Gamer Girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3ipTsHX6j0

This thing “premiered” at 1:00 am my time.  I was going to stay up but I couldn’t do it.  Plus, I figured it would be like a two hour video as usual.  

So I fell asleep.  But I was thinking about this video so much that I had a dream about it.  It was something about Erin and then it turned into Lucille Ball and then it became something about Mrs Roper from Three’s Company.  They were helping me make a tv show or Youtube video or something.  Lucille Ball actually had some good ideas and was really helpful but when she morphed into Mrs Roper from Three’s Company, things fell apart.  I don’t remember if I ended up fucking Mrs Roper or what.  

Anyway, I think it became about Lucille Ball and Mrs Roper because they both have red hair.

So let’s check it out.  It’s 6:00 am.  

First of all, Josie and the Pussycats.  Why can’t Erin do a review of a movie outside of her idiotic comfort zone?  She did Spice World before and that was probably considered the worst episode of Rental Reviews ever made.  And that’s really saying something.

It puts a recent comment that Erin made into perspective, though.  Remember when she suggested that Super Geoff’s band should be Josie and the Pussycats in the 4 May video where she played Pac-Man 99 with Mike, on stream for money?  I talk about it here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/05/erin-plays-and-mike-matei-stream-pac.html

It was a weird comment, right?  Where did this shit come from?  A cartoon from the 1970s?  

THIS is where it came from.  She must have already agreed to do this video.  All she does is reference things that she’s done recently because she’s never seen or done anything before she started her Youtube channel.  She watched He-Man with Mike and she’s suddenly a He-Man expert.  For that week.  She watched Match Game with Mike and suddenly she’s a Match Game expert.  For that week.  This sort of thing.

0:00 – Oh my god.  It starts with a “teaser” of the upcoming video.  Crystal is saying something totally unfunny and then Erin awkwardly interrupts her with something totally unfunny.  This is going to be great.

Erin is wearing her jeans jacket again.  Hey guys!  Remember jean jackets?  The 80s!

1:15 – They’re talking about the cat ears that they’re wearing and Erin wants to say something but doesn’t get the chance and they’re all talking over each other.  But finally, Erin awkwardly interrupts and in reference to Tony’s stupid little costume, she says, “It’s a little less Pussycats and more like…I shouldn’t say it…Magfest.”

What?  Is that even what she said?  Tony laughed so we know that it was funny.  It’s not easy to make Tony laugh.  

1:30 – Erin claims to be “obsessed” with the movie when it came out.  Uh huh.  So like how she’s obsessed with the Vectrex, for example.  She played it once.  On stream, for money.  And then never again.

So she tells a story about how she had the Josie and the Pussycats ears, she built this up like it was going to be some big story, but then she just said, “And then I don’t have them any more.”

Great.  Another story about something that Erin DOESN’T have.  

Crystal looks confused as fuck.  She’s thinking, “Wait a minute…that story didn’t go anywhere.”  Strap in, Crystal.  You have another 75 minutes of awkward stories that don’t go anywhere.

1:45 – Tony says that he recently saw the Jem and the Holograms movie.  Erin says, “I still haven’t seen that.”  Come on.  How am I possibly going to get through this?  I should just do a full transcript of the video.

So once again, Erin didn’t watch a movie.  Not even Jem.  And she’s all about Jem.  She had the DVDs as a child.  

She’s wearing a Jem shirt in a video that I reviewed here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/02/getting-back-in-groove-of-wii-sports.html

She talks about Jem and Rainbow Brite in this He-Man video that I reviewed here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/04/top-ten-he-man-games-erin-plays-httpswww.html

Erin is all about Jem.  Even though the show came out before she was born.  But…she hasn’t yet gotten around to watching the movie.  She “always” “forgets” about the Jem movie, I guess.  Maybe she can watch it for a Youtube video, for money.

Erin says of the film, “It could have been good”.

How the fuck does she know that it’s not good?  SHE NEVER SAW IT BEFORE.  She just told us this seconds earlier.

Then Crystal starts talking and Erin talks over her.  I think that this is going to be a theme.  She doesn’t know how conversations work.

2:30 – Tony starts talking about the advertising of the movie and Erin says, “I have a lot to say about the advertising.”

