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  • How Retropalooza Houston And Gaming Has IMPACTED Our Lives! – ZapTV

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkhlE7EsEnE&t=0s

    Just as a reminder, there are 26 people at this panel.

    It starts with Zap saying hello to the “beautiful peeps”.  Her usual condescending greeting.

    0:30 – Then she suggests that her husband starts talking.  And as soon as he starts talking, she starts dancing.  She wants the focus on herself at all times.

    1:00 – Back to Zap and she talks about her channel.  Her channel is about that 90s *nostalgia*.  

    2:00 – Her husband, whose screen name is Mr Wright Way, but I won’t be using the honorific, is black.  And they’re doing a panel on diversity in “gaming” or something.  He says that when he started on Youtube, he was looking for black “creators” and couldn’t find many.  He challenges the audience to name five black Youtubers, they don’t even have to be retro “gamers”.

    Well, okay.  Pelvic Gamer, Bobduna, Madam Fomo, Sumpi, and Super Geoff.  Challenge met.  

    By the way, there’s annoying music playing throughout this.  Why did she do this?  This was done in post-production.

    Then he challenges the audience to name five white “Youtubers” who may or may not be in the retro “gaming” category.

    Yeah, I can do that too.  There are more white people doing this, of course.  What point is he trying to make?  I beat his challenge.  And I not only named five black “Youtubers”, I named four black female retro gaming “Youtubers”.  And Super Geoff.  

    What more does he want?  Do they have to be Jewish too?  Do they have to be gay?  How much more woke can I possibly be?  

    I find that a lot of the more outspoken anti-racist black guys tend to have non-black wives or girlfriends.  Why is that?  They’re just using racism as a vehicle to get non-black women.  “Hey, if you don’t like black guys, you’re racist.”  But these guys don’t like black women.  They’re the real racists.

    2:30 – “Tell me about the women.  Can you tell me about the women?”

    I just fucking did.  I named four black women in retro “gaming” on Youtube.  

    5:00 – He makes a veiled reference to Trump supporters being racist.

    5:15 – He starts shilling for some book about women in “gaming” that he has absolutely no connection to.  This is just weird.  It’s like going on tour to promote somebody else’s book that you have nothing to do with.

    These tables are really creaky, by the way.  It’s annoying.

    They keep talking about diversity.  We need more diversity in “gaming”.

    What about the billions of Asian people who play video games?  There have to be more Asian people playing video games than any other race.  So why aren’t any of them making Youtube videos about this shit?  Probably because they have jobs.

    She claims that a woman (or “female”) created Centipede.  Let me look this up.

    Designed by Dona Bailey and Ed Logg.  She mentioned that people only talk about the guy (so Ed Logg, presumably).  But actually it was all about the “female”.  So she totally dismisses the contributions of Ed Long.

    Dona Bailey left the business shortly after she helped create Centipede.  She made no other games.  On the other hand, Ed Logg continued to make games for decades including Millipede, Gauntlet, and Rush 2: Extreme Racing USA.

    Ms Bailey wasn’t interested in video games.  It was a job, she did it for a couple of years, and then she pursued her actual interests.

    But what difference does any of this make anyway?  Zap is trying to suggest that women are and have always had a huge influence in video games.  She’s out of her mind.  The overwhelming majority of video games have been made by men.  That’s just the reality.  Is she going to deny reality?  

    And I don’t think that there was any discrimination against women getting into the industry.  Why would there be?  These nerds would want women around the office.  But the women weren’t interested.  Women weren’t interested in computer programming.

    I took a computer class in college.  90% dudes, 10% lesbians.  Have things changed?  I don’t know.  But this was the reality for many, many years.

    13:00 – Wright Way talks about how his car broke down and then his wife’s car broke down so he prayed for an answer.  God told him to sell his video game collection.  So that’s what he did.

    What a weird answer.  Not to be blasphemous, but you know what answer I would have given if I was God?  “GO GET A JOB, YOU FUCKING HOBO!”  I’d be more like the angry God you find in the Old Testament.  There would be a lot more smiting if I was in charge.

    So he got $55,000 for the game collection.  Then be bought two “brand new cars”.  He goes on to say, “It’s not bragging to say that I bought two brand new cars.”

    You know what I think this guy’s problem is?  Horrible money management.  The guy is broke.  He has no money.  He was so broke that he turned to God for advice.  “How are we going to eat?”  And the answer he got was to sell his games.

    So this completely impoverished, presumably unemployed man took the $55,000 that he got for his game collection and blew it on TWO new cars.  

    Earlier in the video, Zap said that she has a son.  I don’t know if it’s this guy’s son as well but Zap and this guy are married anyway.  Maybe set some money aside to care for your child.  Expenses that come up.  School and whatnot.  And then college.  

    No, we’re just going to blow it all on two new cars.  

    Do you need two new cars?  Can’t you get a decent used car for $10,000?  Put the other $45,000 in the bank.  You were fucking destitute just a short while earlier.  And now you’re destitute again.  You just blew all of your money on something that has no resale value.  Fucking morons.

    And he has the audacity to blame God for this.  I thought that God was all knowing and all wise.  God would have to be a fucking retard to give this advice.  

    15:00 – An example of “diversity” that this guy gives is the way his wife says “Mario”.  He’s not even joking.  He describes this as being “diverse in your thinking”.

    So…when you hear somebody say “Mario” like they do on “The East Coast”, you should be accepting of that.  Is that really a problem for anyone?  Are people hurling abuse at people who pronounce Mario with a long “A” sound?  

    This is fucking idiotic.  There’s another 30 minutes of this tripe but I’m done.  God told me to go take a nap instead.

  • Castlevania on Nintendo 64: The Rest of the Story – Erin Plays

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGPdQ779bMg

    This is the first Erin Plays episode that I’ve considered skipping.  I don’t give a fuck about this.  At all.  She already did a fucking video on this game that she only played on stream, for money.  Why would she make another video just because she “beat” the game?  And she got the bad ending according to the thumbnail.

    I’ll see how it goes but 20 minutes?  Fuck off.

    0:15 – It’s just footage of her Twitch streams.

    1:00 – Interesting pronunciation of “smooshed”.

    1:45 – Shout out to Light Crusader, a game that she recently played on stream, for money.  Once.  And then never again.

    You guys all know Light Crusader, right?  No?  Oh.  Well, you’re just not the “gamer” that Erin is, I guess.

    4:45 – Shout out to the colour magenta.  You guys all know magenta, right?  

    Mmm…kind of?  Maybe?  I’m not sure.  But super colour fan Erin knows all the hues.

    6:00 – Erin claims to have played Golden Eye, in multiplayer, 15 years ago.  So presumably not on a stream, for money.  Sure you did, Erin.

    8:00 – “I mean, does anyone remember the kneeling in Simon’s Quest?”

    No context here because I don’t know what the context is.  Why did she say this?  What is she trying to convey?  I’m half asleep while watching this so I might have missed something.

    9:30 – She keeps calling a platform a “jelly mold”.  That’s funny, right?  “A looks like B”?  No, wait.  That’s not the formula I use.  “X looks like Y”.  I’m so close to falling asleep that my mind isn’t 100%.

    10:45 – She throws the controller on the floor and builds this up like it’s going to be something exciting.  Spoiler: …it’s not.

    19:00 – Shout out tot the horntards in her stream.  And she links to her Twitch channel.

    Holy fucking shit was this a boring video.  Possibly the most boring Erin Plays video ever.

    This was absolutely not worth writing.  The video was not worth making.  It’s fucking ridiculous.  Is she completely out of ideas?

    I spent half the video trying to look up a toy that I had as a child.  Something in the video reminded me of it.  It’s this thing:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb-Vq-VyA4M

    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb-Vq-VyA4M]

    It was creepy then and it’s creepy now.  The Violinist Mr Bob, it’s called.  It’s a battery-powered clown who kind of dances and plays the violin and taps his foot while a really loud rendition of Farmer in the Dell plays.  The animatronics, for lack of a better term, are also really loud.

    There also seems to be a saxophone version according to Ebay.

    Even though every listing says that this toy is “rare”, you can get either version for $25.  That’s probably less than what it cost new.

    Not much information on it other than it was made in Taiwan.  No love for Mr Bob.  Forgotten toys of the 80s.  

    You know what else I realised while my mind was wandering during that boring as fuck video?  They don’t really sell chewing gum in the UK.  They sell Extra and Juicy Fruit but these are like “adult” gums, for lack of a better term.  They usually come in rather fancy packaging and are relatively expensive.  Spearmint flavour and shit like this.  Not flavours that children would enjoy.

    Why don’t they sell gum in the UK?  I mean, I look in the candy section every time I go to the store.  I’ll get a bar of chocolate or a bag of Jelly Babies or something.  But there’s no gum.  

    What a huge gap in the market that is.  Maybe there’s a law against selling children’s gum.  For dental reasons.  

    Now that I think of it, you never seen any gum on the pavement in the UK.  That used to be a big thing in the US.  Sidewalks completely covered in old gum.  

    I haven’t bought gum since I was a kid.  Bubble Yum.  Hubba Bubba.  Bubblicious.  Those were all interchangeable and I thought that it was the same company who made these but no.  They were competitors.

    Bubble Tape was popular for a while, based on the popular anti-establishment commercials and the unique packaging.

    Big League Chew was more of a premium gum.  I rarely got it.

    Bazooka Joe.  I had a lot of Bazooka Joe.  Either in the hard as a rock little pieces that came wrapped in a comic or in the vastly superior but comic-less tube form.  It came in like a toothpaste tube and you’d squeeze out as much as you want.  

    Oh, there used to be like a plastic strip of gumballs.  I can’t remember what those were called.  But I liked those too.  There were a bunch of different flavours in this package of like ten gumballs.

    Blow Pops were also good.  They stand in stark contrast to the awful Tootsie Pops.

    And then yeah, just generic gumballs in bags.  All different varieties.  There were loads.

    I used to like the cotton candy flavour gum, I can’t remember if it was Bubble Yum or Hubba Bubba or Bubblicious.  

    Also, the watermelon gum that had like a green outer layer and a pink inner layer, simulating the fruit.  

    I liked Juicy Fruit too but it’s not a children’s gum.  Can’t blow bubbles.  Chewing gum as opposed to bubble gum.  

    Oh, Chiclets.  Those were okay.  Came in those little boxes.  Made a noise when you shook them.

    Razzles were an interesting diversion.  Is it really bad candy or really bad gum?  Who gives a fuck?

    And on Halloween, you’d always get a lot of Dubble Bubble and there was another one that was smaller but I can’t remember the name.  I liked the smaller ones better, though.  Came in a red, white, and blue wrapper maybe.  Oh.  Pal.  Hey guys!  Remember Pal?

  • Cinemassacre Podcast – Episode 1 – Fan Q&A, Starting a Band, and What We've Been Up To

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w56maBqDS00

    I was there for the grand premiere for this.  The world premiere.  Nathan Barnatt was in the chat joking it up with the nerds.  Justin Silverman was there posting as “Cinemassacre”.  James was taking care of his children.  People were pumped.

    I fell asleep within…fuck…minutes?  Seconds?  It literally might be less than a minute.  I don’t even remember anything that was said.  This podcast is better than Talking About Tapes in terms of being a sleep aid.  

    0:15 – “It’s the off the cuff banter from Rental Reviews and James & Mike Monday (sic) mixed with an AVGN panel.”

    This is from the intro.  People want this?  They’re describing two failed “series” and a boring nerd convention.  Why would anyone want a mix of these things?  

