran left to “focus on streaming.”  What a load of bullshit.  It’s like when politicians get caught cheating on their wives, they say that they’re retiring to “focus on my family.”  

    What’s the real reason why Kieran left?  Was he kicked out or did he quit?  I can see him quitting because he doesn’t want the hassle or the embarrassment or whatever.  But give us a plausible reason for this.  He didn’t quit to focus on streaming.  That’s fucking stupid.

    And his streaming career is really bad.  You can’t even watch the videos unless you’re a paid “subscriber” of his.  But back before he locked everything down, I saw a couple of videos and they were just boring and poorly done.

    1:15 – I’m sorry but I get strong gay vibes from this.  Especially the guy singing.  He gets all “emotional”.  And he’s almost singing in falsetto.  Maybe they can do a cover of Tiptoe Through the Tulips next.  It’s…I mean…I’ll just move on.

     3:45 – Justin makes an appearance.  The boys on Reddit raged over this.  But he is the seventh member of the fucking band.  Thus far, we only have seen the other six in this weird green screen mashup.  Why wasn’t Justin there from the start?

    4:00 – Oh come on.  Tell me that this isn’t gay.  The lead singer and Justin staring lovingly into each other’s eyes while singing into a phallic-shaped microphone and wearing a lot of denim.  And Justin is wearing a shirt that says “Macho Man”, a reference to Randy Savage.  Come on.  This is GAY.  I’m not just saying it because that’s my thing.  This is objectively gay.

    Then everybody changes into winter clothing because it’s winter now.  A reference to Rocky IV when they train in the mountains and there’s snow.

    So that’s the video.  What to say?  

    Well, let’s start with the band.  There were seven members of this band back when Kieran was involved.  Isn’t that a lot?  

    Forgive my ignorance, I’m not a music expert by any means but four is the usual number, right?  Singer, bass guitar, normal guitar, and percussion.  Excuse my terminology.  Do many bands have seven members?

    Lynard Skynard.  Do you suppose that’s what they were going for?  Maybe they can do a cover of Free Bird.

    I don’t get these videos.  The boys on Reddit absolutely hate them.  Universally.  Even bad Screenwave AVGN videos, there are some people there who will say that the episode was okay.  Same with Rental Reviews.  It has its supporters on Reddit.  But these music videos…not one person says that they’re even remotely watchable.

    And I go in with an open mind, I give praise whenever possible, I love being able to say, “Hey, this was actually pretty good” but no.  It’s dog shit.  Who thought that this would be a good idea?  

    I don’t want to hear cover songs from ANYONE.  I don’t want to hear them from professional singers.  I certainly don’t want to hear them from some novelty Youtube “band”.

    Maybe if the songs were funny, that would have some appeal.  Some Weird Al shit.  But these are just…well, I suppose that they’re worse than straight covers because they mix in nerdy video game shit.  Why would I want to hear nerdy video game shit?  Why would anyone?  Even nerds aren’t interested in this.

    Are people supposed to download these songs and put them in their playlist of songs that they regularly rock out to?  What’s the point of any of this?  Who’s the intended audience?  In what capacity are we supposed to be enjoying this media?

    I know that people upload videos of them playing cover songs, be it video game music or whatever.  They’ll be sitting there with their guitar or piano or whatever and playing Stairway to Heaven or music from Super Mario Bros or what have you.

    They’re doing this either as a tutorial to show people how it’s done or for their own enjoyment.  They took a while to learn the song and they’re proud of it so they want to make a video.

    I can understand making those kinds of videos.  But that doesn’t seem to be what James is doing.  This is supposed to be on par with an actual song from an actual band and with an actual music video.  We’re supposed to put Mighty Wings and Hadoukens within our 80s *nostalgia* rock playlist.  So you’ll be listening to West End Girls by the Pet Shop Boys, and then 19 by Paul Hardcastle, and then Power of Love by Rex Viper, and then Money for Nothing by Dire Straights.  

    Is this what we’re expected to do?  It’s insane.  Nobody is treating these shit songs as legitimate music.  Nobody is buying the singles.  By the way, Screenwave sells the songs for $1/each.

    It’s just a pointless vanity project by a 40 year old autistic man.  There’s an audience of one: James Rolfe.  Everyone else is just confused and angered by this shit.  And nobody at Screenwave has the sense to say, “James.  This is stupid.  Knock it off.”

    MAYBE if they actually recorded together, this could work.  MAYBE.  But recording separately and doing this Frankenstein bullshit is awful.  

    They’re apparently going to perform live.  So we’ll see.  Does Jimmy even know how to play the guitar?  

    It’s just one terrible idea after another from Jimmy Rolfe and the Screenwave Bunch.  All Jimmy had to do was stay awake during James & Mike Mondays.  Mike can be replaced.  Do a James & Whoever Mondays.  I don’t give a fuck.  Kieran, Tony, Justin.  But Jimmy has to keep his fucking eyes open.  Jimmy has to show some TINY interest in what he’s doing.

    Rental Reviews.  I don’t think that this one could be salvaged.  Jimmy was god awful.  He just read from notes and very often he didn’t even watch the movie.  He can’t hold a conversation at all.

    AVGN.  Write good scripts, gentlemen.  If you don’t have what it takes, hire somebody who does.

    And now this fucking podcast.  It’s going to be a disaster.  Unless they’re going to use my Rectal Reviews idea, where they just talk about faeces, James is going to have absolutely NOTHING to say.  It’s going to be Justin spoon feeding questions to Jimmy like what happened on Rental Reviews.  Everybody has to shut the fuck up so that we can hear what brilliant insights James Rolfe has.  He’s the star of the show, even though he’s clearly the dumbest person on the panel, with the least amount of interesting stuff to talk about.

    It’s insulting to the other people on the panel, it’s insulting to James Rolfe, and it’s insulting to the audience.  

    James & Whoever Mondays and AVGN.  That’s it.  There’s your channel.  Focus on those two things.  Does Jimmy have enough time for those two things?  Is Jimmy still afraid of the big bad flu?  Can Jimmy put the poo down for a little while and start doing his job again?  

    It’s pathetic.  This is a grown man who has an entire of team of people doing his job for him and he still doesn’t want to put any effort into this whatsoever.  I can’t wait until he’s working at Wawa again.