Oh, I can’t wait.  Is she going to say that she never saw the commercials before?  Or that she did see them but then the story just fizzles out and she says that she’s *nostalgic* for them or something?  She probably just watched them recently, for the purposes of this video.

3:00 – Tony says that he has notes.  Erin says, “Okay, cool.  Because I have so many thoughts that I need some direction.”

Uh huh.  Erin is just bursting with awkward stuff to talk about.  

3:45 – Erin says, “I saw the movie in theatres twice.”

Oh do tell.

Tony: Really?

Erin: Because I love it.

(Tony laughs.  Crystal still looks confused.)

Erin: Because I was in like middle school.

Tony: Yeah.

Erin: But I already, I think, had a better understanding of the movie than a lot of like grown men at the time.  But we’ll get on to the marketing and criticisms later.

Crystal: I wonder why.  

Tony: I don’t know how many grown men were seeing the movie for its intended purpose.

Yeah…this was just another awkward as fuck comment by Erin.  It doesn’t make sense.  

Erin has negative charisma.  I’m actually owed charisma from watching this shit.

Crystal reveals that she only watched the movie for the purposes of this review.  As I suspect is the case with Erin too.  Tony also only watched it for the purposes of making this video.

But Crystal wishes that she “sawl” it back then.  This seems to be a problem with a lot of these Talking About Tapes people.  They can’t say “saw” in the greater Philadelphia area, I guess.

4:15 – Tony says that the writer and director also wrote and directed Can’t Hardly Wait and The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas.  Erin says, “I didn’t know that.”  You don’t say.

Erin says, “Crushed their soul.  This crushed — the way the movie was recepted (sic) crushed their soul.”

“Recepted”.  Holy shit.  Let’s just move on.

Tony mentions that the soundtrack was by a band called Letters to Cleo.  He obviously never heard of the band.  Neither have I.  Fortunately, super music fan Erin is here to help.

5:30 – “Yeah.  Actually, the soundtrack, which actually ended up, I think, doing better than the movie, like it was certified gold.  I have it on vinyl…because I like it so much.”

She’s really bad at speaking.  The words are just jumbled.  And I had to REALLY strain to hear “like it was certified gold” because she just dropped her voice at that point.  But without this bit of information, the story doesn’t go anywhere.  

Then she point to the album as proof that she owns it.  She brought it with her and it’s on display.  She probably bought it last week.

Let me show you what I mean with her jumbling her words.  The following is an exact quote:

5:45 – “It’s a fucking great soundtrack.  It’s funny because…I have it written down…but like…the people involved in writing the music…you have like (reading from her notes) a dude from Fountains of Wayne…ummm…who was the other one?  (nervous laughter)  Oh, the guy from Counting Crows.  So it’s like…which…I’m like…okay.  But I mean like…they did a good job.”

What a disaster.  She can’t string together a single coherent sentence.  

And she took NOTES for this and yet can’t give you the NAMES of the people who were on the album.  “The guy from Counting Crows” doesn’t narrow it down much.  

Tony says that Archie, the company who owns Josie and the Pussycats, demanded a scene of the band brushing their teeth in order to portray a wholesome image of the group.  He goes on to say that Archie no longer cares and one of the examples that he gives of this is Archie vs The Punisher.  This is a comic that was released in 1994.  So seven years before the movie.

6:45 – Erin is going to talk about the marketing now.  Fuck.  More disjointed bullshit that doesn’t go anywhere.

She says that there’s a song called Backdoor Lover and expresses displeasure at this.  Kind of awkward given what we know about Mike and Erin’s relationship.

9:45 – They’re talking about some movie called Tammy and the T-Rex or something and Erin says, “I want to watch that.”  Well, what’s stopping you?  You have no job.  You have nothing but time on your hands.  Get to work on this massive to-do list.

10:45 – 

Erin: Everyone thinks that I’m literally everyone else that’s not me so it’s totally fine.

Tony: I’m apparently comedians who overdosed on coke in the 80s.  Apparently I’m them.

Erin: So they think you’re like…you never died and you’re still alive.

Erin did not get the reference at all.  So she made this awkward as fuck comment.  Tony has to then explain that he was talking about John Belushi.  Erin doesn’t know who that is.