    0:45 – Then the podcast begins with James being BORED AS FUCK.  This was actually in the trailer.  This was the “teaser” to get people to watch this shit.  I couldn’t fucking believe it.  

    Does nobody there have any fucking sense?  Why would you choose THIS clip to put in the trailer?  James can barely keep his empty head up.  He’s bored out of his fucking mind.  And he says something totally stupid and boring.  THIS was in the trailer.

    It’s like James is doped up on something.  

    And then Justin and Kieran react awkwardly to James’ awkward, bland comments.  What a way to start a fucking podcast.  Couldn’t you just do it it again?  Give James some direction?  “A little livelier this time.  Maybe you can say something like, “Wow!  It’s great to be back!  I’m really looking forward to this podcast!”

    No.  Just James awkwardly saying “yeah” and the like.

    1:00- Kieran keeps interlacing his fingers.  Guys…we’re just like 30 seconds into this.  Why not just start over?  You’re only losing 30 seconds of footage.  “James, here’s something more interesting that you can say to kick off the new podcast.  And Kieran, knock off that weird finger thing.  Let’s try it again.”

    Do it until you get it right.  And then maybe put this semi-interesting, semi-competent footage in the trailer.

    1:15 – Jimmy starts talking about how he hasn’t left his home in like a year and a half because of his paranoid delusions about covid.  

    1:45 – Jimmy says that he misses Rental Reviews.  This show that he put absolutely no effort into and was clearly uncomfortable doing.  This show where he just read from notes.  This show where he often didn’t even watch the movie.

    He complains that it was difficult to do the later episodes over Skype.  Yeah.  So don’t do them.  If you’re paranoid about covid, fine.  Stay in your home and don’t do anything.  

    But that’s done.  Why didn’t they just bring back Rental Reviews if Jimmy misses Rental Reviews so much.  They have the set.  Tony from Hack the Movies uses it for Rental Reviews 2.0.  Why doesn’t anyone mention this?  

    By the way, Tony from Hack the Movies, in the best career choice of his life, is conspicuously absent from this abortion of a podcast.  The boys on Reddit say that he’s done with AVGN but I don’t know where they got this from or, if it’s true, how this works.  I mean, he’s still working at Screenwave, surely.  He uses the Rental Reviews set.  Whatever.

    2:00 – “We eventually put it on a hiatus.”

    No.  It’s done.  They said that Rental Reviews was over.  In the final “episode”, Justin says that people didn’t like the show, it wasn’t doing well, and people just want to see Jimmy doing scripted stuff.  

    This isn’t a hiatus.  It’s a cancellation.  And how are they possibly going to bring it back?  The show exists already as Talking About Tapes starring Tony from Hack the Movies, Newt, the super hot Crystal Quinn, Johanna, and whoever else they can scrounge up.  

    So is James going to kick Tony and the gang out and say, “Actually, I want to do the show again”?  That would be a complete scumbag move.  Jimmy was done with this shit.  Long before covid.  He checked out ages ago.  He was terrible at it.  

    So Tony picked it up and turned it into something halfway listenable as background material.  Tony clearly enjoys doing the podcast.  And he continued this in spite of James intentionally sabotaging the show.  

    If Jimmy took over again, aside from that being something that only a complete asshole would do, it would ruin the fucking show.  James can not have a conversation.  He has autism.  

    2:15 – Justin says, “Yeah, because James & Mike Mondays went on a hiatus and then ended permanently.”  To which James says, “For now, at least.”

    No.  What doesn’t Jimmy understand?  These shows are done.  He fucking said as much.  Mike isn’t even with the company any more.  

    Everybody seems to know that these shows are over except for Jimmy.

    This is really edited to shit, by the way.  Every time James starts talking, there’s an edit right before it.  He’s checking notes or he’s being prompted for stuff to talk about.  That’s the only way that he can do this.

    3:00- Justin introduces some “segments”…”Whatcha Watching”, “Whatcha Playing”, and “Whatchat Drinking.”  And the graphic on the screen says, “Whatcha Doing”, which must be a hidden “segment.”

    Oh fuck.  This is…with somebody other than Jimmy, this might be okay.  I just know that we’re in for a disaster, though.

    James says, “How about Whatcha Listening To and Whatcha Reading also?”

    So we’re up to five “segments”.  Or six.  And did they not run these ideas past Jimmy already?  Are they just springing this on him now?  Why didn’t he raise these two “segment” ideas at the brainstorming session?  

    Can I recommend Whatcha Pooping wherein Jimmy and the gang talk about their recent stool consistency?  Maybe talk about how regular they are.  Talk about what they’ve been eating lately which might explain their bowel movements.  It would be something that Jimmy would be passionate about.

    Then Justin and Kieran boast about not reading.  Why boast about this?  

    3:15 – Jimmy lists some books that he’s read while he was holed up in his home like Howard Hughes.  Some book about Atari, and some biographies about band members of Judas Priest.

    Hey guys!  Remember Judas Priest?  

    No.  I’ve never known a single person who likes Judas Priest.  I’ve never heard any of their songs.  I’ve never heard anybody mention them.  The only way I know about them is from one or two jokes on the Simpsons.  Otto likes the band.  Or at least he did back in “the 90s”.

    This shit is before my time.  WAY before my time.  And I’m older than Jimmy.

    He also read 2001: A Space Odyssey.  

    Justin talks about the sequel and says that it’s good but Stanley Kubrick doesn’t direct it.  Jimmy says, “Oh, cool”.  

    Good contribution.  Mr Film Curator doesn’t want to add anything to this discussion about film directors and whatnot?

    6:30 – Kieran was just reading comic books.  It reminds me of a Mike Tyson quote that I saw, “That Tolstoy crap.  People shouldn’t read that shit.”  This was apparently said during a discussion where Mike says that he mostly reads comic books.  Of course, I read this quote in an issue of Penthouse from “the 90s” so I can’t comment on its veracity.

    Oh.  Here’s where I fell asleep.  Because I remember Kieran talking about this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the future thing but that’s the last thing that I remember.

    7:15 – He says “bo staff”.  “Bo” means “staff” in Japanese.  Or something.  So he’s saying “staff staff”.  I’m not sure if that’s 100% accurate, but you can just say “bo”.  

    8:30 – Jimmy suggests that they should do a podcast just on Batman comics.  I’ll look forward to that.  Maybe they could bring Erin in as a special guest.  She’s read A LOT of Batman comics.  Or so she says.  And Erin doesn’t lie.

    9:45 – Now they’ve moved on to Whatcha Watching, I guess.  Kieran has been watching comic book shit.  This man is like 32 years old.

    10:45 – Then they’re just on to Whatcha Playing.  So…Justin wasn’t watching anything.  And James talked about watching some Batman cartoon but that was in the context of the comic book discussion.  So…I guess we’ll just never know what tv shows Justin or Jimmy have been watching lately.

    Jimmy says, “I play games with my kids sometimes.”

    It’s just so bad.  What about a “segment” called Whatcha Parenting where Jimmy talks about all of the family activities that he gets up to?  Gymnastics lessons.  Bike rides.  I don’t know.  Tell us all about it, Jimmy.  Tell us what seems to be eating up every single second of your day.

    It’s not video games.  He hasn’t played any.  For the entire past year and a half.  At least.

    11:45 – “You know what I play?  I play shit.”

    I don’t even know the context of this.  Jimmy said that, by the way.  Justin was saying something…I couldn’t understand it…then Jimmy made this weird comment.  But yeah, he got really excited.  Excrement really turns him on.  It’s disgusting.  And he does literally play with poop.  I have no doubt in my mind that he does.

    Kieran was playing Resident Evil games.  It’s so fucking boring.  I could have filled in, as Kieran, and given the same exact fucking answers.  He’s completely predictable.  He’s going to talk about his love for denim vests next.

    They start talking about Fallout 3 and Jimmy has no idea what they’re talking about.

    Then they talk about some more games and Jimmy just continues to smile and nod.

    14:45 – Now they’re talking about alcohol but there was no segue.  I just assume that we’re into the Whatcha Drinking “segment” now.

    Jimmy drinks.  A lot.  Maybe this is the real answer into where his time goes.  

    And what a shit father.  Walking around in a drunken stupor all day.  No job.  

    Jimmy REALLY enjoys drinking.  He can’t shut the fuck about alcohol.  This is almost at poop levels of excitement for him.

    Jimmy tells a long story about alcohol and It’s a Mad, Mad, whatever World.  Hasn’t he seen any other movies?

    18:45 – Kieran talks about how he’s been doing DDP Yoga.  How embarrassing.

    He also cut out drinking because he was trying to lose weight.  But then he started drinking again and stopped losing weight.  So now he found a compromise and only drinks low-calorie alcoholic beverages.

    19:30 – Oh my god, my earlier prediction was true.  Kieran goes on an extended discussion about his denim vest.

    21:30 – After another edit, Jimmy starts talking about how he started a “band” during the “pandemic.”

    I don’t even know if I can watch this.  It already seems like this has lasted forever.  Can I really endure 15 minutes of Jimmy talking about his novelty Youtube band?

    24:45 – A bizarre not-so-stealth ad for bootleg t-shirts.  Shout out to Mauricio.

    25:45 – Jimmy says that it was actually Justin’s idea to start the band.  Way to shift the blame.

    29:15 – Kieran tells a story about how he wrote the lyrics to a song while defecating.  He really knows how to get Jimmy’s attention.  Maybe they can do a “collab”.  On Skype.  Each one of them on their separate toilets and they just start brainstorming ideas for a new Rex Viper song.

    But covid is over.  Jimmy is no longer living in fear.  So what about going to a public bathroom and sitting in adjacent stalls and banging this out?  

    You know what would really be ideal, though?  If Jimmy installed two toilets into his home bathroom, facing each other.  Yeah, the plumber might raise some questions while he’s installing it but his job is to install toilets, not to judge people.  

    Then Jimmy and Kieran can have all kinds of rap sessions together.  Maybe jam together while taking a tandem shit.  Stick Tony from Hack the Movies on Jimmy’s shoulders so that Tony can do a double decker.  Maybe Justin can drop a load in the bathtub.  God, it would be a real golden age for Cinemassacre.  Imagine all the great ideas that would come from this setup.

    Then they show a clip of Kieran’s magnum opus that he wrote while taking a shit and I can’t understand a SINGLE WORD that’s being said.  

    36:30 – Kieran mentions how he’s no longer in the band due to “prior engagements”.  Maybe he’s just on hiatus and will come back years later.

    Jimmy says that he considers Kieran to be a “fringe” member of the band.  Kieran describes himself as a “floater”.  This makes Jimmy sexually excited.

    37:30 – Kieran promotes his Twitch stream.  He says that it’s really “taken off” in the past year.  Really.  You can’t even watch the fucking videos without being a paid “subscriber”.  Who’s doing that?

    38:15 – “By the time you see this, the Heart on Fire video should be out.”

    That was like a month ago.  They recorded this over a month ago.  

    This is not how podcasts operate.  Podcasts are often live or at the very least they’re recorded a day or two previously.  But Jimmy wants to record a bunch of shit all at once so that he can maximise his time with his poop.  Or, to use his actual excuse, with his children.  This is the same way that they recorded James & Mike Mondays.  Jimmy would film a month’s worth of episodes, all at once, in four hours.  

    38:15 – “I’m not sure if you could tell or not, I did my best, but in that video, we are all green screened.”

    You don’t say.  It was so seamless.  You’re a real artist, Jimmy.

    He says that he spent over 100 hours on this video.

    Where did he find the time?  

