Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTgh33rUuxY&t=6s

0:00 – Starts off with an ad for Best Buy Canada.  Not just regular Best Buy.  Specifically, the Canadian subsidiary of Best Buy.

How many Canadian viewers do you suppose she gets?  Let me check my metrics.  

Five percent of the hits I get on the blog are from Canada.  The vast majority, 69%, are from the US.

I have to imagine that it’s similar for Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining.  And as an advertiser, you’d want to know this information.  I think that you have to give these sort of metrics to the advertisers before they agree to any deal.  She’s advertising something that’s aimed at 5% of her audience.

After two days, this abysmal video, part of a series of boring as fuck videos about Game Pass (whatever that is), only got 4,500 views.  So five percent of that is 225.  She’s advertising a product that only 225 people MIGHT be interested in.  

I used to go to Best Buy back in the day.  But only after Egghead Software shut down.  I hated Best Buy but it was the only place to get games and computer shit.

One time, my mother promised to get me a Genesis game.  I only had a few games for it.  So we happened to be in Best Buy and she said to get a game but she only has $15.  What fucking game am I going to get for $15?  So I protested but she said that that’s all she has so it’s this or nothing.  I ended up getting Clayfighter because that was one of the few games within the budget.

Another time, I saw Grand Theft Auto on the shelves.  I couldn’t believe it.  I played the demo extensively, which I got from some European video game magazine.  I never thought that I’d see the game because it was a British game and as far as I was aware, not released in the US.  I had played this demo for years by this point so the game was already old.

But there I saw a lone, beat up box on the shelf.  I’m talking about the first Grand Theft Auto, with the overhead perspective.  So I excitedly brought it to the counter and paid for it.  It was good.  I played it a lot.  

Then I got Grand Theft Auto 2, which was the futuristic one.  That one was less good but I still played it.

And one of the early games that I downloaded, when I got the internet, was Grand Theft Auto: London.

So I was a huge Grand Theft Auto fan.  Probably one of the earliest in the US.  But then Grand Theft 3 came out, the first 3-d game in the franchise, and it was so unbelievably laggy that I got off the series entirely.  Allegedly, that thing had Playstation code on it.  Rockstar abandoned the PC market and just focused on consoles.  

Bully is the same.  They tell you to press the fucking square and triangle button and shit.  On the PC version of the game.  I’m playing on a keyboard.  There’s no fucking triangle button.  They didn’t localise it AT ALL.  And it was also laggy as hell.  Twenty years later, or whatever it is, those games are still probably barely functional on a modern computer.

Many years after my boycott, I eventually got GTA 3, Vice City, and San Andreas in some bundle on Steam, heavily discounted.  I wasn’t interested in Vice City and I gave up on San Andreas on those flying missions.  It’s impossible to do the flying missions on a keyboard.  Again, they didn’t localise it to the fucking PC.

Then I got GTA IV and that sucks hard.  And then I got GTA V and that also sucks, but not as badly as GTA IV.  Don’t want to do a mission?  No problem!  Just skip it!  We’ll pretend that you beat it!  What’s the fucking point?  So I’m back on my boycott.

Other Best Buy *nostalgia*…oh, I bought a whole computer system from there once.  The actual PC and a monitor and I think that it came with a keyboard and mouse and speakers and whatever else.  It barely fit in the shopping cart.  As I’m coming out of the store, somebody sees me with this overflowing shopping cart and says, “Best Buy just hit the lottery” or something.  

So I’m trying to get this shit in my car.  It doesn’t fit.  I think that I had a hatchback at the time, but it just didn’t fit.  These were huge boxes.  

It’s starting to get dark.  The store is closing.  And I’m panicking.  Can I take one box back to the store and make two trips?  It’s a pretty long drive to get here.  Would they even do that?  What if they steal it?  

So I just tore apart the box for the monitor and I was able to get everything in at that point.  Without all of the extra packing material inside, it was fine.  But now what am I going to do with this torn apart box and packing material?  It wouldn’t fit in the car and there was no place to dispose of it.  So I just left it in the street.

I get home and I realise that in order to get this $50 rebate, I need to provide the UPC seal, or whatever it’s called, from the box.  The bar code.  So there goes that rebate.

Another time, I got a 20 inch monitor for my birthday.  Twenty inches was pretty big at the time. And it was one of those big CRT or whatever monitors.  It was from Best Buy.

So I’m playing and I keep smelling burning plastic.  I don’t think that this is safe.  So we bring it back.

They refuse to accept it because we didn’t have the receipt.  Had I known this, I wouldn’t have even bothered.  Of course they’re not going to accept it without a receipt.

So that was $200 down the toilet and my only birthday present.  The monitor was moved to the garage.  I don’t know why.  Maybe the thought was that a broken monitor still has some kind of value.  It was a fucking no-name, generic monitor.  That was the first problem.  Everything had to be done on the cheap with my family.  

I got a lot of games from Best Buy.  PC games mostly.  That was their thing.  They had a small selection of console games but I was never really into consoles anyway.  I think that I got Half-Life from there.  That was great.  I played that extensively.  And all of the online mods that you could play on it.  Counter-Strike and Team Fortress Classic and there were loads of smaller mods, made by amateurs, that were fairly popular.  There was so much value in that game.  

Then Steam came along so I never had to go to Best Buy again.  I was really happy about that.  But I still had to go there for DVDs.  The last thing I got from there was a Simpsons season 4 boxset.  I get it home and one of the DVDs doesn’t play.  It’s scratched or something.  So I had to go back and replace it.  Fortunately, I kept the receipt.  

This is the problem with Best Buy.  Their shoddy fucking merchandise.  I had loads of problems with shit not working from there.  

So let’s continue with Pam’s boring as fuck video.

God, I can’t with this.  Does she time-stamp the Best Buy ad?  That’s the only reason I’m here.

Holy shit.  She does.  5:58.

That’s some mom dress, Pam.

She says that Best Buy Canada offers financing on an X-Box.  If you can’t afford the full purchase price of an X-Box, you shouldn’t be getting an X-Box.  Don’t go into debt over fucking video games.  You can download millions of games right now, on your PC, for free.

7:00 – Pam says that she’s going to buy HERSELF some controller for Christmas.  That’s just sad.  Get a boyfriend, Pam.  Or a girlfriend.  Your dog isn’t cutting it.  Can your dog buy you shitty controllers from Best Buy?  Controllers that are probably broken?  

She’s such a terrible pitchwoman too.  Atrocious acting.  

How much do you suppose Best Buy Canada paid for this shit?  And what is their return going to be?  It has to be $0, right?  Who’s going to buy something from Best Buy Canada based on this video?  Out of the 250 people who are in this eligible group?  It’s fucking ridiculous.

Why would Best Buy Canada throw their money away?  Why is Best Buy even still in business?  They’re the worst company that I’ve ever dealt with.  They should be called Worst Buy, am I right, fellas?  

Pam should be doing ads for ball trimmers and the like.  The usual Youtube sponsors.  Would you rather buy a ball trimmer from some buffoon like John Riggs or from a “hot babe” like Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining?  

Pam could get a kiwi and shave it in a suggestive manner.  And she’d be talking about what it would be like to shave your balls.  How she likes a man with shaved testicles.  Then maybe she puts the now shorn kiwi in her mouth.  

Maybe one of the horntards would actually buy the product on the strength of this advertisement.  “Hey, if I shave my balls, maybe Pam will go out with me!”