Tony says that John Belushi died eight years before he was born so “It’s going to be a little hard.”  Crystal says, “Mandela Effect?”.  It doesn’t make any sense but compared to Erin, these people are the voice of reason.

Oh my god.  I just realised.  Erin is actually making Crystal look like a competent professional.  That’s how awful Erin is.  She’s making somebody as horrendous as Crystal Quin look good in comparison.

By the way, I think that this is the first time that Erin has met either Crystal or Tony.  Crystal said in a recent episode that she hasn’t met Erin before.  She then invited Erin on to the show.  This must have been the catalyst for this momentous meeting of the minds.

11:30 – Erin reveals that her favourite “advertising moment” in the movie is about McDonalds.  She’s all about McDonalds.  Even though she knows nothing about the characters, as I’ve explained before, but we have to move on.

13:00 – Crystal says that she’s the “biggest fan” of some singer but I can’t understand what the fuck she’s saying.  “Missouri”?  Anyway, she claims to have hung out with Missouri.  Cool.  I used to kick it with Arkansas back in the day but we’re not here to boast.  Let’s talk about the fucking movie.

Then Crystal talks about how hot Missouri is.  Of course.  This is what she does.  She’s extremely superficial.

14:00 – Tony finally starts talking about the movie.  He mentions some actor.  Erin smiles nervously.  She has no idea who this is.

14:30 – Crystal claims to have hung out with Alan Cumming.  Cool.  I used to chill with my homeboy Brian Ejaculating.  Nobody gives a fuck.  Let’s get to the movie.  

15:30 – Crystal claims that Spice World is “the best movie that ever existed”.  She claims that Alan Cumming was in the movie and then Erin has a surprised look on her face.  She doesn’t know who any of these people are.  She doesn’t even know who Crystal and Tony are.  She doesn’t know where she’s at.  She goes through life in some kind of weird hazy dreamscape.

16:45 – They’re talking about the meaning to the song American Pie, about how it was about Buddy Holly’s plane crash.  Erin didn’t know this, of course, but then they start giving a vague explanation and Erin says, “Oh, that makes sense.  Of course.  Duh.”

It doesn’t make sense.  You can listen to that song a million times and not know what it’s about.  But Erin doesn’t even know the song.  She’s just pretending that she does, as usual.

19:45 – Tony mentions that some actress in Josie and the Pussycats was in The Adventures of Pluto Nash.  Erin says, “I didn’t know that.”  Crystal says that the same actress was in Rent.  Erin says, “I haven’t seen Rent.”

You don’t say.

It’s fucking hilarious.  Why is she here?  Why does she put herself in these situations?  Why does she even make videos?  Every video is the same thing.  “I’ve never seen/done (whatever).”  

Crystal talks about the movie and the play Chicago.  Erin has clearly never seen either.

She also mentions Lego Batman.  Erin clearly hasn’t see that either.

Tony mentions She’s All That.  Erin says, “I love that movie”.

This was actually my fucking idea for a Talking About Tapes with Erin, Crystal, and Mint Salad.  Let me look this up.

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/05/batman-forever-is-fun-talking-about.html

Yeah.  Crystal is talking about how hot she is and how everybody wants to have sex with her.  This is during a review of a Batman movie, by the way.  Then she says, “Erin, come to the show. We’ll be matching Batgirls.”

I then say:

“Oh, don’t tease me. Think of how horrendous that video would be. Crystal, Erin…get Mint Salad in there too. Fuck Newt. Fuck Tony. I want to see a podcast with Crystal, Erin, and Mint Salad. And I want them to review She’s All That.”

This was 19 May 2021.  I gave that movie as a joke example that an idiot like Erin might enjoy.  And here she is claiming that she “loved” the movie.  She probably never saw it.  

Tony then says that they discussed the plot of She’s All That in his I Know What You Did Last Summer episode, which was on 18 June, so shortly after my suggestion.  I suspect that he just read my comment and then went to Wikipedia or whatever.  Because why would they suddenly start talking about She’s All That?  

I further suspect that Tony suggested to Erin that they review She’s All That and this is the only way that Erin knows about the movie.  