    And I have a great idea of how James can free up some of his time: stop making these fucking Rex Viper videos.  Nobody wants to see them.

    He wasted 100 hours on that shit.  Unbelievable.

    By the way, this is what they’re talking about on the inaugural podcast.  Can these people be any more out of touch?  Nobody cares about this shit.  Now Jimmy is going to talk about his love for green screen technology for the next 10 minutes.

    He just doesn’t have a clue.  Every decision is the wrong one.  How can anybody get everything so wrong so consistently?  

    Nobody gives a fuck about his fucking green screen.  People HATE the green screen shit that he does.  They want him to stop using it.  But he’s going on his fucking podcast and talking about how much he loves the green screen.

    Same with that shit band.  Everybody HATES it.  But he goes on the podcast and talks about how much he loves the band.

    This is not what people want to listen to.  I’m sorry.  I’m not some faggot on Reddit jerking off to Bootsy and complaining about everything that Jimmy and the Screenwave crew do but this is fucking indefensible dogshit.  This is objectively awful.  No reasonable person can disagree.  

    Green screens and Rex Viper would be the LAST topics that I’d want to hear discussed.  I don’t want to hear about this shit at all.  Jimmy doesn’t get it.

    Jimmy goes on and on and on about what a green screen artist he is.  I’m not even joking.  He says that he’s never satisfied with his green screen work but at some point, you have to stop working on it and let the art speak for itself.  

    This is shit, James.  I don’t want to see green screen anything.  Get out of your fucking home and film this shit with the other members of the band.  You’re not going to get the plague.   

    42:30 – James says that in the next video, he’s going to play an 8 string guitar.  I think.  Why?  Can he even play a guitar with the normal amount of strings?  

    Then there’s another bizarre not-so-stealth ad for the guy who allegedly taught Jimmy all that he knows about the guitar.  I’m not sure if this guy wants credit for this.

    44:45 – Jimmy goes on about how he doesn’t have enough time to watch a movie again.  Well, maybe instead of spending 100 hours editing shit videos that nobody cares about, you can watch fucking 66 movies instead.  

    45:15 – He recently listened to the entire discography of Dragon Force.  Let me look this up.

    They have eight albums.  Figure an album of an hour long.  That’s eight hours.  Jimmy spent eight hours listening to some heavy metal band that nobody has ever heard of before.  Where did he find the time?  Where were his children?

    47:00 – Jimmy discusses what it would have been like if he started the band in his 20s.

    Nobody would have given a shit.  They don’t give a shit now.  Would they have given a shit back before anyone knew who James Rolfe was?  Some fucking novelty band playing shit covers of 1980s music?  WHO CARES?

    By the way, 6,000 likes and 1,000 dislikes.  That’s a terrible ratio.

    I don’t think that I can watch this any more.  They’re talking about bands and alcohol again.  

    Yeah.  I have to take a break.  A seven month hiatus to make something to eat.  I may or may not come back.  I’m not sure if I’ll have the time to watch the rest of this video.   I might want to watch the entire miniseries of Roots instead.

    53:00 – I’m back.  Shout out to the farm machinery that they were sat behind in traffic that one time.  

    The trials and tribulations of rural living.  What about a podcast about this?  Life in rural Pennsylvania?  It would be more interesting than fucking Rex Viper and green screens.  And bands from the fucking 1970s.  And alcoholic beverages from the 1970s.  

    55:15 – Kieran says “bo staff” again.  Kieran…it’s a bo.  Or “bō” if you want to be really pretentious about it.  And why would the Romanised version of the word use a letter that’s not used in the English version of the Roman alphabet?  Who translated this?  Must have been some Swedish guy.

    56:00 – Finally, the Q&A.  We’re almost through this.  

    Ugh.  A question about the Cinemassacre logo.

    SPECIAL EDUCATION!  TALK ABOUT SPECIAL EDUCATION!

    58:45 – BORED James question.  BORED.  GET IT?  HOMOPHONES?  

    Speaking of being BORED, I’m bored out of my fucking mind here.  

    He talks about the fucking lore of BORED James.  The lore that EVERYBODY HATED.  Again, Jimmy doesn’t get it.  

    He says that he can’t do any more BORED James episodes because the character was killed off in the lore.  Or something.  NOBODY FUCKING CARES ABOUT YOUR STUPID LORE.

    So them he says that he might do a prequel and it will be dark and gritty and…JAMES.  YOU’RE NOT LISTENING.  NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE LORE.  Do a fucking three minute video on Don’t Wake the Dragon.  This isn’t challenging stuff.  We don’t need the convoluted backstory that doesn’t make any sense.

    Then Jimmy says that he doesn’t have TIME to do these prequels.  

    Again…Jimmy…come over here, Jimmy.  Let’s have a chat.  

    I know that you were in special education for seven and a half years but just try to follow what I’m saying to you.  We don’t want the lore.  We don’t care about the backstory for your little character called Board James.  Just make a three minute video on some children’s board game.  That’s all that you have to do.  No skit.  Skits are dumb.  

    I did skits in Cub Scouts.  You’re not in Cub Scouts are you Jimmy?  You’re a big boy now, right?  So forget about the skits.  Just do a three minute video on a board game.  Any board game.  It’s not hard.

    He says that it will take a year to do a Board James episode the way that he wants to do it.  

    Okay.  So don’t do it how you want to do it.  Because your way is stupid and dumb and stupid.  Nobody wants that.  Just do a three minute video on a board game.  You can crank this out in eight hours from script writing to filming to editing to uploading.  Eight hours.  Do you have time for that?  One day of work?  Can you do that, Jimmy?

    1:02:15 – Kieran reveals that his favourite Board James was the Mr Bucket one because it was about eating testicles.  I’m not even joking.  This is what he says.  

    1:02:30 – A question about Bootsy, Kyle, and Mike from the boys on Reddit.  Jimmy gets really defensive and doesn’t answer anything.

    1:04:00 – They put a horrible picture of Mike on screen.  They must know what they’re doing.  This is intentional.  THAT’S the best picture of Mike that you can find?  Him making a stupid face on Twitch?

    1:05:00 – Jimmy starts talking about that kid who was in Droppings aka Holy Shit from his childhood “movies”.  I think that this is the guy, anyway.  I believe that this kid was in a few of Jimmy’s “movies”.  

    Apparently, there’s a reunion video but I’ve never seen this.  Maybe it hasn’t been released.

    1:09:30 – Justin shouts out Tony from Hack the Movies and how he’s doing Talking About Tapes (or “Hack the Moves” as Justin calls it).  Tony calls it that sometimes too.  Talking About Tapes is an idiotic name but…it’s already somewhat established.  I don’t know.  I think he’s trying to transition the name to Hack the Movies.

    1:11:15 – Justin is talking about how this set used to be the set for Retail Reviews and  Kieran asked what happened to all of the stuff that was on the set and Justin says that it’s in storage and that he had his birthday on that set on the last day it was up.  Shit like this.  Kind of interesting.  Jimmy contributes nothing.

    Then Justin asks Jimmy if he has any final thoughts and Jimmy says, “I have to piss.”

    This is why he has no time.  His love for the toilet and his excretory functions.  And he can not have a conversation AT ALL.

    I regret to inform everyone that this is not going to work.  Did The OverAnalyzers work?  Did James & Mike Mondays work ?  Did Rental Reviews work?  

    At the start of the podcast, Justin excitedly talked about having three cameras for this thing.  Like that’s the key to a good podcast: the number of cameras.  You can have 100 cameras and this is still not going to work.  

    Here’s the problem with the show: James Alexander Rolfe.  I don’t actually know his middle name.  But we all know who I’m talking about.  Little Jimmy.  That guy who spent seven and a half years in special education. 

    The channel worked in the past because Mike was able to more or less cover up Jimmy’s special needs.  But Screenwave doesn’t do this.  

    Even the heavily-scrubbed Youtube comments have comments critical of this “content”.  

    – “zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

    There’s somebody else who appreciates the podcast as a sleep aid.

    – “I’m sorry, but this was dull.”

    This guy actually edited his comment in the hopes that it would get through the oppressive censorship.  Like he probably wrote a positive comment first and then edited it once he saw that it got through.  Does that work?  That’s pretty clever if it does.

    – “Man, what atrocious guests – James is the only likeable one out of the lot”

    The homoerotic contempt that some people have for Screenwave is so intense that people will actually claim that James is good at this.  

    – “Shame it feels like James is a guest on his own show..”

    Whose fault is that?  James doesn’t take charge because he’s incapable of leading a conversation.  He’s incapable of participating in a conversation AT ALL.  If it was left to James, nothing would fucking happen.  He would just keep saying “yeah” to himself.

    – “Yeesh this was rough…”

    – “The dollar is dying and the Antichrist is coming like this year or next”

    This podcast was so abysmal that this man took it as a sign that God has abandoned us and that we need to prepare for the end times.  I call dibs on the Whore of Babylon.  How many breasts do you suppose she has?  Seven, I’d imagine.

    Speaking of abominations, let’s see what the boys on Reddit have to say.  Did they like it?  I’ll guesss…no.

    “No time”.  “I didn’t watch it”.  “5:40”.  

    I like how the boys praise Kieran for losing weight.  “Calling him a fatass for all of those years, really paid off!”  Like insults are the way to motivate people to lose weight.  They’re just saying these things to try to be helpful.  

    – “Who lotta “yeahs” from everyone, ESPECIALLY James. Holy shit this is terrible. James and crew need to apply for some real world jobs now.”

    It’s true.  These people should all make sure that their resume is up to date because it won’t be long now.

    – “They’re trying to capture that “suburban dad who didn’t have the balls to move to the city to pursue his dreams so he just plays in a garage band with his overweight neighbors” demographic.”

    I found this hilarious.

    Anyway…I’d say that it can only get better from here but that’s not true.  It can get worse.  There’s no bottom when it comes to Lazy Jimmy and the Screenwave Gang.

  • Ender Lilies is a Metroidvania you should play – Cannot be Tamed

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WCwVcyDTT0

    What the hell?  Pam is wearing a flowery dress.  Like a school teacher would wear.  

    Maybe because the character in the game wears a dress?  And it has “Lilies” in the title?  Maybe flowers are important in the game.

    And she’s wearing like a pearl necklace.  What the fuck is going on?

    God, I can’t with this.  I made it to 3:30.  She’s just so fucking boring.

    But this dress.  What the fuck.  It’s fine.  I mean, it’s the sort of dress that 40 year old women might wear.  It’s just so out of character.  

    Maybe she’s just trying to change her look.  Good for her.  I’m all for it.  The schoolmarm aesthetic.

    You know, I look back at teachers that I had and almost all of them are retired now.  A lot of them are dead.  Some must be long dead.  

    It puts things in perspective.  Some of these teachers were probably my age when I was a student.  

    When I was a kid, just about everybody’s grandfathers were WWII veterans.  Those people are all gone now, of course.  

    People of my parents’ age were often Vietnam veterans or had some wacky stories about dodging the draft.  And these were fairly young people.  People in their 30s and 40s.  Now, those that are still alive are in their 60s and 70s and 80s.

    It seemed static at the time.  Like people born in 1945 were always going to be middle aged and people my age were always going to be young.  

    But no.  These old timers were young once.  And their parents were WWI veterans.  And their grandparents were…whatever…subsistence farmers.  

    I was looking at an apartment a few months ago and I was talking to the landlord about 1990s sports.  A little manly man discussion.  He had no fucking idea what I was talking about.  He was in his early 30s, I guess.  Mid 30s.  He said that it was before his time.

    And I remember Newt asking Tony from Hack the Movies something about Doonesbury or some comic strip and Tony didn’t have a clue.  

    Or there was that Godzilla podcast where Johanna and Tony were talking about life in the 1990s and they clearly only had a hazy perception of the decade.

    When Erin or any of these shit “Youtubers” talk about how they’re *nostalgic* for 2005 or whatever, I always think, “What the fuck are you talking about?  It was only 15 years ago.”

    But to them, that’s a long time ago.  They were children.  

    And you look at Erin or Tony from Hack the Movies or this prospective landlord of mine…these aren’t young people.  So I must be pretty old.  

    John Riggs is like a year older than me.  That fat bastard who talks about his “aches”, has so much white in his beard that he doesn’t even care about it any more, and has three fairly old children is the same age as I am.  And he didn’t have children at a particularly young age.    

    I saw Pat the NES Punk in a recent Zap Cristal video and he has long white streaks in his hair now.  And he looks old.  

    Obviously, we all know that everyone gets older.  But just looking at it from a societal level…and a historical level…I don’t know.  

    This is why it’s important to live in the present.  Try to make the most of your life.  You see somebody like Erin just throwing her life away on this gamer grrl scam…it’s sad.  All of these wasted years.  And it has a knock on effect on her future.  

    She’s basically done.  She’s soon going to be 35, no work experience for the past 5+ years, single, no kids.  How is she going to recover from that?  She’s going to suddenly get a great career and relationship and family?  No.  She hasn’t set the foundation for any of that.  And now it’s too late.  

    Erin just has to ask Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining where she gets her old lady dresses from, adopt a cat from the pet shelter, and break out the peanut butter.  See if her old job at the record store is still available.  But is this even an industry that exists in 2021?  

    The worst teacher I ever had in high school was an obese woman who was probably in her early to mid 30s.  She taught 12th grade remedial English or “business English” I think it was being called at the time.  

    She would come in, take attendance, and then…nothing.  We just talked amongst ourselves.  This went on every single day.   I don’t even know what she was basing the grades on.  It must have been nothing.  Everybody just got B’s, I guess.

    Occasionally, we’d watch a movie.  Like Casper.  Nothing educational.  

    This went on for almost the entire year.  Then towards the end of the year, she started trying to teach.  She assigned us Animal Farm and there were some little grammar assignments from our textbook and shit like this.  

    This was met with great backlash.  People straight up told her, “You’ve done nothing the entire year, why are you suddenly teaching?”  She just ignored these questions.

    I was the only person who read that book.  I read the entire book the night before the test.  Then I gave the stoner kid who sat in front of me the answers.  I just said the answers aloud as I went through, “A”, “D”, “B”, whatever.  So I got an “A” on the test, the stoner got an “A” on the test and we all graduated.  Not that there was any fear of not graduating.  She wasn’t going to fail anyone.

    We would make fun of this woman.  Talk about how fat and lazy she is.  There were numerous references to cats and peanut butter.  But it wasn’t all obesity and bestiality comedy, we also discussed the immorality of what this woman is doing by refusing to teach.  I remember talking to the guy next to me about this and he said, “Some people just don’t have any morals.” 

    Why did she do it?  Why did she flat out refuse to teach AT ALL?  I assume that she was deeply depressed and didn’t care.  She was a single woman, obese, doing a job that she didn’t like, living in a town that she didn’t like.  She was from New Jersey, actually, and we were some ways away.  

    She didn’t care if she got fired or not.  This was her level of depression.  She didn’t care what happened to her and she didn’t care about anyone else.

    She never got fired.  Maybe people didn’t know what was going on, maybe people didn’t care.  This was before the internet so you couldn’t talk shit on Facebook or whatever or send the principal a message.  You had to actually walk into the principal’s office, make an appointment, and say to the principal, “Hey, this woman isn’t teaching at all.”  And who’s going to do that?  

    Anyway, it was just remedial English.  Who cares what happens to these morons?

    Rather than attempt to fix her life, she just wallowed in self-pity.  Day after day.  Year after year.  

    She retired from that same school a few years ago.  Never married.  No children.  Still obese.  Still lazy as fuck, I’d imagine.  Still an avid cat lover.

    That stoner killed himself over ten years ago.

  • Erin Plays and Mike Matei stream Umihara Kawase and more SNES! – Erin Plays

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBhUlLmJnMU

    Starts off with her usual awkward pointing at Mike when she introduces him.  

    Just once I want Erin to jump into Mike’s lap, give him a big kiss, and exclaim, “Tonight I’ll be playing video games with this fabulous man right here, the love of my life: Mike Matei!”

    Then Mike awkwardly waves as usual.

    0:15 – Erin “thinks” that it was her chat regulars who introduced her to this game.  Why isn’t she sure?  Where else would she learn about this?

    By the way, Erin is wearing a Smokey the Bear shirt.  Hey guys!  Remember Smokey the Bear?

    Vaguely?  He was gone by 1990, surely.  So if I only vaguely remember him, and I’m ten years older than Erin, why is she such a big Smokey the Bear fan?  

    According to Wikipedia, Smokey the Bear’s popularity peaked in the 1950s or 1960s.  It makes sense.  I mean…how important is his message these days to the youth of America?  Are many kids going to camping and starting fires?  Is that a popular activity any more?  It wasn’t when I was a kid.  But in earlier generations, going camping was a popular vacation option.  And the Boy Scouts were more popular.  And Boy Scouts actually did wilderness stuff, as opposed to the urban stuff of later generations.

    If you search Youtube, it’s mostly commercials from the 1950s through to 1985.  So this accords with my memory.  The 1985 part, anyway.

    So yeah.  Erin has never seen a Smokey the Bear advertisement IN HER LIFE.  But here she is with a Smokey the Bear shirt.  More *nostalgia* from shit that happened before she was born.

    2:45 – “I’m good Sergio.  How are you?”

    I know that Sergio isn’t a native English speaker but you’d think that he would come up with a different question by now.  Erin gives the same fucking answer every time.

    3:30 – “Now you can stream awesome, awesome games forever like…whatever Jackrabbit.”

    Erin struggled to think of a SINGLE game.  And then the game that she did come up with, she didn’t even know the title.

    I still can’t believe how shitty that shelf is.  Without actually seeing the shelf, this looks like a ridiculously petty comment.  But just look at that shelf and you’ll have to agree.  It’s ridiculous.

    And for some reason, looking at Mike’s plain black t-shirt that he wears semi-regularly, I’m reminded of the Pac-Man shirt that Erin got for him.  He wore it one time and noted that Erin got it for him.  It was yellow and had a bunch of little Pac-Man symbols all over it.  It looked like a woman’s shirt.  I was laughing my ass off.  I wrote about it but this was a while ago and it’s gone.  I wish I knew what video it was.  He never wore the shirt again.

    4:15 – Mike starts talking about how this game looks like it could be an arcade game from the 80s or 90s.  Erin agrees wholeheartedly.  “Oh for sure!”

    I have no idea why he’s saying this.  It’s a platform game.  This is a genre closely associated with consoles, not arcade games.  But of course Erin agrees with Mike.  She’ll agree to anything because she doesn’t know anything about anything.

    7:15 – Erin makes a reference to My Neighbor Totoro.  She was 1 year old when this was released.

    Maybe Erin being *nostalgic* for a time before she was born is some kind of self-loathing thing.  She liked things better when she wasn’t around.

    10:15 – Mike asks Erin who would win in a fight: Heathcliff or Garfield.  Erin pauses for a long time, frantically thinking of a way out of this one, and then she says, “See, I feel like you would think Heathcliff but I feel like Garfield would win.”

    WHY?  GIVE REASONS FOR YOUR ANSWER, ERIN!  THIS ISN’T CHALLENGING STUFF.

    She can’t do it because she doesn’t know anything about either character.

    Why would she?  It’s before her time.  The Heathcliff cartoon was cancelled when she was 1 year old.  She was 6 when Garfield and Friends was cancelled.  And I don’t think that she read any of the comic strips.  She’s of an age when people stopped buying newspapers.

    So she knows absolutely nothing about either character.  Rather than simply say that, she gives this ridiculously bad answer.

    12:00 – They’re talking about Superman versus Batman.  After talking about how she thinks that Batman is better, Erin finally admits, “I don’t know much about Superman, to be fair.”

    She doesn’t know ANYTHING about Superman.  Or Batman.  Or anything.  She doesn’t know where she is.  She doesn’t know what she’s doing.  “Why am I holding this cup?  Why do I have a a shirt with this weird bear on it?  Who took my false teeth?”

    12:30 – “When it comes to superhero stuff, the most I know is probably Batman.”

    Tell us all that you know about Batman, Erin.  I think that she just did.

    13:15 – “Where do we stand on Superman 3?  I never saw it.”

    You don’t say.

    And this is after she got through saying that the only thing she knows about Superman is that she saw “the first one”.  And what she was talking about was the 2013 movie.  

    Mike then goes into a nerdy discussion about the old Superman cartoon series and that they should watch it together.  Erin gives her usual, “That’s cool” reply.

    Mike then says, “With Richard Pryor”.  Erin stares at him blankly.  She doesn’t know who Richard Pryor is.

    14:15 – She’s reading from the chat.  “Batman : The Animated Series is really good?  Yeah.  Well, I wasn’t talking about Batman.  I like Batman.”

    The horntards are trying to help you out, Erin.   Batman: The Animated Series.  Remember that?  You’re a big Batman fan, right?  Did you see the cartoon from the early 90s?  Of course you didn’t.

    “I watched the animated series as a kid and like…I don’t know.  I’ve always liked Batman.”

    Good contribution.  What exactly did you like about the cartoon?  She never fucking saw it before.  She’s lying.  That’s all that she does.

    What do you like about Batman?  There are a million ways to answer this.  Tell us.  Give us something.  His cute costume?  What?  Anything.  No.  She can’t answer this AT ALL because she knows absolutely NOTHING about Batman.

    “That’s like one of the only superhero things where I’ve like read the comic.  A lot of them.”

    Which ones, Erin?  Do you have a favourite story arc?  Who’s your favourite villain?  Tell us.  Come on.  Don’t be bashful.  Tell us about your love for Batman.  You’ve read A LOT of the comics.  Go on.  

    She never read a single comic.  These are all lies.  That’s why she can’t contribute to this AT ALL.

    “Like Year One.  Killing Joke.”

    Holy shit.  She actually made a reference.  But then Mike interrupted.  No.  Mike.  Shut the fuck up.  I want Erin to tell us all about Year One and Killing Joke.

    By the way, Erin is playing the game and she’s HORRIBLE at it.  Unbelievably bad.  She can’t even get to the first platform.

    15:30 – “Speaking of superheroes, for some reason I do want to see the new Suicide Squad.”

    Why?  She has no interest in comic book shit.  Let me look this up.  It must be a reference to something that she did on stream, for money.

    Yeah, it features Harley Quinn, a character who she dressed up as for some shitty streams.

    16:00 – She keeps dying because her gameplay abilities are HORRIBLE.  “What level is this anyway?”

    Good question.  I think it’s level 3.  

    Then she ragequits.

    18:00 – “We like this game.  It’s very interesting.”

    This is the first time that Erin has played the game.  And she’s REALLY, REALLY, INCREDIBLY, SUPER BAD at it.  But she likes it.  And she’ll never play it again in her entire life unless it’s on stream, for money.

    19:30 – Erin starts talking about how different coffee varieties give her diarrhoea.  This shit video is giving me diarrhoea.