23:30 – Tony mentions the movie Ginger Snaps.  Erin has a clueless look on her face.  She never saw it before.

Now, I’ve never heard of a lot of these movies either.  But Erin is appearing on a podcast about movies.  And this is her genre.  This is her era.  And she doesn’t know ANY of these movies.  So why do the podcast?  Why embarrass yourself?  She has to know that she’s going to do a terrible job of it.

24:15 – Tony says, “There’s a special ed joke that probably wouldn’t fly in a movie today.”  He goes to say, “I think that they’re all hilarious.”

I’m surprised that he says this given that his boss spent seven and a half years in special education.  It’s fucking hilarious.  Just think about that.  Working for somebody who spent seven and a half years in special education.

25:00 – Erin says that she’s “barely seen the cartoon.”

That reminds me.  A bunch of people on Twitter asked her if she saw the cartoon and she didn’t reply.  Has she replied since I last checked?  She has not.  And there’s some pretty bad art by Mint Salad.

https://twitter.com/itsmintsalad/status/1420922713762418688

So yeah, Erin never saw the cartoon before.  But maybe she’ll watch it now for the purposes of doing a Youtube video about it.

Crystal says that she watched the cartoon for the purposes of this video and that it “doesn’t have any personality.”  The irony.  Erin is sitting right next to her.  She’s getting uncomfortable.  

Then Tony starts talking about Married With Children.  Erin doesn’t contribute anything because she’s never fucking seen a single episode.

26:00 – Tony mentions the film Road Trip.  Erin says, “I said, ‘I should know that guy and I don’t.’  I couldn’t place him.”  

She obviously has never seen Road Trip so this was her contribution.  Another riveting story about something that didn’t happen.

Oh wait.

Tony asks, “Did you ever see Road Trip?”  Erin says, “I did but 20 years ago.  Did that come out 20 years ago?”  It’s all a giant lie.  She had to guess when the movie came out.

Oh, I didn’t notice this.  Crystal is wearing…how to even describe this?  A half shirt?  Isn’t that for men?  Oh, a crop top.  

Crystal…we get it.  You’re totally hot and everybody wants to have sex with you.  But put some clothes on.  I’m trying to concentrate on the discussion here.  I can’t keep taking masturbation breaks.

27:45 – Tony references the film 13 Ghosts.  Erin has no idea what’s going on.

32:00 – Erin says, “I like how she…like…this is really weird but like I like how Parker Posey like moves her mouth when she talks.”

Pause the video at 32:11.  Even Crystal Quin is looking at Erin like, “Holy shit.  Look at this retard.”

“Like I find it mesmerizing.  You know what I mean?”

No.  Nobody knows what she means.  Crystal actually put her head down for a second like she was trying to escape.  

“She has a very specific way of like saying words.”

Tony immediately changes the subject.  Nobody engages with that braindead shit.

This is what people talk about when they have absolutely no frame of reference for anything.  This is why Erin always talks about shit in the background when she’s talking about video games.  She doesn’t know anything.  She doesn’t know anything about anything.  

She’s here to talk about a movie.  How is she going to do that?  She doesn’t know any of the actors.  She doesn’t know what other movies they’ve been in.  She’s never seen any other movies.  So what’s left to talk about?  The way an actress’ mouth moves.

This is rock bottom.  This is the way somebody who just came out of the womb would discuss this movie.  She’s a complete and utter moron and she’s never done or seen a single thing in her entire life.

32:15 – Tony talks about The Lost in Space reboot.  Erin says, “Oh my god, I forgot that that was a thing.”

You don’t say.  Add this to the list of things that Erin has never seen before.

33:00 – Crystal makes a veiled reference to how hot Parker Posey is.

Erin doesn’t know what’s going on again and makes a weird reference to a Zen garden full of cocaine.  Crystal patronisingly says, “I’ll go with Zen garden full of cocaine.  I like that.”

Let’s stop and look at what’s going on.  Crystal Quin is being patronising to Erin.  Crystal Quin thinks that she’s significantly more intelligent than Erin.  

Here’s the crazy thing: she’s right.  Erin is such a giant fucking moron that even CRYSTAL QUIN looks intelligent by comparison.  

33:30 – Tony references Batman: The Dark Knight Rises.  Erin says, “Oh, okay.  Here we go.”

She’s obviously never seen the movie so these are the only sorts of comments that she can make.  

It must be terrifying.  This must be a terrifying experience for her.  Having to go on a show and know that you won’t know what’s going on and you won’t have anything even remotely intelligent to say.  

But this is how she goes through life.  It’s not just this episode of Talking About Tapes.  This is Erin’s life every fucking day.  She has no idea what anybody is talking about.  

I’ve mentioned by dog theory before but it bears repeating.  Erin has a dog’s level of understanding about the world.  You look at a dog and it seems to know what’s going on but how can it possibly?  How can a dog comprehend the magnitude that is its reality?  It’s living in this house, it’s being fed every day, it has no control of its life.  How can a dog understand all of this?  

But the dog doesn’t seem to be concerned about any of this.  It just goes with it.  “These creatures who look nothing like me are watching this screen, I have no idea why, but who cares?  Look at how funny their mouths move.  That’s cute.”

33:45 – Tony asks Erin, “What do you think about that movie, out of all of the Batman movies?”

How is she possibly going to get out of this?  She’s never seen ANY Batman movie.  And look at Crystal.  I have to take a screenshot of this.

Crystal knows full well that Erin is incapable of answering this or ANY question and she can’t believe that Tony would actually ask Erin a question.  He’s intentionally setting Erin up and Crystal knows this.  

And then there’s Erin with her, “duh, duh, idiot” expression as she frantically thinks of a way out of this.  

By the way, Erin has really gained some weight.  I didn’t want to say this but come on.  Think of your “fans”.  Don’t let Shishi and the gang down.  It might be time to hit the gym and start watching what you eat.  You’ve got nothing but time.  Use it to get into shape.

“I think out of all of the Batman movies, it’s probably my least favourite.”

Tony furls his brow at this and Crystal very obviously rolls her eyes.  She’s never fucking seen a single Batman movie.  

Let me look this up.  I’ve never even heard of this Batman movie but I wouldn’t lie about it if somebody asked me about it.  Because this is what happens.  You just come up with a completely ridiculous lie that nobody would possibly believe.

Holy shit.  “The Dark Knight Rises received highly positive reviews from critics.  Many have named it one of the best films of 2012.”

Right there on Wikipedia.  And we all know that there were many bad Batman movies.  The one with Mr Freeze, for example.  And there were subsequent bad ones.  I don’t watch this shit so I don’t know.

But it seems that The Dark Knight Rises was one of the better ones.  Empire Magazine declared it the 72nd greatest movie OF ALL TIME.  Richard Roeper said that it was one of the best movies of the decade.

She’s talking out of her ass.  She has no fucking idea what’s going on.  She never saw the this movie.  Or ANY Batman movie.  She’s blatantly lying because this is the only way that she can talk about anything.  She can’t say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about” to everything.  So she just makes shit up.  She pretends to know what people are talking about.

“But there is one scene that I think is very powerful, it’s when the stadium collapses.  I like how Bane talks.  It’s funny.”

Unbelievable.  Let’s just move on.  I’m only at the halfway point.

Oh.  She won’t let us.

“I remember seeing that in theatres with my dad and he just looked at me at one point and he goes, ‘I can’t even understand what the fuck he’s saying.’”

Really?  He used profanity around his daughter?  Or is she just embellishing the story?  

I can’t get into this.  We have a lot of ground to cover.  I can talk about how it’s weird and low class for families to use profanity around each other another day.

Oh right.  The scene that Erin was discussing was the scene that Tony was apparently in.  And there was actually an edit right before Erin started talking about this scene.  I suspect that Erin was clued in that Tony was in the scene and that this is something that she can talk about.

34:45 – Tony asks Erin, “Did you see that new Mortal Kombat?”

No prizes for guessing what Erin’s answer was.

35:30 – Erin is so happy to be able to say that Eugene Levy, who was in this shit film that they’re “reviewing” was, “Also in American Pie with Tara Reid.”

Way to go, Erin.  You made a reference that’s factually accurate and sort of related to the topic of conversation.