    20:00 – Erin starts talking about the background.  Nobody on earth gives a fuck.  

    20:30 – Somebody in the chat asks her what her favourite game that she plays with Mike is.  Erin says, “Like the game that I like to play with him the most?  I don’t know.”

    Even the concept is mind-blowing to Erin.  “You mean actually playing a game with Mike?  Like for real?  Not on stream?  What are you talking about?”

    Then she asks Mike for an answer.  He doesn’t have one.  They don’t fucking play games together.  Only on stream, for money does this happen.

    So then Erin says Pokemon Snap.  This is a single player game that they recently played on stream, for money.  

    “We’ve played a lot of stuff together.”

    On stream, for money.  

    Mike then suggests Atari.  Erin says, “Yeah, we have a lot of fun playing Atari together.”

    On stream, for money.

    Erin claims that they’ve played Contra together a few times NOT on stream.  I don’t believe this for even one second. 

    I’m done with this.  It’s just a pack of lies.  There’s another hour.  Let me see what else they play at least.

    43:45 – Some Japanese game called Flying Hero.  

    “I am wearing a Smokey the Bear shirt.”

    We’ve already discussed this one.

    It’s a “schmup”.  

    Erin is pointing out “cute” shit in the background.

    54:15 – Madden 96.  

    54:30 – Erin says “Jock Jams”.  Hey guys!  Remember Jock Jams?

    She literally said “Hey guys!  Remember Jock Jams” in a recent video.  

    Oh, it was in the Power Pad 2.0 video.

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/07/dance-dance-revolution-disney-dancing.html

    That video is a big failure, by the way.  So hopefully we won’t see a part 3 where she “reviews” the Playstation Power Pad thing.

    They turn it off before even playing the game.

    55:00 – “Dirt racer?  What’s dirt racer?  It’s going to be about racing cars in the dirt.”

    I’m going to guess that it’s about motorbikes, actually.  Let’s see who’s right.

    “Gradius 3?  Well, you know that I love Gradius 3.”

    Oh sure.  You played it once.  On stream, for money.  Poorly.  She “loves” it.

    Oh, it is about cars.  That’s surprising.

    “Look at the sad face”

    She’s pointing out “cute” shit in the background again.  This is all she can do.  

    58:00 – Rendering Ranger.  

    “Oh look at this.  He’s a bug.”

    What?  It’s clearly a robot.  She thinks that it’s a bug.

    This is a Contra clone.  Let’s see if Erin mentions Contra.

    Nothing so far.  But she’s REALLY bad at the game.  No surprises there.

    “This kind of reminds me of Super Turrican and I can’t tell you why.”

    Super Turrican, you say.  That obscure game that Erin played on stream, for money.  Let’s check the archives.

    I’m not seeing it but she definitely played it, maybe in a “variety stream”.  

    You guys all know Super Turrican, right?  

    No…but let me look this up.  Oh.  A Contra clone.  

    Why didn’t she just say Contra?  Why did she say Super Turrican?  She doesn’t even realise that Super Turrican is an obscure game.  She doesn’t know which games are well-known and which games are obscure.  She’s completely clueless about video games.

    1:00:00 – She thinks that Ed 209 (or some nerd shit that Mike was talking about) is “cute” and she wants a figurine of said character.

    1:00:45 – After dying repeatedly by falling into pits, she hands the controller to Mike and says, “Do you want to try it?  It’s fun.”

    Yeah.  I envision Erin putting hundreds of hours into this game.

    1:01:45 – Somebody in the chat says, “When is the watch party for 70s House?”  Erin says, “Have you heard of 70s House, Mike?”

    She mentioned this recently, upon the prompt by the horntards.  She never saw it before.  

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/03/erin-plays-and-mike-matei-stream-boom.html

    “Have I watched The 70s House? I haven’t yet. I need to show Mike that show.”

    That was in March 2021.  The show aired in 2005.  Erin said just a few months ago that she never saw this show from 15+ years ago.  Has she seen it subsequently?  Why now?  And where would she even see it?  I don’t imagine that it’s on Netflix or anything.  I’m not finding any torrent.  

    Oh.  The first episode is on Vimeo.  I don’t know about the remaining nine episodes.  It’s a “reality” show featuring *nostalgia* from the 1970s.  Just to remind everybody, Erin was born in 1987.

    She doesn’t even know about stuff that happened in her lifetime.  She hasn’t watched any of the popular shows from the 1990s or 2000s.  She hasn’t seen any of the popular movies from the 1990s or 2000s.  She’s never seen or done ANYTHING.  

    But she’s *nostalgic* for the 1970s.  Or so she claims.  This week.  She’ll be on to some other fake interest next week.  

    1:02:00 – Erin says, “It was a short-running Mtv reality show in like the early 2000s.  Nobody remembers it and I spent one summer watching a lot of it wasn’t even that good but I just watched it because I was like, ‘Oh, the 70s, that’s cool.’”

    Does Erin not remember what she said in March of this year?  

    “Have I watched The 70s House? I haven’t yet. I need to show Mike that show.”

    1:02:45 – Moving swiftly on from that lie, they’re talking about Legendary Axe.  Mike recently played this game on stream, for money.  

    Erin compares the game to Astyanax.

    Hey guys!  Remember Astyanax?

    No.  Erin must have recently played this one on stream, for money.

    Oh, what do you know?

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/06/astyanax-nes-erin-plays.html

    God, the archive is such a great resource.  Future historians will thank me.

    She made a Youtube video of this obscure game.  She played it once, for the purposes of this video, and then never again.  And she must have prepared this reference ahead of time.

    Mike: You’ve played a lot more Astyanax than I did.

    Erin: Because I’m crazy.  

    SHE’S PLAYED IT ONCE, MIKE!  STOP AIDING HER LIES!  THIS IS NOT HELPING HER BECOME A NORMAL, FUNCTIONING, MORAL PERSON.

    1:04:45 – Mike is talking about Little Sampson.  He says, “You should play that.”  Erin replies, “I should stream that.”

    She constantly conflates the words “play” with “stream” because the only time that she ever plays videos games is on stream, for money.

    Let’s move on from these lies.  

    1:09:00 – The chat are giving game suggestions.  One is Jim Power.

    Erin: I actually really like Jim Power on umm…I forget which one I like better.  But there’s one that I actually really like.

    Mike: Really?

    Erin: Yeah.  I actually like it.  Shishi, do you remember which one I liked?  Was it the Genesis one or the Super Nintendo one?

    She actually has to ask that pathetic degenerate Shishi about her own game preferences.  She can’t remember because she only played the game once, on stream, for money.  

    So then Mike puts the game on.  Erin dies IMMEDIATELY and clearly has no idea what she’s doing.  Then she says, “Okay, I don’t think it’s this one.”

    Presumably then, she’s an absolute pro at the Genesis version.  I’ll look forward to that stream.  No death Jim Power stream from Erin.

    Then she says, “Hang on.  I have to look something up.”  She goes to Google and then says, “I think it’s the Genesis one that I like.”

    Oh, who would have guessed.  So it’s NOT the game that you have access to right now.  It’s the game that you can’t be tested on.  What a shame.

    Let me see what the Genesis game is like.

    Identical.  The game is identical to the Super Nintendo one.  And Erin clearly has never played the Super Nintendo game.  She died immediately.  Numerous times.  I don’t think that she managed to kill a single enemy.  She had no idea what was going on.  

    But she likes the game.  The Genesis version, anyway.  Which is identical to the Super Nintendo game.  

    And to further illustrate what a compulsive liar Erin is, here’s my review of when she played Jim Power on stream, for money:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/09/bob-run-saber-and-jim-power-on-snes.html

    This was September 2020.  And it was the SNES version.  And she played it for 10 minutes.  And she died immediately.  To the first enemy.  Just like she did in her second attempt at this game, almost a year later, on stream for money.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hq8DiOY7do8

    Go to 1:30:00.  Erin compares the game to Super Turrican.  Is that the only game she knows?  

    She dies repeatedly.  To every enemy.  At every pit.  Sometimes repeatedly to the same enemy or the same pit.  

    “What is this game?  This is Jim Beam.  No, wait.  What is it?  Jim Power.”

    She doesn’t know the difference between Kentucky bourbon and video games.  I’ve reached my daily limit for this lying bitch.

  • Erin is Planning for Halloween "Content"

     https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1422774707401764864

    “I gotta start thinking about Halloween content! I’ve always started planning that stuff out way earlier, but this year everything just feels so weird. I can’t believe it’s August.”

    She “always” planned her Halloween “content” even more than two months in advance.  I find that shocking.

    What did she do last year?  I remember it being particularly disappointing.  Let me check the archives.

    House of the Dead 2 – https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/10/house-of-dead-2-dreamcast-erin-plays.html

    Kid Dracula – https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/10/kid-dracula-castlevania-anniversary.html

    13 Spooky Retro Games – https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/10/13-spooky-retro-games-erin-plays.html

    That’s it.  That was last Halloween.

    House of the Dead 2 was one of the worst videos that she ever made.  It’s just her with a lightgun, one inch from the screen, screaming, “OMG!  WHAT WAS THAT” and clicking the really clicky trigger on this shit third party gun that she was advertising.

    Kid Dracula was a cookie cutter Wikipedia-based “review” of a game that she never played before (or since) and she just said that everything is cute.

    13 Spooky Retro Games was another contender for the worst episode ever where she just showed Twitch footage of 13 random games that she never played before and in some instances never played AT ALL.  Some of the footage is taken from MIKE’S Twitch streams.  

    She apparently planned that shit out MONTHS in advance.  How is it possible?  It’s just more lies.

    She also only appeared in costume one time and I think that it was after Halloween was over.  This is why Halloween is so important to the horntards.  They want to see Erin in a “sexy” costume.  But she failed to deliver.

    Yeah, like Elijah over here.  He leaves a comment on Twitter.

    “I just never get to see a good April O’Neil and am always hopeful one of my favorite content makers will do it someday hehe.”

    Or Dragon Power:

    “You look like April from ninja turtle”

    She already did a half-assed April costume years ago.

    All of her costumes are half-assed.  It’s like as a kid, going as a ghost for Halloween.  No effort at all.  It’s a total last minute thing.

    So let me think of some GOOD Halloween “content” for Erin.  I say fuck the costumes.  I’m not jerking off to a 34 year old chubby Erin in some pathetic costume.  

    And fuck video games.  She doesn’t know anything about them.  She hasn’t produced even ONE good video about video games after HUNDREDS of attempts.

    So Halloween…*nostalgia*…California.  What about a video where she talks about her childhood experiences of going trick or treating in California?  If any.  But assuming she did anything, she could talk about what costumes she had as a kid, what sort of candy she liked getting, any school-related shit, whatever.  

    I don’t really have any great Halloween memories.  I went trick or treating.  Somebody from my family would take me.  It was always a hassle.  Nobody wanted to do it.  I went with some neighbour kids once or twice.  I think just once.  When I was in the seventh or eighth grade, I went with a friend of mine.  We were getting too old by that point but we were doing it “ironically”.  We didn’t end up getting much candy because I wasn’t taking it seriously enough and then he was disappointed with his haul.

    It must have been the eighth grade because I remember him saying that we should do it again next year but we didn’t do it.  Even when he said it, I thought, “We’ll be in high school…will we really still be trick or treating?”  And yeah, we didn’t.  We didn’t talk in high school.  I don’t even know why.  We went to the same school.  But whatever.  You get different friends.

    I remember my neighbour was still trick or treating even after she got married.  That might have been too old.  If you’re married, it’s probably time to stop begging for candy.