Tony says that he’s also on Schitt’s Creek.  Erin says that she’s never seen it.  You don’t say.

36:00 – Erin starts stammering about “zoomer kids” and “nostalgia” and then she actually says, “Where was I going with this?”

That’s what I was thinking as well.  I couldn’t even bother typing out what she was saying.  It was all over the place and didn’t make any sense.

Then she starts talking about Mtv in the early 2000s.  “TRL” and the news and whatnot.

Even stuff that she purports to know about…she doesn’t know anything about.

37:30 – They’re talking about inserting subliminal messages into the video for some bizarre reason and Erin just blurts out her suggestion: “TONY IS THE BEST MAN EVER!”

God, is that lame.  This is comedy in her mind?  I mean, I know that this is all off the cuff but she can’t do it.  She’s incapable of even having a conversation because she has absolutely no frame of reference for anything.  So she certainly can’t do improv comedy.  She has no fucking personality.  

I’ve made this same complaint about Crystal many times.  I’ve said that she’s like a pod person.  But sit Crystal next to Erin and Crystal is a bubbly and vivacious woman.  

“Tony didn’t ruin Cinemassacre.  You should probably cut that.  Or whatever.”

And they laugh hysterically, but…it seems charitable.  

Then they encourage her like you would a child.  “No, it was good Erin.  Good job.”  That’s not a direct quote.  

Erin says, “Sometimes I don’t know when to rail it in.”

Rail indeed.  Do you suppose it’s a pronunciation thing or she genuinely thinks that “rail” is the word?  Because she made a little reeling motion.

Crystal says, “You’re doing phenomenal”.

Fuck.  Come on.  There’s encouragement and then there’s outright lies.  Now we can’t believe anything that Crystal says.  And Erin knows this.  Erin knows that she’s not doing phenomenally.  So Erin just lost all trust in Crystal.

38:45 – Crystal says, “I loved the line that Alan says.  ‘What’s the point of being famous if the people you hated in high school isn’t (sic) kissing your ass?’  And I was like, being made fun of throughout all of school I was just like…I’m going to be famous just for that.”

Uh huh.  Crystal wants sympathy.  It’s all about her.  Everything she does is about her.  

“Oh, look at me horntards.  I’m a nerd too.  Love me.”

Meanwhile, she wouldn’t have sex with a single one of those horntards.  She just wants validation and attention.  

Tony then claims that he was called “gay” in school for not liking football.  I can’t identify.  

I’ll go off on a tangent here because who cares at this point?  This is going to be a short-story length article anyway.

But I didn’t like sports and nobody ever called me gay.  Nobody I hung out with liked sports and they weren’t called gay.  

The people who were into sports were the nerds.  These were the good students.  These were the people who were concerned about having something good to put on their college resumes.  These were the people who cared about “school spirit”.  

They were also, I guess, the more popular kids.  But it’s not like how you see on tv or in movies where the “jocks” are knocking people’s books out of their hands and giving them wedgies and whatnot.  They were the people getting good grades.  And really interested in school.  That’s for fucking nerds and we all knew it.  So they were in no position to lord it over anybody.

Erin says, “Middle school was the worst.”

40:00 – “Erin continues, “But then we wouldn’t have turned out the awesome individuals, the well-adjusted individuals that we are today.”

I’m just going to move on.  They seem to want to keep talking about this shit but I’m done with this weird pity party/please give me attention shit.

They’re talking about cat ear headphones.  

Erin: Razer should pay them like royalties.

Tony: Is that who makes those?

Erin: I think so.  Whatever.  They do all of the gaming shit.

And Crystal consoles Erin for making another stupid comment.

Let’s look this up.

Oh.  By sheer luck, she’s right.

41:00 – Tony compares this movie to Zoolander.  Erin says, “Yeah, I noticed that too.”

How so, Erin?  Compare and contrast the two movies, briefly.

Erin doesn’t do that.  Instead, she goes on a weird tangent about how in the early 2000s…fuck.  I don’t even know.  She’s just rambling again.  But the gist is that things were WAY different in the early 2000s to today.  This is a theme that they talk about a lot during this episode.  Can you expand on this?  What the fuck are you talking about?  

42:30 – Tony makes some nerd Star Trek joke/reference.  Erin has no fucking idea what he’s talking about so just makes another generic comment.

42:45 – Erin claims to have watched the first Wonder Woman movie in a theatre.  Her story is boring as shit and goes nowhere.

44:00 – Erin calls Wonder Woman’s weapon a whip.  Tony mocks her by saying, “Yeah, the Whip of Truth, they call it.”  Erin doesn’t even realise that he’s mocking her.

She’s a big Wonder Woman fan, guys.

47:00 – Tony is talking about She’s All That again.  God, I must have really had an influence on him.  I wish that I would have mentioned a more interesting movie.

47:45 – Oh here we go.  Crystal is talking about how hot the woman who played Josie was.  We get it, Crystal.  You like sexy ladies.

Imagine if it was a guy doing this.  There’s a guy reviewing a movie and all he talks about is how hot the actresses are and which one of them he wants to have sex with and explicit detail about what he’d do them sexually.  People would say, “Go jerk off, you fucking loser, and stop making these idiotic videos.”  

But because it’s the super hot Crystal Quin, it’s allowed.  Even rewarded.  

Now they’re talking about one of the characters breasts.  “Everyone likes boobs”.  Anyone want to guess who said that?

Then she goes on and on and on about everybody who likes boobs and Tony tries to get back on track but Crystal continues listing the various people who like boobs.

Men like boobs.
Women like boobs.
Midgets like boobs.
Swedes like boobs.
Professional bowlers like boobs.
Blind people like boobs.
People in iron lungs like boobs.

We get it.  Shut the fuck up.  This isn’t funny and it’s not making my penis even a tiny bit hard.  Talk about the movie or expose Erin for the complete moron that she is.

49:15 – Erin makes another weird comment about how she likes the way somebody moves.

50:15 – Tony makes a comment about how women “lift each other up” and he’s obviously being sarcastic and Erin says, “Not in the real world.”  

Did she not realise that he was joking or did she just not know what to say?  Yet again.  So came up with this awkward shit?

Then Tony laughed.  It’s kind of his thing.  He should consider a career as a professional audience member.  Go to sitcom tapings and laugh at every fucking joke no matter how bad.

50:45 – Erin claims to have seen Bring it On six times in the theatre.

Uh huh.

51:00 – Super awkward talk from Erin.  I won’t even type it out.  It goes on from about 51:00 to…well…I’ll point out this comment:

53:15 – Erin is doing an impression of a typical video of hers and she says, “Hey guys!  Today we’re playing…(long pause) (Tony suggests Bubble Bobble to try to help out) like Conker’s Bad Fur Day on the N64.”

She struggled to think of a game.  Let’s just move on.  This is all awkward as fuck.  Too awkward for me to even describe.

54:45 – Erin talks about “TRL” and how this “TRL” scene is “The most early 2000s thing in the world.”

She claims to have watched “TRL” every day after school.

55:00 – Crystal is talking about the black guy in the scene.  I don’t know his name.  He was on MadTv according to Erin.  I think that that’s right.  

So Crystal says that she loves comedy and “I’ve worked in comedy for a really long time.”

Uh huh.  Doing what?

She claims that this guy’s comedy is “preachy and super homophobic.”

Oh dear.  We can’t have that.

Then Erin just totally changes the subject.  Because she can’t have a conversation.  She doesn’t know what’s going on.  So she just goes back to “TRL”.

I think that Crystal just made a veiled racist remark, though.  Black people are often “homophobic”.  It’s part of the culture.  Who is she to impose her beliefs on others?  Cultural imperialism is what this is.  Check your privilege.  

1:05:30 – Tony makes a Simpsons reference.  That episode where Bart and his friends become a boy band and there’s subliminal messages about joining the navy.  

Erin doesn’t get the reference.  She’s never seen The Simpsons.

1:06:45 – Tony makes a reference to the movie Horrible Bosses and Erin pretends to know what he’s talking about.  She gives a generic response.  “I forgot about that.”

Uh huh.  “Forgot”.

Crystal mentions Meet the Millers.  Erin says, “I haven’t seen that one.”

I think that they’re talking about We’re the Millers.