    And there was some lame school shit.  I remember dressing up in a costume in about the fourth grade.  I don’t know when it stopped.  There were also some lame Cub Scouts Halloween “parties”.  Nothing memorable from any of this.

    I just don’t get the Halloween *nostalgia*.  Maybe because I never did anything memorable for Halloween.  And there’s a bittersweet feeling associated with it.  Like being in the eighth grade and realising that I can’t do this ever again.  Squandered opportunities.  A misspent youth.  Neglectful parents.  

    Of course some people try to continue this Halloween shit into adolescence and adulthood but it’s lame as fuck.  Loser goth kids smoking hemp and playing on a ouija board or whatever.  I never did any of that so I can only speculate.

    But I see adults, people my age, on Facebook and whatnot talking about going hunting for “orbs” and going to haunted houses and stupid shit like this.  Why?  You’re an adult.  

    If you had shitty Halloweens as a kid, I can sympathise, but partaking in this childish shit as an adult is not going to change that.  Find something fulfilling in your life.  

    Oh, what about Halloween specials?  Maybe Erin can talk about those.  Assuming that she’s seen any.  Like It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown or Garfield in Disguise.

    I had the book Garfield in Disguise and it follows the movie almost exactly.  I used to be really amazed by that as a kid.  The cartoon would come on, I’d race to get the book, and I’d go through it as the show goes on and it’s identical.  Same words, same drawings.  It’s the most faithful book adaptation I’ve ever seen.  There were some minor differences but I don’t remember what they were

    Erin can talk about movies, I guess.  Halloween movies.  I can’t really think of any.  Oh, Monster Squad.  I remember that being popular for a brief time in the sixth grade or so.  Not with me, I didn’t see it, but some of the dumber kids enjoyed it.  Then I saw it as an adult and…this is a real piece of shit.

    What about Halloween tv episodes?  Roseanne always had them.  She may have popularised the concept.  I can’t remember if they were any good.  I haven’t seen the show since it was on in its original run.

    Then other shows of the era followed suit.  Home Improvement no doubt had some shitty Halloween episodes.  Family Matters.  That whole dogshit TGIF line-up probably did.  The Simpsons, of course.  Not that Erin has seen the The Simpsons.  

    I suppose that’s the difficulty, isn’t it?  Erin has never seen or done anything.  Well, she can watch something for the purposes of making a video.  

    What about Scooby Doo?  Any of those would work.  Well, any of Scooby Doo Where Are You.  Possibly The New Scooby Doo Movies.  Don’t go beyond that.

    Or Erin can just “review” a “spooky” game that she’s never played before and will never play again.  And possibly wear a shitty costume that she threw together at the last minute.  This is probably the most likely scenario.  But why not try something different?

    I wrote all of the above a few days ago.  Erin has since tweeted some more stupid bullshit.  So here’s some *bonus* content.

    https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1423870354435493894

    It hurts to report this, but Dunder Mifflin shirts are officially the new “Bazinga!” shirts. There, I said it.

    I remember back in like, 2012 or whenever that Big Bang Theory shit was popular, I would count people wearing Bazinga shirts whenever I’d leave the house. It’s totally that type of energy.

    Why does she claim not to know when The Big Bang Theory was popular?  This was only ten years ago and it was her era.  She was in her early 20s.  She was in the target demographic.  

    Why does she seemingly not know anything about anything?  Is this all an act and she’s under the misguided notion that this is somehow cute?  

    So then everybody in the comments, including Dullard Ali, say, “Oh, I have a Dunder Mifflin shirt too” and Erin claims that she also has one.  

    None of this makes sense.  This is somebody who wears t-shirts of children’s cartoons.  Children’s cartoons that she’s never seen before.  Children’s cartoons from before she was born.  

    Does she consider this the height of fashion?  She’s so special that she doesn’t follow the trends.  She prefers to wear shirts of children’s cartoons that she’s not even familiar with?  

    Thirty-three years old and this is what she’s doing with her life.  No job.  Buttsex for Youtube promotion “relationship”.  Talking about her contempt for t-shirts based on popular television shows.  

  • Destiny Fomo Jerk Off Instructions – Full Transcript

     This is real.  Destiny Fomo did “jerk off instructions” or “JOI”.  

    It’s audio only.  She speaks really softly like she’s afraid of waking up TuanX in the next room.  But why would he care?  He’s the one putting her up to this.

    Let’s get right to it.  We have a lot of jerking off to do and we need the proper instructions on how to do it.  Maybe I’ve been doing it wrong all this time.

    —–

    So a few of you guys have been asking for jerk off instructions so here it is.  If you guys like it, let me know and I’ll do more.

    Take out your cock.  That’s it.  Unzip your pants.  (Totally incomprehensible few words).  (Laughs).

    Okay.  Wa-ow (“wow” as two syllables).  It’s a little bit bigger than I thought.  But hands off.  Don’t touch your cock until I say you can.  I’m going to talk for a little bit first.

    So (laughs) do you want to fuck me?  

    (Saxophone-heavy porn music plays)

    I bet you do, huh.  Mmm…I bet you would feel up on me with these nice big tits and my soft round ass.  (Laughs).

    I want you to do something for me.  I want you to grab your cock.  Does that feel good?  (Laughs).  Is it hard for me?  (Laughs).  

    Now I want you to slowly start moving your hands up and down.  Up and down.  So your hand is going all the way down to your pelvis and all the way to your tip.  (Laughs).

    Grip your cock with one hand and slowly move your hand up and down.  Make sure you have a nice grip on it.  

    Now start going a bit quicker.  Up and down.  Keep a good rhythm for me.  (Laughs).

    I’m just closing my eyes right now and imaging what you look like doing this.  It really turns me on.  Yes.  (Moans).  

    Bring yourself to the point where you’re going to explode but don’t you dare cum for me.  Not just yet.  If you cum this fast, what makes you think that you can last long with me?  (Laughs).

    I want you to bring yourself to that point as many times as you can but don’t cum or you’ll fail.  That’s right.  Up and down.  A little bit faster every few strokes.  (Moans).  I bet you like that.  

    (Much, much louder).  I bet you’re loving every second of this.  I bet your cock (distortion from talking too close to the microphone) is throbbing so much right now and you’re getting close (sic) and close (sic).  But not just yet.  (Breathes into microphone and moans).  I know it’s hard but keep going.  

    Mmm…I know you’re feeling sexually frustrated by this time but trust me, the end orgasm is going to be so worth it.  (Moans).  

    If I was in front of you right now, I’d be on my knees with your cock sliding in between my tits.  Up and down.  Up and down.  Just like you’re doing with your hands.

    So if you haven’t already, close your eyes and imagine I’m on my knees in front of you, sliding your cock between my tits.  (Moans).  I bet you’d love it.  (Moans).  I bet you’d barely be able to contain yourself as I slide these fat tits around your cock (A lot of microphone distortion in that last sentence).  And go up and down, matching your rhythm.  (Laughs).  Oh yeah, I bet you’d love it.  (Moans).  

    I’ll just close my eyes and imagine what it would feel like to have your cock slide between my tits.  (Prolonged moaning).  Oh yeah.  

    And then slowly slide it in (sic) my mouth.  (Slurping noises).  Get it all nice and wet.  Maybe even spit on it.  And then throw it right back between my tits so it slides even faster.  

    Oh yeah.  If you’re feeling spitty (sic) just spit on it yourself as you move your hand up and down faster on your cock.  Mmm.  That’s right.  (Laughs).  Yeah, just like that.  (Moans).  I love it.

    I love feeling like I have this power.  I love feeling like you’re listening and holding on to every word I say as you’re touching yourself just for me.  

    Yeah, that’s right.  Faster.  Oh yeah.  (Microphone distortion).  Faster.  

    Fuck.  I know you’re loving it.  Faster.  Oh yeah.  

    (Much louder).  Get a nice grip around that fat cock of yours just for me.  (Moans).

    I want you to imagine that I’m sitting right in front of you as you’re inching closer to cum (sic) and imagine you’re slapping your dick on my tits.  Fuck.  (Moans).

    I’m closing my eyes and imagining I’m right there in front of you feeling that big cock slap against these fat tits.  (Loud moan).  Oh yeah.  That really fucking turns me on.

    Alright.  I don’t want to leave you holding on for too long so baby, if you’re ready, I want you to cum for me.  Even if you’re not ready, fucking cum for me, daddy.  

    Yes.  Imagine I’m sitting there in front of me (sic) and you’re cumming all over these fat fucking tits.  Oh yeah.  Do it for me, please.  Cum for me, daddy.  Please.  Cum on these fat fucking tits for me, please.  (Loud moaning).

    Oh yeah.  Come on.  Fuck.  Oh yeah.  Fuck.  God, daddy.  That’s such a huge load.  (Moans).  Oh yeah.

    —–

    What on earth was she talking about?  I’m totally flaccid here.  

    I had a hard time even understanding what she’s saying.  I had to go back and listen to sections again repeatedly, not out of any prurient interest, but just so I could try to decipher what she’s saying.  It doesn’t help that she jumbles her words, she slurs her words, she’ll say the wrong word, she’ll use the wrong word tense, et cetera.  She’s a fucking moron.  I’m not jerking off to a moron.  Get the fuck out of here.

    And she barely gave any actual masturbatory guidance.  “Up and down”.  Okay.  We get it.  Are there other options?  Can I go left to right?  Does that work?  Come on.  We’ve all figured out that it’s up and down by now.

    I was particularly put off by “So your hand is going all the way down to your pelvis and all the way to your tip.”  First of all, I’m not 100% sure that she said “pelvis”.  This was one of the MANY things in this 7 minute audio file that I had a hard time understanding.  

    But who’s doing this?  Who’s masturbating along the entire length of their shaft?  Maybe this is masturbation advice for men with very small penises or very large hands.

    She also talks about cumming at the 2 minute mark and then again at the 3 minute mark.  Come on.  She must really have faith in her instructions to expect people to cum in two or three minutes.  This confidence is wholly mis-placed.

    All of the microphone distortion was annoying.  Real amateur stuff here.  She couldn’t bother to do a second take or edit things.

    It was mostly about her.  How she feels.  She even talks about how she feels giving this jerk off instruction.  What the fuck do I care?  This is about me cumming, not Madam Fomo.  I don’t give a fuck if she cums or not.

    Then at the end, she tells you to cum EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT READY.  Tell me how that’s going to work.  

    Fucking awful.  You’re supposed to cum in seven minutes to these indecipherable ramblings.  If you’re feeling “spitty” you can spit on your cock.  Yeah, I won’t be doing that.  

    And you don’t even get to fuck her.  What the hell is this?  You get two seconds of a blowjob and a lot of bad tit fucking.  This explains her abysmal escort reviews.

    She also has pictures of her in her bra and panties that say things like, “Fuck daddy don’t you just cum all over these fat juicy tits and this nice ass”.  Again with the horrible grammar.  But for like $10 you can purchase pictures like this with this horribly-written stuff on it.  One picture for $10.  Of Madam Fomo in a bra and panties.  They’re like companion pieces to this atrocity of a jerk off instruction.

    These pictures seem to range in price from $10 to $30 with no rhyme or reason.  They’re all the same.  Bra and panties and poorly-written bullshit on them.

    You can also buy a video of Madam Fomo masturbating for THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS.  And she’s fully clothed.  

    A three thousand dollar video of a fully clothed Madam Fomo masturbating with one of those big wand/massager things.  Over her clothes.  

    There are also numerous videos of her in the bathtub.  Fully clothed.  Taking baths fully clothed.  This is a farce.

    Who’s buying this?  I don’t want it for free.  

    Even the people who are buying this stuff, the people who are subscribed to her OnlyFans and buying this horrible content, they fully admit that it’s bad.  The streams are boring, they say.  Then they’ll show a clip from the stream.  Indeed…it’s boring.  It’s Madam Fomo, fully clothed, pushing her breasts together, and talking boring trash.

    It’s dogshit.  It’s absolute rock bottom, dog shit “content”.  

  • Decoding Screenwave's Job Advertisement

     Here it is:

    Or in text form:

    We are looking for partner managers with demonstrated experience in talent/influencer management with a strong track record. This position requires building and maintaining close relationships with creators. Screenwave Media channel managers are experts in talent management, brand strategy, and client acquisition.

    Our approach to management is to assess the needs of the individual creator and to pair them with our wide range of services. We primarily work with midsize to large personality driven creators with a heavy YouTube presence in gaming, anime, music, and pop culture and a predominant US audience. Our channel managers are experts in YouTube trends, features, and practices through internal training, YouTube certification programs, and continual analysis of our existing brands. Most communication with channels is online, but there are generally domestic travel opportunities to industry events to provide service to clients.

    The ideal candidate has more than 3 years of experience in talent management in the gaming industry and a deep understanding of YouTube. This position requires a person who is equally sales oriented and customer service driven. We are open to remote work for this position, determined by the level of experience of the candidate.

    TO APPLY:
    Please include a cover letter and resume in your application that incorporates examples of how you’ve helped content creators build a successful brand. We want to hear about your successes and how they will translate to the position. Please also include salary requirements.

    It’s ridiculous.  What the fuck is the job?  Tell me what the job is.  What are we expected to actually do on the job?  

    Fortunately, we have an inside woman in Super Awkward Gal.  I’m pretty sure that this is the job that she did.  For four days.  I talk about it here:

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/11/supervideogamegals-new-job-with.html

    https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/01/life-update-and-my-new-year-goals.html

    The second link is the more relevant one.  Yeah, she worked as a “community manager”.  That’s what this is.  They’re just calling it “partner manager” now.  Is there a pay rise associated with that or just a title change?  

    From what Super Awkward Gal had to say, in this now deleted video, she would call “Youtubers” up and say, “Hey, can I interest you in joining the Screenwave family?”  

    That reminds me.  I worked for a guy who described his business as “like a family”.  Then he tried to lowball me on a job because he thought that I didn’t know any better.  REALLY lowball me.  You know…like families do.  So I refused to work for him ever again.  This was years ago but he still calls me occasionally.  Hoping to reconcile, I guess.  Families have disputes, after all.  But no, I went no contact with that NBoss and that’s how it’s staying.

    So yeah, these companies don’t give a fuck about you.  They’ll fire you as soon as you’re no longer needed.  And didn’t Screenwave recently get rid of a bunch of smaller channels?  Just like in a family when you get rid of your children.

    Anyway, the “partner manager” job.  One of the boys on Reddit pointed out that they’re looking for skills that can only be acquired through working at Screenwave.  It’s true.  I mean, how else are you going to have experience in “talent management” for “gaming” “Youtubers”?  Are other companies doing this?  They want three years of this sort of experience.  No, more than that.  They want “more than 3 years”.  What a weird way to phrase that.  So…three years and one day is what they want?  Most job ads would put “minimum of three years.”

    But yeah, how are you going to get this experience?  Here’s a list of Multi-Channel Networks, which I think is what Screenwave is:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_multi-channel_networks

    Screenwave isn’t even on the list.  But let’s see…it has to be a “gaming” MCN.  

    RoosterTeeth used to have something like this?  I guess?  Same with Yogscast.  I thought that these were just “Youtubers” who formed like a collective, as opposed to there being some corporate overlord.

    That’s it.  So I guess that Screenwave is looking for somebody who worked at the now defunct MCN that RoosterTeeth MIGHT have had at some point OR anyone who worked at Yogscast, assuming that there even was such a company.  But only if you’ve worked there for over three years.  And specifically in the role of a client manager.

    Screenwave might want to broaden the net just slightly.

    And let’s look at how people ACTUALLY get hired at Screenwave.  You have to know somebody who works at Screenwave.  That’s how absolutely everybody got their job there.  Justin was hired because he knew Ryan.  Tony was hired because he knew Justin.  Kieran was hired because he knew Justin.  Johanna was hired because she knew Tony.  Newt was hired because he knew Tony.  Crystal was hired because she knew Newt.  Super Awkward Gal was hired because she knew Justin.

    I’m not making this up.  This is what actually happened.  If you ask them, they’ll tell you.  It’s not a secret.  It’s a cabal of nerds from rural Pennsylvania.  

    Super Awkward Gal mostly knows them through the internet but she also apparently dealt with Justin at nerd conventions and whatever.  But everyone else, they all knew each other, they were all hanging out, they were doing shit projects together, and then Ryan got the bright idea to start a company, with his father’s fortune, and sign up his close personal friend: the autist and easily manipulated James Rolfe.  

    That’s the company.  These are the hiring requirements. Just know somebody who works there.

    Well, I happen to be close personal friends with Tony from Hack the Movies.  He’s a regular at Gamer Grrls.  So I’ll apply for the job.  Let’s try to work out exactly what I’ll be doing, though…

    Calling “Youtubers” to get them to sign up with Screenwave?  That’s out.  I’m not doing that.  No fucking way.

    “Youtube certification programs”?  No.  I’m not doing any of that made up bullshit either.  Who’s going to be impressed with a “Youtube certificate”?  That’s just a waste of everyone’s time.

    They mention, “continual analysis of our existing brands.”  So…like making spreadsheets and whatnot?  I can do that.  I mean, I know how Excel works.  But I’m not a data manager or whatever the job is called.  So I’d rather not.  

    “Domestic travel to industry events to provide service to clients”.  Well, if you want to pay for my flights from the UK, that would be fine.  I don’t mind going to nerd conventions, as long as I’m getting paid, and helping the client with making sure that his shitty panel goes smoothly or whatever.  It’s fine.

    But any kind of sales?  Trying to get new business?  Selling people on how great Screenwave is?  No.  I won’t be doing any kind of sales at all.

    Writing scripts for “Youtubers”, I can do that.  It would have to be worth my time and creative juices but we can get to salary requirements later.

    But editing or filming or anything like this, no.  I don’t know anything about it and I’m not going to learn.

    So what’s left…data entry.  I can do that.  I can take minutes of meetings.  Shit like this.  Any kind of typing.  I don’t mind.  

    No answering phones.  No reception work.  No packing.  Like I saw in one of the videos, some woman was packing t-shirts that were sold.  I’m not doing that.  

    Oh, and I’m not going to relocate.

    So we’re talking remuneration…for somebody with my skills, my experience, my creative tools….I’m thinking $90,000/year.  I think that that’s a reasonable figure.  Also looking at the amount of work, I think that Kieran is writing one AVGN a month.  Something like that.  If I had a similar workload, minus the editing and whatever other shit that Kieran does but I won’t do, I think that $90,000 is fair.  

    I mean, the average Hollywood screenwriter makes about $110,000/year.  I don’t really have script writing experience so I think that a reduction by $20,000 is reasonable.

    I’m not going to give any references either.  Or send my resume.  Or fill out any application.  But that’s all par the course for Screenwave anyway.  It’s just knowing somebody who works there.

    ,

  • What It's Like To Be At Retropalooza Houston/Exclusive Recap – ZapTV

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeAZ1I5SjRA

    0:00 – Whoa!  Get the lube for this one.  Here’s “too hot to be an influencer” Zap Cristal looking fine as hell.  Why are my pants suddenly so tight?

    Let me point out that articles about Zap Cristal do really poorly.  Worse than Pelvic Gamer.  Nobody knows who this is.  But I don’t care.  The fact that THIS woman thinks that she’s some “smoke show” is too fucking hilarious to me.  

    0:15 – A picture of her “interviewing” Pat the NES Punk.  Hopefully, she shows the actual interview.  Her interview skills are non-existent.

    0:30 – “We had so much fun, we were invited as special guests.”

    Zap…you have 2000 subscribers.  Don’t you get it?  They let ANYBODY do this shit.  Anybody with a Youtube channel who wants to humiliate themselves can hold a zero-effort panel.  

    I remember when nerd conventions had big names in attendance like Leonard Nimoy or the wife of some deceased guy who played one of the Dr Who’s or whatever.  Now it’s complete nobodies.  How many people are going to spend $30 or whatever it is to go to a convention where Zap Cristal is holding a panel?  “Come see Zap Cristal!”  Who?  No thanks. 

    Her panel is called “Diversity in Gaming.”  It’s with her husband.  He’s perhaps the only person who can stand being in the same room as her.  She was absolutely HORRENDOUS at the previous panel that I discussed, which was about women in “gaming”.  Allegedly.  It was really all about Zap Cristal and how everybody should pay attention to Zap Cristal.

    1:15 – Nerd montage.

    Watching this, it just dawned on me what a good booth would be.  You know, the tables where people sell shit.  Somebody should sell exercise equipment and diet plans and shit like this.  Obviously, market it appropriately.  “Look less like The Penguin and more like…I don’t know…Bane.”

    2:45 – She reveals the audience at this panel.  What a sausage fest.  It’s like a big college lecture hall…probably fits about 200 people…and Jesus…I can probably count the number of people here.  Let’s do that.

    There are 26 people in attendance.  This includes five women and two black guys.  The rest are lonely white men.  Well, that’s not true.  At least five of these men are with their girlfriends.  No single woman would go to something like this.

    This is just sad.  I almost feel bad talking about this.

    She shows the panel schedule.  The other “guests” are:

    Taffeta & Stina.  They’re doing a “Fan Girls Q&A”.  

    Who are Taffeta & Stina?  I have no idea.  I DuckDuckGo’d it and nothing.  I searched Youtube for “Taffeta” and it was just stuff about fabric.  It’s an uncommon name so if this person existed, it would be here.  

    8-Bit Eric.  Nobody cares about this guy but he has 85,000 subscribers so way more than a complete nobody like Zap Cristal.

    Boogi2988 will be there.  He’s a big name for these nerd conventions, I guess.

    Pat the NES Punk also seems to be a big name.

    Kenny James…oh, “The voice of Bowser” is his panel.  Yeah, he was in the other panel that Zap Cristal was at.  What a sad way to try to make a living.

    Then there’s a cosplay contest at 3:00.  God.  Who would possibly want to go to something like this?  If you’re going to these fucking nerd conventions, even as a kid, forget about ever getting a date.

    Then there’s a montage of hopelessly single men playing games from 30+ years ago.

    3:45 – Whoa.  Some big titted MILF dressed an X-Men costume.  I don’t know which character.  Why do this?  Why tease these nerds with something that they’ll never be able to get?  It’s cruel.

    Pause the video at 3:56.  These two guys must have a combined weight of 1000 pounds.  I’m not even exaggerating.  I mean…I don’t just want to shit on people for being overweight or giant nerds but this is really pathetic.  Why would anybody want to go to these conventions?  And the people who do go really need to get their lives together.

    4:00 – “The food there was delicious”.

    Yeah.

    She says that she hung out with Boogie and John Riggs.  Of course John Riggs was there.  Spending time with the ladies again.  While his poor wife is at home tending to their autistic son, transgender son/daughter, and the third daughter with an as yet undiscovered crippling social problem.

    Go home and take care of your wife and children, John.  How many lives do you plan on ruining with your pathetic obsession with gamer grrls?  