Tony says that he plans on watching this movie again.  He goes on to say that the young folk won’t get the jokes.  

Tony talks about the Joker movie.  Erin claims to have watched it before.  But she’s lying again.  She just gives another generic reply.

Crystal starts talking about Scooby Doo.  Erin’s eyes glaze over.  She’s never seen Scooby Doo before.

So that’s the video at a merciful end.  

Oh, you can see the chat from when Tony “premiered” the video.  Tony is there commenting.  Crystal is there commenting.  No Erin.

This was boring.  This was awkward.  And Erin, as usual, had no fucking idea where she even was.

– “this is the “like” episode”

It’s true.  Erin says “like” a lot.  I usually remove them when I’m quoting from her but I left them in this time to illustrate just how bad it is.

– “The fact that Crystal knows about the Mandela Effect makes her even hotter!!”

Yeah.  From that AVGN episode.  And she used the term incorrectly.  Hot.

– “Crystal you beast, carried the show n made it look easy. 🤣 The ears lol.Not a fan of Mike n Erin tho so made this ep hard to watch”

Somebody replies, “Karen sucks”

It’s true.  Well, I have a whole blog dedicated to how much Erin sucks.  But I mean it’s true that the consensus in these comments is that Erin sucks.  People are mostly polite about it, I assume that Tony deleted the insulting comments, but yeah.  Erin is not good.

– “Drink every time she says “like” or “actually”. She has the vocabulary of a 10 year old”

That’s charitable.

– “Why don’t you review any interesting movies. Your Channel sucks!”

I agree.  Everything has to be from “the 90s” or the early 2000s.  And it’s all comedy or horror or comic book shit.

And then here, they obviously chose a horrible movie to appease Erin.  Why didn’t they just pick a normal movie and make Erin watch it?  Who was clamouring for a review of Josie and the Pussycats?

– “I was going to skip this episode because the subject material didn’t interest me but then I caught a glimpse of crystal in that outfit and changed my mind.”

See?  That guy wasn’t clamouring for Josie and the Pussycats.  But he still likes to jerk off to Crystal Quin.  Inexplicably.

– “CAN ERIN AND KRYSTAL HAVE THEIR OWN SHOW ?”

Somebody replies, “Please dear god.  So I don’t have to see them on here again.”

These guys must be misogynists..  What?  You don’t like sexy ladies reviewing movies?  Are you gay?  This is some great “content” right here.  There were so many amazing insights into the film and everyone did a phenomenal job.  Just phenomenal.  

In all seriousness, it’s just bad.  Crystal is absolutely horrendous and Erin is possibly the only person on earth who can do a worse job of this than Crystal.  

Does Tony not know any women who can speak in an intelligent and articulate fashion about movies?  Tony himself isn’t doing that.  Newt isn’t doing it.  

Watch this video and then ask yourself, “What did I learn about the movie?”  The answer is nothing.  I have no idea what the movie is about.  And this is the only thing that they do.  They go through the fucking plot points.  But I still don’t have the foggiest idea what this movie is about.  They’re in a band and somebody gets mad at somebody…I think there’s a reference to brainwashing…there’s something about subliminal messages…and then they dance at the end.

I don’t think that that’s right.  I think that I’m missing some of the finer details of the film.  

What about that chubby Asian woman who has been in at least a couple of Screenwave videos?  Is she any good?  If she is, you have a built in horntard audience for chubby Asian women.  

I really don’t know what can fix the show.  I mean, getting rid of Crystal Quin is step 1 but past that, I don’t know.  It just got really bad when Tony started going for the horntard market.  It was watchable before.  Maybe look at what worked in the earlier episodes and try to do that.  

Don’t worry about kicking Crystal Quin out.  She has a lot of options.  She can go back to the comedy world and complain that the comedy isn’t PC enough for her.  There’s always the modelling because she’s just super hot.  She could go back to that job where her boss wanted to have sex with her.  

And she’s a natural entertainer.  Let her try her own thing.  What about a Crystal Quin Youtube channel?  That would be sweet.  She could make a video where she talks about gas prices and guesses what state everybody is from.  She’s just so charming and likeable.  If you free her, she’ll be able to flourish on her own.  She’s being held back with this Talking About Tapes shit.