    Linda the Gamer Girl is there.  I remember seeing this name somewhere.  She’s completely insane.  

    https://www.youtube.com/c/Lindaakathegamergirl/videos

    Oh yeah.  Two thousand subscribers.  She used to wear weird makeup like…costume makeup.  She’s nuts.

    4:45 – Zap is eating with some 500+ man and John Riggs.  John Riggs must be at least 300 pounds himself.  This must be a heavily reinforced bench that they’re sitting on.  And they’re all filming each other with their phones.

    Boogie is also there.  And some guy I don’t know.  And Linda the Gamer Girl.  And Zap’s husband.

    Oh.  These are chairs that they’re sitting on.  Not a bench.  How…how are these people sitting on regular chairs?  

    How come nobody other than Zap is there with their significant other?  John Riggs left his wife at home to take care of the children that he doesn’t care about and because it’s easier to try to pick up chicks if your wife isn’t with you.  And these other people…I think we know why they’re not there with their respective partners.

    6:00 – She shouts “Boogie I love you” for no real reason.

    Then she does it again.  This is brutal.  Put the phones down and eat your food, you fat fucks.  

    This reminds me of that dog trick where you put a biscuit on it’s nose and he can’t eat it until you say so.  It’s like a test of the dog’s willpower.  How long can these absolutely corpulent men last with a plate of food in front of them before they have to start eating?

    6:15 – “Doesn’t that look scrumptious”?

    I laughed way too hard at this.  Just watch it to see what I mean.  I don’t want to describe it.

    6:30 – In the interests of equality, we now get footage Zap talking to a 300+ woman.  No.  I’m going to say 400+ pounds.

    Is this normal in the US?  Or maybe this problem is particularly acute in Texas.  I know that other than Zap and her husband, most of these people don’t actually live in Texas but this is insane.  Why is everybody so fucking fat?  And I don’t just mean fat, I mean fucking colossal.  

    I don’t see people like this in the UK.  Sure, there are some fatasses but not like this.  Not people who struggle to walk.  

    I remember seeing absolutely enormous people in the US.  It wasn’t that regular but you’d see it.  I can’t think of anybody who I’ve seen like this outside of the US.  

    6:37 – That MILF from earlier is back.  She’s in a different costume this time.  And yeah…she’s fat.  That’s why her tits looked so big in that other picture.  They are big.  But she’s big all over.  So that doesn’t really count.

    6:45 – Another enormous woman.  She’s putting her glasses on.  Maybe it’s this same enormous woman from 6:30.  She’s holding a baby stroller now.  So…there’s at least one guy on earth who was able to achieve and maintain an erection with her.  Can’t be any of these fat fucks, though.  At this weight, you must be impotent.

    Then she “interviews” Pat the NES Punk.  Let’s see how this goes.

    “Hello guys, beautiful peeps.”

    So far, awful.

    7:00 – 

    Zap: – I’m glad that we got to meet again?

    (Pat makes a face, he obviously doesn’t recognise this woman)

    Zap: …after the pandemic.

    Pat: (clearly uncomfortable) That’s right.  We’re good to go.

    7:30 – Pat encourages everybody to get “vaxxed”.  Go fuck yourself.

    8:00 – She says that she has a big important question and she really builds this up and even has a drum roll inserted.  Here’s the question:

    “What is your ultimate, favourite system but, if you were to make a tweak to it, what would it be to make it even better.”

    Pat has no fucking idea what this question means.  Nor do I.

    By the way, this was her only question.

    Awkward as fuck “interview”.  She asked one question, it was like the worst question ever conceived, and then she asked him to plug his shit.

    10:30 – Another awkward as fuck interview.  This time with Billy from the GameChasers.  I don’t know who it is.  I don’t watch that shit but I’ve heard the name.

    Do I really want to watch this any more?  

    No.  Let’s just skip ahead to her “interview” with that lunatic Linda the Gamer Girl.

    15:15 – Here it is.  Linda is wearing her mask.  Can’t hear anything.

    No.  I’m done.  Linda is boring as fuck.  And Zap isn’t going to bring anything interesting to the table.

    What else?  I’m skimming…there’s another awkward interview with somebody I don’t know.

    26:30 – She shows what she purchased at this nerd convention.

    Boogie “gifted” her some stuff.  Why is she accepting gifts from strange men?  She doesn’t know what the intention is?  She knows and she doesn’t care.  She just enjoys taking advantage of people.

    Then she opens a pack of Dinosaurs cards.  You know…the short-lived puppet series from the early 1990s.

    That’s the video.

    You know what I just realised?  She didn’t show her fucking panel.  Why not?  I want to learn about diversity in gaming.  

    Oh.  It’s a separate video.

    Fuck.  I just randomly skipped to a section and her husband is talking about how he asked God for advice and He told him to start a “gaming” channel.  Holy shit.  I’ll have to do a separate video on this.

  • You can now send me a text! – Destiny Fomo

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNRVY8KvriY

    It’s a scam.  She’s done this before.  And her pimp TuanX also puts his phone number on the internet and tells you to text him.

    https://www.tuanx.com/

    https://tx.superphone.io/f/pLvAHnXJ

    “Clicking the button below means you agree to receive messages from me via my SuperPhone. You can opt-out at anytime by just texting STOP. Your carrier may charge you normal SMS or data rates.”

    SuperPhone is a mass-texting app for sending spam.

    So what exactly is the scam?  I don’t know.  I thought that TuanX was doing this to find new girls to pimp out.  I mean, you have to give your gender, your location, your date of birth, your Instagram.  Why would he need all of this?  

    Maybe they’re going to sell the data on.  That seems kind of small time to me but I don’t know.

    It’s definitely sketchy.  But she makes out like she’s your girlfriend.  You can now text your girlfriend Jessica Rabbit.  She’s giving you the girlfriend experience.  I’d like a Roman shower, please.

    By the way, she’s not dying her hair any more.  So she can’t use that name any more.  Maybe Katie or Rose would be more suitable.

    0:00 – She claims that it’s actually costing HER money for this.  She’s just so generous.  “I’m paying out of pocket so that I can text you guys.”  She REALLY wants to talk to the horntards.  She’s PAYING to talk to the horntards.  

    Why?

    “Because I want to build a stronger community on and off of Youtube.”

    Well, here’s my idea: make more than three videos a year.  

    “Let’s face it, going back and forth in the comments on Youtube kind of sucks because everything gets lost in the sauce.”

    How do you figure?  You get notified when somebody replies to your comment.  And does it even matter?  Somebody says, “Ur hot”, you say “Thanks” and then the guy comes back with “Do you like anime?”  This isn’t a conversation that needs to continue.

    But what about email?  Or Instagram?  Or Twitter?  Or Snapchat?  Madam Fomo has all of these vehicles for communication right in her description.  Why do you have to add text messaging?  

    She has a hashtag for OnlyFans in here too.  Maybe that’s what this is about.  She’s just promoting her dire OnlyFans yet again.

    0:15 – “I know it’s a little weird to just give out your phone number to a bunch of people on the internet.”

    It’s not like it’s her personal number.  This is a scam.  Or she’s just going to use it to promote her shit OnlyFans.  Or her pimp is going to look for women that he can start pimping out.

    She says, “J-Lo did it so why can’t I?”

    Let me look this up.  Yeah.  It’s promotion.  She sends mass texts out to promote shit.  It’s not her personal number.  She’s not reading any of this.

    You’re not going to end up getting a date with Madam Fomo by texting this number.  She has a different number where you can get a “date” with her.  I think that her price is $250.  And the reviews were all terrible.

    0:30 – “I’m known for bad ideas”.

    She’s the master of the understatement.

    1:00 – “I get bored, I know that you get bored, so why don’t you just talk to me?”

    Well…we already have that option.  There’s the Youtube comments, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, OnlyFans.  Why would I want to text?  Why would Madam Fomo want to text?  

    And do you really think that Madam Fomo is sitting there in her sex dungeon or whatever and saying, “I’m so bored…oh, I know what would be fun!  Texting complete strangers.  Mentally retarded strangers.”

    Who would possibly believe this load of dung that she just described?  

    As it turns out, the horntards.  

    Loads of comments telling her to “be safe”.  As though SHE’S the one who should be worried.  Anyone who texts that number just made a terrible decision.  

    – “I thought you were coming to LV? ..I made us reservations at Mastro’s”

    Oh.  She was “travelling” to Las Vegas.  Why did she go there?  To the prostitution capital of America?  Seems odd.

    – “Sound like fun and why not talk to a beautiful woman who has the same interests as me… plus ill show u whenever I get new gaming stuff lol”

    These people are totally clueless.

    Super Geoff leaves a generic comment.  Please don’t text her, Super Geoff.  Use your common sense.

    – “Hey destiny fomo I have a question used whatsapp yes or no”

    Madam Fomo replies, “not using WhatsApp lol”

    Why not?  What’s wrong with WhatsApp?  It’s a legitimate texting service.  That’s the problem.

    – “Very soon I’ll be getting my new IPhone! Until then I’ll text you just to insure it’s really me !”

    If you were friends, you’d already have her phone number, wouldn’t you?  Her actual phone number.  Don’t you get it?  This is a scam.

    – “This is an interesting idea, risky but interesting 😅. What brought about this idea exactly?”

    Madam Fomo replies, “zero risk involved lol”

    What an odd reply.  He asked what the motivation was for telling people to text her and she replies, “zero risk involved lol”.  How does that answer the question?

    Somebody else asks if they can WhatsApp her, because they don’t live in the US, and Madam Fomo replies, “whatsapp is a different animal lol”

    Why doesn’t she ever give a straight answer?  Because this is a scam.  She’s perpetrating a fraud here.  That’s what she does.  

    – “Is it ok if I text you a picture of the newest Transformers that I brought?”

    I’m not even joking.  That’s an actual message.  What do you think the IQ of this guy must be?  These are literal retards.  She’s scamming literal retards.

    – “Hmm. Feel like I should give this a second chance.”

    Madam Fomo replies, “while it’s still here lol”

    That reminds me.  She gave “her” phone number out before and told people to call her.  It was on her Twitter and everything.  What happened to that scam?

    – “I do hope it turns out well for you. You know what to look out for. But, it’s a nice gesture of you to do this with your fans.”

    These people are so fucking stupid.

    By the way, Madam Fomo replies to every fucking comment.  No matter how idiotic.  Like she always does.  Why can’t she just do this?  Why do we have to text?

    Yet another idiotic scam from Madam Fomo.  She has a long list of grifting offenses.  Everything is a scam.  

    The “night job” was a scam.  She was awful at it.  

    The OnlyFans is a scam.  It’s awful.

    The Youtube channel is a scam.  It’s awful and she doesn’t give the slightest of fucks about video games or comic books.  TuanX is putting her up to all of this.

    Why doesn’t she just do something COMPETENTLY so that people WANT to pay?  Get repeat business.  

    It’s insane. 

    And where’s that fucking comic that she was writing?  She only has four months left on her two year contract to write an original comic.  Why haven’t we heard about that for like a year and a half?  That was another lie.  

    Where’s this new apartment?  She made several videos talking about how she’s leaving New York.  She made several videos about her packing her shit (not in “night job” way).  Where is it?  Where did she move to?  Why did she just drop this as well?  Because it’s another lie.

    Can people really be this stupid?  I knew from the very first video what this woman did for a living.  Are people really this naive?  Even the mentally retarded?  

    Her channel should be shut down.  It’s just one scam after another.  And she’s scamming literal retards.